Just an Illusion - EP

by D. Kelly

  “No more condoms, Sawyer. We’re going to start working on some siblings for our son. Condoms would be counterproductive, don’t you think?”

  “Shit, Mel, it feels so good. I’m going to come.”

  “Take off the blindfold, Sawyer … now.” I know he’s probably going to come fast once he takes it off, but Sawyer recovers quickly and I’ve got no problem helping him rise to the occasion again.

  “Holy shit, Mel!” he exclaims as I slam myself down on his cock. I want him to feel every sensation right now as he looks at me. His eyes are locked on my chest, but I’m clenching his cock hard as he’s moving my hips into a rhythm that’s about to set me off.

  “Fuck, Sawyer!” I cry out as I come around him. He doesn’t hold back, his release spills inside me and the sensation is beyond comparison. Sawyer’s hands are still locked onto my hips as we both come down from the incredible high we just experienced.

  “Don’t you dare fucking move.” His eyes have never left my chest. “Princess, that was the best thing I’ve ever felt in my entire life. Who knew sex without condoms would be like that?”

  Leaning forward, I kiss him and he opens to me, his hands finally leaving my hips and weaving through my hair as he funnels his love into our kiss. I feel him begin to harden inside me. I knew it wouldn’t take long for him to be ready to go again. When he pulls away, he pushes me back so he can look at me. His fingers move up to the tattoo over my heart, the one proudly displaying his name.

  “Why did you do this? Especially when everything was so up in the air.”

  Covering his hand with mine, I hold it over my heart. “Come on, Sawyer, as much as I was worried you’d leave, I still knew deep down you could never do it. We’re connected too deeply for you to abandon our love. As for the why … there are a few reasons.”

  “Such as?”

  “Most importantly, you own my heart so you should have a place there. The three most important men in my life have a place on my body now.”

  He looks confused. “I don’t get it.”

  “I know, baby, but I’m about to explain it to you. When I got the Weston tattoo it was for Noah, but it was also for me and our kids. It was my way of showing him I was accepting the love of his family into my life, his whole family, and that includes you. I loved the idea of the placement of the tattoo being where I would grow future Westons in my body. Each one of my kids will grow above that name, they pass under it as they come out of the womb, and it was also me declaring myself a Weston. Your family is my family.”

  “Noah never said anything,” he replies thoughtfully.

  “I know, it was a private discussion. There’s something important you need to realize. Something I didn’t realize you were doing until you said so. Look me in the eyes, Sawyer Weston, because this is important.”

  His green eyes meet mine and I smile. Taking his hand, I trail his fingers down to the Weston tattoo. “There isn’t an inch of my body I don’t want your hands or lips to touch. My body is my own and my tattoos are for me, just as yours have significance to you. I’m not going to let a piece of art on your body that may make me think of another woman keep me from enjoying every bit of you, Sawyer, and you shouldn’t, either. Even if … he’s your brother.”

  “Yeah, but—”

  “Nope, no arguing. What we do together is between us. How we enjoy each other is our business. The last time I looked you were still a Weston, and I’m about to be one twice over. Don’t give power to the tattoo, it’s just a thing. I belong to you, Sawyer, and my body is yours to do with whatever you please.”

  “Anything?” he asks with a lascivious smile.

  “Any fucking thing you want. I’m done holding back, Sawyer. I’m yours for the taking.”

  “Well, Princess, let’s get started on the next fifty years,” he says as his mouth closes over mine.

  Three months later, Sawyer and I have finalized the plans for our new house and the construction begins today. We’re excited for this next chapter in our lives, and Darren was completely stoked when we said he could live here with Cadence. We did offer to let him come with us because our home is their home, but he wants to start his own new beginning with his daughter. I don’t blame him but I’m going to miss them, especially Cadence; she’s like my own child at this point. I’m not sure how she and Nate will deal with being apart but I’m pretty sure we will be one big rotating sleepover.

  I got up early this morning and made Sawyer and me some coffee. I’ve got a surprise for him and have debated long and hard over how to give it to him. I think I nailed it, though. Karen came by last night and dropped off freshly-baked cinnamon rolls which will go perfect with our coffee.

  “Morning, Princess,” Sawyer says with a yawn as he enters the room in his boxers.

  He’s so damn good-looking. I’d be tempted to walk him right back into the bedroom if it wouldn’t wreck the surprise.

  “Morning, I made you coffee and heated up your mom’s rolls for us. Come sit with me.”

  Sawyer takes his usual seat across from me and I can’t help smiling when I look at him. A few days after he learned about my tattoo, he got one of his own. Same script, same place, but his says “Amelia” over the top of a Princess crown.

  “Thanks, Mel. I don’t know why I’m so tired this morning,” he says, yawning again.

  “I’m pretty sure I do. I think I have phantom cock syndrome.” Sawyer busts out laughing. “What? It’s got to be a real thing. You can’t fuck for that long and not have phantom sensations,” I say with a shrug.

  “You should send that to Rhymin’ Rieanne. Can you imagine the kind of song she could make out of that one?”

  “I’m terrified to imagine and yet completely intrigued by the thought.”

  “Hey, what the fuck is up with my coffee cup?” he asks, sloshing it side to side.

  “What do you mean?”

  “This is my favorite cup, Mel, and someone wrote inside of it. What in the world is going on?”

  I was so curious to see how he’d react to this. Part of me thought he wouldn’t notice until the cup was empty, the other part thought he’d pour it out. Since he’s at the sink now, it was definitely the latter.

  After he pours it down the drain, he looks inside of the cup and then rapidly turns around, practically running to me with the cup in hand.

  “Is this real?” he asks as he shoves the cup in my face. Written on the inside of the cup is “We’re having a baby.”

  I take the cup from him and bring his hand to my belly. “It’s real, Sawyer, you’re going to be a daddy again.”

  He crushes his lips to mine, kissing me frantically, and then suddenly slows it down as if enjoying every second our tongues meet in harmony.

  “Mommy! Is it our turn yet?” Nate calls out, and I break away from Sawyer laughing. I forgot about them. Oops.

  “Yes, baby, come on out.”

  Darren, Nate, and Cadence come down the hall wearing the following shirts respectively: Uncle, Big Brother, Cousin. “Daddy Sawyer, Mommy says there’s a baby in her belly!” Nate squeals.

  Sawyer scoops him up and kisses him all over his face until Nate is laughing hysterically. “There is a baby in Mommy’s belly. We’re going to have to take really good care of her now so the baby gets here safe and sound, just like you did.”

  “Can my daddy see the baby, too?” he asks.

  “Yeah, and my mommy? Can she see?” Cadence adds, and Sawyer scoops her up as well.

  “I think your mommy and your daddy can see everything going on down here from heaven because they are the angels who watch over us.

  Listening to Sawyer talk to the kids about Noah and Belle always gives me chills. Now that they’re getting older he talks about them a lot more. We all agreed to be as open as possible with them about everything; so far, it seems to be a good plan. These two love their parents in heaven as much as they love the ones here on Earth.

  “Alright,�
� Darren says, kissing me on the cheek, “I’m taking these two to Wyatt’s to show off our nifty new shirts and to drop off theirs.”

  “Theirs?” Sawyer asks.

  “Yeah, I thought we should start this pregnancy off right. We’re going to do a maternity photo shoot with everyone wearing a shirt with their title and relationship to the baby. We’ve got a huge family so it will be a nice big portrait we can put on our new photo wall in the house.”

  Sawyer looks at me with his jaw hanging open. “You made shirts for everyone in our entire family and extended family?”

  I pull a bag from the chair and hand it to him. His is black and says “Daddy” in white letters across the front. “I did, but we need to wait until I have a belly because this one is mine.” I hold up a pink shirt that says “Mommy” over the breast area and “Baby” on the belly area.

  “God, I fucking love you.”

  “And on that note, we’re out. Come on, munchkins, let’s go see Jake!” The kids run off ahead of Darren and he gives us a wave as he takes off behind them.

  “We’re having a baby, Sawyer,” I say, unable to contain my excitement any longer.

  “One of many, I hope,” he adds wistfully.

  Unlike my first pregnancy, I have no doubts this is everything I’ve ever wanted. Nate has proven to me that motherhood is nothing like I was afraid of. It’s filled with kisses and hugs and an abundance of love. Noah was the perfect man, and we had an amazing life, but the fears I used to carry with me never had time to be completely eradicated by Noah’s love. Especially since he was taken so suddenly.

  After Noah left us, Sawyer stepped in and took over. I’ve grown into the person I should have always been with him. The woman I wish I could have been for Noah. The woman Noah deserved to meet and to love. I know he’s watching us and he’s proud of me. I am who I am because he gave me the best gift of all: the ability to love and be loved in return.

  “I hope so, too. I’m ready to fill that massive house with love.”

  “Our home, Amelia,” he corrects.

  “Our forever home, Sawyer.”

  Amelia

  Fifteen Months Later

  Dear Belle,

  I thought I had written my final letter to you, and then today I realized I’m not done talking to you yet. I feel you and Noah looking down on us and blessing us with your love every day. I’ll never understand why the two of you were taken away, but I think you both would be happy with how things turned out. At least, I hope so because nothing has been harder than living life without the two of you.

  Today, Sawyer and I are getting married. Never in a million years would I have pictured myself saying those words, but I’m so incredibly happy. He’s the most amazing man, and I can’t believe I was lucky enough to be the one he fell in love with. We have two beautiful babies and a home filled with laughter and love. They say time heals all wounds, but that is a crock of BS. The place where you and Noah live in my heart will always be empty, but your children fill that void in a way that makes it hurt less.

  Cadence and Nate are the best of friends and Darren is getting by. Out of all of us, he’s been affected the most. He’s trying to move on, but he’s having a hard time finding someone as special as you were. And since I’m talking to you, I can admit I think he got the shit end of the stick. Even though I lost Noah, we still had our wedding and our ‘til death do us part. It came faster than we could have ever imagined, but we still had it. I think Darren feels like he had everything he ever wanted within his grasp and let it get away. He’s become a brother to me and I love him dearly. Someday, I hope he’s lucky enough to find someone almost as amazing as you. I will always treat Cadence like my own, but it would be nice to have a mom who could fill in for you like Sawyer has done for Noah. I know that’s what you’d want for them more than anything.

  In any case, I’m rambling. I just wanted you to know that even though you’re not here today, you are my honorary maid of honor. Not even Anna could fill that void, although she’s become a wonderful friend in your absence. Today, more than ever, I’m missing my sister and that is why I had to write. After having Noelle, and watching the bond Cadence and Nate have with her, it started flaring up my memories of us. We had the best of times, Belle, and I cherish every memory. I promise our kids will have those kinds of memories, too.

  I’d like to think you’re proud of me because I’m finally living today like there’s no tomorrow. I hope you’ll continue watching over us and that we’re making you proud. Maybe I’ll write you again someday—perhaps on Nate and Cadence’s wedding day.

  All my love,

  Mel

  Sawyer and I are getting married at our new home. The wedding is at eight tonight and we’ll be standing in the gazebo surrounded by friends and family. The property is draped with thousands upon thousands of twinkly lights; it’s beautiful.

  The construction was finished about three months ago, one day before we welcomed Noelle into the world. It was the closest girl name we could find to honor Noah and Belle. Sawyer and I wanted to honor them in our daughter. She’s got my hair and Sawyer’s green eyes. Nate is in love with his little sister; Cadence can’t get enough of her, either.

  I don’t remember a lot from Nate’s delivery, but I do remember the look in Sawyer’s eyes when he was born. He had the very same look when Noelle was delivered—his eyes were filled with love for our daughter. Once we were left alone to bond with the baby, I’ll never forget our discussion.

  “Mel, I was wrong about something,” he said, watching our daughter nurse for the first time. It was something I never planned with Nate, but I wanted to do it with Noelle and I loved it.

  “About what?” I asked, wondering what could possibly be bothering him.

  “I know I said I’d love Nate more but I’m pretty sure I love them the same. They’re both amazing.” His wondrous tone made me smile.

  “I have a confession as well. I thought I’d love her more but I love her the same.” Sawyer chuckled at our ridiculousness and bent over, kissing us both.

  “We’re still bottle feeding, too, right? You’re going to pump as soon as you can?” That is mostly why I didn’t want to breastfeed Nate. Trying to balance pumping and milk storage on the bus would have been a nightmare and I wanted Noah to be able to feed him whenever he could.

  “Absolutely, I’d never take this experience away from you. Even though I didn’t touch Nate, and I was in my own personal hell at the time, I loved watching you bond with him. I knew even then how much you loved him.”

  “You look beautiful, baby girl,” Mama says as she zips up the back of my dress, pulling me from my thoughts.

  “You do, Mel. Sawyer isn’t going to know what hit him,” Diane agrees while she feeds one-year-old Daisey. Diane is pregnant again, her bulging six-month belly supporting most of Daisey’s weight. This time, they are finally getting their boy and Rob is getting a vasectomy. They both agree four is more than enough to call their family complete.

  “Auntie Mel!” Saylor calls out. It’s hard to believe she’s almost nine now and Emme is six.

  “Yes, Ladybug, what’s wrong?”

  “Can you tell Emme and Cadence I get to go first since I’m the oldest?”

  “You know what, Saylor? I think I got it wrong. I’m looking at your beautiful face right now and I forgot how grown up you are. Instead of being a flower girl, how would you like to be one of my bridesmaids? You can walk down the aisle after Aunt Rory and right before me. I bet Uncle Warren would be thrilled to walk out with you on his arm. What do you say?”

  Diane shoots me a beaming smile, and Saylor shrieks as she throws her arms around me. “Yes! Thank you, Auntie Mel, I promise I won’t let you down.”

  “You could never let me down, Saylor, no matter what. Don’t ever worry about that, okay?”

  “Okay,” she replies, still beaming.

  “It’s time, you guys,” Anna says, waddling in, looking adorab
le as can be. She’s eight months along and having another boy. Wyatt was completely bummed, he wanted a girl, but Anna is ecstatic. She said girls aren’t her thing and although she will love any child in her life, she’s happy to be a boy mom all the way.

  “Places, everyone,” Eli calls out, and they all line up at the door. “Here we are again, baby girl. How do I always end up giving my favorite girl to someone else?”

  “Because you’re the best friend a girl could ever have and we’re much better as friends than we ever were as more.”

  “Right as usual, Mel. Are you ready for this?”

  “I’m so ready for this. He makes me a better human, Eli.”

  Eli laces his arm through mine “You make him one, too. Oh, and I’m supposed to tell you there’s been a last-minute change with the wedding march. There isn’t one. Keep pace with me and you’ll be fine.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Trust me, Mel, this is much better.”

  I try to calm my nerves as I watch my handsome three-year-old lead the way down the aisle. He’s an adorable ring bearer and proudly takes his place next to Sawyer. Cadence goes next, followed by Emme, Anna, Rory, Saylor, and now … it’s my turn.

  A beautiful guitar melody begins to play. Sawyer’s prerecorded voice carries through the night, and I follow Eli’s lead as I listen to the words.

  It’s our time

  Take your place

  I can’t wait to see

  Your beautiful face

  White dress

  Flower blooms

  Pretty shoes

  Walk to your groom

  There’s no time for fears

  Only happy tears

  You are so loved, my dear

  There’s no second-guessing

  No will we or won’t we

  Just me loving you

  With you loving me, too.

  So much love

  Fills this place

  While our kids