Never Kiss a Highlander

by Michele Sinclair

  “Then why don’t you seem happy?” Jeán asked. “I would have thought seeing a small army would give you the peace of mind you have been seeking.”

  Mairead sighed. “You are right. It should.”

  “Ahhhh,” Lynnea said, and then mouthed to Jeán, You were right. “You love Hamish.”

  “I do, very much.”

  Jeán winked at her. “I told you the kiss would work. Hamish told Amon this morning that you two are to wed. Or handfast until a priest can be coerced into coming this far north.”

  Mairead grimaced. “Just because Hamish is willing to marry me, does not mean he wants to. Look out there, Jeán. That is what Hamish wants. He wants to protect me and Robert has convinced him that the only way he can do that is by marrying me. Hamish doesn’t want me. He certainly doesn’t love me and without him returning my feelings, I cannot agree to marry him.” Using her chin, Mairead gestured to where Hamish, Amon, Davros, and two other men were talking animatedly. “I have a feeling that he is telling them that he is leaving.”

  Lynnea started chuckling and Jeán joined her. “I doubt it.”

  “When I refused to marry him, Hamish said that there was no longer any reason to stay. That his army would handle Ulrick and his men when they return.”

  Both women started laughing in earnest now.

  Mairead gave them both her harshest glare, which again caused their laughter to increase. That they thought so little of what she was saying bothered Mairead. She had thought to have their support, not their derision.

  Jeán wiped the tears from her eyes. “I’m sorry, Mairead, but the idea that Hamish doesn’t love you, is well . . . laughable.”

  Lynnea nodded. “The man is completely besotted. It makes Amon’s stomach turn.”

  Mairead’s brow furrowed deeply. “Hamish said he loved me?”

  Lynnea made a dismissive gesture. “Of course not. He’s a man. He has no idea when he is in love.”

  Mairead wanted to believe what they were saying, but she knew that they were wrong. Hamish was not the type of man who denied being in love. He was just the opposite. “Hamish cares for me. He’s told me so, but that is all. And I don’t even think he feels that for me right now.”

  Jeán pointed out to the field. “I might not know Hamish well, but I do know when a man is in love.”

  Lynnea nodded her head. “From what I can tell, Hamish is much like my Amon and I too doubted his feelings for a long time.”

  Mairead looked at the kind face of the older woman, unable to hide her disbelief. “Anyone can see how much Amon loves you.”

  “Aye, now,” Lynnea agreed. “But not at first. He was a soldier and my father was pushing him to a life of farming that he did not want. He thought that I wanted the same thing as my father and actually left. Thank goodness my mother was still alive. She urged me to go after Amon and tell him my feelings. That Amon was not the type to pour out his feelings without some assurance that they were returned. He had risked exposing his heart by coming to the farm and that it was my turn to be vulnerable. I think the same is going on with you and Hamish. I doubt he has even admitted to himself how much he loves you, but trust me, love is the only thing that could have made him willing to want you for his wife.”

  Mairead shook her head, this time more vigorously. She had not wanted to reveal Ulrick’s involvement to anyone, but it seemed several people already knew and she wanted Jeán, as well as Lynnea, to understand what was happening. “Hamish agreed to marry in order to protect me. Ulrick has been threatening me for months and he warned me that I would become his when he returned. Hamish doesn’t love me and he doesn’t want me for his wife. He just believes there is no other choice.”

  Jeán rolled her eyes and pulled her own blanket tighter around her. “Do you really believe Hamish incapable of finding another way to free you from Ulrick’s threats? I imagine there are a hundred ways Hamish could ensure the man never bothered you again, and yet he chose marriage.”

  Lynnea nodded her head. “What Hamish offered was not just protection, Mairead, but permanent commitment, which is so much more. You would be the mother of his children. You would help him create his legacy. Such things are important and I cannot believe Hamish would just give them to you out of a warped sense of honor and to give you some sort of security.”

  “He loves you,” Jeán reiterated. “Don’t wait for an idyllic setting or for perfect words to be said at the ideal time. Take hold of what you know is true. The rest will come and Hamish will tell you what he feels. Not as soon as you may want it or even when you want it, but the words will come.”

  Mairead’s eyes grew large and she bit her bottom lip. “But . . .” she groaned, and closed her eyes. “How? I’ve hurt him. And you should have seen his face. I did not want to be like the other women who had hurt him, but I am. He thinks I am just like them.”

  Jeán tilted her head and winced. “If you did hurt him, remember you have something those other women did not have.” Mairead looked at her friend pleadingly for some kind of hope and direction. “You actually do love him and Hamish needs that love more than he probably realizes. And despite what you said to him or vice versa, I cannot see that man letting you go if he knows you don’t want him to.”

  Mairead looked back down at Hamish. He clasped hands with one of the men he was talking with and began to head her way. Amon and Davros followed. Mairead watched as the three men approached. The stern expression Hamish wore completely hid the fact that he had the most beautiful dimples. She wanted to see him smile at her and make him laugh in return. This man was everything she ever wanted, and if Jeán and Lynnea were right, he loved her. He loved her so much that he was willing to promise himself to her for life, despite all she was connected to—Selah, a lairdship that should have been his, a home of his own. He wanted to have a life together. A family. How she wanted to raise a bunch of little Hamishes. Was she really going to give that up because of the circumstances behind his proposal?

  The answer was no.

  * * *

  The six of them spoke for a second and then headed to Amon’s, who lived the closest to the valley and all the activity. Lynnea and Jeán prepared the midday meal while Mairead kept the children occupied.

  “I cannot believe the improvement you have made with the unskilled lads I sent you earlier this week,” Hamish said.

  “They are good boys.” Amon knew exactly to whom Hamish was referring. “They actually knew how to handle a sword. One though was a natural archer and Davros is working with him. But they will need far more than a few weeks to be ready for battle.”

  “Hopefully, it won’t come to that.”

  “But if it does, it is hard to know how they will react. More than half of the men out there have never seen battle. What we need is experienced men. The others will look to them for confidence and direction and mimic their actions.”

  Davros nodded. “The mercenaries Ulrick is gathering are going to be hard men and very comfortable in battle. But their loyalty is not to any man, but to power and coin,” he said, and then noticed that Jeán was coming with food.

  All three men moved their arms out of the way for the plates being served at the table. Mairead went to go get mugs and the pitcher of mead while Lynnea offered food to the children and told them to eat near the hearth so that the adults could talk.

  Davros bit off a chunk of meat. “Excellent. Thank you for this,” he said to Lynnea in particular. “It is much appreciated.” Then to Hamish, he said, “If you need experienced men, I know a couple of brothers who live an hour’s ride farther east who might be able to bring another dozen men. They were never part of the Foinaven’s ranks and refused to serve under Ulrick when he approached them.”

  “Are you talking of the Kyldoane brothers?” Mairead asked.

  Amon nodded. “I rode out there a couple days ago. They listened, but promised nothing. I think it will take you, Hamish, meeting with them directly for there to be any possibility of them joining us. Bu
t they would give us the numbers we need.”

  Hamish grimaced and glanced at Mairead. There was only three to four more hours of daylight left and a possible chance of rain.

  Mairead knew he was factoring her into his decision. “We should go.”

  Hamish shook his head. “We won’t go. I will. You will stay here where it is warm and dry.”

  Mairead shook her head. “I not only know the Kyldoanes, but I also know where they live. They are proud people, the men especially. But I have met with their wives and when they first came to the area I made sure they had food and shelter until they were able to get settled and live on their own. The men don’t know you, but their wives know me. They will at least make them listen to what you have to say.”

  Hamish ran his tongue along the outside of his teeth. Mairead knew he was contemplating what she said, but he was still not convinced. “If Davros and Amon say you need to meet with them, then we should go. If we leave now, we could make it there and back before the sun goes down, but even if we have to travel the last part in the dark, I know the terrain, Hamish. And I trust you to keep us both safe.”

  Hearing that last comment, Hamish studied her for several seconds. Then he inhaled and released it with a single nod. “We need to leave immediately then. And you”—he pointed at Mairead—“need your own horse.”

  Amon elbowed her and said, “I have just the one you can borrow.”

  Less than twenty minutes later, Hamish and Mairead were on their way.

  * * *

  The last of the sunlight disappeared only a half hour ago, but visibility was the equivalent to the dead of a moonless night. The expected rain had come and with more force than normal. The wind was steadily picking up and the initial drizzle had gone from annoying to a flood. Mairead was soaked and cold, but yet she felt oddly triumphant. The afternoon had been very successful.

  When they arrived, the Kyldoane brothers had not been eager to listen, believing they had heard everything already from Amon. But Mairead’s presence had been as important as she predicted for it kept the first brother they encountered from ordering Hamish to turn around and leave. And that was all that Hamish needed. He only spoke a few words, but they drove right to the honor of a man and forced him to continue to listen. Mairead had felt herself similarly pulled in, wanting to hear more.

  Soon the man had sent for his elder brother, who called to their cousins and some others they thought might be interested. One by one, they listened to the benefits of ridding the northern territory of Ulrick and his kind as well as the benefits and the quality of life that a peaceful Foinaven could bring to them and their families. It had taken longer than Hamish had planned to convince them to join Amon’s training, but in the end they all agreed to participate at least until Candlemas.

  Deep down, however, Mairead knew that much—if not all—of the reason they agreed was because Hamish, not Robert, would be leading them. The moment Hamish left, she knew this collaboration would end. It would be up to Robert as the leader to keep them together, to rally them as Hamish had done, and encourage their loyalty and support, but she doubted it would happen. Robert just did not inspire men like these soldiers.

  Mairead pushed back such thoughts and focused on the present. She had enjoyed talking with their wives and visiting with their children. Before they departed, the women made sure they left with some dried meat and drink for their journey back.

  She and Hamish had made good progress at first. The path was familiar so they had thought to still make it back to Foinaven despite the darkness. But when the weather hit, it forced them to start looking for alternatives.

  “I remember an empty cottage being near here,” Hamish shouted over the pelting of the rain.

  Mairead did not even try to respond, but she knew the one Hamish was talking about. It was not a cottage, but more of a one-room hovel traveling merchants used when in the area. However, it was shelter and more than likely had dry firewood in it from its periodic use. Mairead pointed a finger in the direction she thought it was. Hamish nodded and twenty minutes later he was helping her off the horse and inside.

  The inside was pitch-black, but Hamish somehow managed to find the fireplace, kindling, and wood and then got a fire started with some flint. Now able to see, he glanced over his shoulder and took in the place. It was just a single room, but it was larger than he had thought it to be when he had passed by it a few times riding in the area. In the corner was a stack of dry wood he was relieved to see. The one window had shutters that were closed and the roof seemed to be withstanding the storm, which alleviated his second concern. Next to the hearth was a square small table that Mairead had already used to place the bundle of food she had surprisingly been able to protect using her body and furs. Beside the table was a narrow bench, which looked to be the place’s only sitting area. And across from the fire was a bed. It was of a good size for a cottage this small, but it was still meant to only sleep one. It had been stripped bare, which was to be expected, but then his eye saw that whoever had used it last had just shoved the blankets off the end.

  Seeing Mairead’s failing attempts to hide how cold she was, Hamish grimaced. “You’re shivering so much your teeth will fall out if you don’t get warm soon.” He threw two more large logs on the fire. “Come closer and take off your clothes.”

  Mairead advanced a step, seeking the heat, but shook her head about the clothes.

  Hamish frowned. “You’ve made your feelings about me and our future clear, but you need to get warm. If you don’t undress yourself, then I will do it for you.”

  Mairead could see he was serious, plus she was freezing, so she slipped off her sodden shoes and then struggled with the ties of her gown. Her fingers were too numb to get a firm grip and Hamish came over to help her. Quickly he yanked on the ties, loosening the bliaut. He then went and grabbed one of the blankets off the floor and handed it to her. “I’m going to check on the horses and get the rest of our things. Take that off,” he said pointing at her wet gown, “and get dry.”

  Mairead nodded and the moment he stepped outside she quickly pulled the bliaut off her shoulders and then laid it over the makeshift chair. She considered taking off her undergarment as well but decided the chemise was thin, would dry quickly, and she needed its pathetic protection. She then wrapped herself in the dusty MacBrieve plaid and sat in front of the fire. A moment later, Hamish reentered and she could see his face relax a little seeing that she had done as instructed. “Your turn,” she said, and quirked an eyebrow to let him know that she was serious.

  “I’m fine.”

  Hamish turned to open the door and Mairead realized he was planning to sleep outside. “Are you crazy? You will freeze if you go out there!”

  As if to emphasize her point, a sudden burst of wind shook the cabin. Hamish looked back at her, his dark green eyes unfathomable. “The weather is far from agreeable, but I’ve slept in worse.” He had, but it was not often. Part of the structure was a stable. It had a roof, walls, and enough room he could create a small fire to keep from freezing. It would not be warm or comfortable, but it would provide a measure of protection from the wind and rain, and he could not trust himself to stay inside.

  Mairead stood up and the blanket she was holding shifted. Hamish could see the chemise slide off her creamy shoulders as she reached out. “Please stay, Hamish. Do not go back out.”

  “If I do that, I cannot promise to stay away from you.”

  “I’m not asking for promises.”

  “No, you are asking me to walk away. And I won’t be able to do that if I stay with you tonight.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Mairead knew what she wanted, but she also knew that after her emphatic decree by the river it was not going to be as easy as saying “I’ve changed my mind.” However, she was determined and fate was on her side. It had given her rain, protection, and this chance to claim her future. “Then just sit for a while and at least get warm.”

  Hamish hesitated,
but he was chilled to the bone. He had mentally compartmentalized the cold, but now that they had found shelter and had a fire, the need to get warm was pressing at him.

  They sat for several minutes, both staring at the flames as they flickered and curled. With the room being small, the temperature was quickly growing more comfortable. Mairead let the blanket pool around her waist and untied the leather strip that was keeping her hair from tumbling free. She used her fingers as a makeshift comb and worked to get some of the bigger knots out of her hair.

  Silence filled the room. Normally, Mairead was content to just listen to the crackle of wood as it burned, but she had a feeling that at any moment Hamish would announce he was warm enough and leave her alone. They needed to talk, but she worried that discussion on any topic—especially that of love or marriage—would drive him out the door faster. There was one, however, that would not.

  “Ulrick did not just promise to make me his own when he returns.” Mairead knew Hamish heard her, but he just continued staring into the fire. “I did not know that Robert and Selah knew anything about Ulrick’s threats, but I realized yesterday when she told me what they overheard that they are unaware of their extent.”

  Hamish did look at her then. His dark green eyes narrowed. “There’s more?”

  Mairead studied her fingers, which were intertwined on her lap. “Ulrick knew that I might take steps to prevent him from doing so. He promised to kill anyone who intervened—Robert, Selah, and even little Rab. And if I dared to marry someone when he was away, then he would take great pleasure in gutting them alive.” She looked up then and saw that Hamish was watching her.

  Hamish tensed his jaw, remembering her threat to marry a stranger rather than him. “What about your great plan to snatch a Mackay?”

  Mairead frowned at him. “I was never serious about marrying a Mackay. I don’t know them and what little I do scares me.” Hamish knew Mairead was right to be scared about the Mackays. Under the leadership of MacHeth, Iye Mor Mackay, and now Donald Mackay, Clan Mackay was known for their strength, courage, and skill in soldiering. Their warlike reputation was echoed in their motto, “with a strong hand.”