Beast of All

by J. C. McKenzie

  I am you. You are me. We are one.

  A tingle rippled through my body. Bones vibrated. My soul hummed. The barrier locking away my beast, now a pathetic film, crumbled away. My vision exploded. A sound, like a thunderous rumble from the maw of a Demon ripped through my throat as feras continued to stream into my essence.

  Understanding smashed through my brain cells and the beast rose. The vision from the other totem pole haunted my mind.

  Feras.

  They weren’t truly animals, they were totems, guides that accompanied a person for life, both in the spiritual world and the physical. Shifters normally received one guardian spirit, housed in the body of an animal. As the Carus, I saw their true essence, and their place beyond the mortal realm.

  That’s why I can bring Sid over. That’s why I can talk to all feras. That’s why I can talk to any animal supe.

  I was a portal.

  The beast expanded. I didn’t fight her. I opened my essence and accepted her potent energy as the last of the animals flooded my soul, flowed through my veins, and traveled to the other side.

  The beast sank into my mind, rolled into a ball, and grew. Swelling to push against my skin. Her divine energy ran along my limbs before settling into my bones. No longer was she the beast, and I, Andy.

  The beast is the Carus. The Carus is the beast. We are one.

  I roared.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  The goddess of beasts

  “When a storm is coming, all other birds seek shelter. The Eagle alone, avoids the storm by flying above it.”

  ~Unknown

  A glowing opaque stag sauntered into the clearing, the last animal, the last totem, the last piece to the complex puzzle my brain still struggled to comprehend.

  The stag shimmered before transforming into Feradea. Evidently, the Goddess of Beasts could take any form she wanted, regardless of gender. Her barely-there animal-skin outfit revealed plenty of bronzed flesh as it shone in the sunlight. “I’m proud of you, daughter-mine. You have discovered the true purpose of being a Carus. You are the gatekeeper of totems—the guides for Shifters known as feras. They wait on the other side for new Shifters to be born and reach maturity, though some will choose to stay in the forest for you.”

  Without her naming which feras, I knew she referred to those I’d bonded to prior to today.

  My wolf growled her agreement in my head. Warmth flooded my body from the sound of my long lost fera. Though she no longer loped along my neurons, she somehow pushed her thoughts and voice through the barrier anyway.

  My mountain lion’s purr filled my chest, and my falcon popped into the air, ghost-gray, to perch on my shoulder. Her talons dug into my skin, and tears welled in my eyes. She’d always been in my head before, but now her soft feathers ruffled my cheek. I’d always wanted to feel her beside me.

  Another stag sauntered into the clearing to stand beside the Goddess.

  Feradea nodded at the regal animal. The wind pushed the Goddess’s red and orange mane away from her angular face. “The stag represents more than another fera. He is my strength, my essence, and a symbol of my divinity, as he will be for you. This, daughter-of-my-daughter, is my gift to you.”

  The stag stepped forward and bent his soft muzzle to me. His doe-like gaze settled on mine, asking permission.

  I reached out and stroked his soft face. At my touch, his presence shimmered and wavered until he, too, joined with me. Instead of sliding to the other side through the portal to join all the other feras, he remained within, and settled around my heart like a protective barrier. His presence grew warm and comforting, ballooning outward, until he swelled out of my body and reformed as a ghost-like fera to stand beside me.

  My mouth dropped open.

  The stag leaned down and nuzzled my face. The short, soft bristles of his fur tickled my cheek.

  I turned to Feradea. “I don’t understand.”

  The Goddess cocked her head to one side. “What is there to understand?”

  “Does this mean I can only shift into the beast or stag now?” How would that work? All my feras had been female until now. Would I literally grow a pair?

  Feradea’s head dropped back, and her bell-like laughter rang out in the crisp air. “Silly child. You can shift into whatever you want. You are no longer restricted by the limitations of your feras.”

  Errr. I glanced at the stag, his presence warm and comforting.

  “The stag will remain at your side. He will fade in and out as needed, and can form fully for others to see, but he is more than another fera. He is a conduit for your transformations and…” Feradea smiled.

  “And?” Geez. Did I even want to know? My mind stretched as if it would burst with one more piece of information.

  “As a manifestation of your power, he is a portal to the other realms. I hope you will visit me, daughter-mine.”

  My head recoiled. Physically whiplashed back as her words hit me. A portal? I cast a wary glance at the stag.

  Feradea smiled. She dipped her chin in a silent goodbye.

  “Wait!” I called out. My hand stretched before me.

  She rose an eyebrow, a silent, “what now?”

  “Does this mean I have to stalk pubescent Shifter teens to dispense feras?”

  Feradea laughed. “No child. Their nature will call the correct fera to them. You simply guard the door and keep the feras company in exchange for immense power and a set of skills unique to only you.”

  Sounded like an unfair exchange, but I didn’t plan on complaining. “Any advice?”

  “Shine, not burn.” With her cryptic words, she disappeared without a puff of smoke or incantation, the space she occupied a second before now sat empty.

  “Shine, not burn,” I muttered. “What the heck am I going to do with that?”

  An eagle screeched overhead and circled with another above the clearing.

  Sonny? Tank? I mindspoke.

  One of the eagle’s faltered. Sonny’s reply came a second later. You can speak to my mind?

  Guess Tank didn’t enlighten him. Yeah, I’m badass.

  Tank cackled in my head.

  Sonny snorted and veered to the east. Well, get your badass back to the boat. Wick called the satellite phone. They found your friends.

  Finally!

  I reached inside and called for an eagle. The new form flowed out fast. Bones condensed, flesh transformed, feathers sprouted. Within seconds, I pumped my broad wings and launched my regal form into the air to join my brother.

  You’ve learned new tricks.

  You have no idea, I replied.

  Though bigger and more powerful than my peregrine falcon form, the eagle lacked the quick maneuvering skills I’d grown accustomed to for flying. A gust of wind caught my large wingspan and toppled me over.

  I squawked and righted my path before veering into a tree.

  Sonny and Tank chortled in my head.

  Shifter girl learns to fly, Tank sang.

  I ignored both of them and pumped my wings until I cleared the tree tops.

  The other two screeched and careened through the air to join me. Let’s fly.

  My soul swelled as I shrieked in response. I peered down into the clearing below. The totem pole no longer stood in the center. Just poof. Gone. The trees around where it had been seemed to close in, forever removing any traces the totem pole existed. Just a memory, a ghost, a whisper of what once was, what could’ve been or what will be. My discarded clothes and backpack sat on the mossy floor below as the only evidence I’d been there.

  Sonny swooped by and cut me off with a playful squawk. I shrieked back at him. We danced in the air flows together, brother and sister, along with Tank, truly united at last.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Kiidk’yaas

  “I am nature, and a lesson of the Haida culture. Look after each other and be generous. Never take more than you need. Enjoy, share and respect the lands and waters that sustain you. Everything I have has a pur
pose. Look after me, and in turn, I will always look after you. Do not look back. There is much more to see, feel and love.”

  ~Plaque, Golden Spruce Trail, Haida Gwaii

  Red, my fox fera, ran down the path like a neglected pet dog, as it led along a calm river to a small open area. Across Yakoun River, what remained of a fallen tree sadly poked out of the surrounding forest and lay along the river bank.

  Tank soared above the trail, choosing to keep his distance from the “yapping overgrown rodent.”

  “What is this place?” And more importantly, why had Sonny stopped here instead of taking me directly to the airport? As beautiful as this path and forest were, it looked no different than the one we ran through every day. I could be sucking back caffeine right now.

  Sonny sat down on a lone bench overlooking the river and the sad fallen tree. “This is where the Golden Spruce used to stand.”

  I frowned. Something pinged in my head. “I remember the story. Some crazy environmentalist cut it down, right?”

  Sonny nodded and ran his hand along the park bench before pointing to the large green sign. I had been too busy taking in the nature to notice the sign. Had there been other signs or plaques along the way, too? Probably.

  I’d definitely lost my edge as an assassin. Something about this place put me at ease, too at ease. Lucky for me, the SRD appeared to have either lost my trail or gave up on retrieving me.

  I read the government sign: “The Golden Spruce once stood across the Yakoun River from this viewpoint. A genetic deficiency gave the tree its golden colour and it featured prominently in Haida lore. The tree was felled in 1997 in a misdirected attempt to protest logging practices in the province.”

  Sadness settled on my shoulders.

  Sonny’s voice interrupted my thoughts. “Our parents loved to come here. It was their favorite place.” He pointed at a nearby tree. Someone had carved “Maggie + Tyler” in a heart into the rough bark.

  Maggie and Tyler.

  Our parents.

  I sucked in a breath. Sonny hadn’t spoken of them much, and I hadn’t asked. With so much emotional turmoil to deal with, I hadn’t wanted to broach the subject, and Sonny must’ve silently agreed.

  Sonny clenched his jaw and looked away.

  Red zapped out of existence. Guess she understood the need for a private conversation, even if the nosey feras eavesdropped all the time.

  We do no such thing, Tank huffed.

  Hah! Just proved my point.

  Tank paused before squawking in my head. You set me up. You thought that at me.

  Shush, featherhead. I want to hear what Sonny has to say. This is important.

  I don’t have to put up with this, Tank muttered. He didn’t, but that’s not why he left. Without explaining his true reasons, I knew Sonny’s fera flew away to give us privacy, too.

  Sonny swallowed and turned to me, the exchange between Tank and me providing him enough time to collect his thoughts. “They used to come here, even before we were born, to run among the trees. Said they felt the spirit of the tree running beside them, and felt one with the forest.”

  “Spirit?”

  “Kiidk’yaas, the child who became the Golden Spruce.”

  I tilted my head.

  Sonny smiled in that annoying, yet knowing, way of his. “It’s not my story to tell. When you return, we’ll visit the elders and you can hear it from them.”

  “You sound so certain I’ll come back.” Of course, I would, but we hadn’t talked about it.

  Sonny nodded. “Besides, I have your mate’s truck. You’ll be back.”

  “For the last time, he’s not my mate.” My mate had died.

  My wolf snuck into my mind and howled her disagreement.

  I winced.

  Sonny shrugged. “If you say so.”

  We shared a smile, and I returned my gaze to the lonely stump across the river. “Who were they? Our parents? Tristan said they were killed because they were Shifters with a prominent position.”

  Sonny’s smile dropped. “They were.”

  I sat down beside him and waited. His body radiated warmth. The wind ran across the river and brought more pine and spruce laden air to us. It brushed our cheeks and ran through our hair, tangling the long strands of mine with Sonny’s.

  My brother reached up, but instead of untangling our hair, he delicately collected the strands and started to braid them together as he spoke. “When the viruses and natural disasters swept the world, our parents helped lead the official outing of the Shifters. They did a pretty good job at educating the public, giving norms reassurance, and stemming the flow of hatred. After their deaths, the Shifter Shankings resumed in earnest.”

  Our hair, now braided together, lay between us. Each ink-black strand blending in with the next.

  “So they were the leaders of the Shifters?” I’d never heard of such a thing, and I certainly wasn’t “princess” material.

  Sonny tugged on our mutual braid. “No. More like the spokesperson. Well, Mom was, anyway. Dad just acted as her man-candy accessory because he hated how her position put her in danger. He wanted to protect her.”

  Sonny let go of the braid. The constant trickle of wind through the trees and gravity worked to unwind it. The sounds of the enchanted forest took over during Sonny’s silence. He thumbed his leather wristband and looked across the sparkling water.

  Sonny’s last words echoed in my mind. Our mother’s job led to her death, and our father’s plan to protect her ultimately failed. They’d been killed in their own home by the very man I mourned. Not Tristan’s fault. He had no choice but to follow his now-deceased master’s orders, but it had taken a lot of soul-searching to get over it and redirect my anger on the correct target. The Master Vampire Ethan wielded Tristan as his weapon of choice.

  My stomach twisted into a complicated knot.

  Our hair unraveled, and Sonny stood. He brushed off his pants and held his hand out to me. “Come. Let’s get you to that flight. We’d better get you some coffee, too. You look twitchy.”

  Rat bastard! He totally nailed it. I grasped his hand, and he hauled me off the bench. Without hesitation, I stepped close and hugged him. Hard. With my face burrowed in his chest against his puffy jacket, I inhaled his pine and sea scent. A calming balm flowed through my body. His arms folded around me and squeezed. Sonny bent his head forward and his long hair fell across my face as a warm, fragrant curtain.

  “I’m going to miss you,” I said.

  “Háws dáng hl kingsaang.” His breath brushed against my ear and he used one hand to stroke my hair.

  “What does that mean?”

  “I’ll see you again.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Into the lion’s den

  “Home is where the heart is.”

  ~Pliny the Elder

  Mel cast me a furtive glance as we drove along the highway toward Wick’s place in Kits. Despite her god-awful driving skills, she wouldn’t let anyone else pick me up.

  “What?” I asked, after the millionth time.

  “Nothing.” She shrugged and pretended to watch the road more attentively. She didn’t fool me. If it weren’t for her fast Were reflexes, her driving would resemble a Monster Truck rally, and we would’ve died five minutes out of the airport.

  “Come on, Mel. You’re furrowing your brows and risking wrinkles. Spit it out.”

  “What’s your brother like?” she asked instead.

  My turn to shrug. “He’s my brother. We’ve been separated for eighty years, almost my entire life.” I drummed my fingers along the door frame. “But I have this feeling. I just know I can always go to him.” My eyes stung. I shifted my weight in the seat and turned to look out the window.

  “Is he hot?”

  “Ew! Mel! He’s my brother. And you’re mated.”

  “Yeah, I know. I’m asking for all the single ladies.” She tried singing the last part.

  I winced. “Yeah, he’s attractive.”

 
; “The girls would love to meet him.” She giggled, and her cheeks flushed.

  I grumbled. What girls? True, I hadn’t met Mel’s coworkers or all of the unmated females in Wick’s pack, but there weren’t many. After meeting Christine, my motivation to connect with more women disappeared a long time ago.

  “So he’s building a resort?”

  “It will be pretty amazing when it’s done.” Although his plans looked beautiful, I couldn’t envision Sonny excelling with the business side of running a tourist lodge—too much of a recluse. I’d swallowed my concerns. This project meant a lot to him and the community. He’d have tons of help.

  Mel smiled and took the off-ramp.

  I slapped my hand out to avoid smacking my head against the window. My breath caught. “Jesus!”

  Mel’s brows dug in more. “Are you planning to go back, after…?”

  “After I mow down every motherfucker in my way to get Ben and the boys?” My blood boiled at the thought. My wolf snuck into my thoughts and growled.

  Her lips twisted. “Such language.”

  “Ugh.” I scowled. “Not you, too.”

  She chuckled and made another turn. Without slowing down. My stomach rolled.

  “Well, are you?” she asked.

  “I can’t exactly go back to my place, can I? Where else would I go?” I tapped my fingers along the arm rest.

  “What about your job with the Vancouver Police Department?”

  My skin grew cold and my breath hitched. I looked out the window at the hordes of vehicles. “Well, that’s probably finished, but even if it wasn’t, I don’t know if I’d go back. Tristan made sure I’d never have to work again if I didn’t want to.” I paused. “I might get bored, though. The VPD offers some entertainment.”

  Mel smiled. “You could have both.”

  “I could.” Maybe.

  Silence swamped the inside of Mel’s white SUV.

  “Mel?”

  She sighed and her tense shoulders dropped down. “Wick has a girlfriend. He’s trying to move on.”

  I gulped. My stomach flipped, and a weird buzzing sensation consumed my mind. Well, what did I expect? Not only did I choose another over him, I grieved the loss of Tristan extensively in front of Wick, pushed him away when he tried to comfort me, and flung insults at him as well. He said he’d move on. I knew he planned to move on. I wanted him happy, and that meant he’d have to move on.