“I wish she was here right now. I’d kill her.”
“It was a long time ago.”
“Not long enough.”
“Do you want to leave? We don’t have to stay here. Let’s go home and talk.”
Sure, because people were beginning to stare. And Sophia was having a tiny bit of trouble breathing. “I just—I— why? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Her breaths were coming in far too fast and short again, too unsteady. She was a rocket getting ready for take-off. Ten, nine, eight, seven … holy crap, she hadn’t felt this short of breath since… oh, approximately six years ago give or take. Before she realized what was happening, Sophia felt her body being pulled out through the crowded sea of people, a strong hand on the small of her back. Patrons stared at her in concern. Some of them familiar faces, some not.
At the door, Frances Sanchez, the owner and an old friend of Sophia’s father, stopped her. “What’s wrong? Are you okay, honey?”
Sophia nodded. She would have answered but she would need more breaths to do that. Right now she had to conserve or she wouldn’t have enough oxygen and then she would die. She felt certain of this.
“She’ll be fine. We’re leaving.” This was from Riley, who continued to guide her outside.
Then she stood next to Riley’s truck and in his arms where he held her back tightly against his chest. “Slow down, baby. Deep even breaths. Like mine. Feel my breaths. You’re okay.”
Sophia let out a strangled sob. She felt humiliated to be in this state again, especially in front of him. Weak. Helpless. She was stronger than this now, far better than this. As he had once before, he wouldn’t let go until her breathing slowed, partly in response to his own steady, even breaths.
Then he turned her around in his arms to face her. “Better?”
No, she was definitely, without a doubt, not better. But she could breathe now, and that was what he meant. She nodded. “Did you … and Nikki?”
His brown eyes shuttered, and she hated the hurt in them. “Hell, no.”
She nodded, sorry she’d asked. Dumb question. Right, right. He’d hated Nikki the day he met her. It was easy enough back then to believe it was the war. The war made him hostile and unfriendly. Now she knew exactly why. She remembered the way he’d walked right up to Sophia in the garage and kissed her with a boldness that had taken her back. He’d been showing Nikki then in no uncertain terms that he was taken. Not interested. He was punishing her as well, a fact that had once made Sophia upset. He’d been fiercely loyal to her, the best friend she’d ever had. When it came to Nikki, he’d had Sophia’s back. He’d always had her back.
Without putting much more thought behind it, Sophia’s arms circled Riley’s neck and she reached up to kiss him. She meant the kiss to be tender and loving but it quickly turned hot and needy. On her part. He responded, but took her lead, never pushing for more than she wanted to give him. She finally managed to pull back and stare up at him, trying to recover her equilibrium.
“Not even if you beg.” He grinned.
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
“No. What happened was bad enough. I didn’t want to add to it.”
“I know why you didn’t, but you should have told me.”
His forehead rested on hers. “I should have. But she was your only friend and you didn’t want to hear it. Remember?”
Oh, how she remembered. Riley had wanted to see an old friend and they took a two-day trip to Charlotte. He took her camping and fishing (her first time). They didn’t get back until the day before it was time for him to leave. He never saw Nikki again.
Sophia stepped back. “And I wanted you to apologize to her!”
“I never would have. She was a shitty friend. I’m just sorry it ended the way it did.” He got quiet then, and she knew they were both thinking about David. About another time in their lives when they’d both been so afraid of what they too might lose that they’d clung to each other all night long.
“Let’s get you home.” Riley opened the passenger side door to his truck and she climbed in.
“I’m sorry I ruined dinner.”
“You owe me.” He grinned and pulled the truck out of the parking lot.
It would be nice if she didn’t find him so damned attractive. If he didn’t make her heart squishy and her legs a little weak. But he always had, from the moment she’d first laid eyes on him at Henry’s. Tonight her arms and legs, her entire body, felt numb for a completely different reason. She just wanted to go home and curl up in bed with a good book, Hershee at her feet to keep warm. She wanted to forget she was ever young and stupid enough to be fooled by a fake friend.
Riley had meant well, she understood. As the one who had to keep leaving, he didn’t want Sophia to lose her one and only friend. She repeated this to herself over and over, but she couldn’t help wishing he’d told her anyway. He took her keys from her and helped her inside the house because her hands were still trembling. She walked to her couch and collapsed on it, pulling a blanket over her still somewhat shaky legs. Within two seconds of blanket placement, Hershee jumped and settled on Sophia’s lap.
“You okay?” Riley asked from the edge of the couch, where he watched her. Calm. Assessing.
“I’m okay. Thank you.”
Sophia flipped on Netflix and surfed for something familiar and comforting to watch. A comedy. It would be best if Riley left, though, because she was afraid that she wasn’t all cried out yet.
But Riley didn’t go. “You didn’t eat.”
Uh-oh. He had on his serious, we’re-not-fooling-around-here-but-getting-down-to-business-look.
“I’ll have something in a while.” She leaned her head back and sighed loudly. Closed her eyes so maybe he’d take the hint.
He didn’t.
Riley was in her kitchen, his jacket tossed on the couch. She heard him opening a can of something, very likely soup because that was Riley’s go-to comfort food. Next, sounds of him probably rummaging in her cabinets for a pan.
“Bottom right.” No use trying to stop him.
As she heard him in the kitchen lighting the stove, pouring, stirring, a sense of warmth and comfort came over her. He couldn’t cook much, but damned if that soup out of a can didn’t always taste so much better when he heated it up. He’d always taken good care of her. They’d taken care of each other. Until, of course, he gave up on them. By the time he brought her the soup in a bowl, she’d worked up a whole different kind of feeling.
She stirred the soup, the smells of chicken broth rising out of the steam. It was way too hot. “I’m mad at you.”
“For making soup?” He frowned.
“You know why.”
He groaned. “I don’t like to play this game.”
“This isn’t a game. It’s my life.”
“Mine too. So spell it out for me.” He sat next to her on the couch and stretched his long legs out in front of him. Hershee, maybe sensing he might want to take her spot, growled at him in warning.
“You left me.”
“No, you left me.”
Sophia blew out a breath. They could keep this up all night long. “You made the choice.”
“Let’s not do this all over again. Maybe we were stupid to get married so young—”
“Stupid?” The heartache was back, and he’d brought it with him. “I don’t want to hear this. You regret marrying me.”
“Never. I regret I rushed you and asked you to do something you weren’t ready to do.”
“I was ready to be your wife.”
He didn’t answer but only studied her. “Eat.”
She took a bite somewhat automatically and felt immediately annoyed with herself for listening to him. “You’re bad for me. So bad.”
What she didn’t say, because she didn’t even want to voice it, was that he’d somehow become nothing but a constant reminder of loss. Pain. Of a fear so overwhelming and raw it threatened to take over everything in its path.
&n
bsp; “I’m not. I’m what the doctor ordered.”
“It’s kind of like this. I can’t have Chunky Monkey every day of the week. It’s called will power. So even if I’d like to, I can’t. And when I’m on a diet, it’s better not to even have it in the house.”
He moved closer, so that his shoulder was touching hers. “So what do you want? Vanilla?”
“Not vanilla.” She took another sip, moved her legs and Hershee jumped off her lap, disgusted with Sophia for not sitting still enough for Her Highness. “Maybe Neopolitan. It’s good enough but not so much that I want it every day of the week.”
“Everybody should indulge a little now and then.” Riley stood up, took Sophia’s bowl and set it on the coffee table.
He pulled her up off the couch by her elbows and the blanket fell to the ground at her feet. “Admit it. You’d like to eat Chunky Monkey every day of the week. And sometimes you catch yourself thinking about it in the middle of the day. Wondering how you could get away with it.”
“Maybe.” She’d forgotten how perfect it felt to be this close to him, their breaths comingled. Without a doubt, she’d once known he would have breathed for her if he could. He would have once done anything for her.
“You want Chunky Monkey. Admit it.” He pulled her closer, until she could feel every hard ridge of his body against her and then he pulled her closer still.
“We’re not talking about ice cream, are we?”
“No.” He kissed her. Not a tender kiss at all, but rough and claiming.
Her hands fisted his shirt, and then with both hands she untucked it at his waist, letting her palms glide up his hard chest, touching the soft short hairs between her fingers. How she’d missed this, missed him. No matter what, they’d always had this part right. Touching, feeling. She got lost in him again, but this time she didn’t mind so much. The landscape seemed familiar and almost comforting.
Riley squeezed her ass, his other hand sliding under her sweater to tug her bra cup aside.
She moaned, grasping for him, tugging him closer. She wanted this, needed him like her next breath. There was no denying any longer. And even if she’d later hate herself for being weak again, well, she’d think about that later.
But then just as suddenly as he’d kissed her, he stopped and dropped his arms.
“Maybe if I just have a small cup of Chunky Monkey. For old times’ sake.” She pulled on his arm, directing him toward the bedroom. “Stay with me.”
“Slow down, baby.”
“It’s this way to the bedroom.” Sophia tugged on his hand again, a little like trying to move a mountain. “Just like your floor plan but reversed.”
“Wait.” He bit his lower lip and didn’t move.
“I don’t want to wait. I’ve waited long enough.”
“You can wait a little bit longer, can’t you?” He grimaced.
“Why should I?”
He chuckled and framed her face with both hands. “Because I need you to be sure.”
“Oh, that. I’m sure, Riley. I want this. I want you.”
“No,” he said and his hands dropped down again. “I want you to be sure about us.”
“Us?”
“You and me. Us. Forever. Can you tell me you’re sure about that?” He studied her.
“Listen, you and I …” Her voice drifting, she wouldn’t meet his eyes.
“Yeah.” He moved away from her, picking his jacket up on the way to the door. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“But—” Was he seriously leaving her? Now? After all that talk about Chunky Monkey? Bastard!
“Eat your soup,” he called out and shut her front door.
Sophia stood rooted to her spot, positive her jaw had lost all elasticity. Not even if you beg. She could hear his smiling, self-assured voice ringing in her ears. No way would she … no, she couldn’t…she refused to beg!
And all she could do was pick up her boot and throw it at the door.
Chapter 13
Outside Sophia’s house, Riley heard the sound of something hard hit her front door and he winced. Some things never changed. He definitely had a knack for irritating his wife. And now, he had to do something with the rest of his evening when he’d planned on spending it with her. He couldn’t have foreseen that Sophia would be reminded of Nikki tonight, but yeah, it had pissed him off when Priscilla had introduced herself as Claire’s friend and come on to him at the bar. She already knew he was married. He wouldn’t have faulted her otherwise but women who had no respect for marriage irritated the hell out of him. Like Nikki. He’d pegged her as a girl on the make the moment he’d met her, but given how much Sophia seemed to love her he’d decided to give Nikki the benefit of the doubt. And when she’d asked him to come find her if he ever got tired of perfect Sophia, it had taken everything in him not to kick her out of his house. Eventually he would have told Sophia the truth, but what had happened with David had derailed her enough that he couldn’t see adding to her misery when it no longer mattered.
Both Nikki and David were gone.
And when Riley had returned for leave after David’s death, he’d found a different Sophia than the one he’d left. His curvy in-all-the-right-places wife had lost a significant amount of weight. She had dark circles under her eyes.
The beginning of the end for them.
He shook his head. He didn’t want to think about any of that any more. All in the past, he reminded himself. By every indication, Sophia looked completely recovered from what he’d put her through. Gained all her lost weight, all color back in her cheeks and the shine back in her bright brown eyes. Back to being the girl he’d loved so desperately.
Right now he needed a run to blow off some steam so he went home and changed into sweats and running shoes. He set out the door trying not to notice that the lights were still on next door. She’d be cooling off now, maybe even with some Chunky Monkey. Not the kind he’d been talking about but what the hell. She wanted him, and God how he wanted her. And here was the thing: she was still technically his wife. But if he made love to her now, would it be any different than when he was twenty-one and saw what he wanted, then went after her without much thought?
He liked to believe he was a better man now, and could take his time. Do this right. He wanted reconciliation, and she needed time to forgive him for being an idiot. He got that. She was holding back from him because for years she’d taken one look at him and seen danger, death, risk and abandonment. But she should also see love. Loyalty. And if she’d had any doubts about that last one, he hoped he’d finally put them to rest tonight. She would open up her heart again when she realized he wasn’t going anywhere. Never abandoning her again.
Impervious to the chill that had descended on the winter night, he kept running. Rain predicted tonight. Good thing since they needed it. At the top of the hill, once he’d run approximately two miles, he stopped to take a breath and looked at his watch. Nine thirty. He should check in on Lucy, whom he hadn’t talked to in a few days.
“Hello, brother,” she answered after the second ring. “I’m still alive.”
“Great. What’s up with you?”
“Dick … Richard and I are getting along a lot better. You’d be surprised. He can really be nice and he’s sorry and all for…you know. Maybe we should all four go out to dinner sometime.”
Except for the fact that Riley would rather have his balls roasted over a raging fire than expose Sophia to Dickhead, that sounded like a swell idea.
“Sure. Sometime.” He took a breath. “Thinking maybe it’s time for you to try rehab, Luce.”
“Again? You ought to know that never works. It’s a waste of your hard-earned money.”
“I don’t mind. And it never worked before because you always kept coming back to the same environment.”
“What else am I supposed to do? This is my home. Mom’s house. I can’t just move.”
“Right.”
Except he knew, and Sophia and all the so-called exper
t reality TV doctors were right in that coming back into the same old associations was the reason for high failure rates. “I’m thinking maybe it’s time to get rid of the old house.”
“We can’t do that. This was our family house. We grew up here.” She actually sounded wistful.
Such great memories too. Sometimes it felt like he and Lucy had grown up in two different households. She’d lived in the one her swiss cheese brain remembered, and he’d lived in the real one.
“Prices have gone up and some developer might want the house. You never know.”
“You’re probably right, but where am I going to live? With you and Sophia?”
He winced at the thought. “We’re not together.”
Lucy snorted. “It’s just a matter of time. You’ll get her back. Unless I’m living with you. I could be the reason you don’t get her back and I can’t live with that.”
Another ready-made excuse for Lucy. He didn’t believe that. It wasn’t in Sophia’s character. She’d be the one, in fact, to suggest it. If they were living together again, that was, and they were so far away from that he didn’t even want to think about it.
“You’re my sister. She’d understand. And anyway, you don’t have to live with me. I’m sure we can find you a place.” Out of town, he wanted to say. Maybe even out of state. Start over. But Lucy wouldn’t want to hear that. He wondered what it would take for her to realize she couldn’t get better. Not here.
“Don’t worry about me. I think I can do this on my own. I really do this time. I’ll do what the counselors at rehab told me to do but on my own. I’ll keep a journal and write down when things upset me. Triggers.”
“Yeah?” And then what, he restrained himself from asking. The coping skills seemed to be the missing part of the equation.
“Sure, bro. Don’t even give me another thought. Just get that wife of yours back.”
He told Lucy he’d check back soon, hung up and ran half-way back, then slowed his roll. The run hadn’t achieved its desired effect of getting his thoughts off Sophia. He walked the rest of the way back, hoping by the time he got home good sense would prevail because right now he was dangerously close to knocking on her door if the lights were still on. And he sensed they would be, even before he arrived. What was he thinking, anyway? He had a clear advantage in this situation. They were still married. She wanted him as much as he wanted her. He loved her. She’d get there in time. He just had to be patient. If he didn’t press his advantage, he could quickly lose footing to some other loser. Okay, fine, so he was thinking like a Marine. Kind of hard to switch gears sometimes. He’d be a fool to let this moment pass.
Forever with You (Starlight Hill Series Book 5) Page 15