shadowland

by Radclyffe

  “Why do you bother with it, then?” Kyle’s question was serious, because she knew Nancy could change things if she wanted to. Her friend had everything going for her—looks, brains, and a strong will. She had never understood why Nancy continued in a life she obviously didn’t find fulfilling.

  “Oh, it has its rewards,” Nancy replied, her tone unconcerned.

  “Sure,” Kyle responded, “that’s why you were out here in a clinch with some—what was he, a med student?”

  “Busboy,” Nancy answered. “And don’t go getting so high and mighty with me, Kyle Kirk. You’re not all that much different from me. We’re both casting about in the dark for something we can’t see.”

  Surprised at Nancy’s perceptiveness, Kyle sighed. “You’re right. Great partners, aren’t we?”

  “We might be,” Nancy said quietly. She carefully slipped an arm around Kyle’s waist. Kyle’s body felt so solid, so good against hers. Why haven’t you ever tried to touch me, Kyle?

  Nancy started to press closer when a male voice called from the darkness, “Nancy? Are you out here, hon?”

  For an instant, Nancy hesitated, then replied. “Over here.”

  Kyle looked up at the man who appeared beside her chair. “Hi, Roger. Sorry, I dragged Nancy away to keep me company.”

  “Kyle,” Roger said in surprise. “I thought you weren’t going to be able to make it. Nancy said you were tied up.”

  “No such luck.” Nancy laughed, slightly drunk, and sat up on the side of the chair. “But she wanted to be.”

  “No, I just had to be somewhere else earlier,” Kyle covered quickly, feeling slightly dizzy when she straightened up. She hadn’t meant to drink so much. “How are you?”

  “Fine, fine,” he said heartily. “Great party, isn’t it, sweetheart?” He looked at his wife uncertainly.

  “Oh, yes, great.” Nancy stood up with practiced care and smoothed the soft material of her clinging dress down over her thighs. “I guess I should go play hostess and check on our guests.” She looked pointedly at Kyle. “You will come in, won’t you?”

  “I’m not really dressed for it, Nance.” Kyle indicated her boots and jeans.

  “Oh, bullshit. You’re the best-looking thing here.”

  Embarrassed for Roger’s sake, Kyle said hastily, “Okay. In a minute.”

  Wistfully, Roger watched Nancy enter the house, then gave Kyle a genuine smile. “It’s good to see you. How have you been?”

  “Not bad.” Kyle wished there was something she could do to help both her friends. But she knew there wasn’t. “Business is good.”

  “I figured. Nancy’s been spending a lot of time at the shop lately.”

  Is that where she tells you she’s going? Shrugging noncommittally, Kyle desperately tried to avoid talking about Nancy with Roger. She had never wanted to be in the middle of their relationship, no matter what she thought of it. And when all the lines were drawn, it was to Nancy that she owed her allegiance.

  “Yeah, well—I guess we’ve all been busy.”

  “Oh, you know how it is.” He tapped her shoulder awkwardly. “Why don’t you come in?”

  “You sure you don’t mind?”

  “Of course not.” He regarded her thoughtfully. “And Nancy wants you.”

  There was nothing she could say to that, and nothing she wanted to think about for long, so she simply grabbed the wine bottle and followed him inside.

  Chapter Nine

  Anne turned at the sound of a key in the side door. When Dane walked in, Anne immediately noted her pale, drawn complexion and the dark smudges beneath her eyes. She looked close to collapsing.

  “Hi. I didn’t expect you today.” Although alarmed, Anne resisted the urge to take Dane by the arm and lead her to a chair. “Things are really quiet. Why don’t you take the day off?”

  Dane slowly headed toward the rear of the kennels. “There are some things I want to check.”

  Anne reached for the cell phone the instant Dane disappeared and hit speed dial. A minute later, she said, “Honey? Are you almost here?...Dane just showed up and she looks...I don’t know...bad.” She sighed with relief. “Yeah, good...Are you kidding? I didn’t say a thing.”

  Five minutes later, Caroline came through the front door. “She still here?”

  “In the back,” Anne said quickly.

  Caroline found Dane by the exit to the outdoor dog runs. Anne had been right. Dane’s face was gray, she was sweating despite the coolness of the room, and her eyes were shadowed with sickness. Carolyn’s heart plummeted but she kept her tone casual. “Hi. I thought you were off today.”

  “Nope.” Dane pulled a heavy jacket off a hook by the door. She knew she sounded abrupt, but she was not in the mood for company. Turning her back to her friend, she shrugged into the padded canvas coat, her stomach churning when pain shot through her shoulders and back. The weight of the material against her sensitive flesh was almost more than she could handle.

  “Dane—” Caroline began.

  “Later, okay? I want to work with Troy some.”

  Without being invited, Caroline followed Dane outside. When Dane led a two-year-old dog into the large training area behind the building, Caroline sat down on the steps to observe. Dane was one of the few in the country certified to train animals in the difficult skills necessary for the dogs to attain Schutzhund titles. Schutzhund training, popularized in Europe as a method of assessing the ability and temperament of working dogs, emphasized obedience, tracking, and protection. The protection training focused on disarmament and containment, and Dane and her dogs were expert at it.

  Dane took the dog, a heavy, well-muscled animal, through some preliminary obedience exercises first. He followed her every move, his calm dark eyes fixed on her face. She had been working with him since he was a puppy, and he had already distinguished himself by earning the Schutzhund I and II degrees. He was by nature an even-tempered animal and had acquired an even deeper level of control by virtue of Dane’s careful training.

  Caroline, watching them work together flawlessly as Dane signaled her desires by silent hand commands, appreciated once again her partner’s expertise. For some reason, though, Dane’s timing seemed off. When she signaled Troy to attack, the big dog growled, propelled himself at her, and clamped his massive jaws around Dane’s padded arm. As he shook his huge head and pulled with his considerable weight, Dane staggered and nearly fell. Seeing the sweat pour off Dane’s face and hearing a grunt of pain, Caroline got quickly to her feet. She doubted she could separate them, and she felt afraid for the first time during a training session.

  She breathed a sigh of relief when, panting, Dane commanded the dog to release. He did so immediately, watching Dane with a clear-eyed, expectant expression.

  “Good boy, Troy, good boy,” Dane gasped. Dropping to one knee, she hugged him and ran her hands over his sleek back. “That’s a good boy.”

  “Here,” Caroline said quietly as she approached with Troy’s lead in her hand. “Let me take him back for you.”

  Wordlessly, Dane nodded. The cramps in her abdomen were so sharp she wasn’t sure she could get up. Her back hurt everywhere that her damp shirt touched, and a sharp, stabbing pain shot through her chest each time she took a deep breath. Gritting her teeth, she forced herself upright and weaved her way back inside. Then she eased the jacket off slowly, dropped it on a chair, and leaned back against the counter to catch her breath.

  “Looks like Troy wore you out,” Caroline observed, acutely aware of Dane’s exhaustion. Something was wrong. “You okay?”

  “Yeah,” said Dane, regaining her composure. She continued to lean on the counter and hoped that Caroline couldn’t see her legs shaking. “Late night. Just tired.”

  “Uh-huh.” Caroline knew that kind of workout shouldn’t have even winded Dane, but she also knew that if she pushed, Dane would just shut her out. Gently, she asked, “When are you going to stop letting Brad get to you?”

  Dane glared at Car
oline and reached into her pocket for a cigarette. Her hand shook as she lit it. She coughed as the smoke seared her lungs, and the pain in her chest escalated. “She doesn’t get to me.”

  “Oh, sure. That must be why you left in such a huff last night.”

  “I just don’t care for Brad’s company, okay? I’m tired of her arrogance and her fucking ego.”

  “It’s been almost three years, Dane.” Caroline wanted to comfort her, but held her place. Dane couldn’t be touched when she was like this, remembering Brad. “Can’t you let it go?”

  “I can’t. Not after what she did.” Dane groaned. She drove me over the edge and then just walked away. No one—no one should do that to someone they love. Or say that they love.

  Caroline needed no reminder of those precarious few months in Dane’s life. She hadn’t been certain that Dane would survive them, but she had, and Caroline would always respect her for that. “You beat her. You beat her at her own game. You made it without her.”

  Dane’s eyes were bleak. “Did I?”

  “You built all this, and she doesn’t even show dogs anymore.” Caroline waved her arm, taking in the kennel.

  “Baron beat her,” Dane said quietly. “This kennel is built on him—and she knows it. Before we bred his line, Brad was the big name around here. Now it’s us.” She shook her head. “But she still thinks she can beat me in everything else.” Maybe she’s right.

  “You mean Kyle?” Caroline asked astutely. She’d seen the way Dane and Kyle had danced—the energy, the attraction between them. She’d seen the way Dane had looked at her, too, and there had been more than lust in her eyes. A stranger might not have noticed, but Caroline had. Dane was much more than just physically attracted to Kyle.

  Dane tensed. “Kyle is nothing to me.”

  “Oh, come off it.” Caroline didn’t even try to hide her exasperation. “What are you so damned afraid of? If you ask me, Kyle is pretty interested in you, too.”

  Dane turned to stare out the window over the counter. She didn’t want to hear this. She didn’t want to even think about it. Not today, not when she’d tried so hard not to feel anything. “She doesn’t know what she wants right now.”

  “You’d better give her a little more credit. She does know what she wants—she just may not be sure who she wants.”

  Dane spun around, her blue eyes flashing. “Well, Brad is the master, right? Who better to show her what she wants!” Another wave of pain rolled through her and her knees buckled. She grabbed the counter for support. “Shit.”

  “What’s the matter?” Caroline cried, moving quickly across the room.

  “Nothing. I’m fine.” Dane closed her eyes and wiped at the beads of perspiration on her face with her sleeve.

  Suddenly, Caroline understood. Oh God, I didn’t think Brad could still do this to her. Heartsick, she smoothed her fingers over Dane’s pale brow. “Oh, Dane. Not again.”

  Spots danced before Dane’s eyes when she opened them, and she feared she might vomit. She was in trouble. “Yeah. I’m sorry.”

  “Never mind that now.” Carefully, Caroline took Dane’s arm and draped it over her shoulders. “Just lean on me. We’re going to my place.”

  *

  Anne checked the rear-view mirror and caught a glimpse of Dane’s face, but she couldn’t tell if Dane was asleep or not. She was slumped in the corner of the back seat, eyes closed, head lolling with the motion of the vehicle. Beside her in the front seat, Caroline stared out the window, her face expressionless. She’d been holding Anne’s hand tightly ever since they’d gotten into the Jeep. Neither had said anything since Caroline had helped Dane into the office and announced, “Close up. We’re leaving.”

  As if feeling Anne’s eyes upon her, Caroline turned, shook her head slightly, and motioned toward Dane almost imperceptibly. Silently, she mouthed, “We’ll talk later.”

  Anne sighed. This is not going to be a good day.

  As soon as the three entered the apartment, Anne went directly into the den and closed the door behind her, affording Caroline and Dane privacy.

  “Is she okay?” Dane asked hoarsely, looking toward the closed door.

  “She’ll be all right,” Caroline replied quietly. “Come on. Let’s get you to bed.”

  Wordlessly, Dane followed Caroline into the guest bedroom, emotionally and physically too exhausted to protest. She hated to admit it, but she needed Caroline’s help.

  “Can you undress?”

  “I’m getting stiff,” Dane admitted, her tone devoid of inflection. She was flushed but shivering. With shaking hands, she unbuttoned her shirt. “If you could just help me with my pants and boots.”

  “I’ll be right back. Sit on the side of the bed.” Mechanically, Caroline walked into the bathroom, opened the medicine chest, and pulled out several jars and bottles. She refused to think about Dane’s pain—the physical or the emotional. It hurt too much to imagine, and she had work to do. When she returned, she deposited the items on the floor by the bed and reached for Dane’s boots. “Where are you hurt?” Her voice was as neutral as Dane’s had been, but her stomach was in knots.

  “Just my back.”

  Just. Oh, Dane. Caroline nodded, averting her eyes from Dane’s bare breasts. She knew how hard it was for Dane to expose herself, physically or emotionally, and she had no desire to make her friend any more uncomfortable. She wasn’t interested in inflicting more punishment. Dane had already taken care of that. As she pulled at the heavy boots, she murmured, “Hold on.”

  “It’s okay,” Dane gritted as she gripped the edge of the mattress. Without protest, she lifted her hips to allow Caroline to unbutton her jeans and pull them off. Sighing in relief when she was finally nude, she collapsed onto her stomach with a soft moan.

  Looking down, Caroline drew a sharp breath at the sight of Dane’s back. The flesh was swollen and discolored from her shoulders to her hips. Ridges of red were crisscrossed with dark purple welts. Thankfully, there were no tears and no bleeding. She pulled up a clean white sheet to cover Dane’s buttocks, which were bruised, but not badly.

  Knees suddenly weak, Caroline sat down on the side of the bed and placed her hand tenderly on the back of Dane’s head, the only place she wasn’t afraid to touch. She couldn’t imagine the discipline it must have required to accept that amount of punishment. “Why did it have to be so damn much?”

  Dane lay quietly, desperately trying to dissociate her mind from her screaming body. “It took that much.”

  “To do what?” Surprised that Dane had answered and able only to think that Dane was too sick to keep her normal barriers in place, Caroline carefully applied a topical anesthetic lotion to Dane’s back. Her ministrations would only help temporarily and would reach only the surface pain, but it would provide Dane with enough relief to sleep.

  “So I could forget.” The slight pressure of Caroline’s hands sent lancets of pain stabbing through her sensitive muscles.

  “Forget what?”

  “Brad’s hands on me.” Dane hesitated. “And...the wanting.”

  Caroline continued to stroke Dane’s back gently, closing her mind to the sight of her friend’s beautiful body in ruins. “What about when you’re with other women? Can you forget then?”

  “Once in a while. With Kyle—” Dane stopped, not having meant to mention her name.

  “Kyle?” Suddenly things made much more sense. “You’ve already slept with her?”

  “Once.” Dane was starting to drift as the pain abated a little.

  “So, Kyle was the one you were telling me about last month?”

  “Yeah. We...just fit. It was good.”

  “Why didn’t you ever call her?”

  “She’s a novice. I don’t want to bring someone else out.” Dane groaned, not with pain this time, but with the absence of it. “I’ve had enough of that.”

  Caroline winced. “You mean like with Anne?”

  Dane laughed as much as her protesting muscles allowed. “Wil
l you stop? Anne and I would never have made it.”

  “Do you want to make it with anyone?”

  “I don’t know anymore. I’m used to the way things are.” She turned her head and opened her eyes. Her vision was clearer. “I meet someone, we do a scene, and then it’s over. It’s easier that way.”

  “Maybe what’s easier isn’t always what’s best.” Caroline hesitated, not sure how far to go. “Maybe if you had someone you could really touch—who could touch you—you wouldn’t need this kind of edgeplay.”

  “I’m afraid I’ll always need this.” Dane sighed and mustered up a smile. “Thanks, Caro. I feel better.”

  “Who is she?”

  “Caroline—” Dane protested.

  “Damn it, Dane. You’re my friend. I love you. Why can’t you tell me who does this to you?”

  Gingerly, Dane rolled over onto her side to face Caroline. “It’s personal—and I asked her to do it.”

  “What about what we share? Isn’t that personal?” Caroline blinked away tears.

  “I can’t.” Dane caressed Caroline’s hand gently. “I’m sorry.”

  “She must be something.”

  “Yeah. A top’s top.” Dane’s voice was at once bitter and begrudgingly respectful.

  Caroline leaned down to kiss Dane’s cheek. “Right.”

  *

  “Hey, you. Wake up.” Nancy shook Kyle’s shoulder firmly. “Come on. It’s after noon.”

  Muttering sleepily, Kyle kept her eyes closed and tried to roll away. “No. It’s the middle of the night.”

  “Wrong.” Smiling, Nancy sat on the edge of the bed in the guest room and leaned down, her mouth close to Kyle’s ear. In a soft seductive purr, she whispered, “Coffee.” She blew in Kyle’s ear. “Mmm. Italian dark roast.”

  Still half asleep, Kyle felt the warm breath steal across her neck and at the same time became aware of a soft weight pressing against her bare arm. Breast. Her stomach gave a pleasant roll. Nice. She rolled onto her back and opened one eye. Full red lips were poised just above hers. Holy shit. Nancy!