“Lolly?” He pulled on the slim ankle with a frown. When nothing happened, he repeated the name and reached down to grab Lolly’s shoulder. He pulled him up, already sick to his stomach of the stupid game.
Water cascaded down the lovely tan skin, but when Lolly’s face emerged, it was slack, with closed eyes and hair clinging to the cheeks.
Dusk kept repeating Lolly’s name as if it were a mantra, and he shook him a few times, patting the cheek. As his panic rose with every split second, he looked back to see if there was a lifeguard around, but of course there wasn’t.
Struck by the notion that he’d never learned to perform CPR, Dusk was torn between looking for help and attempting to save Lolly fast. His skin burned as he leaned down, but the blue eyes flew open, Lolly’s cheeks hollowed, and he spat water into Dusk’s face as if his lips were a fountain.
“Got you,” he said, merrily laughing as if he hadn’t just made Dusk believe he’d knocked him unconscious underwater.
“You ass!” Dusk slapped Lolly’s shoulder, bubbling up with fury. Without the danger in the picture, relief flooded his body along with helpless anger. “That’s not funny!”
Lolly’s eyes rolled even as he slid his arms around Dusk. “Of course it is.”
“I thought you were having a seizure, or drowning, or whatever!” Dusk pushed Lolly’s hands away, too agitated for cuddles, even if they came from the sexiest man alive.
Lolly frowned and wouldn’t keep his hands away, trying to appease Dusk despite not acknowledging that he was at fault. “Oh, come on. Is pretend-fainting such a bad punishment for pretend-drowning me?”
Dusk didn’t even have the words to answer. His heart was rattling, and his mind kept serving up a vision of Lolly’s face all blue. Dead. He didn’t even feel like going to the sauna anymore, so he got up and climbed out of the tub.
He could sense Lolly’s gaze on him, but his lover only spoke when Dusk rushed for the door. “Dusk, come on. It was just a joke.”
“Never joke like that again!” Dusk finally choked out, but before Lolly could answer, the door to the changing rooms slammed into Dusk’s face, as if this situation weren’t agitating enough. “Fucking watch it!”
“You won’t believe who called!” Mage exclaimed in the same moment, only then noticing he’d hit Dusk with the door. He apologized, swiping his gaze over the hot tub behind Dusk’s back and eventually spoke again, when he realized questions weren’t coming as fast as he’d hoped. “The organizers of Boomfest are asking if we can perform on the weekend three weeks from now. That queercore band from Ireland can’t make it, and they need a replacement in the set.”
Dusk blinked a few times, slowly ingesting all that information. The cloud of fear and betrayal dispersed from his heart, replaced by white hot excitement “Hell yes! That’s fucking epic! Have you told Dawn and Sid? Did you hear that, Lolly?”
Lolly left the tub and leaned against its rim with water cascading off his loose hair and down his chest. “That Boomfest?” he asked, licking his lips.
Mage grinned so wide Dusk could see his gums. “The one and only. We have never had a chance to perform for such a large crowd before. And with the coverage in Noise, we actually have a chance to draw an audience!”
Dusk nodded and pulled back his wet hair. “Dully doing its magic?”
Mage patted Dusk’s shoulder and smiled at Lolly. “Sure is. You guys should go out to the hotel restaurant, make it seem casual. I know a group of our fans have spent half their day there.”
Lolly wrapped a towel around his head and approached them slowly clad only in a pair of tight swimming trunks.
Dusk had to take one more deep breath to calm down, but his body still itched with latent anger. “I’ll get you strawberry ice cream, and you can feed me. That would be a good photo-op.”
Lolly was gently twisting moisture out of his hair as he gave Mage a faint smile. “That’s a big opportunity for you guys. But you deserve it. Congratulations.”
Dusk got so wrapped-up in watching Lolly’s toned and tattooed body that it took him a long moment to thank him. He couldn’t even be angry with him anymore, too awestruck by the knowledge that it was in his arms where a guy as amazing as Lolly fell asleep every night.
Mage gave Dusk a brief hug and even patted Lolly on the shoulder. “You guys do some promo, and I’ll join Dawn. He wants to do a movie marathon to celebrate.”
Dusk winced. “That has to be the most boring way to celebrate in the history of rock and roll. I bet Sid’s getting hammered somewhere.” He grabbed Lolly’s hand and pulled him to the door. There was no time to waste.
Lolly grabbed his dressing gown off the hook and dressed quickly so that they could walk back to their room and change. He seemed contemplative and barely said anything on the way to the elevator.
“Are you worried about how quick it’s all moving?” Dusk asked once they entered their room. He started eviscerating his suitcase to find the right T-shirt.
Lolly shrugged, already in a simple outfit of pale jeans and a ripped T-shirt. He gathered his towel-dried hair into the messiest of buns at the top of his head. “I think it will be a good thing for you guys. Lots of exposure.”
“I’ve still been kinda nervous about it all since the coming out interview, but it’s only made good things happen so far.” Dusk had to dry his hair to look presentable for the photos, and there was no way to talk while he was doing that, so Lolly sat in a chair with his laptop and scribbled something as he waited.
His gaze kept drifting to the open window, and for once he didn’t make any witty comments about Dusk, or his hair, or his clothes. In fact, he stayed completely silent for the most part.
It bordered on odd, but everyone had the right to stay quiet once in a while.
Once Dusk was done, they headed for the elevators. “Our fans are waiting, right?” Dusk smiled and rubbed his palms together.
Lolly gave him a little smile. “Yeah. They can’t wait to see all the love.”
“You know what I love?” Dusk asked as they stepped into the elevator. “That it makes people so happy. They are genuinely excited for us.”
The elevator opened, and Lolly grabbed Dusk’s hand, leading him into the lobby. “Of course they are. Two hot guys kissing. Who wouldn’t be?”
Dusk frowned, unsure what to make of Lolly saying it like that, but as soon as they walked into the restaurant, time for overanalyzing shit was out. “I think there’s more to it.” He leaned down and gave Lolly’s ear a gentle kiss, already seeing some of their fans peek out from a booth on the other side of the airy room with large windows that opened into a patio.
“Ice cream, huh? Can I make a bit of mess on your face when I feed you, or would you be pissed off again?” Lolly asked, leading the way through the restaurant. He seemed to have chosen a path that made them most visible to groups of people waiting outside.
Dusk sighed. He hadn’t meant to be mean, but pretending to be dead was really not cool either. He followed Lolly between the many empty tables, staring at his tan nape, and the way his damp hair lay against the delicious skin. “You can. It will be fun.”
“Good, I’ll make most of it then.”
Now Dusk was starting to worry. “Just don’t get it in my hair. It would look like cum.” Would a joke lighten up Lolly’s mood?
“You’re the boss,” Lolly said and looked toward the window to greet their fans. Several people waved back excitedly, and for maximum exposure, Lolly led the way to a booth that was elevated and well lit.
Dusk could only hope Lolly wasn’t about to make some sort of scene. Now that the mood had soured so badly Dusk realized that in all the weeks since he’d met Lolly, they hadn’t had a single fight. They were always so in sync it was difficult to navigate this unexpected tension in the air.
On pins and needles, Dusk ordered them a strawberry sundae.
Heat flushed his back when Lolly smiled at him, as if he hadn’t just been all passive-aggressive. The elegant hand
covered Dusk’s just in time for a flash of light that no doubt came from someone’s camera. “Strawberry. My favorite. It will also go with my hair in the pictures. People will say Dusk likes strawberry.”
Dusk’s heart melted just like the ice cream would soon on his tongue. “He does. Strawberry is his favorite.”
Lolly swallowed and rubbed his fingertips against the middle of Dusk’s palm. Electricity jolted through Dusk’s fingers, making him lean closer, just in time for another camera sound going off close by. “He likes for things to go his way.”
Dusk briefly glanced toward the windows, vaguely aware of two people pretending to casually pass by their table, but all of his attention was on Lolly. He squeezed the warm hand and flipped it to have another look at the pink Statue of Liberty inked there. “But isn’t it great when they do?”
Lolly’s mouth twitched, and he exhaled, suddenly turning toward a small group of people who spread out close to the booth, anxiously waiting to be noticed. “Don’t be shy. You can have a photo with us.”
Dusk’s smile widened. “But no wandering hands on my Lolly.”
“They really want to put their hands on you. I should protect you,” Lolly said, sliding off the sofa, only to park his ass in Dusk’s lap.
“Oh, my God,” whimpered one of the younger people there, rubbing their cheeks. “I love you guys so much. You have no idea how much it means to see gay people be so open with each other in public places!”
Lolly petted the top of Dusk’s head. “I can’t keep my hands to myself. Just look how handsome he is.”
Dusk instantly wrapped his arm around Lolly’s waist, and the sundae couldn’t come at a better time. “Lolly doesn’t understand the power his charm has over people. When I first saw him, it was like one of those Care Bears shooting me with rainbows.”
“Could you repeat that?” asked a pretty young woman, switching on her phone camera.
Dusk laughed and opened his mouth when Lolly served him a spoonful of ice cream goodness. He was such a solid weight in Dusk’s lap, and it only reminded Dusk how much he loved the contrast between Lolly’s cute style and the masculine features.
“What?” Dusk asked once he swallowed. “That Lolly’s charisma overpowered me? That he’s the unicorn that touched me with his horn even though I wasn’t a virgin?” He chuckled and teased Lolly with a pinch.
Lolly have a short laugh and pushed the spoonful of the sundae against Dusk’s nose. The ice cream was so cold he cringed, but then Lolly leaned in and swiped his warm tongue over the sensitive skin, cleaning the ice cream and sauce.
And the fans ate up all the sweetness the same way Lolly and Dusk did the sundae. The chemistry wasn’t a lie, even if played up for the public, so Dusk wasn’t bothered much that they had an audience. If public displays of affection made so many people happy, Dusk was fine to just go with it. It wasn’t like they were doing porn.
Once he and Lolly left the restaurant and headed off, Dusk grinned at Lolly from ear to ear. “I bet they’re all dying to one day find out we have a sex tape.”
Lolly harrumphed and pushed into their room. It wasn’t very large but airy, with pleasantly neutral decor. A fine improvement after staying in old motels with patterns on everything.
Dusk cocked his head. “Um… I’m not saying we should do one, I’m just laughing that they’d love it.”
Lolly sat down on the bed and looked at Dusk. His gaze felt sharp, focused, as if its intention was to cut through Dusk’s skin and see blood flow. “You sure? Maybe you should ask me what my rate is for that kind of thing.”
The question was so mean-spirited Dusk took a step back. “Why would you say shit like that? You were the one who told me you’ve done it once.”
“I don’t know, Dusk. One moment you’re all angry with me, and then you put on a smile for everyone to see how happy we are together. I’m a dancing monkey for your fans anyway, so why would this be so strange?”
Dusk sighed deeply and rolled his eyes. “Is this still about the hot tub? You freaked me out, okay? I’m sorry I lashed out.”
“Of course. Maybe if we went to a public pool you wouldn’t have gotten so agitated. No one can think there’s trouble in #Dully paradise.”
Dusk didn’t like where this was going. “What am I supposed to do? Air our dirty laundry for everyone to see? It’s not a big deal.”
“What laundry? We’re not in a relationship, Dusk. You guys pay me to travel with you and act as your boyfriend. But then again, we act almost the same way when we’re alone. What is this even?”
Dusk was a deer in the headlights. He licked his lips and blinked furiously, confronted by questions he wasn’t sure how to answer. They’d never discussed it. They just were. Wasn’t that good enough? And what was all this talk about money anyway? “I… I mean, it’s… You like me. You’re not just here for the money.”
Lolly got up and started pacing back and forth, in a way that left Dusk frozen to the floor. “That’s irrelevant. Do you even like me, or am I just convenient? This wasn’t in my plans, but this promo-thing for you guys is suddenly taking up my whole life!”
“You were the one to come up with the Instagram idea! How can you ask if I like you? I go bare with you!” Dusk choked out when he finally found his voice. He didn’t know what was happening, but he didn’t like it one bit.
Lolly took a deep breath, balling his hands into fists. “Well, most guys don’t care. And I don’t know what you think. How can I know? You’ve never said anything about wanting to define things, and you take me to those public dates, so everyone sees us. Would I even still be in the picture if it wasn’t for that?”
“I’ve told you a million times that I like you!” Dusk’s body was both hot and cold at once, making it hard to contain the storm of emotions raging inside him. He took a step closer. “Do you hate the publicity? Does it bother you?” Dusk was desperately raking his brain for ways to appease Lolly. The last thing he wanted was to see him hurt. He hadn’t thought that Lolly could ever consider the payment for his company as… well, payment for his company.
Lolly swallowed and leaned his back against the wall. His entire body was stiff as a piece of wood, muscles so tense it seemed like they could tear at any moment. “I don’t know. It’s like half the time we’re playing a game.”
Dusk needed to take a few seconds to process that. “But… that’s our thing. We have a lot of fun with each other either way.”
Lolly clenched his jaw and pushed back his hair. “But we’re acting for other people. Don’t you see that? I barely know what’s real anymore.”
“Are we? I mean what I’m saying…” Dusk felt more defeated with every word that came out of Lolly’s mouth. He took another step closer and reached to Lolly’s hip. The need for a hug was so overwhelming he couldn’t stand being without it, but Lolly’s hands kept him from getting any closer. The blue eyes seemed gray for once, and without their piercing warmth bathing Dusk in Lolly’s attention it felt like the floor was crumbling under their feet.
“I really don’t feel like this right now.”
Dusk swallowed and backed away. The rejection felt somehow different than getting turned down by a stranger he found hot. His Lolly didn’t want to touch him, and it caused his entire body to physically ache.
“Okay,” he mumbled, already desperate to find a way to fix this. If Lolly hated the situation between them, Dusk would go out of his way to change it. “So… what you do with me is acting?”
Lolly let out an aggressive groan and moved his clawed hands to his face. “That’s not what I said. It’s more about having to perform when it’s needed. There’s people, so I have to make the kind of gestures they’re gonna like. Be tamer. Be more freaking romantic. And so do you.”
Dusk took another step back. “I thought we both did that for fun.” This on the other hand, didn’t feel like fun at all.
Lolly exhaled and rubbed his face. “I guess... the marketing opportunities cross into real life too
much. I’m not used to people following me like this.”
Dusk nodded. A new kind of determination was blooming in his chest. He couldn’t let this stuff get between him and Lolly. He just couldn’t. “Okay. I know what to do.”
Lolly’s gaze was on him once again, but there was so much doubt in his expression that it only strengthened Dusk’s resolve to act.
“Do you?” Lolly asked.
Dusk gave him a shaky smile. “Yes, yes. Trust me!”
There was no more time to waste, so Dusk left quickly, set on making things right.
Chapter 10
Abe hadn’t meant to upset Dusk so much, but the more distressed Dusk had been, the more Abe’s brain had screamed danger. He’d felt his jaw lock, his stomach squeeze, muscles getting tighter one by one, but no matter how hurtful Abe had been, Dusk had still pushed for an explanation, only growing more exasperated with each second.
Most people didn’t want to deal with conflict. In Abe’s experience, a few words spoken in the wrong tone could break friendships and send his life into turmoil. And this time he’d let himself go. He’d stopped being wary and looking out for himself by staying so long with the same people. After weeks with Dusk and his friends, after their strange relationship became less about just having a good time and more about being together, he felt cornered by all the nice gestures. Trapped in a cage of kindness and false safety.
It would be easier to just part ways before this whole thing inevitably went sour, before they started hating each other, but Dusk just kept asking questions, as if he really wanted to know where he’d gone wrong.
It was unnerving. It was unfamiliar. It made Abe feel guilty over not being his usual pleasant self.
But Abe couldn’t be responsible for another person’s feelings. He’d never been good at keeping friendships or satisfying people’s expectations. At least when he kept moving around, people whose company he enjoyed didn’t have the time to grow tired of him. They didn’t have to send Abe on his way, because he always left first. But he’d failed himself, he’d forgotten the lessons he’d learned so far, and now he was tied to The Underdogs—to Dusk—and had no idea when the fun fling had turned into quicksand which kept sucking him under, deeper with each day until he wouldn’t be able to breathe freely.
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