The Darkest Hour: A San Diegan Novel

by S. M. Soto

  “What r u sluts wearing 2nite?” Sam asks.

  “Did you seriously just call us sluts, Samantha? Sometimes I wonder why we’re even friends.” Natalia’s response was lightning quick.

  “But u still love me,” Sam quipped.

  “That’s debatable. Tit punching you when I see you.” I laughed at the image of little Natalia wailing on Sam.

  “Inserting middle finger emoji here.”

  “Sam, you do realize you have an iPhone with a shit ton of emoji’s that you can actually choose from instead of typing it out, right?”

  “Shut up,” Sam responded.

  “Anyway…I’m thinking about wearing some wedges, and this cute floral romper I bought last week at H&M.” Natalia messaged, changing the subject.

  “Yawn. We r going to a club not having tea with the damn queen!”

  “Well what are you wearing then Samantha?”

  “Glad u asked grandma. My birthday-suit.” A smile emoji capped her comment.

  “Samantha Nichole Paisley!”

  “It was a joke!” Sam replied. “Chill out, will ya? Crop top, shorts, and heels.”

  “What’s wrong with my romper then?”

  “Don’t even get me started. Where’s Ohio?”

  I stare at the screen of my phone still giggling at the banter between Sam and Natalia. They are seriously the funniest people I’ve ever met. It still surprises me that they’re best friends.

  “Ohio is here and I have absolutely nothing to wear. And do you seriously have me programmed as Ohio?”

  “Sure do. Me and Nat will be there in 2 hours with clothes 4 u. B ready!”

  “Can it be Natalia’s clothes?” I ask, cringing at the thought of what Sam might choose.

  “NO.” I could almost hear Sam’s emphatic response.

  “I’ll bring clothes for you to look through, Aliza, don’t worry,” Natalia reassured me.

  “Thank you, Nat! No offense, Sam.”

  “Lord help u both.” I was sure Sam was rolling her eyes when she typed that.

  I plug my new iPhone into the wall charger and get cleaned up. I spend extra long while I’m in the shower which is something I haven’t done in I don’t know how long. My normal time spent on getting ready ranges anywhere from a solid five minutes to maybe ten on a good day.

  I brush out my hair and let it air dry, unsure of what else to do with it. I don’t use much makeup so I’m about as ready as I’m going to get. With my smart phone in hand I wait patiently for Natalia and Sam to arrive. The bickering at my front door travels through my house, into my room. Tossing my phone on the bed I make my way to the front door. Upon opening, Natalia and Sam’s arguing gets louder.

  “Dude what’s the big deal? All I did was tell him where you worked and what times no biggie.” Sam rolls her eyes on an exasperated sigh.

  “You know what the big deal is, Sam, so drop it already would you?” Natalia scolds through narrowed eyes.

  Leaning against the frame of the open door, I clear my throat, effectively gaining their attention. I gesture inside, sidestepping so they can pass through. Natalia smiles graciously before entering looking relieved to be done with that conversation while Sam just rolls her eyes again.

  “So, I brought a bunch of my stuff for you to look through. I brought a few heels that I thought looked around your size. Seven right?” Natalia asks.

  Damn, she’s good. I nod my head.

  She’s dressed in an off the shoulder blush romper that hugs her curves. The color only accentuates her olive complexion, and the length showcases her toned legs.

  “Do you have anything else like the one you’re wearing? It looks dressy but not overdone; and guys, I really don’t want to overdo anything tonight,” I say pleadingly.

  Sam groans loudly and Nat just nods her head like she understands completely.

  “I think I have the perfect outfit for you then,” Natalia says excitedly.

  Sam throws her arms in the air dramatically in the ‘I give up’ gesture. The outfit Natalia pulled out for me is perfect. It’s a simple little black wrap dress with a pair of black strappy heels to match. Not sure how I’ll manage walking in them yet, I’m just hoping I won’t trip, and fall flat on my face.

  “Now you just need to finish getting ready so we can get a move on.” Sam says clapping her hands for effect, gesturing to my hair and face. I shift uncomfortably from foot to foot.

  “I am ready. I don’t have any makeup other than a lip gloss–from about three years ago.”

  “You have got to be kidding me…” Sam trails off mumbling to herself while pinching the bridge of her nose in irritation. She begins rummaging around in the large bag she brought.

  “Well, Ohio, you’re in luck because I brought my curling iron and some makeup with me. Be thankful I’m always prepared,” she states proudly, flipping her straight auburn locks out of her face.

  Sam sets up her ‘work station’ in my bathroom before she gets to work. I feel like I’m watching those YouTube tutorials as she walks me through everything she’s doing step by step.

  “For your hair, I’m just going to do loose waves. All I’m doing is wrapping your hair around the curling iron. This gives your hair a more effortless wave, rather than a harsh curl.”

  She quickly finishes up my hair and the final product is amazing. My once lifeless and dull hair looks bouncy and surprisingly sexy. Sam dumps out a bag full of every kind of makeup you can think of on the counter. I’m not even joking.

  “Do you seriously use all of this?” I ask incredulously.

  “Sometimes; makeup is an art, Aliza,” she says defensively, like she can’t believe I would even need to ask.

  “I can go somewhere every day looking like a completely different person. It’s pretty incredible if you think about it. But I also don’t need the makeup to feel good about myself either. I’m comfortable enough in my own skin,” she assures.

  “I won’t be using all this on you, though, so don’t worry. You have naturally beautiful features so you honestly don’t even need the makeup. I’m just going to play up your features a bit. A little concealer, mascara and bronzer for depth, then a little highlight and you’ll be done,” she says with a smile.

  “Highlighter?” I question with raised brows. Sam scrubs a hand down her face.

  “Next thing on our list will be a makeup lesson for you because, Jesus, who doesn’t know what highlight is now-a-days?” I shrug my shoulders and let her get to work.

  I’ve never seen anything come so easy to a person but I can obviously tell this is one of Sam’s passions. By the time Sam is finished with my makeup she’s beaming at me with a proud smile. I hesitantly look in the mirror, completely thrown by the girl staring back at me. I feel like a whole new person. I look like my old self again…but only on the outside.

  The ride over to Gaslamp District isn’t too long. Natalia’s driving with Sam riding passenger and I’m sitting in the back. Being alone in the back seat gives me too much time to overthink. The nervous anxiety is starting to crawl its way up my throat.

  Am I ready for this? Is it too soon?

  So many unanswered questions flow through my mind and I start to feel like I’m hyperventilating. Mr. Walker’s voice flows through my head, reminding me to go out and have fun. Yeah, well, this is me getting out there, and having fun. This is also me trying to do it without having an anxiety attack.

  The air back here in the car is thick, and I struggle to pull breaths into my lungs. The ringing in my ears gets louder and louder as I helplessly look around for some kind of reprieve.

  “I think I’m gonna be sick,” I blurt loudly. Sam whips around incredulously.

  “What the actual fuck, Ohio!”

  Natalia quickly maneuvers through the cars and veers off toward the side of the road turning her hazards on. I hastily throw open my car door and clamber out of the car inhaling deep spurts of air to calm my increasing panic. A soft touch on my shoulder startles me and I squeak, j
umping back.

  “Aliza, what’s wrong?” Natalia asks with genuine concern written all over her face. I bury my face in my hands unable to look at her or Sam.

  “I’m not ready,” I mumble through my hands.

  “Ready for what, Aliza?” Sam asks in a soft voice. Natalia gently pries my hands away from my face. I take a deep breath before forcing myself to open up.

  “I haven’t done anything like this in years,” I whisper, feeling the tears not too far away from leaking out of my lids. I expect to see shocked expressions but all I see is understanding in their eyes and sad smiles from them both.

  “You don’t think we know that?” Sam says soothingly.

  This is the first time I’ve ever seen her take anything serious.

  “Look Aliza, I know we just met you and all, but when we said we were your friends, we meant it,” Natalia says. “You can always tell us no if you don’t want to do something. Sam just wanted us to have a night out together, the three of us getting to know each other outside of work.”

  “We know you haven’t had it easy, Aliza. It’s written all over your face. The first day we saw you at work we knew. I just wanted to give you one night of fun with two friends who will help you forget whatever it is, if only for one night. But if you’re not ready, you have to say something babe,” Sam pipes in.

  I can’t stop the tear that glides down my cheek. Where the hell did these girls come from and who the hell sent them my way?

  I pull my bottom lip between my teeth mulling over what Sam just said. It’s just one night. If I don’t like it, I can never do it again. You can do this, Aliza. You can do this. I wipe the stray tear away and fix my dress. When I look back at Natalia and Sam they are staring at me with unsure expressions.

  “I want to try to forget for one night,” I say.

  Both Nat and Sam share an uncertain look before nodding their heads slowly. The rest of the ride to Gaslamp is quiet, minus Sam asking if I’m okay every five minutes.

  Chases blue eyes cloud my thoughts without permission and I try to push thoughts of him out of my mind all together. I’m letting everything go tonight–including all thoughts of him.

  We arrive at the Onyx room in Gaslamp District a little after eleven o’clock. Bright lights, loud thumping music, and a shit ton of people invade my normally dull senses. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes work can be chaotic, but nothing like this. Crowds of faces blur into other faces, the music around us is so loud it travels through my body vibrating my bones. I’m half tempted to plug my ears just so I can think straight.

  Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.

  We manage to get inside without me having another panic attack. The club is huge, and I’m not just saying that because I haven’t been to anything like this before, it really is huge. Tons of people fill the space of the club and the bar is filled with patrons as well as the dance floor. Bodies move in sync to the thumping beat of the music. Sam effortlessly leads Natalia and me toward the large bar that lines one whole wall and is backlit by a bright neon blue light. Sam’s ‘I don’t give two shits’ attitude is written all over her face, demanding everyone’s attention; aiding us throughout the club with no problems with anyone. People just part for her like the red sea as she guides us through groups of people to reach the bar.

  “What are you drinking, Ohio?” Sam yells over the sound of the music. The bright neon lights flash against her skin making her already bright green eyes more noticeable. I feel Natalia move closer beside me as she places a light reassuring hand on my shoulder. “Hey, if you don’t want to drink tonight, Aliza, that’s fine, whatever you feel most comfortable with.”

  I take a deep breath of the stuffy air around me and mull it over in my head a few seconds before deciding that one drink will help take the edge off.

  “One drink. Whatever tastes good!” I shout back to Sam over the music. She smiles victoriously and squeezes her petite body in between people standing at the bar and gets our order cutting off everyone else in line. There’s a few complaining shouts, but no one does anything about it.

  I nervously wipe my hands down my dress as I look around the club. The flashing strobe lights and colorful lasers reflect off everyone in all directions. The dance floor is nearly overflowing with people who are dancing and laughing, so careless and free of any pain.

  Not me.

  “Here, I think you’ll like this one, Ohio.” Sam thrusts a bright blue drink in my hand, forcing me to take it.

  “What is it?” I shout back over the music with my eyebrows raised.

  “It’s called an AMF.” She yells in between sips of her drink.

  “A what?” I shout over the music.

  “Adios Mother Fucker!” She yells back and I furrow my brows, contemplating how crazy Sam really is.

  Why is she cussing in Spanish? I don’t get it.

  “Just drink it, you’ll like it.”

  She downs the remains of her drink in one gulp and heads back to the bar for more. I shrug my shoulders and take a sip of the liquid courage. It’s sweet, definitely not the worst drink I’ve ever had but it’s still not great. I take a few large gulps and I feel the effects of the alcohol immediately. Warmth builds in my core, and the rambling thoughts in my head start to get foggy.

  I’m such a lightweight.

  My body is now loose and my shoulders don’t feel so heavy anymore. I like it. It’s quiet and numb. Once Sam comes back with another drink we make our way around the club trying to find an open place to sit. We spot a group leaving one of the tables and we rush over before anyone else can take it.

  “So?” Sam yells over the music. She’s on her third drink and keeps singing along to every other song that’s played.

  I scrunch my face in confusion.

  “I mean how do you feel? Ready to dance?”

  I freeze at the word dance. She’s not serious, is she?

  God, I hope not.

  Sam sways in her chair to the beat of music, and I can tell she’s barely containing herself sitting in that chair.

  Okay, I guess she was serious.

  I nod my head giving her the go ahead so we can dance.

  Screw it.

  No Promises by Cheat Codes and Demi Lovato blares through the speakers, and I force myself to get up and follow Sam and Natalia to the dance floor. I trail behind them feeling my nerves and inhibitions start to protest. The floor is crowded with bodies, arms and elbows jolt me mercilessly. Sam and Natalia start dancing to the beat right away, urging me to move with them. My eyes glance around at all the bodies rubbing against each other. Most people are so lost in the music they can’t even tell anyone is looking at them. I need that.

  I inhale a deep breath hoping it’ll center me before closing my eyes. The music thrums around me and I slowly start moving; letting the beat flow through me. Soon, my hips and my feet are moving along with the sound of the electronic beat and Demi’s voice. Each thrum of the bass vibrates throughout my body. A carefree smile stretches across my face as I sing along to the chorus letting all my inhibitions go–just me and the dance floor. I tilt my head back and lift my arms in the air as the music caresses me. When I open my eyes, Sam and Natalia are shout/singing to the song with huge smiles on their faces too.

  The silhouettes on the dance floor touch conspicuously, and sensually. I can feel every one’s body heat surrounding me each time I move. A genuine laugh falls from my lips as the electric beat pumps through my veins. One guy comes from behind Sam, and wraps his thick arm around her waist pushing her flush against him. She doesn’t even seem alarmed or threatened by this. A sinister grin spreads across her face as she grinds her body against his and continues moving to the beat of the song. I catch Natalia’s eye, she just shakes her head at the debacle. She laughs then rolls her eyes. By the time the song is finished I’m out of breath doing everything I can to catch Natalia’s eye. She nods in the direction of where our table was, and I immediately follow. Without Sam leading us we struggle through t
he groups of dancing clubbers back to our table. We plop down at the table trying to catch our breath.

  “It’s crazy out there!” I shout to Natalia who keeps fanning herself.

  “I know. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it this packed before! Are you okay though, is this too much?” She shouts looking worried.

  I shake my head, “I’m fine, I haven’t had this much fun in a long time.” I suck my bottom lip into my mouth evaluating how much fun I had out there.

  Is it fair that I’m still here able to have fun and they aren’t?

  “Nope! None of that Aliza, not tonight. Tonight, is all about letting go and having fun. Just one night,” Natalia pleads with a grip of my hand, pulling me out of those thoughts. I close my eyes against the guilt and nod my head. She’s right.

  Coming out of nowhere Sam shouts, “Ohio’s got some moves!” while slapping her hand against the table. My eyes fly open and dart to her. She’s standing next to the guy she was with on the dance floor who I can now tell is Alex from work…Chase’s best friend. Great.

  “Alex and a few of his friends have VIP tonight, you guys want to come?” Sam asks staring mostly at me.

  I wring my hands together under the table nervously. Will Chase be there? I don’t want to ask and make it obvious. So instead, I smile and nod my head, not having the heart to tell her no. Natalia and I follow Sam and Alex toward his VIP booth.

  My steps falter when I get a good look at the people seated around the booth. I internally groan. None other than Chase, my Chase, is sitting there with two girls fighting for his attention. And one of them is someone I hoped I’d never have to lay eyes on again.

  Erin.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chase looks completely edible in his crisp white button up that’s rolled up to his elbows showing off his muscular forearms, and his black slacks. My hands ball into tight fists at my sides. I’m unreasonably frustrated over the fact that he looks so handsome, and two women are drooling over him—and him alone. Especially one woman in particular who I’ve come to hate. Not just because she’s gorgeous, and hanging all over Chase, but because I can see right through her. She’s the girl that will stop at nothing to get what she wants, no matter who she burns in the process—i.e. me. I’m just as irritated with Chase. He specifically said they weren’t together. What a fucking lie, that was.