Forever with You (Starlight Hill Series Book 5)

by Heatherly Bell

  “But I don’t want anyone to hurt him.”

  “And yet you did,” Angie said.

  Oh, God she had. She’d hurt him and maybe made him think she only loved him with conditions. Which was so totally not true. She had only one condition: he had to stay alive.

  “What happened to the girl who went with me to my ex’s wedding— may he choke on a cannoli — and told the bride she had a hair on her chin when she asked me whether I’d gained thirty pounds?” Angie asked.

  “You’re braver than you know!” Lizzie said.

  “Or stupid.”

  “I can’t let you do this for one other extremely important reason,” Lizzie said. “Your New Year’s resolution.”

  Oh no, not that come back to haunt her.

  “I’ve lost five pounds,” Angie said. “My resolution was to lose weight.”

  “And I was going to get my comedy routine down and go to open mike night,” Lizzie said. “I’m going next month. I think I’m ready.”

  “I was going to stop being stuck and move forward. No more fear,” Sophia said slowly.

  It also hadn’t escaped her that today was Valentine’s Day. She could have been with Riley today, but so far she’d spent the day with her dog and a bunch of strangers on Facebook and Twitter.

  “Listen,” Lizzie said, “You’re making a choice as to whether you’ll be with a man who doesn’t shy away from conflict. Who doesn’t retreat when he sees trouble. Who might, maybe, someday in the far off future get himself hurt again. That’s your only decision. Because loving him? I don’t think you have that choice.”

  Chapter 23

  On Friday, Sophia came to dinner alone.

  Of course, she wasn’t really alone at dinner, not at Eileen and Daddy-o’s house. But Riley wasn’t with her, and he would have been had he taken the job with Wallace. He’d be sitting right next to her at the dining table, maybe squeezing her hand. Not only were Wallace, Genevieve, Billy, Brooke, Scott and all the children at dinner but so was Diana. She’d been taken off bed rest and all evening she’d been acting like a woman who’d been sprung from her jail cell.

  “My mom was driving me nuts! If I heard one more horror story about women giving birth too early in toilet bowls I was going to take away her mom card.”

  Sophia winced. “Why would she tell you that?”

  “When I was little she used fear to control me. And apparently nothing much has changed. Even as a thirty-six-year-old grown woman she thinks that will still work.”

  “Did it keep you in bed?”

  “Well…yeah. But it wasn’t because of the stories. I wanted to get away from her.”

  “Whatever works.” Sophia sighed.

  At least no one talked about Riley. If they wondered why he wasn’t here tonight, at least they’d been kind enough not to ask for more details. Sophia felt fairly sure Eileen had informed everyone that she and Riley were ‘off’ again.

  “Auntie Fia,” Chloe spoke up from between Scott and Diana. “Where’s Uncle Riley?”

  Spoke too soon. “He’s … he’s probably working.”

  “He works hard,” Diana explained.

  “He the powice shief!” Courtney said.

  “And a damn good one, too,” Scott said.

  “Scott…” Diana said in a sing-song voice.

  He cleared his throat. “A gosh darned good one, I mean.”

  After everyone had their fill of Eileen’s pot roast and mashed potatoes, the large group dispersed. The smaller kids ran out on to the plush green rolling lawn to kick around a ball with Scott, Hershee at their heels. The older boys were playing catch with Billy. Wallace instructed his oldest son on something or the other and patted his shoulder. Gen was inside with her daughters talking with Brooke and her daughter about some strange new hairstyle they were trying to copy.

  Was it possible to feel old at twenty-nine? Sophia was out of the loop on so much. If it didn’t happen on social media, she wasn’t sure it happened. And yet, right here there was so much life. Her online friendships and ‘dating’ had been about somehow being part of the world but not in it. Safer that way.

  Sophia followed Diana out to the balcony overlooking the backyard. While Diana sat in a chaise lounge and watched her girls play, Sophia leaned on the porch rail.

  “Remember when we used to work together at Sweet Southern Buns?” Diana asked, sounding wistful.

  “Sure do.” She’d met Riley only a few short months after Diana started working at the bakery to help Gen during her pregnancy. So much had changed in those eight years. Sophia had fallen deeply in love for the first time, lost her virginity, married and moved away, lost her innocence, and come back home alone with a severe case of regret.

  “I’ll never forget how often Scott came by the bakery while you worked there. More times than he had in all the years before.”

  “He was sweet on me.” She grinned, making the bakery joke.

  One look at Diana’s eyes as they tracked Scott’s movements on the lawn and it was clear the feeling was still quite mutual. Sophia sighed. Once, she thought she could have ‘forever’ with Riley.

  “What’s with all the sighing tonight?” Diana asked, pulling her long legs to her chest.

  “Pay no attention to me.” She waved a hand dismissively. “I’m in a mood.”

  “Are you going to tell me what happened or not? I figured by now you and Riley would be moved in together.”

  “Oh you figured, huh? Well, it’s not that simple. He wouldn’t take the job with Wallace.”

  “What job is that?”

  “You didn’t hear? It didn’t go out on the Turlock wire service? Let me give you the four-one-one. Wallace was kind enough to offer a job for Riley as his general manager, to keep him out of harm’s way. And guess what he said?”

  “No?”

  “Bingo!”

  “Aw, Bingo. That reminds me of Gran.” Diana’ eyes grew misty.

  Probably the pregnancy hormones. Her grandmother had been placed in a nursing home last year, ninety years old now but still sharp. Both she and Pop, Eileen’s father, were in the same nursing home and were so-called sweethearts.

  “How’s she doing?”

  “She had a cold last week but swears both she and Frank will be around for the birth of Baby Boy Turlock.” Diana patted her tummy. “But back to you, queen of the re-direct. Did you really think Riley would take the job?”

  She had hoped against hope that his stubborn self would do just that. “Maybe not but I had to try.”

  “You love him so much, sweetie. It shows.”

  “I wish it mattered.”

  “It does, if only you could get it through your thick noggin’.”

  “My thick noggin? What about his thick head?”

  “What about it? You know what kind of man he is and you can’t ask him to change who he is mid-stream.”

  “Because I don’t want to lose him!”

  “Haven’t you lost him anyway?”

  “Not for good and maybe just for now. Maybe he’ll come around. I should be stronger and wait him out. Right?”

  “Wrong!”

  Diana said it with such passion that Sophia startled.

  She also noticed that Scott stopped what he was doing and threw Diana a questioning look, eyebrows raised. She waved back at him, smiling. “I love that man.”

  “Then don’t give him a coronary.”

  “Sorry, but someone has to slap some sense into you. I gotta say I’m surprised you haven’t asked me how I felt about all this.”

  “About…?”

  “Loving a man in a dangerous profession? Have you any idea how many times I’ve laid awake in bed at night wondering if Scott might get hurt or injured? I didn’t want him to put himself in danger either. But think what I would have missed if I had let him go because of that.” She slid a loving look at her girls, running in circles around their older cousins.

  Funny how she hadn’t ever thought to compare the two, mainly becau
se Scott seemed so different these days. But Riley and Scott were similar in many ways. With Diana and Scott being older, she hadn’t drawn the tight comparisons but she now thought back to the wild fires eight years ago and how much Scott had been chomping at the bit to go. He loved an adrenaline rush more than anyone she’d ever known until she met Riley.

  “It’s different. Sure, it can be dangerous but everyone loves firefighters. No one loves a cop until they need one.”

  Diana shook her head. “Good point but danger is danger.”

  “Okay, so how did you do it?”

  “By realizing I loved every side of him, even the adrenaline junkie side. The rest of it takes care of itself. Don’t worry be happy and all that.”

  “I don’t think I can do that. I love Riley too much.”

  Diana laughed. “Is that what you think? You think I only love Scott a little bit?”

  “Okay, I get it. You’re braver than I am. Congrats. Remind me to get you a medal.”

  “Please. Look, the truth is Riley will eventually calm down just like Scott did. A wife and kids have a way of doing that to a man. Too much to lose. Know that I mean?” She smiled.

  “It might take some time, but I could change him!” Her heart lifted at the thought. “Me and our unborn children.”

  “No, no.” Diana sighed and shook her head. “This is all coming out wrong. I blame the baby hormones. Look, the truth is I love the side of Scott that won’t back down. I consider myself a strong and independent woman. I’m a feminist. But damn I love his tough, gritty Alpha side. He takes charge. He takes care of me and the girls. I know without a doubt he’d walk through hell for any one of us. He’s protective. He’s strong. What is there not to love about that?”

  A few hours later, Sophia was the last to leave, helping Eileen in the kitchen long after all her sons and grandchildren had all said goodnight.

  “Don’t you need to get home?” Eileen said, loading a water glass into the top rack of the dishwasher.

  Sophia didn’t bother pointing out the obvious. She no longer had someone to rush home to, no one with whom she could fall into bed. Tonight, she’d even brought Hershee along to play with the nieces and nephews and she was now resting not far from Sophia on the throw rug near the sliding glass door.

  “No hurry.” She rinsed off another plate and handed it to Eileen.

  “I appreciate the help. It’s like feeding an army when the boys come over.”

  Army. Would that word ever make her stop thinking of Nikki and David? She’d never told Eileen about them, thinking that she couldn’t possibly understand. It didn’t even make sense to Sophia at times why she’d aligned herself so closely with Nikki, taking comfort in the fact they were so much alike. That same similarity had come back to haunt Sophia, in a way that didn’t make any real sense but was nevertheless forever tied to her memories.

  “Remember when I wouldn’t tell you about everything that happened after I left Riley?”

  “Sure, honey, but some things are hard to talk about. I understood.”

  Sophia dried her hands on the kitchen towel. “I want to talk about it now.”

  Eileen stopped loading to stare. “Are you sure?”

  A flood of words fell out of Sophia. Nikki’s friendship on Riley’s deployments. David’s death and the unexpected shock of it all. Watching strong Nikki, who reminded Sophia so much of herself, fall apart.

  “I don’t know why we were surprised. We shouldn’t have been. Neither one of us. Maybe we should have expected it.”

  “Absolutely not. You girls did it right. Thinking positive and expecting the best out of a situation. Nothing will change when you worry. But that must have been so hard for you. Watching your good friend go through such a heavy loss.”

  Sophia kept Nikki’s indiscretion out of the whole explanation. No point to that anyway, since Sophia had been too naïve to know it at the time. “I kept picturing that Riley was next. I couldn’t stop praying enough or lighting enough candles.”

  “I’m sure none of it did any harm.”

  “Maybe if I’d done it right, but it didn’t seem to bring me any comfort like it did for other people. I never let it go. And then Riley did come home safely and I was so happy. Ecstatic. It was like we’d missed it, missed the lightning strike somehow. But he wanted to go back. I couldn’t take it anymore.”

  “That’s understandable.”

  “Do you think so? Maybe I should have stuck it out with him.” Regret. Would she ever learn to live with it?

  “I think you were right to come home. It’s a difficult life for most women, much less a young woman out on her own for the first time.”

  Sophia nodded. Riley had figured that out before she did. He’d been right. She hadn’t been strong or resilient enough to be the military wife he needed. “I just wish he’d at least tried to come after me. But I’m sure that’s just the Italian romantic in me.”

  Eileen made a sound between a choke and a gurgle.

  “Are you okay?” Sophia asked, slapping her back.

  Eileen coughed again. “I should sit down.”

  “Sure.” Sophia helped Eileen to the table, then filled a glass with water. “Here you go.”

  Eileen swallowed a gulp.

  “I don’t think you’re supposed to swallow that fast when you’ve just choked …” Sophia said, and then took a good long study of Eileen’s red face. “What’s going on?”

  “I thought maybe I’d get away with never having to tell you this. Sit down, dear.” Eileen pointed to the chair next to hers.

  The kitchen chair scraped across the wood floor as Sophia pulled it out and sat down with a thud. “You’re scaring me.”

  “I’m scaring myself. You have nothing to worry about.” Eileen took a deep breath. “But I think it would help you to know this right now. It seems like you’re at a crossroads with Riley and—”

  “Spit it out!”

  “Okay, okay. Well, dear, he did come back. It was three years ago and the restaurant was doing so well. You were content. You’d just hired Angie as your full time chef and Lizzie had been working for you for six months. You three were like the Three Musketeers and to anyone else from the outside looking in, you looked quite happy. And remember, I thought you were divorced!”

  “I know.”

  “I was meeting your father for dinner that night and running a little late. I ran into Riley standing outside the restaurant door, looking like a man who’d lost his best friend. I followed his gaze. You and Lizzie were laughing at the table with your father, looking like you didn’t have a care in the world. He said he was on a short leave visiting Lucy. Said he’d only dropped by to see how you were doing. Make sure you were okay. I should have known then that it didn’t sound like any divorced couple I’ve ever known. Why should he care? I swear, if I had been lying in the street bleeding, my ex-husband would have stepped over me. Anyway, he made me promise not to tell you. But I wouldn’t do it. Until he promised me that if he still cared this much about how you were doing when he got out, he’d look you up.”

  Sophia didn’t speak as she absorbed it all. Three years ago she’d been online dating Montana Guy and her family rightfully believed she’d moved on. Why not? She’d made it sound like she and Montana Guy would meet up any day. Riley had still cared about her, even years after she’d left him. Maybe he hadn’t chosen her over the Marines, but he also hadn’t re-enlisted at the end of his contract. It may have taken him some time, but maybe he had chosen her in the end.

  And now, she was forcing him to make a choice again.

  “I was right not to tell you, wasn’t I? Please tell me I was.”

  Poor Eileen. Sophia had been so unfair to her. So unloving at times. “If anything, you made him consider coming back to me.”

  “He would have done that on his own. I’ve never seen such a look of longing and love on any man’s face. Except your father’s. And of course, Billy with Brooke and Wallace with Gen and Scott with Diana … well.
I digress.”

  Sophia could barely listen any longer. Instead, all she could think of was how badly she’d screwed it up. Other than her family, Riley was the only real thing she’d ever had in her life. Yes, sometimes he was a little too much reality all at once. He made her breathless both in the good way and the bad way, too. But she’d never lived as large as when she’d been with Riley. Never held her heart in her hands, taken big risks and watched them work out.

  And wasn’t that what she’d wanted her whole life? To live a rich life full of love and … reality. It couldn’t be escaped, good or bad, because it came right along with the risk of living out loud.

  In a way she’d been moving towards Riley her whole life. Waiting and longing to trust someone enough to love them completely. And he’d made loving him so easy.

  “I screwed everything up. He must think I don’t love him enough.”

  “Then you better show him that you do.”

  “Right.”

  No more sitting on the sidelines watching life pass her by. She had to make this up to Riley somehow. Make him see she loved him and she’d take him any way he came. But there was one more thing she had to do, as long as she was straightening out of her life. Might as well start with the woman sitting right in front of her. She’d been thinking about this since the night Riley was in the hospital.

  She took a deep breath and went for it.

  “I wish I’d let you in sooner. I appreciate the way you’ve made my father so happy. You might be the best thing that ever happened to him. And … I do know you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. For a long time I needed a mother, and it took me a while to realize that I was lucky enough to have two. One in heaven and one right here on earth.”

  “Oh, honey. You’re so precious to me. I never had a daughter.” Eileen grabbed Sophia in a hug that practically swallowed her whole.

  These constricting hugs used to bother her a long time ago when it felt like Eileen was a blubbering mess of a stepmother. She used to complain about it to Scott, Gen, Diana, and to anyone who would listen. She’d kept her distance from Eileen out of a sense of misguided loyalty to Mama, who truth be told would probably also love Eileen. It was hard not to.