Sunk

by Renea Porter

  “Now I’m not letting you go until I have you naked and covered in this whipped cream,” he says, breathless.

  I giggle, trying to catch my breath as he releases me onto the bed. He flips his shirt off, revealing his toned and muscled torso that causes my mouth to salivate. He straddles me, and the top of his jeans distract me. Boldly, I yank the can away from him and push him down, and his eyes hood with desire. I lean down to kiss him.

  “You are being very bad, Miss Sims.”

  “Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet, Mr. Wilkes.”

  He arches his eyebrow at me. I squirt some cream on my finger and suck on it. I can feel his erection pressing against me as I straddle him. Then I squirt some cream on his chest and lick my way down, all the way down. Unbuttoning his jeans, I struggle to yank them off and he kicks them to the side.

  “Now, what do we have here, mister?” I stroke his hard length.

  He quivers underneath my touch. “Jesus, fucking holy hell, Raine,” he growls.

  I grin. I stick out my tongue, squirting more cream in my mouth, and then I bend down and take him in my mouth. He reaches down and his fingers fist inside my hair. I swirl my tongue around his length and he flinches, moaning, his mouth perfecting the O. Before I get him to release, he pushes me on my back, taking the can from on the bed.

  “Now, I do believe it’s my turn, Miss Sims.”

  Oh geez, he’s sexy as sin. I grin at his comment. Is this man really mine?

  ***

  SLY

  I shake up the can of cream and squirt some in my mouth, swallowing it. I lean over her and devour her sexy mouth, as she lets my tongue inside. The heated passion between us hasn’t slowed down at all since the beginning.

  Today I told her I love her. I fucking love her with every cell in my body. I would die without her, die for her. She’s the air I need to breathe. Is it even possible to love someone as much as I love this woman? She makes the impossible seem possible. And since the air has been cleared between us about my past, the darkness doesn’t try to claw its way out anymore. It stays right where it belongs, buried.

  Pulling her dress off, I slowly and torturously lick the cream from her neck down to her stomach. Her body trembles against my tongue, and she works her hands into my hair. Working my way back up, I pay special attention to each breast, sucking the cream off them. Her nipples perk against my tongue.

  “You taste like a goddess, Raine, a fucking goddess.”

  Moving my way down, I look up at her and she bites down on her lower lip as I work my tongue over and around her wet center.

  “I need you inside me before I combust,” she begs.

  “Your wish is my command.” I press myself into her and her breathing hitches. She grips my lower back. My mouth hovers over hers as I thrust in her. “Tell me again that you love me,” I demand.

  “I love you,” she says breathlessly. “Oh god,” she moans and her body convulses under me. I join her in the release of ecstasy.

  “I love you so much, Raine,” I whisper into her ear.

  After we shower our sticky bodies, we change the bed sheets and get into bed, ready to start another day in our life. She is mine and I am hers. In bed, with her back turned to me, I pull her against my chest and wrap my arm around her.

  ***

  RAINE

  When I wake, I find myself in an empty bed, but a note is pressed up against the lamp on the bedside table.

  Breakfast is on the table in the kitchen. Sorry I missed you. Love you, Sly

  I smile at the note. Throwing on my satin robe and slipping my feet into my cozy slippers, I walk downstairs to the kitchen. There I find a bakery bag. Opening it, there is a blueberry muffin inside. Yet again, a wave of nausea overcomes me, and I run to the bathroom.

  Hurriedly, I flip the lid up and purge whatever contents exist inside me. Thank god Sly isn’t here to see this. Vomiting two days in a row can only mean one thing, but I can’t believe it. We’ve been careful. Actually, I’m the only form of birth control, but it’s never one hundred percent. I gather myself and clean my face with a wet washcloth.

  Gripping the sink, I look in the mirror to study myself. Do I look any different? My body hasn’t changed at all. Still the same bright blue eyes and overflowing raven-colored hair. I grab a hair-tie and twist my hair into a messy bun. I need to make an emergency run to the drug store, but first, I need to force myself to eat.

  Sitting at the table, I slowly pick at the muffin, trying to calm myself as I contemplate my worst nightmare coming true. This is not how I wanted to do things. Most importantly, how will Sly react? What if I lose him? What if this is what tears us apart?

  Chapter Fifteen

  RAINE

  After I shower and my stomach settles, I walk out into the frigid air. I drive to the closest drugstore to make a purchase I’m not looking forward to. Hesitantly, I grab the item and quickly purchase it before changing my mind. I purchase two, just in case.

  After paying for my items, I arrive home quickly so I can see the results. I pull the long box out, and there is no need to read the directions since I’ve been through this once before. Pulling the stick out, I pee on it and anxiously await the results. Pregnant. Or Not.

  Nervously, I pace the bathroom, back and forth, back and forth, until enough time elapses. I don’t know if I can do this. Look at the test, Raine. I will myself.

  Oh god, oh god, there is a plus sign. No, this can’t be right. Thankful I bought another, I pee on the second stick. I repeat the pacing process, back and forth, back and forth. And again, it shows a plus sign. No. No. No.

  Sly will be happy about this, right? I mean, why wouldn’t he be? He claims to love me, so this is good. I need to prepare myself to tell Sly. Before he comes home, I call the doctor to make an appointment. The third time should be a charm. Thankfully, they can fit me in tomorrow morning.

  I hear Sly call for me, and I meet him at the door, kissing him. He sees the strain on my face.

  “What is it, Raine? Talk to me,” he demands. He knows me so well. I can’t hide this from him. I have to say it now, before I lose my nerve. I fidget and look at my feet. He sets his briefcase down on the floor.

  “I, uh, threw up again this morning,” I stammer. “I’m pregnant, Sly,” I rush out the words.

  I think I see sweat immediately form on his forehead.

  “I’m sorry, come again?”

  “I’m pregnant with your child.”

  “Jesus fucking Christ,” he seethes and walks out the door.

  I think he just needs to cool down. Sadly, I hear the car rev up and he speeds out of the driveway, leaving me by myself. Hot tears streak down my cheeks. He left. I told him I was having his baby, and he left. How can he do that when he says he loves me? I don’t understand.

  Not wanting to be here when he comes back, I gather my things so I can head back to my own house. If I’m going to be alone, I might as well be in my own house, where the silence is deafening and the memories overcome me.

  I rush, grabbing everything that is mine—clothes, shoes, makeup, everything. I throw it all in my bag. Quickly, I get to my car, throw my bag in the back, and I head home. When I arrive, I feel the need to blow off some steam, and it’s still light outside. I set the bag down by the door and go change into my workout clothes. I change my messy bun to a ponytail and pull a hat over my head.

  Back outside, I can see my breath in the air. I jog lightly around the neighborhood, letting the endorphins course through my body, trying to keep my mind off Sly. Unfortunately, forgetting about Sly is hard to do, especially since I’m carrying his baby. I feel numb and hurt at the same time. Is that possible?

  I’m so confused by his actions. I thought he’d be happy. Maybe I misread Sly all along. Turning around, I head back to the house. I feel deflated and defeated; the run didn’t help me at all. I go where I feel the most comforted. Ava’s room. I numbly walk over to her bed and curl into the fetal position, clutching her favorite stuf
fed horse to my chest.

  I wonder what Ava would think about being a big sister to a brother or baby sister. She would have been so good with another sibling. She’d be happy, I know she would. Maybe this is her way of giving me hope to move on, giving me the peace I desperately crave to repair my broken soul. I swallow a hard lump as the tears well up in my eyes.

  I don’t know how long I lay there…minutes, hours, days. All I know is when I open my eyes, Sly is here, with a pained look on his face. I sit up and we stare at each other, until he finally speaks.

  “I’m sorry I freaked earlier. I know I’ve made a mess of things. I’m so fucking sorry, Raine,” he says, almost crying. He drops to his knees and buries his head in my lap. My heart sinks at his despair, and I run my fingers through his unruly hair.

  “You can’t run when shit gets hard,” I tell him softly.

  “I know. I’m so sorry. I don’t want to lose you, Raine. I desperately need you as much as you need me. And the baby is an added bonus.” He gives a weak smile.

  “How’d you get in here, by the way?”

  “I found a key underneath your flowerpot outside. You might want to find a more original place for that.”

  I drink him in as he continues to silently beg for my forgiveness—his head remaining in my lap, his hands gripping the side of my thighs, and my fingers still fisted in his glorious hair. He is my undoing, my savior, my forever.

  I pull his head back so I can look in his eyes. “I forgive you.”

  A wash of relief appears on his face, but the tears start to flow, and I’m not sure what that means. I let it be; I let us be.

  “Thank you. I won’t disappoint you like that ever again.”

  “Okay, I made a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow. Just to be sure. Maybe you can come?”

  “Yes, I’ll drive you. Can I stay here with you tonight? I need you like I need air, Raine.” His words are desperate. He’s still tormenting himself for walking out on me.

  “Come on, let me feed you.” I stand and tug on his hand. He pulls me back, and my body is flush against his. He sweeps my hair back and kisses me on the forehead, then on my lips.

  I crave him like a drug. He is my drug, darkness and all. We will be bound together forever by this baby, his and mine. In the kitchen, he’s unusually quiet, but I don’t press him. I’m sure he is just trying to process the news. Nothing in the fridge looks appealing, and I’m not sure about the safety of it since I haven’t been here in a while.

  “How about we order pizza, or Chinese? Which do you prefer?”

  “Pizza,” he says, flashing a grin.

  Grabbing some of the pizza takeout menus I have stored next to the fridge, I pick one and order a pepperoni pizza to be delivered.

  Fifteen minutes later, we have pizza and are lounging in the living room. After eating, we remain on the couch and Sly has me wrapped up into him. I feel safe in his arms. Words don’t need to be spoken; everything is conveyed in his actions.

  ***

  In the morning, I wake to the bright sun basking through the bedroom window. Sly is still asleep next to me, so I quietly move to shower before my appointment. Afterward, I just towel dry my hair so it can do its own thing naturally as it falls below my shoulders. I put on some light makeup and head back to the bedroom where Sly is waking up.

  “Hey, sleepy head.” I bend down to kiss him.

  “Good morning, beautiful,” he whispers against my lips.

  I move to the dresser and grab a dress, something easy to change in and out of. Sly gets up and wraps his arms around me from behind and nuzzles my neck.

  “I love you so much. Thank you for giving me another chance.”

  I turn to face him. “I don’t know where I’d be without you in my life. You bring so much light, it gives me hope.”

  “Hope for what?”

  “Hope for peace, hope for something meaningful, hope for purpose. So much hope, Sly.” I cup his face and kiss him feverishly.

  He smiles, wrapping his arms around me, bringing me flush against him. I love him so damn much it hurts.

  “All right, we better get you to the doctor,” he says.

  In the waiting room, I patiently wait for ten minutes before being called back. The nurse takes my vitals and says the doctor will be in. The doctor comes in and greets Sly and me. I explain to him that I think I’m pregnant and I’ve had morning sickness a few days in a row now.

  After some questions, the doctor does a pelvic exam, a breast exam, a urine test, and bloodwork. The doctor leaves to check on my blood work and urine test.

  He comes back in. “Congratulations, you’re both going to be parents. Would you like to hear the heartbeat?”

  I smile widely. “Yes.”

  The sonographer brings in the ultrasound machine, squeezes some liquid on my belly, and rubs the probe over my stomach—the heartbeat comes to life. Sly is speechless, but the tears well up in his eyes. This is our little miracle. Our little bean.

  Looking to Sly again, tears stream down his cheeks. “Are those tears happy, or sad?”

  “They are happy tears. Hearing the heartbeat makes all this real.”

  After the appointment, Sly drives us to his place. In the driveway, he meets me over at my side by opening the car door for me.

  “I have something to show you,” he says, taking my hand in his. We walk in silence through the house, up the stairs, and he stops at the door to the room he’s kept locked—the one I haven’t seen. He places his hand on the door handle and takes a deep breath.

  Nothing could have prepared me for what I see when he opens the door. The look on Sly’s face is pained, and my heart constricts tightly in my chest. To my shock, the room is a nursery. Everything is in green, blue, and yellow colors. I look at him, wide-eyed and confused. He clears his throat as he rubs his rough jaw. I place my hand on his arm.

  “This was supposed to be my baby’s room. But he died during childbirth.”

  My hand covers my mouth in shock. It’s no wonder we are drawn to each other. It makes sense. He’s had a loss too.

  “I’m so sorry, Sly. I wish you would have said something sooner. What about the mother?” I ask.

  His jaw clenches at my question. “She left me. The loss was too much for her to bear. I was too much of a reminder of what she lost, of what we lost.”

  He pulls the sheet off the crib and away from the changing table. Moving around the room, my fingers graze the width of the dresser, the curves of the woodwork. Then he pulls the last sheet off the rocking chair. That’s when Sly loses it.

  He falls to his knees and cries. He cries like I’ve never seen a man cry. The agony twists like a jagged edge sword in my heart. To see him this broken, this hurt, crushes me right to my soul, because I have had the same feelings from my own loss.

  Chapter Sixteen

  RAINE

  I drop to my knees and wrap my arms around his body, engulfing him with mine. I can’t help the tears that fall from my own cheeks. This man has loved and lost. Everything makes sense. This is why he’s always kept people at arm’s length.

  Patiently, I sit with him until he composes himself. “That rocking chair was given to me from my grams. She had it when my mom was born. It was handed down to me. And it’s just there.”

  He presses his forehead to mine and silence embraces us. In this moment, I love this man with every fiber of my being. Nothing has ever come close to this. Nothing.

  “Now you see why I freaked. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want anything to happen to you or the baby. I can’t possibly take another loss,” he says as the tears continue to brush his cheeks. “Carter James. That would have been his name. My baby boy,” he cries, as he holds onto me tightly.

  “Shhh,” I try to console him as we remain on the floor, huddled closely together.

  “I don’t know if the little bean is going to be a girl or a boy, but I’m sure we can make any changes you want.”

  “It’s perfect, Sly. I’m
so sorry for your loss.” My voice cracks.

  He unfolds himself from me and swipes his cheeks. “I haven’t been in here since the day he was supposed to be born, supposed to come home. There has to be some greater purpose here, and I think I’m staring at it. You are my greater purpose, Raine. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and this little bean.” He rubs my belly.

  “I want the same. I just want to be with you.”

  His lips brush against mine. “God, I love you so much.”

  “I love you too, so much. Can we keep this our little secret until at least Christmas? I know you’re close to your family, and it’s taken me time to get used to that. I just want to enjoy this for a little bit.”

  “Of course. I kind of feel the same. But we both know I’m kind of greedy, anyway.” He chuckles.

  I laugh. Turning my body so it’s flush against his chest, he wraps his arms around me. We sit in silence, taking everything in—the crib, the changing table, the dresser, and the rocking chair. It’s a lot to process. He kisses my hair.

  “When did it happen?” I ask.

  “I’m twenty-nine, so about five years ago. It’s the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I never thought I’d find love again, let alone have another child. But then you happened.”

  I swallow hard. “I recall you being quite persistent,” I tell him as a matter of fact.

  “Yes, I was. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  I turn my head to the side to kiss him. “It’s her birthday today,” I say. “Ava would have been nine.”

  “How long has it been since you visited her grave?” Sly asks.

  “Too long, I suppose. Want to go?”

  “Now?”

  “Yes, now.”