Between the Raindrops

by Schussler, Susan

  “They’re not that bad.” He smiled, knowing they were that bad, and she rolled her eyes.

  “Your mom wants you to have dinner with her tonight. I think she’s upset that you’re not going to be around for Christmas.”

  “I just have to finish packing. Dinner is doable. Can you tell her? I’ve got to check in with Sarah.” He sat down on the bed next to Leslie and grabbed his phone. She bounced off immediately and headed out of the room, pulling out her phone as she exited. He lay back on the bed with his feet still touching the floor and started typing.

  Can’t wait to C U tomorrow. Call me. Luv U.

  He hit send and waited. Her last final had ended a couple of hours ago, so she was probably getting ready for the trip too. His phone vibrated, and her face popped up on the screen. He loved the picture of her. Though she wasn’t exactly smiling, her eyes were full of mischief, and he knew she was smiling inside. How many times had this picture gotten him through the day over the last three months? He couldn’t wait to see her.

  He tapped the screen and said in his sexiest voice, “Hey, beautiful, are you packed yet?”

  There was a pause and a woman who wasn’t Sarah began to speak.

  “Will, it’s Kate. Sarah’s been in a car accident. I’m at the ER right now.”

  The air sucked from his lungs, as if the room had become a vacuum. “Is she…OK?” was all he managed to choke out.

  “She’s alive, but I don’t know anything yet. She was having difficulty breathing, and they asked me to leave the room. That’s all I know.” Sarah’s mother sounded panicked.

  “Oh.” He was silent for several more seconds. He couldn’t catch his breath. With a shaky voice, he said, “I’ll be in on the next flight. Keep me posted, would you?”

  Something clicked in him. The next thing he knew, he was pulling out his duffle bag and transferring his clothes from the open suitcase.

  “If I don’t answer, it’s because I’m on the plane, so leave a message or a text, please. I’ll call you when I get in.”

  The call ended, and just like that, his life had spiraled into a tailspin again. Just when he thought he had pulled it together, it fell apart. He found his travel bag with his electric razor and pushed it into the duffle. He stumbled out of the bedroom as he flung the bag over his shoulder.

  “Leslie, I need the next flight to Minneapolis, and if there isn’t one, I need you to charter a jet.”

  “Oh god. Did she break up with you?”

  He shook his head. He wasn’t sure if the lump in his throat would allow any words to escape from his mouth. He swallowed hard and the lump lodged deeper in his chest.

  “Sarah’s been in a car accident. I spoke to her mom. She’s having a hard time breathing. I need a flight. Can you help me?”

  Leslie mumbled something into her phone and ended her call. He followed her into the office, where she opened her laptop and began typing.

  Two hours later, Will sat in the VIP lounge at the airport, waiting for his flight to board. Freezing rain in Minneapolis had delayed the flight. The ice had probably caused Sarah’s accident, he realized. If the flights in Minnesota got too backed up, his flight would get diverted to Atlanta. That was what the airline’s agent had said, anyway.

  He had just gotten off the phone with Kate. Sarah was in surgery. Her lung had collapsed because of internal bleeding. The doctor told Kate that a broken rib had most likely punctured a vessel, but since they couldn’t get the bleeding to slow, she needed surgery.

  Will fiddled with the phone in his hands. Kate had promise to call as soon as she heard anymore news. He typed Hemothorax into the search engine on his phone. That was what Kate had called Sarah’s condition. As he read, he felt a little better. As long as they could stop the bleeding, she would be all right. He should have stopped reading after the first paragraph, though. The next several paragraphs described every complication associated with this form of collapsed lung. It was a long list—from shock to respiratory failure and death. He couldn’t waste his mental energy on possibilities. He would go crazy. He stuffed the phone back into his jacket pocket and began to pace.

  Forty minutes later, Will was on the plane as it taxied to the runway. He stretched out in his seat, his dark sunglasses covering his eyes. He knew the glasses only made people study his face more closely, but he didn’t care. The woman next to him wrapped her hand around his. He tried to smile at her. He saw the familiar dimple that he had inherited appear on her cheek, but her smile looked forced.

  He squeezed her hand. “Thanks, Mom.”

  She nodded, and they sat in silence. Will knew most people would try to reassure him that Sarah would be OK. His mother knew better. She knew as well as he did that life was fragile and promises couldn’t always be kept.

  The flight dragged on and on, in almost complete silence. When it finally ended, Will flipped his phone off airplane mode, and two texts appeared, both from Jessica.

  Sarah’s out of surgery and in the ICU.

  The second text was the hospital’s name and address. There was no more information. What did that mean? He showed it to his mother with a questioning look.

  “She’s alive,” she whispered in his ear. “That’s good news, Jon.”

  He pressed send to connect the call.

  “Jess, my flight just landed. What’s going on?”

  “Sarah is breathing easier, and they stopped the bleeding. But she hasn’t woken up since the surgery.” Her voice caught and she paused. “She lost a lot of blood, and they gave her a couple of transfusions. The next few hours are critical.”

  “When is she going to wake up?”

  “They don’t know. But don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll be all right.”

  And there it was—a false promise that shouldn’t have been made. He had heard it before, and it didn’t bring him comfort.

  By the time Will arrived at the hospital, Sarah had been in the ICU for a couple of hours. As the glass door pulled open in front of him, he felt a blanket of dread engulf him. He hadn’t been in a hospital since Jack’s death, and he wasn’t feeling very optimistic. When he stepped off the elevator onto the third floor, the institutional smell filled his lungs, and the rhythmic beeping of the monitors took over his head. With his senses overwhelmed, he froze, paralyzed in the memory of his brother’s death, paralyzed with fear of what he may have to face.

  His mother reached out and wrapped her arm around his shoulder. Squeezing gently, she said, “You can do this, Jon.”

  He looked into her encouraging face and took a deep breath. Then, together, they walked toward Sarah’s family.

  “Kate. David,” Will said as he hugged each of Sarah’s parents. “How is she?”

  “Well, not much has changed since your last update. She still hasn’t woken up, and they don’t know why. Her heartbeat is strong, though, and she isn’t struggling to breathe,” answered David.

  “May I see her?” Will asked, looking at Kate. He noticed for the first time that her eyes were the same bright green as her daughter’s, and his breath hitched in his throat.

  “Follow me. We’ll have to kick Jeff and Jessica out. They only allow a couple of people in the room at a time,” said Kate. “Will you be coming too?” she asked the tall blonde woman.

  “Oh, sorry, this is my mother, Lara. She wouldn’t let me come by myself.” Will glanced at his mom and forced a quick smile. He noticed Sarah’s housemates lined the far wall, and he held up his hand in acknowledgment as they looked up at him.

  “I would like to go, if you don’t mind. Sarah is all Jon has talked about for months, and I don’t want him to face this alone,” Lara answered.

  Kate nodded and led them to a small room with big glass windows facing a main nurse’s station. The door was open. Jeff and Jessica came to greet Will outside the small room. Will hugged each as he spied Sarah’s motionless body in the center of the raised hospital bed. She looked like she was almost sitting up, and had tubes and wires attached to her all o
ver.

  Will slipped into the room, leaving his mother outside the door with Jeff and Jessica. He stood just inside, taking it all in. The smell of adhesive tape, the blinking lights on the monitor, the white sheets on the metal bed—all flashed through his brain like an old black-and-white film, conjuring feelings he had buried deep inside.

  This can’t be happening, he thought.

  He felt his mother’s arm wrap around him, and he rested his head against hers.

  That’s when Will lost his composure and his eyes glossed over. It reminded him too much of the hospital four years ago. He could picture Jack lying in the hospital bed, and a feeling of helplessness about Sarah’s condition choked him. He couldn’t bear to lose her. She was the one who loved him for who he was, not his fame. She was the one who was meant for him, and he would not survive if she didn’t. He knew this in his heart. He stepped forward, and leaning over Sarah, he gently kissed her forehead, being very careful to avoid the tubes coming from her body.

  “Hi, beautiful. I missed you,” he said softly.

  Still leaning over her, he closed his eyes and touched his cheek to hers, letting her warmth penetrate his face. He held it there for a minute, enjoying the comfort being close to her brought him.

  “I love you,” he whispered, “but you know that.” Will kissed her forehead again and stood up. “This is my mom. I know you’ve talked to her before on the phone, but she came all this way to see you. It would be great if you two could talk face-to-face.” He unzipped his ski jacket and slid it off, not wanting to chill Sarah with his winter wear. He pulled the beanie from the top of his head and tossed it, with the jacket, onto his duffle bag, slumped on the floor behind him.

  “It’s nice to finally meet you, Sarah. Jon talks about you all the time. I think he was going a little crazy not seeing you, though,” Lara admitted. Tears filled her eyes as she looked over at her son.

  Lara and Will had experience with these one-sided conversations. Jack’s nurse had encouraged them with Jack. “A person in a coma is aware of his surroundings and can hear everything. Hearing is the last sense to leave a person,” the nurse had said.

  “I’ll let you have some time alone,” Lara stated. She kissed her son’s cheek and slipped out of the room.

  Will pulled the square padded chair up to the bed and intertwined his hand with Sarah’s. He sat for a while just holding her hand and staring at her bruised face. As the minutes ticked by, his hands began to quiver. He needed to distract himself from all the negative thoughts filling his brain. So he started talking, babbling about all the things they were going to do when she got out of the hospital, about filming, and about the endless waterfall he’d seen in New Zealand. He told her about a fantastic hole-in-the-wall restaurant he’d found in the Greek islands and how she was going to have to get her passport because he was going to bring her there. Talking to her was helping him cope. Will divulged all the details of last night’s outing with Nick and his other buddies. They had gone to a sushi bar for dinner and drinks and been mobbed by fans. He told her how Nick had worked it to his advantage to pick up women, even though they had all agreed on a no-girls-allowed night.

  “It was Nick, Hayden, Chris, and Liam. It was hilarious. Chris is married, so he and I were just sitting back, laughing, as these girls kept coming up and buying us drinks,” he told her.

  Will was feeling guilty about having taken time to spend with his friends while they were all in town for the holidays. If he had known his time with Sarah was limited, he would have been at her side last night, and this decision to spend time with his friends was weighing heavily on his mind. Will continued to ramble on until the ICU nurse entered the room, forcing him to pause his monologue.

  Will sat quietly holding Sarah’s hand while the nurse tried to make superficial conversation with him. As she spoke, she darted around the room, checking various monitors, recording fluid levels, and listening to Sarah breathe. She checked Sarah’s pupils and her reflexes. The nurse pretended not to recognize him, and he appreciated her discretion, but he could see it in her eyes as she spoke.

  “Are you holding up all right?” she asked as she rubbed the IV port with alcohol and slowly injected a clear liquid into the tubing. Monitoring her watch as she pushed the plunger, the nurse continued. “Are you her boyfriend?”

  “Yep,” he said with a nod, answering both questions and avoiding eye contact. He really wasn’t in the mood for a conversation with a stranger.

  “Let me know if there is anything I can do for you or the family,” she added.

  Will nodded again, and the nurse left the room. He sat quietly listening to the bubbling noise coming from the machine at his feet. The noise was loud and monotonous. The machine looked like a multichambered ant farm flooded with water, and from it ran a long clear tube that went directly into Sarah’s side. Will lifted the blanket to check. All he could see was the tube leading to her side, and the place where it entered her skin was covered by a gauze pad and clear tape. He was going to ask the nurse about that machine the next time she made rounds. Still holding Sarah’s hand, he leaned in and laid his head on the bed. He was beyond his coping limit and was trying to gather strength.

  Sarah’s mom came into the room, and gently squeezing his shoulder, she said, “You should get some sleep. Why don’t you come back to the house and rest? The nurse will call us if anything changes. It’s only a fifteen-minute drive.”

  “I can’t, Kate. I can’t leave her.” He was adamant.

  “I really hoped that…she would…wake up when she heard your voice…but I guess…she just needs more time to heal,” Kate stammered.

  Will placed his hand on top of Kate’s hand. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. It was just silly of me,” she added. “I’ve convinced your mother to stay at the house with us. It will be easier in the long run. It would be idiotic for her to be stranded at a hotel. I’m heading back to the house too. I’ll go nuts if I’m just sitting here idle. Are you sure you want to stay?”

  Will looked up at her, unwavering. Kate kissed her daughter’s cheek, said good night, and left. Will sat alone again with Sarah, listening to the bubbling ant farm that drowned out all other sounds in the room. He didn’t know where the night would take him, but he knew that he would be with Sarah, whatever happened.

  As the next three days passed, Will watched Sarah get poked and prodded. The hospital staff drew blood, took X-rays, connected her to electrodes, emptied bags of fluid into her, emptied bags of fluid from her, and ran test after test on her. There were very few changes in Sarah’s condition. She was still unconscious, and she seemed oblivious to all the intrusions to her body. Will stayed at her bedside as much as he could over the three days. He never left the hospital floor despite the persistent berating from his mother to take a shower. His clothes were wrinkled, and his hair was curling up in odd directions. His unshaven face was taking on a new identity, but in Will’s mind, nothing mattered except Sarah.

  Although Will spent more time with Sarah than anyone else, he let others have a little alone time with her. He used this time to make phone calls, check his e-mail, and read. Kate and Lara made sure he ate some meals. They brought him food to eat in the family waiting area, but he always slept at Sarah’s bedside. He slept leaning forward against Sarah’s bed the first two nights, but last night, one of the nurses, feeling sorry for him, dragged a reclining chair into the room, so he slept there. In reality, he hadn’t slept much the last three nights, and that fact was visible on his face. He had read up on Sarah’s condition on the Internet most of last night, but couldn’t get his mind to shut off when he did try to sleep.

  This morning, Sarah’s lung was deemed to have healed enough to have the tube leading to the bubbling ant farm removed from her chest. Will watched the procedure and was amazed at how much tubing was actually shoved inside Sarah. He watched most of the procedures that were performed on her. He found if he was quiet enough and pinned himself to the back wall, no one
would ask him to leave. He had gotten to know most of the staff in the ICU and was fairly confident they weren’t passing information to the press. No fans had shown up on the floor looking for him, at least.

  By noon, Will and Kate were in Sarah’s room talking about what Sarah had been like as a child. Kate told him how Sarah would write plays and have all her friends act them out while she directed. She had started doing it before she even knew how to write. She would tell them what to do and say, and where to stand.

  “She is very creative, and the plays were elaborately detailed,” Kate said. “I always knew Sarah would do something that involved writing. She got a short story published back in April in one of those literary magazines. It was really good. It helped her get the internship at TC last summer.”

  “She never mentioned getting anything published. I wonder why,” Will commented, pondering what else he didn’t know about her.

  “Sarah isn’t one to boast,” Kate admitted with pride. “Unless she’s specifically asked, she doesn’t mention it to anyone.”

  The room was eerily quiet with the bubbling ant farm removed, so they heard every drip and beep as if for the first time. While they continued to chat, Sarah’s heart rate monitor began to alarm, startling them both. The nurse came into the room to assess Sarah. She listened to Sarah’s heart with her stethoscope, repositioned her on the bed, and checked the monitor leads. Sarah’s heart rate quickly returned to normal when she was repositioned.

  “Darlene, is it normal for someone’s heart to do that all of a sudden?” Will asked the scrappy older nurse.

  “Well, it isn’t unusual, Jon. But, honestly, it may not be the best sign. We will keep monitoring it, and her previous tests haven’t indicated any reasons for concern,” the nurse offered. “We’ll do more tests if it continues.”

  “What do you mean it may not be the best sign?” questioned Kate.

  “Well, if it continues, it may indicate a new problem has arisen. It could be the first sign that her body may be shutting down, or it may mean nothing at all. We will just have to take it as it comes,” Darlene answered candidly.