More than friends. After all, friends didn't sleep with each other. But friends also confided in each other. I wondered whether or not Gael would consider me a friend, even if we weren't sleeping together.
Maybe if I had resisted him for a little longer I wouldn't be having all these doubts. We would have gotten to know each other without all the sex stuff in between. That was always going to be the elephant in the room that I couldn't ignore. Why had I given in? Gael might have ended up being a good friend, instead of just a fuck buddy.
"The only woman I want is you." That's what Gael had said.
Maybe there really was something more between us.
Chapter 11
The next morning I woke to my phone ringing non-stop. It was all the way across the room. I was warm and comfortable wrapped in my fluffy duvet. It wasn't until the person on the other end had hung up and called again three times in a row that I managed to lumber out of bed. Cerise's name flashed on the screen.
"Gael isn't here," were the first words out of my mouth.
"Shit," she swore, confirming my suspicions over why she had called. "I was hoping he'd be with you."
"Why, what's up?"
"He went and did it again."
My heart dropped into my stomach. "He got into trouble? Cerise, I'm so sorry. He went home yesterday saying he had some stuff to do. I should have gone with him to make sure..."
Cerise cut me off. "No, it's not your fault. He's a grown man. If he wants to do something, he'll do it. I had hoped having someone watch over him would guilt him into behaving, but clearly I was wrong."
"What did he do?"
"Check out the latest photos on his Instagram."
I was as intrigued as I was anxious. Had he punched another member of the paparazzi? Trashed another hotel room? I brought up Gael's profile wondering why on earth he would photograph and broadcast his misadventures for all to see.
All the air left my lungs.
Gael wasn't alone in the series of photos. He was with a girl. They were entwined together, half-naked, bedsheets covering just enough to be risqué rather than pornographic.
It was like a physical blow to my chest. My stomach churned, as if the acid was dissolving me from the inside.
"She's some Instagram celebrity who used to do adult videos or something," Cerise said with a grunt of displeasure. "I guess he wanted to brag all over the internet he banged some porn star."
I swallowed hard, unable to say anything. The photos had hundreds of shares and likes already.
Cerise sighed heavily. "I guess it's not the end of the world. He's an attention whore, but at least he didn't do anything illegal this time. I just wish he took himself more seriously. He's like a little kid acting out, honestly." Cerise paused. "Jessie, you still there?"
I forced myself to speak. "Yeah."
"Anyway, sorry to bug you about this. I wanted to yell at Gael but he's not answering his phone and I thought he might be with you."
"No. Gael's not here."
Apparently Gael was out having the time of his life fucking the brains out of some fucking porn star.
A fury unlike anything I'd ever felt ignited inside my chest. I now understood the phrase seeing red.
"I've gotta go," I said shortly.
"Do you want me to—"
I hung up the phone before Cerise finished talking. Rude, but if I hadn't, she would have been privy to the primal scream of rage that left my throat.
That goddamn asshole.
I had known better. I cursed at myself viciously. I had known better than to get involved with someone like Gael. I'd heard enough things, I'd seen enough things, to know better. And yet I'd let myself fall for him anyway. I'd been goddamn stupid as hell. I'd let him play me, just like he played all those other girls.
No more. No more playing.
I was done.
I decided to call a taxi to take me to work at the youth center early. I was so angry I didn't want to get behind the wheel of a car. I almost called in sick, but furious wasn't the same as ill, no matter how much it made my stomach turn. Besides, I needed something to distract myself. If I sat at home I'd end up letting the anger eat away at me bit by bit. I might as well go in a few hours before my shift, just to give myself something to do.
Seeing the kids with their bright, happy faces helped alleviate some of the anger. It reminded me that not everyone on earth was a narcissistic pathological douchebag liar.
Only one person had that distinction.
After playing jump-rope with a trio of girls for half an hour, I had cooled down. The physical exercise helped calm the storm raging inside me. I could finally breathe again, the tightness in my chest having lessened somewhat.
That is, until a certain someone breezed through the doors with a merry grin of his face.
"Hey Jess," Gael called out with a wave. "You already here?"
I froze in mid-step.
"I didn't think you started until after noon," Gael continued. "Otherwise I would have shown up earlier."
"What are you doing here?"
If Gael noticed the icy cold tone in my voice, he didn't let it deter him. "We haven't signed the record contract yet." He tilted his head and gave me a smoldering smirk. "Don't I still need a babysitter?"
"I'm done babysitting you, Gael. In fact, I'm done with you completely. Get out."
Gael looked taken aback. "Uh. What?"
"Turn around and get the fuck out."
His eyes went wide as they darted side to side. "Whoa, watch the language. There's kids around."
"I don't care. I want you gone."
His confusion was evident. "Jess, what's up with you?"
"What's up with me?" I seethed.
I marched over and grabbed his arm, dragging him out the doors of the youth center so I could swear at him properly. We reached the sidewalk and I flung his arm away, pushing him several feet away from me. I didn't want him anywhere near me.
"What's up with me is that I let my guard down and fell for your asshole tricks."
Gael should have gone into acting, not music, because he still looked utterly bewildered. "Look, if you just calm down and explain—"
"Don't you tell me to calm down," I snapped. "I saw your photos on Instagram. You and that girl."
Instantly, understanding dawned on his face, followed immediately by a chagrinned look. "Look, about that. Let me explain."
"No. There's no explanation. You fucked a porn star and put it on the internet for everyone to see."
"She's not a porn star, she's a cam girl—"
"I don't fucking care what she is!" I cried. "You've been sleeping with me for weeks! You told me I was the only one you wanted! And then last night you go out and fuck some other woman?" Angry tears sprung into my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. "You're a pig. I want you gone. Now."
"Jessie, it's not what you—"
"Not what I think? Right. You just tripped and fell naked into her bed, is that it? You accidentally took the photos? You just happened to tap the post button and share them with the world without meaning to?"
Gale held my gaze for a moment before looking down at the ground. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I wasn't thinking."
"I can see that," I said, biting and sharp. "All the blood that should be in your brain must have been somewhere else."
He still wouldn't meet my eyes. Good. I wanted him to feel ashamed.
"I never want to see you again."
I expected him to protest. To try and explain himself again, even though nothing he could say would ever be explanation enough. Instead, he met my eyes briefly, no doubt taking in the hurt and anger. He nodded. His own eyes were pained. I steeled myself against it. He had no right to be upset in all this.
"Okay," he said softly. "I'll leave."
"Good," I bit out. "Have fun with your cam girl."
I stormed back inside without glancing behind me, slamming the door to shut him out. One of the ten year olds I'd been pla
ying jump-rope with stood in the foyer.
"Jessie, I heard you say a bad word," she said, wide-eyed. "You need to go sit in the time out chair."
I let out a choked laugh, the few tears that had been welling up in my eyes falling down my cheeks. I wiped them away quickly and took a deep breath.
"You're right," I told her. "Why don't you keep me company?"
"That's against the rules."
And you always follow the rules don't you? Gael's voiced echoed in my head.
I blinked back more tears. I'd forgotten about my rule. I'd set it aside for Gael. Against my better judgement, I'd let him get under my skin.
I wasn't going to let that happen again.
Chapter 12
I decided to head to Walt's after my shift at the youth center. Not because I had to work. I was off that day. I wanted to drown my sorrows in alcohol. Maybe not the best coping method, but it was the best one I had. It was either cry into my beer or trash my apartment in a fit of anger. I didn't have enough money to replace all my furniture.
Walt kept giving me concerned looks, but didn't say anything. He wasn't exactly the cry-on-your-shoulder type. He did watch out for me, though. When one of the other bar patrons began to ask where my other half was, Walt slammed the guy's freshly ordered beer on the table with a grunted shut your face. No one asked about Gael after that.
I was on my third drink when Natalie and Morris walked into the bar. I should have hidden myself in the corner. I didn't want to deal with anyone at that moment. I probably wouldn't want to deal with anyone for weeks. That was how long it took for a broken heart to heal, right? I hoped to god it didn't take any longer than that. It felt like I was bleeding out of a gaping hole in my chest. Dramatic, but accurate.
Natalie noticed me right away and bounced over for a hug. She stopped when she saw the pile of beer bottles at my elbow.
"Hey Jessie. You on your break?"
"Not working today," I mumbled.
"Oh. Just here for a drink then?" she asked carefully, eyeing me.
"Yeah."
She seemed to dither for a moment, looking back to Morris with a helpless shrug. He came over and pulled out a chair.
"Mind if we join you?" he asked in his usual low, quiet tone.
I wanted to snark, it's a free country, but Morris and Natalie weren't the ones who had hurt me. I knew I shouldn't lash out at them.
"Sure, make yourselves at home." I gestured to the free seats and returned to hunching over my beer.
"You okay?" Natalie asked as they took their respective seats at my table. "Something happen?"
"Nope. Everything's cool."
She and Morris shared a look. One of those couple's looks, where they speak without talking.
"I don't see your shadow hanging around anywhere," Natalie noted.
Shit. How did she pinpoint the cause of my angst so quickly? Did she know? Did everyone know?
"Gael's a big boy," I said into my beer. "He can take care of himself."
"According to Cerise he can't," Morris said. "He's gotten himself into trouble again."
"Right. Those photos."
"I was talking about his rehearsal space."
"What about it?"
"Seems he went in there and trashed it."
I froze with my beer halfway to my mouth. "What?"
"Yeah. He went nuts, busting up the furniture, breaking some of the windows."
I gaped. "Why? Why would he do that?"
Morris shrugged. "Cerise says he's got a bug up his ass about something."
Yeah, probably mad that his current hook up turned him down. I was sure he wasn't used to that. He was used to girls throwing themselves at him.
Too bad for him. He could find someone else to fuck on the regular. Maybe that cam girl friend of his. It certainly wasn't going to be me. Not anymore.
"The only reason his ass isn't in jail was because Cerise convinced the building owner not to press charges," Natalie said. "He has some kind of thing for her. Otherwise Gael'd be in real trouble."
I grunted. "Not my problem anymore. They're signing that contract soon. Then he can go on rock star, ego-fueled rampages all he wants."
"Maybe not," Morris said.
"What? Why?"
"Record label was disappointed with their last concert."
I squinted at him, confused. "But the place was packed."
"There wasn't much chatter online about it afterwards," Natalie said. "The label wants to see more buzz. Cerise is going nuts over it. She called some kind of band meeting. Says they need to step up their game."
"Gael's got people noticing them," Morris said.
I snorted. "Yeah. Cerise was pretty mad about that."
"I don't know why she's so upset," Natalie said with a shake of her head. "She's always freaking out about how they need more attention. Gael's antics get everyone talking."
"Cerise never used to care about that stuff," Morris said. Although they had been childhood friends, Morris and Cerise had only recently reconnected. It seemed he had noticed the same changes in her Gael had. "Now it's all she thinks about."
"People change," Natalie said with a shrug.
People change. We're not teenagers anymore.
That's exactly what Gael had said before, when we were in the car on the way to his concert. He'd said Cerise had changed. That she played the part of the bad ass rock chick on stage.
He'd said they all had their parts to play.
A thought occurred to me, triggering something beneath all my righteous wrath. Cerise and her freak outs. Gael trying to protect her. His always acting out.
What part did Gael think he had to play?
Chapter 13
I spent the next morning sleeping off my hangover. It had been too long since I'd had that many drinks in one night. My body wasn't used to it. Either that or I was getting old.
When I finally dragged myself out of bed, it was after noon. I showered and dressed. I dithered around the kitchen, then the living room, trying to find something to occupy myself with. I gave up and ended up sitting on my sofa, moping.
I didn't have work that day. The plan had been to go with Gael to one of his rehearsals. Clearly that wasn't happening.
I fought with myself not to look at his Instagram again, but it was a lost cause. Something had been bothering me. A little thought in the back of my brain that wasn't fully formed yet.
I pulled out my phone and scrolled through Gael's photos again, cursing myself the entire time. I didn't know why I tortured myself like this.
Something stood out to me this time, though. Something wasn't quite right about the photos.
Who was holding the camera? The pictures didn't have the right angles to be selfies. It almost looked like someone outside the frame was taking the photos. Did Gael hire some photographer to take the pictures? Why?
I sat there, frowning at my phone, for god knows how long, trying to put all the pieces together.
A knock at the door jolted me out of my thoughts. I didn't have a peephole. Maybe it was Natalie coming over to see how I was doing. No matter how much I'd tried to play it off, she no doubt sensed something was wrong.
I opened the door. Gael stood in the doorframe. He was as gorgeous as ever, soft hair falling over his forehead, tousled and unkempt. It made me want to brush it out of of the way. His blue eyes shone brightly, a glimmer of hope lighting up his face.
I slammed the door shut.
"Jess. Please."
Those were the only words out of Gael's mouth, quiet and almost pleading, muffled behind the shut door. I contemplated for a moment. I opened the door again.
"What?" I made sure to keep my voice terse, not allowing any of the hurt I felt inside to bleed out.
"Please let me explain."
"How exactly are you going to explain why you fucked another woman right after telling me—" I cut myself off sharply. Gael had led me to believe I was special. That he honestly cared for me.
And I'd b
egun to care for him too. What an idiot I was.
"It's not what you think. I promise. I didn't sleep with her. I didn't even touch her."
I scoffed. "You were naked in bed together."
"Just look at the photos. Please."
I scrutinized him warily. Keeping one hand on the doorframe, I used the other to pull out my phone and examine the pictures again.
After a few moments, I had to concede that Gael was right. As wrapped up as he and that girl were, they weren't actually touching each other. Not intimately. They weren't kissing. Their hands weren't in inappropriate places. No naughty bits were bumping up against each other.
"Can I come inside so we can talk?" he asked quietly.
I growled, but backed away, letting him step through the door before closing it behind me and leaning against it. I didn't know why I'd even let him in. Maybe I just wanted to listen to him grovel. Not that I was planning on taking him back, no matter how much he begged and apologized.
"I'm sorry."
"Not good enough," I said shortly.
"I wasn't using my head."
I scoffed. "You mean, you were thinking with your small head."
He cracked a small smile. "You want more proof it's not small? All you have to do is ask."
Despite my best efforts, my lips almost twitched into a smile. I pressed my lips together firmly before that could happen.
"Listen," he began, his bright eyes earnest. "I never meant to hurt you. Honestly, I wasn't even thinking about how this would affect you. I didn't think you'd even find out."
My eyebrows nearly lifted off my forehead. "You didn't think I'd find out? You posted it on the internet! Fuck, Gael, what the hell is wrong with you?"
His mouth twisted into a frown. "I know. I'm a fucking asshole who doesn't think things through. But I honestly thought it would help."
"Help?" My face contorted into what I assumed must have been an are you fucking high right now? expression. "In what universe is what you did helping anything? Unless you wanted to break up with me without telling me to my face," I bit out.
"That's not it at all. I just—" He ran a frustrated hand through his hair, messing up the strands even more. He looked at the floor as he spoke. "Cerise was freaking out and that music label was beginning to change their minds and I knew my sister would go off the deep end if it fell through and—"
Begging for Bad Boys Page 94