“All right, that’s fine.” Probably wouldn’t go as well with her Pasta Carbonara, but no big deal.
Sophia planned to get busy cooking as soon as she got home, but Riley tackled her when she walked in the door and kept her busy for an hour. She jumped out of bed and showered, threw on some clothes and started a pan of boiling water for the pasta.
“She’ll be here any minute.”
“She’ll understand,” Riley said, slipping his arms around her waist.
“More than you know.”
Nikki arrived right on time, naturally. “Hey, y’all! Brought you some beer.”
Sophia introduced her to Riley, who had showered and wore his cargo pants and a thin and worn Marines t-shirt.
“I’m running a little bit late,” Sophia apologized.
“Of course you are.” Nikki grinned at Riley.
He thanked her for the beer and took it into the kitchen.
An uncomfortable silence followed. Sometimes Riley wasn’t great with new people. His nature was to be initially suspicious of everyone, she’d learned, probably due to his choice of profession. He tended to get quiet and introspective at the most inopportune times. Sophia tried to make up for the quiet by talking too much, as usual.
“David is in the Army. Remember? I told you that, Riley.”
“Yeah,” Riley said.
“Yep, that’s my David. A pussy Army boy. But what can I say? I just love the big dolt.”
Riley quirked an eyebrow but didn’t say a word.
“She’s kidding!” Riley probably didn’t get Nikki’s strange humor. Sophia didn’t either sometimes.
“Sure I am,” Nikki said.
Sophia couldn’t believe how incredibly nervous she was to have a guest in her house. But she’d never entertained as part of a married couple. “I need to finish up dinner. Riley? Why don’t you take Nikki in the garage and show her your Harley?” She knew how proud he was of that bike. Maybe he’d say more than two words to Nikki.
“A Harley? Wow. I love motorcycles,” Nikki said.
“So do I!” Yet another thing she and Nikki had in common. They seemed to find a new thing every day.
While Riley and Nikki were in the garage, Sophia finished up dinner. Her favorite dish and she already knew Riley liked it. Both he and Nikki would lick their plates clean when she was done with this meal. She added garlic, pancetta and white wine. A few red pepper flakes. Separated her egg and stirred the yolk with water to temper. The pasta she’d set to boiling earlier was ready so she drained it and threw it in the sauce. Added the egg mixture and big handfuls of parmesan cheese. It was Mama’s favorite recipe, and now Sophia’s. She would share it with her husband and new best friend. Tonight she could pretend she was home and back at the restaurant for a little while, enjoying good company and good food. Food was love and tonight they’d both understand how much they each meant to her.
Sophia opened the door to the garage. “Dinner is served!”
Nikki stood near Riley, who looked mighty pissed. Hopefully she hadn’t made another disparaging comment about her Army husband, because Riley hadn’t seemed to find it funny. Before she could ask what was wrong, Riley closed the distance between them and pulled Sophia into his arms. He kissed her long and hard right there in front of Nikki, putting his hands on Sophia’s ass and squeezing.
“Baby,” Sophia said shyly when he broke the kiss. “We have company.”
“I don’t care,” he growled.
Sophia took a look at Nikki, who had the slightest little smirk on her face, a look Sophia had never seen before. She was uncomfortable as they all made their way into the kitchen. It took roughly a year for dinner to be over, and the entire time Riley wouldn’t stop kissing Sophia and squeezing her ass every chance he had. Which, to be honest, was not the norm for him in public.
Finally, Nikki made her excuses, skipping dessert because she had to get up early to meet her family. “Merry Christmas and thanks for everything.”
“I’m sorry,” Sophia whispered at the door. “He’s not usually like this.”
“It happens sometimes. When they come back after deployment. They get a little weird, but if I were you I wouldn’t exactly complain.” And there was the smirk again.
The door shut and she turned to see Riley, sitting on the couch as though he didn’t have a care in the world.
“What was that about? You were rude to our guest.”
“Because I wanted to kiss my wife?”
“And squeeze my ass and grope me in front of her. It’s not like you, and you have to know that Nikki is lonely. Did we have to shove it in her face like that? I feel bad for her.”
“Sorry, but I don’t like her.”
“You don’t like her? She’s just like me!”
“She’s nothing like you.”
Now that was just plain weird. Everyone noticed how much alike she and Nikki were, but it occurred to her that her own husband would clearly see the differences between them. And that made her heart feel warm and squishy inside.
“The mean stuff she says about her husband? That’s just her way of blowing off steam. It’s a joke. She’s being funny.”
“Right. It’s funny.” Riley’s expression showed he clearly disagreed.
“You don’t think so. I get it.”
“I don’t trust her, and you shouldn’t either.”
“She’s my only friend. And I need someone to hang out with when you’re gone.”
Riley’s eyes softened. “C’mere.”
Sophia joined him on the couch and straddled his lap. Staying mad at Riley never lasted long. The longest time on record had been ten whole minutes. She leaned her forehead against his.
“I still love you.”
Riley squeezed her wrists. “I’ll apologize to her if that’s really what you want.”
“That would be nice.”
“Right now I need to tell you a bedtime story.” He grinned, positioning her face so that her lips were a breath away from his.
“I have dessert,” she said against his warm lips.
“Later. Much later.”
Chapter 11
Riley never apologized to Nikki. He never had the time. The next week rushed by and Sophia saw her man off again. She and Nikki fell back into their usual routine and never talked about the awkward dinner again.
But a month later, Nikki didn’t show up for her shift at the diner and no one had heard from her. Billy Jack was pissy, then worried when Nikki didn’t even respond to Sophia’s text messages or phone calls.
“Go see if she’s all right,” Billy Jack said and let Sophia off early.
Sophia drove to the other side of town where Nikki lived in a little one-bedroom condo. She knocked on apartment number 204 three times. Four times. Five times. Texted that she was at the door and unless Nikki wanted to be reported as a missing person she should answer it. Nikki finally opened the door and let Sophia inside. The apartment was dark, and all the blinds shut. A sink full of dirty dishes and pieces of glass and broken frames lay all over the floor.
“What happened in here?”
“I’m not coming to work. Ever again.”
“Why not?”
“David is dead, the bastard.”
“W-what? No, he isn’t. Are you sure?”
“The stupid officers were here this morning to tell me. I cussed them out.”
Sophia couldn’t speak. David. Sweet David, gone. Both of their men were supposed to come home safe. Riley, then David. Sophia had it all worked out in her head. Someday they’d all be friends and laugh about how Riley didn’t like Nikki the first time he met her. Sophia had to do something familiar. She also had to help Nikki in some small way. She’d lost David, the love of her life. Without much thought and mostly on autopilot, Sophia made her way to the sink and turned on the faucet.
“Don’t! I want to keep it dirty in here.” Nikki wrestled a dish out of Sophia’s hands and slapped it to the ground where it shattered.
> “Why did you do that?” Sophia bent to pick up the pieces.
Nikki hauled Sophia up by the shoulders and slapped her face. “Get out! Your husband is still alive only because he’s a Marine. You know what they are, don’t you? Killers! How do you like being married to a killer?”
“Don’t say that! Riley would never—” Sophia stopped herself. Never what? Never kill someone? She’d never asked him, and they didn’t talk about it.
“David was a sweetheart. His biggest problem. The asshole couldn’t keep himself alive!” Nikki pushed Sophia, who nearly lost her balance and fell to the floor.
Sophia had never been hit or pushed so much in her entire lifetime as in the last five minutes. She told herself it made sense that Nikki was lashing out at Sophia, someone who had been so much like her until this morning.
Now they were separated forever by a heartbreaking difference. Wife and widow.
“Stop hitting and talk to me!”
“No!” Nikki kicked the kitchen table and threw another plate on the floor.
Sophia had never been around this kind of violent fit and she considered leaving, but when Nikki began sobbing with loud wails, they tore at Sophia’s heart.
“He’s gone, he’s gone…” Nikki cried from her bedroom.
Maybe because of all the noise and screaming, a neighbor came to the front door. “Should we call the cops?”
“No.” Sophia explained what had happened.
“Oh, the poor thing,” the woman said. “David was a good guy. I’ll call her parents. She needs them now.”
Why hadn’t Sophia thought of that? If Riley was gone, she’d want— no. She wouldn’t allow herself to have the thought. It couldn’t happen. Not Riley. Even Nikki said he’d stay alive because he was a Marine. So at least she had that to hang on to. At the moment, it felt like a thin unraveling thread but she’d take it. Sophia couldn’t leave the apartment until someone had arrived for Nikki, even though she mostly ignored Sophia. She wouldn’t speak to any of the neighbors who came over to bring food, to see if she needed anything, until her parents showed up. Nikki rushed into her father’s arms and the sobbing began all over again.
Late that night alone in her bed, Sophia heard the sound of Nikki’s wails bouncing and echoing in her mind on repeat, like the cries of a wounded and dying animal. She couldn’t sleep wondering how she’d ever thought that Riley would be okay. How had she fooled herself into thinking that he would always come back to her? Nikki’s loss was real and personal. David was gone. This was war and she could lose Riley at any moment. Thinking positive thoughts wouldn’t stop a damn bullet or a bomb.
And suddenly she understood why her family wanted her to wait. It made sense that Daddy-o didn’t want her to be a young widow. What she wanted, what she needed more than anything was Riley’s strong arms around her telling her the way only he could that everything would be all right. But that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. Then she flashed back on the memory of Riley telling her what he wanted her to do should anything ever happen to him.
He was ready. He had understood what he was up against, and she’d—she’d been an idiot.
Sophia never heard from Nikki again. She moved and never once returned Sophia’s calls. No email, no text. As if their entire relationship had been as temporary as an enlisted man’s assignment. Sophia felt abandoned for the second time in her life. After Nikki and David, Sophia changed tactics and stopped acting like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.
Her husband was in a war zone.
Mrs. March continued to pray. “I’m praying for you, too, sugar. Why not eat a hamburger? You look so thin.”
“Don’t pray for me. I’m good. If you would just double up on Riley. God doesn’t need to worry about me and I don’t want to take up too much of his time.”
“But—” Mrs. March said before Sophia walked away to her next customer.
She made little bargains with God: if she went to Mass every Sunday without fail he wouldn’t take Riley away from her. She lit candles for Riley at St. Jude’s and sometimes drove across town to Holy Spirit to light more candles. She prayed to St. Jude, the patron saint of lost causes and of course St. Michael, for extra coverage. It turned out that Mrs. March was a Baptist, which was the best news Sophia had in a long time. They now had God surrounded on all sides. The Protestants and the Catholics. He had to listen!
And finally, he did.
Riley came home to her once again on a late spring day when the sun shone brightly in the open North Carolina sky and all seemed right with the world. They talked about David, and Riley, who didn’t even like Nikki, said he was so sorry. He held her while she cried more tears even though she was sure there shouldn’t be any left. He took her to bed and made love to her and promised he’d never leave her.
And Sophia believed him on one level, mostly because Riley wasn’t supposed to be deployed again. Or at least, not for a long time. Unless he volunteered, which would be crazy. He would have a longer dwell time now, at least seven months if not longer. And the news said the war in Iraq was ending. Troops were pulling out. Maybe they could finally have a child. If she had a baby, she wouldn’t be so alone all the time. She’d have something that was all hers and no one could ever take away.
She brought it up again at a late dinner once he’d been home for a few months. Riley was training in the field which meant that at least he came home to her every night, even if it was usually quite late in the day.
Again, she got right to the point just like she did back home when she had big news. “I want a baby.”
“We already talked about this.” He set his fork down.
“But it’s different now.”
“We’re still not ready.”
“You mean you’re not ready.” She stood and carried her half empty plate, letting it drop into the ceramic sink, the sound clattering through their tiny kitchen.
“What are you doing? You’re not done eating.”
“Now you’re going to tell me how much food I should eat? No, Riley. You don’t get to control everything!”
He sighed and closed his eyes. “Wait. Baby, listen. You obviously haven’t been eating enough.”
“Because I’m not hungry. And stop changing the subject. Baby.”
He shoved a hand through what little hair he had left after his most recent buzz cut. “So I’m supposed to ignore the fact that you’re at least ten pounds lighter than you were when I left? After Nikki and David—”
“We’re not going there. You can’t make all the decisions for our family. You have to give me something! I have nothing, not even you. You’re gone all the time and at least if I had a baby—”
“A baby isn’t something you have because you’re lonely.” He spoke quietly, the words achieving a cutting effect on her.
She spoke through the thick ball stuck in her throat. “No, a baby is what two people want when they love each other.”
He stood up, nearly knocking over his chair. “Stop it. You know I love you. That’s not what this is about.”
“Then what is this about? Why don’t you tell me since you know everything.”
The argument quickly escalated into the worst they’d ever had. At the start of their relationship, he had been in charge of everything. But now she’d survived nearly a year as his wife, alone and managing. Maybe not well, but she’d grown up. She could take care of a baby while Riley was away training. It wasn’t like she was raking in the money at the diner anyway. And she was tired of watching all the wives with their precious children and babies while she had nothing. It seemed fine with the other Marines who were out on lengthy deployments that their wives kept popping out babies. Mrs. Kirk next door was on her third and only four years older than Sophia.
Sophia was prepared to fight and win this argument, but then Riley took her in his arms, the look in his eyes so gentle and so warm she suddenly wanted to cry instead.
“Don’t do this,” he whispered in her ear, his arms tightening a
round her waist. “We’ll have a baby someday. Lots of them. Just not right now.”
“But you’re not going to be deployed again and the war is ending. Right?” she whispered back.
That’s when she’d seen the last red flag. The dark and closed-off look in Riley’s eyes, where he wouldn’t quite meet hers. The one where he didn’t answer her direct question.
“Right?” She pulled away from him, dying a little inside. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“Babe, don’t have a fit.”
Oh God, no. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. He was supposed to stay with her and be safe. All those prayers and candles to get him home. “You didn’t—please tell me you didn’t.”
He looked her straight in the eye while he tore her heart out. “I volunteered for another deployment.”
He was still talking, but Sophia didn’t hear much after that. Instead, she picked up a plate from the sink and threw it at him. He ducked and she missed him. Tried again. Missed him again. He was stealthy, dammit. She didn’t know how she could love him so desperately and yet hate him at the same time. Worse, for the first time in her life she couldn’t breathe no matter how hard she tried to draw in a deep breath.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Riley was at her side, because she’d fallen to her knees and clutched at her neck.
She couldn’t answer him. She was dying, her punishment for being too needy, for loving him too much, for wanting him to for once be hers and hers alone. God was punishing her. America was punishing her. Command was punishing her. Hell, there was probably a long line of people who wanted to punish her. She should be happy and proud that her husband was a hero. Instead she wished he would take a job as a mail-man. It was because she was a selfish person, that was why. She wanted him to stay alive and it was just asking too much. Now God had cut off her breathing to reward her.
“You’re okay,” Riley said over and over again. “You can breathe. Just slow down. Feel my breaths and copy me.”
He pulled her to him, her back to his chest, his hands on her, rubbing and soothing. Eventually, she felt his steady breaths and somehow managed to follow their pattern.
Forever with You (Starlight Hill Series Book 5) Page 13