Lisa frowned. “Why does he have to be a jerk? I’ve made excuses for Dad all my life, and now I’m finding out it was in vain. I thought if I lied about him enough, he’d change into a wonderful, attentive father.”
“Yeah, well, we’re all human.”
They arrived at her place.
“Do you want to come in?”
Looking over her shoulder at the apartment, he longed to go inside Lisa’s cozy place and sit with his eyes closed, but Liz had been home with the baby all day, and was probably climbing the walls after deciding to stay away from family council.
“I’d better not,” Ben said. “But thanks for asking. I’ll call you tomorrow from work.”
She nodded and kissed his cheek.
“See you later,” Lisa said and walked up the walk.
Waiting until she was inside and turned a light on, when she waved at him out the window, he got in the car. Taking his phone out, he searched for Titan Baker, MD, Chicago, Illinois. It took less than two minutes to get a number. It was an answering service, but Ben simply told the operator that he was Dr. Baker’s brother and it was an emergency.
“Please hold,” she said.
Ben pulled down the visor and opened the lighted mirror. He was pale with red circles on his cheeks, the bane of being a fair-skinned blond.
“Mr. Boyd?” the operator said. “Hold for Dr. Baker.”
Titan came on the phone. “Is my mother okay?”
“Yes, Titan, I’m sorry to have frightened you,” Ben said.
“It’s okay; it was the first thing I thought of, that something had happened to her. I haven’t heard from her since lunchtime.”
“I saw your mother tonight and I wanted to call you as soon as I could. Of course your practice number is the only one I could find.”
“Steve has my numbers,” Titan replied, hesitating.
“I didn’t think of calling until they left my mother’s house,” Ben said, lying. “I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Ben.”
“I’m sorry about everything. What’s going on?”
“Things were getting a little heated at my mother’s house.”
“What’s going on?” Titan repeated, worried. “Is my mother being a pest?”
“Actually, Steve is leaving my mother for Lee.”
There was silence on the other end of the phone.
“I never thought in a million years that finding my father would lead to a reconciliation between him and my mother. Never. I wouldn’t have looked for him if I knew there was the possibility of it happening. My mother didn’t give me even a hint that she was interested in Steve. Are you sure about this? And you said Lee was at your mother’s house. How did that come about?”
Ben explained the text messaging accident and the gathering that followed. He didn’t mean to, but the whole situation struck him as funny as he explained how Steve struggled with the phone. Titan laughed, too. How two characters like Steve and Lee could have produced a man bright enough to get into medical school gave Ben the idea that maybe Titan wasn’t Steve’s son after all.
They chatted for a while longer and said they’d stay in touch, and knowing it was doubtful, Titan would ask his wife if she felt up to taking a trip to meet everyone. They said goodbye as Ben started the car to leave for home. The notion that Titan really was Ted Baker’s son, that Lee used the lie to get back to Steve because she was lonely or bored, wouldn’t go away.
When he got home, the house was quiet. There was a light on in the living room, but the master bedroom was dark, and he could hear Liz’s steady breathing. The baby was in the bassinette next to their bed, and he wasn’t waking her up for any reason. Keeping his jacket on, he went out to the back patio. It was cold enough that he thought they might have their first frost that night. Without hesitation, he keyed in Steve’s number.
“Dad, it’s Ben.” There was silence. “Look, I know we gave you a rough time tonight.”
He thought, Nothing you didn’t bring on yourself.
“I’m going out in the hall,” Steve said to Lee.
Ben had forgotten they were in a hotel room.
“Dad, what are you going to do? Everything has happened so fast. Have you really thought this through?”
Ben was careful wording his interrogation because Steve was easily put on the defensive, and he wouldn’t get anywhere with his father unless he was careful.
“It did happen fast, but I felt at my age I shouldn’t waste any time.”
“Did you want to see if what you are feeling for her was real or due to history?” Ben asked gently. “Being in a hotel with her probably doesn’t have the edge of youth and wartime. I imagine you thought you might die any second.”
“Ben, I didn’t think I would make it home. Imagine waiting to die. Everyone in my platoon felt that way. We were known as the Wild Marauders. Some of the guys came home and committed suicide or became drug addicts and alcoholics.”
“But you didn’t, Dad. You came home and went to work and had a family. You made a beautiful life with Mom,” Ben said.
Steve became emotional hearing his son’s undeserved praise.
“I did, but it was due to your mother. She dragged me along, making the life she wanted. I just wanted to be left alone.”
“Dad, I don’t believe that for a minute. I remember clearly as a child when you’d pack for a hunting trip with the same enthusiasm that I have when I’m going to Hawaii. When you painted the house, you explained each detail to us boys like it was the Sistine Chapel. This is your depression talking.”
“I’m sorry about everything that happened today,” Steve said, ignoring what Ben had said. “My judgment seems to have disappeared. When Lee said she wanted to go to the store, I never thought we’d run into your mother. I’d forgotten completely she might shop there. And she’d spent the night at your house, so it wasn’t like we even talked in the morning.”
Ben knew they rarely spoke in the morning anyway; his father was often gone long before Kelly even woke up. He was making excuses again.
“Look, Dad, we survived tonight. You can stop feeling guilty, at least about that. I did have a thought though. Are you going to do any paternity testing?”
“I am,” Steve said. “But even if Titan turns out not to be mine, I still want to be with Lee.”
“Could I ask one more question, and then I promise I’ll leave you alone,” Ben said.
“Okay,” Steve said.
Not denying that he wanted Ben to leave him alone uncovered Ben’s memories of childhood pain and anxiety, trying to get his father’s attention. Repressing anger so they could finish the conversation, Ben continued.
“Did you always love Lee?”
Kelly was convinced Steve had pined away for Lee all the years of their youth, and Ben disagreed. But what if it was true?
Steve hesitated again, searching for just the right words. He’d never had to talk so much or interact at such an emotional level, and it was exhausting.
“I have always loved Lee. I loved your mother, but I was more in awe of her. Everyone was. She was my wife, and we had Augie together, so I was already there with her. I wasn’t going to divorce her. Lee was unattainable, in Vietnam. If she’d been here in the States, I would probably have divorced Kelly then.”
So staying with Kelly was the path of least resistance. Going back to Vietnam to find Lee would have taken too much effort. Steve didn’t make travel plans against anyone’s will. Ben would have never been born if Steve had been more dynamic. That fact alone made Ben sick.
“Thank you for your honesty, Dad, as brutal as it is.”
“Well, you asked for it,” Steve said.
Ben was just amazed, thinking what a prick his father was being. His disregard for his family was shocking.
“Yes, regrettably, I did. Have a good night, Dad.”
“You too, son.”
Ben hung up, feeling sick.
The truth was, he didn’t respect his father and it made him
sad. The man had sacrificed for his family, but now it was clear he did so under duress. How many men facilitated their wives’ dreams? Kelly wanted a big house and family, and Steve gave it to her. Doing as much, if not more, of the work by herself, Kelly invented a partnership that didn’t exist, pretending for so long, she and the children believed the lies themselves.
Steve was a reluctant partner. A silent partner. Ben closed his eyes and made a promise while he sat in the chilly autumn night air that he would never be just a facilitator in his marriage. He and Liz would be real partners, or they’d get a divorce.
***
After Ben drove off, Lisa got down to business. Waiting for him to leave, her anxiety increased. He was on the phone for some reason, she was afraid he’d come back to the door and catch her. Tonight, she’d bake a cake and eat as much of it as she wanted.
Dinner was wonderful at home like it always was. Kelly could throw together a delicious meal in record time. She said she’d learned to do it working while raising a big family. But the problem with eating dinner at the family home was that no matter how much she ate, it was never enough. When she ate at her own home, she could prepare a well-balanced meal and stay within her calorie allotment. But at Kelly’s she’d become an eating machine. Everyone’s eyes were on her there, so she tried to eat moderately, only taking a second piece of cake because everyone else did. But she could’ve eaten the entire cake.
Taking out oil and eggs like Lee had suggested, she beat them into the mix, then spread the batter in two pans and stuck them in the oven. Frosting came from a can, but she had ice cream in the freezer, just a small pint container, but that would be enough for tonight.
While she waited for the cake to bake, she showered and got ready for the next workday. The oven timer was buzzing when she came out of her room. Not waiting for the cake to cool, she spread the icing on, and it melted down into the cake. Sticking a knife in the ice cream, she took out a hunk and put it right on the still-hot cake. She took the conglomeration back to her bedroom, turned the TV on, and had an amazing, better-than-sex snack. Living alone definitely was made for times like these.
Chapter 6
Karen Dailey buckled Roger into his doggie booster seat for the trip home, smiling to herself in spite of the stress of the past three hours. Her sister and her sister’s family entertained her, no matter how crazy they got. As optimistic as Kelly was, Karen was a pessimist, believing Steve was a liar, and she didn’t know what Lee was yet. Kelly was in for a rough time, and Karen hoped she would have the strength to be there for her sister.
Two years earlier, Eve, the love of Karen’s life, died after battling breast cancer for ten years. They’d gotten to know one another when Karen helped her arrange financing for a car at the dealership. Remembering it now as being love at first sight, they certainly were an odd couple. To Karen’s short, swarthy stockiness, Eve was willowy and delicate, an elementary school teacher, a young thirty-two to Karen’s fifty, and a full six inches taller.
Eve had had an elective double mastectomy the year before they met, even though the treatment for the kind of cancer she had called for lumpectomy and radiation. She didn’t want to worry about her breasts every second of the day, and this was one way of making sure that didn’t happen.
After they fell in love, Eve moved into Karen’s condominium, where they lived happily, making memories. Right after Eve’s fortieth birthday, she got sick again while they were in Bermuda, looking for a vacation home to purchase. She’d complained she was coming down with something the night they arrived. The next morning, Karen was sitting on the hotel balcony looking out over the beautiful vista, feeling so lucky, so blessed. She had a great, well-paying job, the love of a great woman, and the chance to live her dream there in the tropics.
“Do I look yellow to you?” Eve asked, stepping out of the room. Karen stood up and pushed her back inside, out of the bright sunlight. She was yellow. So much for blessings.
“It’s just nine o’clock back home. Call the doctor and see if we can take the time to come home or if you need to go to the hospital right away.”
After talking to her doctor, they decided to get the first flight home. The cancer had most likely come back, spreading to her lungs and liver.
“I want to do everything I can to live,” Eve said, and Karen supported that.
First one round of chemotherapy, and then another, losing her hair, but still enjoying life. They continued to travel when Karen could get the time off work that summer, and finally Eve resigned from teaching in early fall.
Karen and Kelly’s father, Major Dailey, had died that August, leaving Karen enough money to take an extended leave of absence. On the Saturday before Eve died, Kelly and Karen met for their morning coffee at the Cast Away Diner.
“Wow, you really look awful,” Kelly said.
Coming from anyone else, it would have been an insult. But from Kelly, it was recognition that she was fighting a losing battle for her lover’s life.
“I just don’t know how much more she can take. I thought twice about leaving her to meet you.”
“We can always go back to your place,” Kelly said.
“No, I need to get out. Watching her deteriorate is killing me.”
Karen fought tears.
“Maybe it’s time to get hospice involved,” Kelly said, taking her sister’s hand. “You know I’ll come over any time you need me.”
“Do you mean that?”
“Of course. Just name the time,” Kelly replied.
She’d offered before, but Karen told her Eve was a very private person and would refuse help.
“How about this afternoon? She seems to get worse in the evening,” Karen said.
Kelly agreed, arriving at Karen’s after lunch, shocked to discover that Eve was near death. A friend of Eve’s had offered to sit with her while Karen ran errands, but the remainder of the time it was Karen at the bedside. No wonder she was at her wits’ end.
“Why didn’t you tell me she was this bad?” Kelly asked as gently as she could.
“I don’t want to hear anything negative,” Karen said, parroting what Kelly usually said. “And I’m not sure she won’t get better.”
“That’s fine, but she needs pain medication, Karen.”
Not wanting to admonish her, Kelly thought Eve was suffering because of Karen’s stubbornness. Kelly got on the phone to put an emergency call into Eve’s doctor, who assisted Kelly in getting a palliative care referral.
At midnight, a very young nurse, twenty-five at the most, knocked on their door and changed Karen’s life. Firm but loving, she immediately determined Eve was slipping into unconsciousness, and told Karen she had better hurry up and say what she needed to say to her. Karen accepted that Eve was dying. Eve’s blood pressure was elevated, she grimaced in her sleep and was restless, and using those indicators, the nurse made the decision Eve needed pain medication, which would unfortunately increase her unresponsiveness.
The nurse instructed Karen and Kelly on pain medication administration, left them with prefilled syringes, and said another nurse would be back the following day at nine in the morning. After she left, Karen broke down.
“Now it’s real. She’s dying. I don’t know how I’m going to cope with it, and that sounds so selfish.” Kelly embraced her.
“I’m so sorry, Karen. I know she trusts what you’re doing for her.”
They looked over at Eve, who was peaceful, without pain.
The next morning, Kelly called her nursing supervisor and begged off work for the next few days.
“It can’t be much longer than that.”
Karen slept in the recliner next to Eve’s bed. When the hospice nurse came, she said Eve had only a few hours. She wasn’t wetting the bed because she wasn’t drinking, a big concern for Karen.
“If we hydrate her, it will prolong her suffering,” Kelly explained gently.
“Oh, I can’t stand this! I’m not sure I’ll survive without her,” Karen
said.
Monday was torture for Karen. She didn’t leave Eve’s bedside except to go to the bathroom. Kelly could tell by Eve’s breathing that she was on her way out. The hospice nurse returned Monday night and said the end was near. She gave her a last dose of morphine and that was all it took; by early Tuesday, Eve was gone.
Kelly had gone into Eve’s room to take one more peek before trying to sleep. Karen was already snoring in the recliner. She tiptoed to the bedside and could tell right away; the pinched, pained look Eve had was gone, and she was completely relaxed with her mouth open. Kelly put her fingers on Eve’s carotid artery, first the right, then the left, and there was nothing. She was dead. Kelly leaned over and rubbed Karen’s shoulder gently.
“Eve’s gone.” Karen popped up out of the chair.
“Are you sure?” She leaned over the bed, putting her ear next to Eve’s mouth. “Oh, God, she’s gone. What the fuck!”
Karen fell against Kelly, sobbing. Dragging her sister back to the recliner, Kelly held her until she was coherent again.
“What now?” she asked. “What am I supposed to do? I don’t want her to be gone.”
Kelly couldn’t imagine what Karen was experiencing, watching the love of her life suffering, dying so young. Sitting by the bedside, Karen talked about what it had been like to meet such a wonderful woman and how she was always so loving and cheerful. Kelly knew no one could pull Karen out of her moods faster than Eve.
“She was a godsend,” Kelly said. “You could tell she loved you as much as was possible for one person to love another.”
Finally, the sun started to come up. It was time to call the funeral home. Karen had allowed Kelly to call on Monday to give them a heads-up. Karen just didn’t think it would be so soon. Saying goodbye to Eve one more time, she hid in the den until they arrived to take Eve away. The neighbors in the complex were curious and concerned seeing the hearse, and within an hour, flowers and food began to arrive.
“We don’t even know the neighbors except to say hi and bye,” Karen said.
“That’s all it takes,” Kelly replied.
Then, her children started to come. Ben and Liz arrived, and Karen and Liz sat together, holding on to each other’s hands for the rest of the day, Ben bringing them coffee and food. Lisa came and acted as hostess so Kelly could rest; she’d been up since Saturday with little sleep.
The Jade Emperor Page 9