One Endless Summer

by Laurie Ellingham

  She hadn’t realised how much of a blind eye she’d turned to the dirt and wear in the places they’d stayed so far, until she’d noticed the sheen of the white toilet and crisp bed sheets. Every surface in the kitchen gleamed. They could take their shoes off and walk barefoot without fear of stepping on a shard of glass or picking up a fungal infection.

  ‘I’m not sure how we’ll go back to sleeping in hostels after this,’ Lizzie said, ‘let alone the outdoor hammocks at our next destination. Although, I’m a bit surprised Jaddi hasn’t complained about the disruption to our authentic travelling experience yet.’

  ‘Hey!’ Jaddi shouted from the bedroom. She poked her head out of the door wearing a towel wrapped around her hair, and not much else based on the bare skin of her shoulders visible from the doorway. ‘Who am I to complain? This is authentic Gold Coast-living, after all.’

  Lizzie laughed before turning back to the camera.

  ‘As you’ll see from some of the footage –’ Lizzie stopped talking as she stepped out on to the balcony. She knew it was ridiculous to want privacy – after all, millions of people would be watching her diary in a couple of days – but she pulled the sliding door closed behind her anyway ‘– Harrison has joined the group. He’s come with us to the Gold Coast and is going to join us on our O’Reilly rainforest trek. It’s funny, when you start putting a list together of the things you haven’t seen or done, you have to think: do I actually want to do it? I haven’t piloted my own aeroplane or base jumped off of a building, but those are things I would never have done, even if I was going to live to a hundred.

  ‘Falling in love, though, if I could’ve put it on a list, I would’ve done. It’s a stupid one because you can’t actually control it. You can’t put it on a “things to do this week” list. And when we first set out planning this trip, it wasn’t something that I’d thought would happen. But here I am, happier than I could ever have hoped to be. Harrison is sweet and considerate. He’s so much fun and knows all the best places to go, and even though we’ll be saying goodbye in a few weeks, having him here right now, is just perfect. It’s more than I could have dreamed of.’

  Lizzie paused and listened to the crashing roar of the waves as they hit the wet sand, followed by the rhythmic shush as the sea drew the wave back into its depths.

  A flood of nervous energy cascaded through her. Soon it would be time to go to bed, or pretend to go to bed at least. The plan was simple – feign a few yawns, say goodnight to Ben, turn off the lights and then climb out of the bedroom window. Harrison was doing the same from his room, and Jaddi and Samantha were set to distract Ben if necessary.

  She didn’t like sneaking around, or deceiving Ben, but she didn’t want this part of her relationship with Harrison to be on the documentary either. Harrison had been the one to suggest a late-night walk on the beach. ‘It will give us some time alone,’ he’d said, holding her against him in a way that left no room for misunderstanding.

  A sudden piercing scream broke through Lizzie’s thoughts. She reached to switch off the camera, but as the scream took on a comical yelping tone, Lizzie smiled. ‘Sounds like Jaddi might have got herself into a spot of bother.’

  Lizzie faced the camera screen outwards and followed the sound of the shrieks, resonating from their bedroom. She reached the door at the same time as Ben, also carrying his camera.

  ‘Cockroach!’ Jaddi shrieked, pointing towards her rucksack. ‘In my wash kit. A giant, red cockroach.’ Jaddi jumped up and down, flinging her hands in the air and almost losing the towel wrapped around her body. ‘It crawled across my hand when I reached in to get my moisturiser.’

  Harrison joined them in the doorway. ‘I thought you might ’av found a redback or something. Now, that’s worth shrieking over,’ he said.

  He winked at Lizzie as he stepped into the room. ‘I’ll get rid of the little pest for ya.’

  ‘There is nothing little about that creature,’ Jaddi said, shaking her hands in the air again. Her voice sounded ludicrously clipped and very British next to Harrison’s easy cadence.

  ‘You’ll get used to them,’ he said.

  ‘That’s never going to happen.’

  ‘Oh, come on, Jaddi,’ Samantha shouted from behind the bathroom door. ‘Surely you’ve seen enough cockroaches in London.’

  ‘Oh, ha ha,’ Jaddi said, readjusting her towel. ‘Thank you Harrison, you’re my hero.’

  ‘At your service.’ He grinned, giving a mock bow before scooping the insect into his hands and walking towards the balcony.

  Lizzie scanned the darkness of the deserted beach. ‘Are you sure we’re alone?’

  ‘I’m sure.’ He slipped his hand through hers and pulled her gently towards a row of sunloungers. ‘Let’s sit on one of these.’ He smiled. ‘It’ll be less sandy.’

  There was no moon in the sky, just a dim light cast from the nearby apartments. The only noise was the hush of the waves lapping the shoreline a few metres away.

  As she sat down, Lizzie buried her bare feet underneath the soft cool sand. A sudden nervousness swarmed in her stomach as Harrison dropped down beside her. They’d had sex countless times during their weeks together in London, so why did it feel different now? Was it just the sneaking around and lying to Ben that made it seem wrong?

  Then Harrison’s lips found hers and her head emptied of thoughts. His hands ran over her body in the darkness, causing a desperation to crash through her like the waves of the sea.

  CHAPTER 30

  Lizzie

  ‘Harrison?’ Lizzie said, pulling away as his hands slid under her skirt.

  ‘Mmm.’

  She grappled to gain control of her thoughts as his fingers ran up the length of her thighs. ‘Have you got protection?’

  ‘Huh?’ He sat up and stared at her.

  The light from the apartments was enough to illuminate the desire on his face. Part of her longed to continue, but there was too much at stake. ‘You know … a condom?’

  His expression hardened. ‘Shit, babe, I didn’t think.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘I could run to the store?’ he said, scrunching his face and shaking his head.

  Despite the offer, he didn’t draw away or stand. Instead he leant forward, kissing Lizzie with renewed intensity. A moment later, she felt his weight against her, willing her to lay back.

  ‘Harrison,’ she said, pressing her hands against his chest.

  He groaned. It wasn’t a sound of pleasure, but of frustration. ‘Lizzie, babe. Come on. You don’t know what you’re doing to me here.’

  ‘I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t want to, but … I’m not on the pill. My doctor thought it might interfere with my anti-seizure medication.’ She was killing the mood now, but what else could she do? ‘So we really can’t have sex without protection.’

  ‘What difference does it make? Aren’t you going to be dead before it matters?’

  Lizzie heard his words like a punch to the chest. Another time and she could easily have laughed. It was the same sentiment as Caroline had expressed not so long ago, but instead, her heart pounded with an intensity that made her head spin.

  ‘That’s … that’s not the point.’ Lizzie stood up and turned in the direction of the apartment.

  ‘Lizzie, wait. I’m sorry,’ he called after her. ‘I got caught up in the moment. I was being a dick. Please, don’t go.’

  ‘It’s fine. Don’t worry about it,’ she said over her shoulder as she continued to stride away from him.

  She knew it was childish to leave him on the beach, but a burning rage had taken hold, and even as it fogged her thoughts, she knew it had little to do with Harrison. Her pace increased as she continued onwards past their apartment building. Frustration gnawed at her insides. She was running out of time.

  The days were hurtling by like someone had pressed the fast forward button on her life. Three months. She’d thought it would be enough time, but it wasn’t. Not even close. There was so much she would ne
ver get to see or do. How was this fair? Lizzie clenched her teeth together and kept walking until all she could feel was exhaustion. Only then did she turn on her heels and walk back to their apartment.

  ‘Hi,’ Ben said, as she reached the top of the steps.

  ‘Oh, hi,’ Lizzie spluttered, realising her mistake. She’d forgotten to sneak back in through her window. Even so, she hadn’t expected to find Ben sitting on the balcony.

  ‘Couldn’t sleep?’ Ben frowned.

  ‘No. I thought a walk on the beach might help. I know I’m supposed to wake you and all that, but I was only planning to go out for a few minutes—’

  ‘Did it help?’

  ‘Maybe.’ She shrugged as she opened the glass door. ‘Goodnight.’

  ‘Lizzie?’

  She turned to face him. An image from Mondulkiri, the kiss they had shared and the intimacy she’d felt towards him in the jungle, played in her head. Lizzie thought of the strange force that had drawn her towards him.

  ‘Never mind,’ he said. ‘I hope you sleep better now.’

  ‘Thanks, you too.’

  As Lizzie slipped beneath the crisp cool bed sheets, she thought about Ben. Calm, watchful Ben.

  It had been his voice that had dragged her from the depths of the seizure in Bangkok, and it had been Ben who’d shielded her from the strobing camera flashes at the airport. But he couldn’t protect her from what was going to happen to her. No one could do that.

  With that final thought, she fell into a fitful sleep.

  CHAPTER 31

  Day 37

  Lizzie

  ‘This is the life,’ Jaddi said, tilting her face towards the midday sun. ‘Chilling out on a surfboard, just the three of us.’

  ‘Do you think we should practise some actual surfing, though?’ Samantha asked. ‘I think our teacher has given up on us.’

  ‘Nah,’ Lizzie said.

  Lizzie scanned the beach for their instructor, Damien – an extremely tanned, wiry man in his early twenties – who’d spent more of their one-hour lesson flirting with Jaddi than teaching them any practical skills.

  The long stretch of golden sand was scattered with people and surfboards standing upright in the sand. Beyond the beach sat the wetsuit hire shop and a collection of outlet stores selling all manner of brightly coloured beachwear and surf equipment.

  ‘I’m so glad you said that.’ Samantha laughed. ‘I couldn’t do that standing-up move on the sand, let alone out here. But maybe that has something to do with our instructor’s wandering focus.’ She narrowed her eyes at Jaddi.

  ‘Hey.’ Jaddi raised her hands in protest. ‘It wasn’t like I enjoyed being singled out for every demonstration. I had to do twice as much work as you two. Did you see how many take-offs Damien made me do?’

  ‘My heart bleeds,’ Samantha said, rolling her eyes.

  Lizzie smiled and pulled at the cord on the back of her wetsuit until she felt the zip come apart. Wriggling her arms free she rolled it down to her waist, revealing a simple black bikini top. There didn’t seem much point sweltering in a wet suit if she wasn’t in the water.

  She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of water sloshing gently against their boards. The scent of coconut sun lotion mingled with salt and sea filled her senses.

  She’d been looking forward to learning to surf, riding the wave with the force of the sea propelling her to the shore. It had taken several failed attempts at balancing on the board and several more mouthfuls of sea water that made her stomach gurgle with nausea, before she’d discovered a more enjoyable side to surfing – waiting for the wave. It turned out that sitting on their boards, just beyond the break, bobbing up and down on a hot summer’s day was her kind of surfing.

  ‘I’ve pretty much got used to wearing a microphone and having Ben with us everywhere we go,’ Lizzie said, ‘but it’s nice to have a break from having every word we say recorded.’ She squinted against the sun and watched Ben’s figure on the beach. He was easy to spot. The brown shorts and plain white T-shirt looked out of place against the flamboyant colours of the other beach goers. ‘Although I don’t think Ben’s best pleased that we’re staying out here.’ Even from a distance she could tell by his skulking walk that he was annoyed.

  The sun bore into her eyes as she watched Ben, causing flashes of red and white to streak across her vision. She dropped her head and shielded her face.

  ‘He’ll get over it,’ Jaddi said.

  ‘Um, I not so sure,’ Lizzie said, thinking of the set of Ben’s face on the balcony. ‘I’m pretty sure he didn’t buy my midnight walk excuse last night. He looked as if he’d been sitting out there for a while, like he was waiting for me.’ Ben had been about to tell her something last night and changed his mind. What? Had he been about to tell her off for sneaking off? It hadn’t seemed like it, but then what else could it have been?

  ‘Where’s Harrison gone off to this morning?’ Samantha asked.

  ‘I’m not sure,’ Lizzie said, rubbing her eyes as the colours continued to blur her vision. ‘We haven’t exactly spoken properly after last night. I think he’s got some job applications to do.’

  ‘You two seemed fine at breakfast,’ Jaddi said.

  ‘Yeah, I think we are. It’s difficult in front of the camera. Ben hasn’t let up at all since we got here. I thought spending some time alone with Harrison would be nice, but now it feels like it’s done more harm than good.’

  Lizzie hadn’t known what to expect from Harrison when she’d finally emerged from her bedroom that morning. Would he be annoyed with her for ruining their one moment of privacy, or grovelling and apologetic for his cruel comment? The more she’d thought about it, the more she’d begun to question which one of them had been in the wrong. Why hadn’t she brought protection with her? After all, she’d guessed they would have sex, and it seemed unfair to have expected Harrison to bring a condom when she hadn’t asked him to.

  But what she hadn’t expected from him was normal. She hadn’t expected him to kiss her on the cheek as if the previous night hadn’t happened. She hadn’t expected him to lean across the breakfast bar and take her hand in a moment of intimacy whilst explaining the different types of surfboards to Jaddi. What did that mean?

  ‘He’s probably organising some grand romantic gesture,’ Jaddi said.

  ‘Or off buying condoms,’ Samantha smirked, making them all laugh.

  They fell into silence for a minute. Lizzie drew in a deep breath, and with her eyes closed she turned so that the sun fell onto the back of her neck. The burn of the rays tingled her skin just as the radiotherapy had done.

  ‘Maybe we should try water boarding tomorrow,’ Samantha said, tilting her face towards the cloudless blue sky.

  ‘Water boarding, as in the torture?’ Jaddi asked.

  ‘Oh.’ Samantha laughed. ‘No, I meant the thing you always see the celebrities doing on their holidays. Standing on a surfboard with a stick.’

  ‘I think you mean paddle boarding,’ Jaddi said.

  ‘Yes, that’s the one.’ Samantha nodded. ‘That looks easy.’

  ‘I thought surfing looked pretty easy,’ Lizzie said, ‘until I tried it. I always imagine I’ll be better at these things than I actually am.’

  ‘I think I need to go in,’ Jaddi said. ‘I’m busting for a wee.’

  ‘Just slip into the water and go,’ Samantha said. ‘It’s the sea. You’re supposed to wee in it.’

  Lizzie lifted her head and glanced at Samantha. Even with the sun still hurting her eyes she could see the mischief on Samantha’s face.

  ‘But what about the wet suit?’ Jaddi asked, shooting a questioning look at Samantha.

  ‘It just goes right out. You’re supposed to wee in it. I thought everyone knew that,’ Samantha said, winking at Lizzie on the sly.

  ‘Oh, OK then.’

  Jaddi slipped off her surfboard and into the water. A moment later, she yelped. ‘It’s not going out. Ewwwwe!’

  Lizzie and Samantha b
urst into a fit of giggles just as the hump of a wave moved underneath them. Lizzie let out a shriek, unable to stop the board moving one way and her body moving the other. A second later, she toppled into the cold water.

  Lizzie scrunched her eyes shut from the sting of the salt water and kicked her legs up until her head emerged.

  ‘… was going to happen?’ Lizzie heard Jaddi say as Lizzie grabbed hold of her surfboard and pulled in a long gasping breath.

  ‘I thought it might.’ Samantha grinned.

  ‘You cow.’ Jaddi laughed. ‘I can’t believe I’ve just wet myself. I’m going in search of a shower.’

  ‘Hold up,’ Samantha said. ‘I need the toilet after all that laughing.’ She let out a shaky sigh, before turning to Lizzie. ‘You coming, Liz?’

  ‘I’ll catch up in a minute,’ Lizzie replied, pulling herself back onto her surfboard. ‘I just need to get the water out of my eyes.’

  ‘Doesn’t look like you’ll be alone for long,’ Samantha said. ‘Ben’s commandeered a kayak.’

  Lizzie rubbed her eyes with both hands as the sounds of Samantha and Jaddi’s laughter drifted further away.

  ‘Do you know how difficult it is,’ Ben said from beside her, ‘to balance a camera on your lap whilst steering a kayak over waves?’

  She opened her eyes and felt the sting of the salty water and the glare of the sun on her irises. Lizzie waited a beat for her vision to focus. Then another second passed. And another.

  A slow realisation began to dawn on her, sending a shiver of panic racing down her spine.

  CHAPTER 32

  Lizzie

  ‘Lizzie?’

  ‘Yeah,’ she said, trying to keep the panic out of her voice as she stared into what she assumed was the distance. The world had disappeared. One minute it was there, the next it was gone. Replaced with bright shining white. She could hear the world – the noise of shouting and laughter carrying from the shore – and she could smell it – the sea now drying in salty droplets on her skin – but all she could see was bright white.