First Kiss (Sweet N' Sour Kisses

by Cindy M. Hogan

  “Wait. Wait…” Luke called out. “I’m not ready.” Everyone stopped singing and he let go of me and rummaged through his bag and two others rummaged through theirs. They pulled out plastic containers with cupcakes nestled inside.

  It was like everything moved in slow motion. I gasped and with a shaky, soft voice, said, “You didn’t!”

  With the strike of a match, a candle was lit on a large cupcake he held out in front of me. I could see that the other guys brought out a bunch of cupcakes, enough for everyone, it seemed.

  “Now, go!” Luke called.

  “How? When?” I let out a bark of laughter and cupped my hand over my mouth as they sang to me. It was so sweet. I couldn’t help but giggle. He planned this all for me. I was so lucky.

  At the end of the song, Luke got on his knees and held out the cupcake in front of me so that I could blow out the candle. I did and everyone clapped.

  “Happy birthday,” Luke said in a quiet, raspy voice that made my skin flush and my lips part. I took the cupcake from him and everyone else got one from one of the two guys. Silence ruled the space for a minute or so while everyone gobbled the cupcakes down. I took a minute to take it all in. I stared up at the stars and then turned to Luke and said, “Thanks. This is so nice.”

  The boy started up on the ukulele again and even several of the girls sang along. Luke did, too. He sounded awful, but I thought it was nice he sang even though he sounded bad. It took guts to sing when you didn’t sound great.

  “Why aren’t you singing?” he whispered, his hot breath tickling my ear. “You’ve gotta know this one.”

  I laughed. “I do. But, I don’t want to hurt your ears.” My mom told me I could sing, but I didn’t believe her. She was my mom. She had to say nice things to me.

  “Someone as pretty as you has to have the voice of an angel. And even if you didn’t, I wouldn’t care. The important thing is to have fun and not hold back because of what others might think of you.”

  He had a point. I watched him sing the next song. He was really having fun. Everyone was. I needed to lighten up. My mom had warned me about reverting into myself and not being fun. What the heck, when the next song started, I sang along, too. On the second round of the chorus, Luke’s lips brushed my ear, making my hair stand on end, but in a good way. “You have a great voice.” His lips slid from my ear to my nose in a soft caress. When he pulled back, he held his eyes closed. The heat in my face was palpable. I took in an involuntary breath.

  A smile played on his lips and rocked me once more. After opening his eyes, he winked and kept singing off key. When the player began to play one particular song, the girls popped up and started dancing the Hula. The moon was halfway into the trees again.

  “You’re a dancer. Get up there.” Luke pushed me forward. When had his arm gone around my back?

  I pushed against him. “I’ve never done the Hula before.”

  He laughed. “There’s a first time for everything.” And he pushed me out to the other girls. I followed along with them. The boys started to whistle and catcall as the girls swung their hips and tried their best to look authentic. I felt a touch of shyness, but their clapping and enthusiasm encouraged me and slowly, I fell into a groove. My hips swayed from side to side without an ounce of holding back. This was the most fun I’d had in a long time. I even caught onto the words of the song and sang out loud, occasionally closing my eyes.

  By the end, it had become quite dark again, the moon completely behind the trees. We all sat and the ukulele player continued to play. After a few more songs, he stopped. I could hear couples snuggling and whispering. And, one by one, all the flashlights went out, except for Luke’s. Again, my heart leapt. He was taking care of me. I sat my hand down between us to help me keep a good six inches away from him and turned to face him so that no snuggling could go on. I heard one couple get up and move. How could they see where to go? They didn’t turn a flashlight on. Luke pressed his hand over the top of the flashlight, cutting the beam and making his hand glow red.

  “Did you have fun?”

  “It was amazing. Thank you.” I thought I heard shuffling feet.

  “Where’s everyone going?”

  “I think Stacy has to be home before anyone else. Like nine-thirty.”

  “What time is it?”

  He set the flashlight down and pulled out his phone. The light lit up his handsome face. “Nine-thirty.”

  “Guess she’s going to be late.”

  He put his phone back into his pocket.

  “We probably should head back, too,” I said. “Remember my dad and his gun?”

  He laughed and threw his hands in the air, “Don’t shoot me!”

  “Can we make it down in thirty minutes?” I stood up and pulled him up. The flashlight sliced through the air, illuminating the area. We were totally alone, but I let myself feel safe. Luke had been protecting me and watching out for me all night.

  “Yes. It’s super fast going down.”

  “Even in the dark?” I pulled him toward the direction the others had gone.

  We walked down the mountain for a while, and Luke reached for my hand again. I smiled to myself in the dark. Sixteen was amazing. Dating was amazing. In that moment I was so glad I’d pushed through my fear and come on this date.

  Just then, we rounded a corner. To one side was a rock wall, and I lifted my hand to feel its rough surface. Luke flipped the flashlight off. I turned toward him out of instinct and next thing I knew, he’d pinned me up against the hard wall and put his mouth on mine. Horror welled up in me, and I felt a painful tightness in my throat.

  I tried to turn away, but his hands were on either side of my face, pinning me there. His body was pressing mine into the rock; his elbows were pushing my upper arms down. He was so strong—I couldn’t do anything. I could hardly breathe, dizziness bored through me.

  He pushed his tongue against my lips, parting them and forcing his way inside my mouth.

  I clamped my teeth shut, denying him entrance. His wet tongue slopped all over my lips, and I felt like my dog was giving me a kiss. I wanted to wretch. Even while I clenched my teeth it seemed my muscles throughout my body weakened and my legs shook.

  Shock started to set in. My whole body went rigid.

  He didn’t give up. His tongue raced along my teeth, and the outside of my lips. This wasn’t happening. Then, with a swift movement, he pulled me into a crushing embrace and inhaled deeply into my hair.

  A buzz sounded in my ears. That didn’t just happen. Spots flashed through my vision and I swallowed hard, curling my lips over my teeth trying to keep them from trembling.

  “You taste good,” he said.

  The buzzing sound got louder and I felt a lump in my throat. I was going to puke. I lifted my chin, forcing myself to look in the direction of his voice.

  “Did I taste good, too?”

  My heart pounded an erratic rhythm, and my mouth was slick with bile. I gasped and choked out in barely-audible whisper, “I didn’t want you to do that!”

  He shook his head at me and snorted. “Of course you did! You were asking for it all night. Trust me, Brooklyn, I know how to read the signs.”

  I needed water. I wanted to shove him away, but I couldn’t seem to get it together. I had no strength in my body. He stepped back and turned the flashlight on. When he saw my face he laughed, and the sound was jagged and cruel.

  “Don’t act so offended, babe. You know you liked it.”

  All I could do was gape at him, and he laughed again. He swung his arm out for me to go on ahead. We headed down the mountain. I took deep breaths and brushed my sleeve across my face and lips, resisting the urge to throw up. He walked behind me, shining the light to show me the way.

  “Next time, you’ll like it even better. You’ll know what you’re doing, so it won’t be so lame.”

  I nearly choked. Had he just said that to me? I could feel my breath starting to go ragged in my chest, and I had to fight hard not to
hyperventilate.

  I wished with all my heart that I could just run away from him, but I would never find my way down in the dark. I wrapped my arms around my chest, and hunched forward and as far away from him as I could get without losing the guidance of his flashlight. The memory of his slimy tongue was still thick in my mouth, filling me with disgust and embarrassment. Every step on the way down reminded me of just how naïve I had been on the way up. I’d actually felt lucky to be on this date. I shuddered. I just wanted to be home.

  Luke’s voice rang out behind me, so casual, as if nothing had happened at all.

  “I heard you were taking Tate to the Halloween dance. You should be taking me.”

  Was he nuts? I would never take him anywhere after tonight. In truth, I was going to ask Tate to the Halloween dance so that Luke could feel free to ask me to Cotillion. Everyone knew you didn’t take the same person to two dances in a row. But that wasn’t going to happen now. I wouldn’t go with him anywhere. A shiver started in my toes and worked its way up to my shoulders. What should I say? Not the truth, because my truth had changed.

  “I thought Candice was taking you.” I tried to keep my voice even. Maybe pretending nothing had happened would make this awful feeling go away.

  “She is, but I’d rather it be you.”

  How dare he be so awful to Candice? “What are you doing for your day date?” I asked, changing the subject. Just act normal. I told myself. This will all be over soon.

  “We’re doing a scavenger hunt around a neighborhood. What about you guys?” He put his hand on the small of my back.

  I sped up. “I’m not sure yet. Ali’s pretty picky. I thought it’d be fun to go paintballing.” I walked as fast as I could, away from his hand. We were in the windy section of the trail. Almost to the switchbacks. Not much further. You can make it.

  “Maybe we’ll do that next time we go out,” Luke said, his voice happy and excited.

  How could I tell him there would not be a next time? I murmured non-committally, but he went on as if I’d agreed with enthusiasm.

  “It does hurt when you get shot, but the thrill of it all is amazing.”

  We made it to the switchbacks. There was just enough moonlight to see the path and the handrails here. Finally, I didn’t need his light anymore—I could make it from here. I didn’t want anyone to know what had happened, though, so I couldn’t just flat out run away from him. Besides, he still had to take me home. So I said, “Okay. No flashlight. It’s a race.” Then I cruised down. He passed me without much effort, but I didn’t slow down until I was in the parking lot.

  He jumped out of some bushes near the trailhead and picked me up and spun me around. I screamed, startled, disgusted to be in his arms. He laughed and laughed as he put me down and we made our way to the car. I wanted to tell him to stay far away from me. We climbed in. The music was still up full tilt when he turned the car on. I locked the car door and pressed my body against it.

  If what just happened to me was kissing, why would I ever do it again? The other couple had been leaning against the car making out, and they continued that activity now in the backseat. At least I wouldn’t have to have a conversation. The music filled the space. I didn’t even want to know what was going on in the backseat.

  In five short minutes we were at my house, and I didn’t wait for him to open the door for me. I just wanted to get inside. He got out the same time I did. When we hit the sidewalk leading to the front door, he grabbed my hand, and I had to resist the urge to pull away.

  “I had a really great time, Brooklyn. I can’t wait for Cotillion. We’ll have such a good time together.”

  My eyes rounded in utter disbelief. Was he nuts? I felt a slimy coating on my teeth and lips. I wanted to wretch.

  “Your dad’s probably going to kill me, huh?” He grinned.

  I opened my mouth to say something, but tears threatened to spill out. I couldn’t let him see me crying, so I kept silent.

  I focused on getting into the house without letting him accost me again. All I could think about was going inside and putting the safety of the front door between us.

  When we got to the door, I did a swift head-far-left hug, grabbed the door handle and said, “Thanks, it was fun,” as I hurried through the door, then pushed it closed behind me.

  I leaned against the door and covered my face with my hands, finally letting the tears fall freely.

  My mom was sitting there waiting for me. I was twenty minutes late. I couldn’t look her in the eye. Instead, I rushed past her and to the bathroom where I washed my mouth out with tons of water. I couldn’t get his taste out. I brushed my teeth vigorously, practically tearing at my gums trying to scrub off what had just happened. When I looked up, my mom was behind me in the mirror, a look of terrified concern on her face. I spun around and buried my face in her shoulder.

  “Honey, what happened? What’s wrong?” The panic and pain in her voice was too much—it precisely echoed my own. I broke down sobbing and she led me to the couch.

  When my sobs had finally quieted, she brushed the hair out of my face and wiped the tears from my hot cheeks. “Tell me what happened.”

  When I finished, I noticed my mom was fighting to keep a calm and comforting look on her face, but the way she was pressing her fist into her palm in her lap—I knew she wanted to kill Luke in that moment.

  “Brooklyn, I am so so sorry I didn’t listen to you. I didn’t get that your fear was real. I thought you were just nervous. This is all my fault.”

  I choked back a sob. “It’s not your fault, Mom.”

  She grabbed my hands and held them fiercely. “Honey, listen to me. That was not your first kiss. It doesn’t count. You get a do-over.”

  I shuddered. “Ugh, I am never going to kiss anyone, ever—EVER again.”

  My mom pursed her lips. “That’s fine,” she said hesitantly. “Well, it doesn’t count, that’s all I’m saying. You can even still consider yourself a VL if you want to. His kiss-rape didn’t take away your innocence, sweetie.”

  “I’m such an idiot. Why didn’t I push him away?” Guilt pushed at me. “I should have hit him.”

  “Brooke, you couldn’t have done anything. This wasn’t your fault.” She pulled me into a hug and held me tight.

  “I’m going to see him every day at swim and I sit next to him in one of my classes.” There was no escaping this boy. And now, I was one more notch on his belt. I should have believed Hanna and Makenna—they’d warned me. This was completely my fault.

  “Ask to be moved in that class. Ignore him at swim.”

  “He wants to take me to Cotillion,” I said numbly.

  “Tell him no. In fact, you can feel free to text him tonight that you won’t ever be going out with him again since he didn’t respect your wishes about kissing you. And what a disgusting kiss. You definitely get a re-do with someone else.”

  I nodded, said good night, and headed to my room.

  I’d started typing the text when another text came in.

  Happy Birthday. Wish we could have done something together. You going to the corn maze on Friday?

  It was Ryker. Maybe my luck was changing. Maybe perfect was on the horizon after all.

  I hurried and texted Luke.

  Just cuz you kissed me, doesn’t mean we are going out. That was as mean as I could get at the moment.

  Then, I texted Ryker.

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