Muscle Memory

by Stylo Fantome

  He stared down at her. She was so good. Like a living angel. Her brown eyes carried her smile to him and when he looked down to see if her lips were mimicking them, he couldn't help it. His head dropped down to her and he met her lips with his own, wanting to taste her wholesome smile for himself.

  She seemed shocked at first and went stiff, which almost scared him into stopping. God, what had he been thinking? But then she leaned into him and kissed him back, letting out a soft sigh.

  “I'm sorry,” he breathed when he finally pulled away. “I didn't think, I just -”

  He knew he was on the verge of babbling, but she stopped him by placing her hand over his mouth.

  “You definitely don't have to worry about presents,” she said. He was confused.

  “Why not?”

  “Because you just gave me what I wanted for Christmas.”

  Before

  “I have the best idea,” Delaney gasped.

  Jayson nodded, digging his fingers into her hips as he walked her backwards across her bedroom.

  “You always do. Can it wait till we're finished?” he asked, pushing her shorts down her legs.

  “No,” she said, sucking on his bottom lip quickly before shoving his jacket to the floor. “You're gonna love it, it's awesome.”

  “Nothing is as awesome as fucking you,” he growled, throwing her coat at the bed. In doing so, he lost his hold on her and she skipped across the room, only wearing black tights, a tiny pair of panties, and a cropped sweater top with no bra.

  “There's something I've always wanted to try,” she said, bending over her dresser.

  He tilted his head to the side as he walked towards her. He stared at Delaney all the time. Constantly. But he hadn't realized until that moment how much weight she'd lost over the past couple weeks. She was a short girl, as small as he was lanky, but she'd always had soft curves and rounded edges. She still had her perky breasts and her full ass, but he was surprised to realize she was kind of thin now.

  “Maybe we should go to dinner,” he suggested, wrapping his arms around her from behind. She snorted and rubbed her butt against him.

  “Oh yeah, with what money? Ah ha!” she exclaimed, pulling a baggie out of his drawer in her dresser.

  After losing his job, he'd never been able to get another one. Between parties and Delaney and occasionally side hustling drugs, he couldn't seem to find the time to turn in applications. His roommates had kicked him out, but it was okay because he and Delaney had already been talking about moving in together. It was well into June, they were together constantly, so it just made sense. So he carried all his meager belongings to her place in a trash bag and he'd barely left her room since.

  His drug bullshit brought enough money to keep him fed, and Delaney had her job. She'd quit the beauty school – “why pay for it when you can become Instagram famous doing the same shit?” – and had gone to work full time. She didn't get paid great, but it was enough to keep them happy.

  That was a month ago. A month of heaven. A month of laughing and talking and walking absolutely everywhere together. Jay was pretty sure there wasn't a piece of Brooklyn left unseen. A month of fucking and making love and promising each other forever. Of getting high and dancing and laughing and being young.

  I swear, I mean it. I really am going to marry her. When things settle down and I get a proper job, I'm getting her a ring.

  “My stash?” he asked, running his hands up her body and cupping her breasts. She nodded and shook the little bag full of white powder.

  “I want you to fuck me,” she said. “And when I'm about to come – give me a little bump.”

  “You're so fucking sexy,” he groaned, biting into her shoulder. She moaned and leaned her head back on his shoulder.

  “You make me this way,” she sighed, pushing her ass harder against his erection.

  “Okay, sex and cocaine first. Then we're getting you a hamburger,” he said, then he grabbed her by the hair and forced her to bend over the dresser.

  “A hamburger? Kinky,” she joked, then shrieked when he slapped her across the ass.

  “You need to eat, babe,” he told her, smoothing away the sting.

  “What are you saying?”

  “I don't want you to lose your curves,” he replied, grabbing her ass cheek roughly before slapping it again.

  “Not possible, I've been pudgy since birth,” she laughed.

  “I never would've called you pudgy, but you certainly aren't now. A little less coke, a little more carbs, okay?”

  “Okay, after tonight. Right now I need you to fuck me.”

  He started yanking at her tights, ripping a hole over her hip, when someone began pounding on the bedroom door. They both groaned and Del dropped her head to the dresser.

  “What!?” she shouted. “We're busy!”

  “Get out here, right now!” her roommate all but screamed.

  “No! It can wait till later!” Delaney shouted back.

  “We talked about this, Del! I'm sick of it! I want you out!”

  Delaney gasped, then stomped away from Jay. He reached for her too late, trying to stop her so she could put on some clothes. He knew how she got when she was mad – her brain shut down and nothing else mattered.

  “What the fuck did you say to me?” she demanded. “I pay my fucking rent.”

  “No, you fucking don't,” her roommate snapped. “You're a week late right now, and you were two weeks late last month. And I never agreed to living with him!” the girl leveled an accusatory finger at Jay while she spoke.

  “Hey, don't blame her for me. I can go,” he said, starting for the door. Del held up her hand.

  “No! Jayson is my boyfriend and my guest, he can be here as long as he fucking wants.”

  “No, he can't, Delaney! We signed a contract, you and I! Not him! I don't want to listen to your weird sex anymore, or have to smell pot, or find fucking drugs everywhere! Just get out! Get the fuck out!” the other girl was shrieking. Del gasped, then narrowed her eyes. Jay recognized that face.

  Oh, shit. It's on.

  “You want me out? Fine. Fucking fine! I'm fucking gone! Good luck finding someone else to pay these prices, and to tolerate your stupid fucking ass. I can't have my boyfriend over, yet you can parade half of Red Hook through here? Fuck you, you piece of trash. Jayson, get your shit.”

  There was absolutely no arguing with Delaney when she was on the war path. He now knew better than to even try. They fought just as passionately as they made love. He'd received several more slaps since the first one back in March, and he didn't feel like getting another one that afternoon. He stepped aside as she started tearing around the room, shoving her clothing into a huge duffle bag.

  “C'mon,” Jay groaned, heading to the door. “Don't make her leave. I'll go. I won't ever come back, I promise.”

  “No,” the roommate shook her head. “I don't want to live with some pill popping, coke snorting, wasteoid. Just go.”

  If he had thought it was on before, he had been sadly mistaken. She flew across the room and it took him a solid couple minutes to tear her off the other girl. When he finally picked her up, Del was kicking and shrieking, one of her hands clutching strands of her roommate's hair.

  “Stupid bitch! Say shit again, you fucking piece of trash! You stupid slut!”

  Jay kicked the bedroom door shut and they listened as the roommate crawled off to her own bedroom, sniffling and crying. Delaney was breathing heavy and a scratch mark on her cheek was faintly bleeding. He frowned and rubbed his thumb over it.

  “You need to calm down,” he said in a soft voice, and she nodded.

  “You're right. Shit, that was bad.”

  “Yeah, it kinda was.”

  “But I can't stay here, Jay. I don't want to stay with someone like her. Fuck, what are we going to do?” she asked, staring at up at him, her big blue eyes opened as wide as they could go.

  He took a deep breath and closed his own eyes, having the same old argu
ment with himself. Delaney was too good for this lifestyle. Too good for him. He should leave her. Dump her, make her hate him, make it so she'd never take him back. Make her want to go back to Connecticut and never even think of New York again.

  Just the idea of it, though, made his heart hurt. It felt like he couldn't breathe without her. So he would just have to get better. He had to become worthy of her, had to give her the kind of life she deserved. He smiled and cupped her face in his hands.

  “We'll figure it out, babe. We've got each other.”

  She sighed and pressed her hand over one of his.

  “I love you, Jay. I really do. So much.

  “Not as much as I love you.”

  They spent the rest of the time packing. Jayson's stuff went back into the trash bad. Delaney was able to fit her clothing and most of her belongings into a piece of rolling luggage, the duffle bag, a backpack, and a tote bag. Jay took the backpack and the duffle and stood near her door while she got dressed to go outside.

  “You sure about this?” he asked. “Maybe you could talk to her.”

  “Fuck that,” she snorted, shouldering the tote bag. “Let's get out of here. On to the next adventure.”

  “Whatever you say, babe.”

  They strode through the living room. The roommate's door was cracked open at first, but then it slammed shut when Delaney glared at it. Jay opened the front door and went into the hallway, but Del stopped and sat down her stuff.

  “Just a sec,” she said, stepping back into the apartment.

  He stood there, then realized he could hear the sound of something glass shattering. He poked his head back into the room. He couldn't see her, though, she was in the kitchen doing something.

  “What's going on?” he yelled. The light in the kitchen went out, then there was the breaking sound again.

  “Nothing! Just leaving a parting gift,” she replied, hurrying back into her bedroom where there was more breaking. Next was the bathroom, which had more of the same.

  “Seriously, Del, let's just get the fuck ...”

  His voice trailed off when she came into the living room. She had a sock covering one of her hands, and for a moment he thought she'd gone insane. Then she shoved the sock-hand under a lamp shade. She hissed a couple times, then the light went out. She'd unscrewed the light bulb. She threw the object to the ground and it shattered. She ground the glass under her boot heel, then went to every single other light bulb and repeated the act.

  “There!” she shouted. “Have a nice fucking life in the dark, you awful gross bitch!”

  Jay laughed clear until they were on the next block.

  “Let's go to Crash's,” he suggested after he'd calmed down.

  “Party?” she asked, glancing up at him.

  “No, not tonight, but he's usually good for a couple nights of crashing. We'll stay there through for the rest of the week while we sort this shit out,” he told her.

  “Oh my god,” she gasped. “I never got it before!”

  “Got what?”

  “Crash. Everyone calls him Crash, and everyone crashes at his place. I feel like an idiot.”

  “At least you're a cute idiot,” he offered, hugging her to his side. The walked in silence for a couple moments, then she spoke up again.

  “I'm glad you're here. I'd be lost without you,” she sighed. He snorted.

  “Del, if I wasn't here, you wouldn't have gotten kicked out,” he pointed out. She shook her head.

  “Not possible. You and I were meant to be together, so this was meant to happen. It's just a step to something bigger.”

  They got to Crash's house. It would always hold a soft spot in Jay's heart. Where he'd first met Delaney, where they'd first had sex. He knocked on the door, then leaned down and kissed her quickly. He smiled when he saw the same familiar blush on her cheeks.

  I hope it's always like this between us. Fast hearts and rushing blood and stained in love.

  They were shown to the basement, where there were a couple of questionable mattresses strewn about. Luckily, Del'd had the forethought to bring a flat sheet along, so they spread it out over a bed in the corner. Then they sat down and counted all the cash they had between them, the money she had in the bank, and looked at how much coke was left.

  “It's not good, babe,” she mumbled, stacking the one dollar bills together.

  “It will be, though. C'mon, let's order some Domino's, they've got a special going on right now. We'll eat pizza, I'll call some guys and unload these drugs, and that should hold us for a while,” he assured her, playing with her phone, looking over the pizza deals. Del nodded, then picked up the baggie and opened it. She dipped her pinkie nail into it, scooping up a small amount of the white stuff.

  “Last one for the road,” she sighed, then she delicately snorted it up. Afterwards she dipped her pinkie back into the powder, coating it with cocaine, and brought it back to her mouth, rubbing it along her gums.

  Jay stared at her, then leaned forward and kissed her. She was startled, but she opened her mouth to his tongue. He ran it up between her teeth and her lips, sweeping up trace amounts of the coke.

  “You're so fucking sexy,” he breathed for the second time that night, and she rolled her eyes at him.

  “Whatever, loverboy. Order the pizza.”

  They got the food, then decided to go out and walk around. They headed to an upscale hipster neighborhood and managed to score – a couple tourists were wandering around, and they bought the remaining coke for way more than it was worth. Jayson suggested they start heading back towards Crash's place and Del actually skipped.

  “I don't understand how you can be so excited,” Jay laughed, looking down at her as she bounced along. “You're technically homeless.”

  “For the moment,” she shrugged, then she got in front of him and wrapped her arms around his waist, walking backwards. “But I've still got you, and you're honestly all that matters.”

  “Love don't pay the bills, Del.”

  “Pretty soon, I won't have any bills. The phone is the only thing left. Love is all I need.”

  “Ah, love,” he sighed. “That age old currency. Fuck god. In love we trust.”

  She stopped moving and he almost fell over her. He wrapped his arm around her as he stumbled to the side, trying to keep her upright.

  “That's beautiful, Jay. You should go back to writing,” she told him. He frowned at her.

  In a moment of weakness, he'd told her what he wanted to be when he grew up. An author. He used to write all the time. But he'd just turned twenty-five the week before – he was pretty sure he was grown up, and he hadn't ever finished writing one single book. He rubbed his right hand up and down her back, thinking about the feather quill tattooed on his thumb.

  “Maybe some day,” he replied. “But not today.”

  “Well, remember that line. 'In love we trust', I think it's great. I want to remember it forever,” she told him, stepping to the side and linking her arm through his, falling into step beside him.

  “You have the memory span of hummingbird. It'll be gone tomorrow,” he teased her. She frowned.

  “I don't want it to be gone. I want it to be a part of me. I want – oh my god, Jay! Look!” she exclaimed.

  At the end of the street was a sandwich board he couldn't quite make out. Above was a blinking neon sign, and that he was able to read no problem.

  Moonlight Tattoos.

  “You want to get a tattoo?” he asked.

  She didn't answer, just started running and dragging him along behind her.

  There was no stopping her – not even pointing out it would take a lot of their meager savings. She just ignored him and took off her jacket, showing the tattoo artist where she wanted the ink. Just minutes later, there was beautiful, small script trailing along her skin at the base of her neck. The same spot where he had a geometric, abstract tattoo of the earth on his body.

  While she giggled excitedly with the female tattoo artist, Jay stood close
behind her. He put his hands on either side of the tattoo, staring at it. Such black ink, practically glowing against her pale skin. His words were on her forever. He would literally be a part of her forever.

  Exactly how it should be.

  “Hey,” he said, startling the women when he started pulling off his t-shirt. “You got time for one more?”

  6

  Kitty's family was amazing. Of course, he knew her mother Sarah already, but he'd never met her father or sisters. Mr. Franklin Beaumont was a large gentleman with a thick white mustache and a rolling laugh. He was some kind of important judge in Manhattan and Jon was somewhat in awe of him.

  The other Beaumont sisters, Virginia and Clarice, were almost as lovely as their older sister – but not quite. They were pretty and polite and kinda funny once he got to know them. It was strange, but he kept having the nagging feeling he recognized them. Or at least, he recognized something about them.

  What is it? I couldn't have known them before, could I? They go to NYU – maybe I went to NYU?

  “Jon! Get in here!”

  When Franklin shouted, people listened, and Jon was no different. He hurried into the kitchen to see the older gentleman holding up a bottle of dessert wine. Jon hadn't gotten Kitty a present – at her urging – so he'd used the money to buy a nice bottle of wine for the Christmas dinner. It made him feel like he wasn't showing up totally empty handed.

  “What do you need, sir?” he asked. Kitty's dad laughed.

  “I told you, call me Frank, this ain't the military, son. Do you want to do the honors?” he asked, holding out the bottle towards Jon.

  “Oh, no, your house, your present, you go ahead,” he urged.

  They stood around the kitchen island while Frank grabbed a corkscrew and went to work. A live-in cook moved behind them, putting away the leftovers from dinner and setting out pies for dessert.

  “So. No memory, huh,” Frank grunted while he twisted. Jon nodded.

  “Yup. It's all just ... a fog,” he said, using the only description he'd found which seemed to fit.

  “That's a damn shame. You might have family out there lookin' for you, and you don't even know it.”