Innuendos (It Had 2 B U Book 1)

by V. Kelly

“Morning sunshine,” I reply, finishing her omelet.

  “Grumble humph,” she growls. She snatches the plate from my hand and plops down at our table.

  “Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

  “I’d like to sue the freight train that ran over me last night. My head is pounding so loudly it’s become a song.”

  “A song?”

  “You’re drunk, buh buh buh. I think that’s how it goes. I may have forgotten it already.”

  “Aww, sweetie, what you need is a good old fashioned dic…” Then something from last night pops into my memory. A bet, no sex or sex talk, and I get a kiss. I immediately snap my mouth shut.

  Breezy grins. “Oooh, that was a close one. I think I’m going to name my puppy Buster, or Snookums. You’re making winning this bet way too easy for me. ”

  “Snookums?” I pretend to vomit.

  “What’s wrong with Snookums?” she asks, stabbing a piece of bacon and waving it around. She eyes the bacon like it’s made out of fish guts and drops it back on her plate. “I’m not hungry.”

  “Me neither.”

  “See, if we had a dog, he could eat this, and it wouldn’t go to waste.” She goes over to the trash and scrapes it off.

  “You have to win the bet first for that to happen.”

  “Oh, I’m going to win, Max, it will be easy. All it will take is a few choice words, and you’ll be humping our couch cushions begging me for it.”

  “What exactly is it? I ask smugly.

  “Why s . . . se . . . something of course. Good one. You almost got me there.”

  “Cause, I’m going to win.”

  “No you’re not,” she shouts at me.

  “I’m going to win right now, Breezy. I can do it really easy, too.”

  “How so?” She questions nervously.

  I walk over to the table where there’s an empty box from something she received in the mail and examine it. I can think of a million ways this box reminds me of a pussy; the thought gives me a brilliant idea.

  “Because I know how badly you want your box played with.” I throw the box at her. She looks at it before shooting me a confused look.

  “Why would I want my box played with?”

  “Because it’s empty and needs to be filled.”

  “Filled with what? It’s not like we’re packing for something, Max.”

  “Oh Breezy, I’m always packing.” She’s obviously still hung over and not getting this huge innuendo I’m hurling at her.

  Her expression twists in confusion. “I don’t get it. Why do I care about my box being empty?”

  “Because every box needs to be filled with the right packing materials, and I just so happen to have the right material to fill it with.”

  “Ghost poop?” she asks.

  I laugh. That’s what Breezy calls those stupid foam packing peanuts. I swear those things multiply like fucking rabbits.

  “No, not ghost poop, another white substance that’s slightly salty and completely fills you.”

  Her mouth drops. “Maxwell James McGowan, you’re not talking about what I think you’re talking about, are you? Last time I checked, we were talking about this damn box in my hands.”

  “Are we talking about that box, Breezy? Are we?”

  She examines the box, examines my face, and then looks down at her crotch. I burst out laughing. Suddenly, I feel the empty cardboard smack me right upside my head. I land straight on my ass, and now she’s laughing at me.

  “That’s what you get.”

  “For what?” I ask innocently.

  “For talking about packing my box with your damn white substance. We both know that you’re going to lose this bet if you keep that shit up.”

  “I’m not going to lose, and I’m quite sure you would enjoy what I’m packing. It has a ninety-seven percent success rate of filling all empty boxes to the rim.” I wink at her, and she lets the box fly this time. I repel it with my fist, sending it sailing across the room.

  “You just punched my box!” she screeches.

  “I did not punch your box. I merely deflected it in a different direction. Trust me, Breezy, if I punched your box, you would know. You wouldn’t be able to walk the next day.”

  “I’m still talking about that box, not this box.” She motions to her vagina and laughs.

  “You have the dirtiest mind of all dirty minds, Breezy. How can you possibly think I’m talking about your box and not that box?”

  “Cause if I have a dirty mind, then your mind is swimming in a sewage infested cesspool. I swear you’re the worst.”

  “You love every minute of this. Don’t deny it.” She’s quiet for a second and smiles.

  I know she loves this, just as much as I do.

  “I’m sorry; I can’t help it. I’m not allowed to talk about it. So I’m not talking about it. Frankly, I think what I said was perfect. I’m following all your rules.”

  “Except the one where you don’t think about it. Ugh! I need to find another word to replace it, or I’m gonna slip up and say it by accident.”

  “That’s okay. I want you to slip up, so I can play with your box.”

  “The bet wasn’t so you could play with my box. The bet was for a kiss,” she retaliates.

  “With wandering hands. Did you forget that part?” I hold my hands up and threaten her with them. “Wandering hands that have a fetish for boxes—especially wet ones.”

  “I win! You talked about it! That was so easy! I’m going to go pick up my puppy today.” She storms past me; I grab her wrist, halting her to a stop.

  “I did not say anything of the sort. You don’t win unless one of us actually says the right word. Not once did I mention it, nor did I say anything about it. All I talked about was wet boxes. If your dirty mind takes that somewhere else, that’s your fault.

  “You’re not playing fair.”

  “All’s fair in love, it, and innuendos.” I purposely leave out the word sex just to emphasize my point on how serious I am about winning this damn bet. I’m going to get my kiss, even if I have to pry it from her lips.

  “I hate you,” she grumps, turning around and heading towards her room.

  “No you don’t. You adore me. You’re just mad that I’m better at this than you are.”

  “I’m gonna win this bet, Max, and when I do, you’re picking up the doggy poop.

  I watch her until her door slams shut. I’m having way too much fun with this not talking about sex thing, and I can’t wait to think of more innuendos I can use to fully torment her.

  This is going to be great!

  Chapter Fifteen

  Breezy

  It’s been almost a full month since Travis broke up with me; I’m feeling his absence. Every day that I see him at work, my heart breaks a little more. There are times I think he’s going to come over and talk to me, and each time my heart soars because I think that maybe he will say he’s sorry and try to get back together. Each time though, he shakes his head, and walks the opposite direction I’m going, purposely to avoid me.

  Today is no different. This morning I stood two people behind him in the coffee line. When he whipped around with his half decaf, mocha latte, he almost dropped it. I’m surprised the guy behind him didn’t wear the entire thing all over his suit. I wave at him, trying to open up the gates for him to talk to me, but he quickly exits the line and makes a beeline for the elevators. I need to figure out a way to get him to talk to me.

  Once up in the office, Heinous Bitch is waiting for me. She has a handsome man in a suit standing next to her, and I realize he’s the new lawyer they hired as a potential partner.

  He smiles at me when I walk up, and I feel my entire body warm with lust. He’s at least six-four and towers above me. He has sandy blonde hair that’s playing with the top of his head. He looks like he walked off the cover of GQ magazine. Two large dimples are on each of his cheeks, and his smile is so white that it almost blinds me. Heinous Bitch obviously has alread
y staked her claim on him, because she steps between us. I’ve never thought about visiting the copy room for a midafternoon rendezvous, until now.

  “Breeanna, this is our new associate, Dane Butcher. I need you to show him around today. I’m far too busy. I want you to show him that Sullivan case I’ve had you preparing. It’s important to the firm. With Dane being an up and coming lawyer, we could use a fresh pair of eyes on this case. Do you think that you can keep it professional?”

  “Of course, Georgette, I’ve learned that I need to lead by example, not by the example I’m given. My name is Breeanne by the way.” I extend a hand to Dane, which he shakes a little longer than Georgette likes.

  “Like it matters. You’re not important around here. I, on the other hand, keep this office going.”

  More like coming, and coming, and coming. I think to myself. Man I wish I could give Henious Bitch a piece of my mind. The shit I know about this woman would definitely get her fired. I raise my eyebrow at her instead and keep my mouth shut.

  Dane smiles at her. Poor guy. I wonder how long it will be before she gets him into the copy room alone. “Thank you so much for getting me this far, Georgette; I’m sure Breeanne can take it from here.”

  I walk Dane down to where all the briefs are kept and pull out the Sullivan files, laying them on the table.

  “Looks like you two don’t get along very well,” Dane comments, once we get situated.

  I’m a little ashamed of my behavior. Georgette always gets to me. I hate that she pretty much holds my job in the palm of her perfectly manicured hand. The fact Dane picked up on it really makes me feel sheepish. I should strive to be more professional when in front of mixed company.

  “Sorry, she and I don’t exactly see eye to eye. I’m not too fond of how she has climbed the corporate ladder.”

  “Ah, she is that kind of woman. That’s a pity. She actually looks like she has a good head on her shoulders.”

  I laugh. “I’m sure she does, although, I’m not sure how often she uses it. She’s in the copy room a lot. I think it’s her favorite place.” I think it’s important that my new boss knows exactly what he’s getting himself into. I’m not going to open up my black book of secrets, but I can at least hint at her indiscretions without being too much of a snitch.

  “Avoid the copy room, got it.” He grins.

  Wow, I can’t believe how sexy that smile of his is. I push the attraction I’m feeling for him to the back of my mind. I’m not ready for a new relationship, and besides, he’s going to be my new boss.

  I spend the next hour and a half explaining the Sullivan case to Dane. Georgette was right. A fresh pair of eyes was needed for the case. He found a loophole in the file none of the other partners saw. I’m pretty sure this young lawyer is going to go far in the business. Besides being utterly good-looking, he’s also dynamic and has a way with words.

  “Are you hungry?” he asks me.

  “Yeah, I’m starving.”

  “How about we go get some lunch? Right now you’re my best friend here. My treat.”

  “Sounds great.”

  We end up going to the Italian restaurant across the street. The moment we sit down, I start to feel a little uncomfortable, this sort of feels like a date, and I’m definitely not ready for one of those. I’m still looking for all the broken pieces Travis left me with after our breakup.

  “Can I order for you?” He asks staring deeply into my eyes. How could I not notice his eyes before? They are like this gorgeous brown that are so light, they practically look yellow.

  “Um, okay.” The waitress appears; Dane orders me exactly what I would’ve ordered for myself: a chicken Caesar salad and lemon water. He orders himself a plate of lasagna and a glass of water, as well.

  “How did you know what I would want?”

  “Call it a gift. I can read people pretty well. It’s part of the reason I’m so good at my job. I can tell who’s lying on the stand and who’s not.”

  “That’s a pretty great gift to have as a lawyer.”

  “Tell me about it. Did anyone ever tell you that you have beautiful eyes, Bree? Can I call you Bree? Your boyfriend must be a very lucky man.”

  “I don’t have a boyfriend.” As if on cue, Heinous Bitch picks that exact moment to walk through the door, toting her new prey—fucking Travis. She smirks at me over his shoulder and gives me a condescending look. Travis has his arm wrapped firmly around her waist until his eyes meet mine, and his arm immediately drops. I have to fight the tears threatening my eyes.

  “What’s wrong?” Dane asks me as a tear drops down my cheek. I quickly wipe it away and sigh.

  “Georgette’s new prey is my ex-boyfriend. We only broke up a month ago.”

  Dane looks over his shoulder and sees Travis glaring at the two of us.

  “Well, it’s obvious he’s not over you. Here, let’s give him a show.”

  “Excuse me?”

  Dane takes my hand and holds it over the table. It feels so weird. I know it doesn’t mean anything, but I feel absolutely nothing when he touches me, which is totally not what I expected.

  “I live with a guy!” I blurt out.

  Dane looks at me in confusion.

  “That’s why Travis broke up with me. He found out that my roommate’s a dude and freaked out.” I try to drop Dane’s hand, but he just smiles.

  “I’m gay,” he says still grinning. “I’m pretty sure the guy I live with, trumps the one that lives with you.”

  I look at him strangely. I cover my mouth with my free hand and gasp. “Oh my god, I assumed that you were hitting on me when you said I had beautiful eyes. I am so stupid.”

  He laughs, “I’m gay, but I also know a pretty girl when I see one. My partner Brutus thinks I’m bi-sexual. I could be, but I don’t really think so. I like dick way too much.”

  Now I’m blushing and laughing.

  “Don’t look now, but I think your ex-boyfriend is on his way over here.” Dane doesn’t drop my hand. Instead, he locks eyes with me like we’re in love or something. I should’ve known from the pink on his suit that he was gay. I’m not sure why I didn’t pick up on it when we were going over the Sullivan brief.

  “Bree, can I talk to you for a minute?” Travis asks, eyeing the hand hold Dane and I have going on.

  “Um sure, if you would please excuse me, Dane. I’ll be right back.” I excuse myself from the table and follow Travis outside. Georgette looks pissed, but at this point, I really don’t care.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” Travis yells, grabbing my arm and pulling me to the side of the building.

  “What are you talking about? I’m having lunch with a colleague.”

  Travis rolls his eyes. “You know exactly what I mean. We’re supposed to be on a break, Bree. That doesn’t mean that you can go out with every fucking douchebag in your office.”

  “Look who’s talking, Travis. You showed up here with Georgette of all people. She’s the one person I can’t stand, and you know it.”

  “That’s different!” He shouts.

  “Why is that different?”

  “Because I’m only out with her to make you jealous! I saw you walk out with that hunk of a lawyer. Georgette said you two were dating, and I fucking panicked. Then I get here and he’s holding your hand. I’m sorry, but seeing that almost broke me in two.”

  “He’s gay, Travis. The only reason he was even holding my hand was because I was on the verge of tears after seeing you walk in with her. I don’t even know why you care. You broke up with me, remember?”

  “I didn’t break up with you. I asked for a break.”

  “That’s the same thing,” I mumble.

  “Breezy, I don’t like seeing you out with other men. It doesn’t feel right. I love you.” He cups my face and leans in like he’s going to kiss me.

  “No, Travis, you can’t kiss me. I’m not going to let that happen. Want to talk about broken? How about how you turned out to be just like every other m
an I’ve ever dated? Or the fact you broke up with me because you can’t handle that my best friend and roommate is a guy. If it wasn’t for Max going out of his way to make me feel better, I’d still be an emotional mess over our break up.”

  “We didn’t break up! I asked for a little time to sort out my head. It’s been a month. I know what I want now, and what I want is you. Move in with me, Bree. Move out of your place with Max and into my apartment.”

  “Do you really think that I would move in with you after the way you left me? Travis, I’m not ready to get back together yet, let alone, move in together. You wanted time. You got it. Now I want my time. Maybe in a couple months I’ll be more inclined to accept this apology of yours, or whatever you call it, but right now I can’t even look at you. Using Georgette to make me jealous was stupid—really fucking stupid.”

  With that, I turn on my heels and march back inside. He doesn’t follow me. Instead, he ends up ditching Georgette completely and leaving her alone in the restaurant to eat by herself.

  “Is everything okay?” Dane asks when I take a seat. Our food is there, and I robotically start eating.

  “He said he only brought her here to make me jealous. He made me mad, and then had the audacity to ask me to get back together with him and move into his apartment. He doesn’t want me living with my best friend.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because my best friend looks like this.” I pull out my phone and show him a picture of Max. It’s a picture of him working out with his shirt off.

  Dane whistles loudly. “Fuck, he’s good-looking. No wonder your boyfriend freaked out.”

  “I’ve never done anything with Max before. No kissing. We haven’t messed around—nothing. We’re just friends. Well, except this stupid bet thing we got going on right now.”

  “Bet?”

  “Yeah, I got drunk and challenged Max. I told him that I could go longer without, well you know it, and we can’t even talk about it either.”

  “How’s that working out for you?” Dane asks laughing.

  “It’s fucking torture. Max has started this game of innuendos with me. Now every time he gets a chance, he’s talking about it, but not, if you know what I mean?” My mouth moves faster than my mind. I’m opening up to a complete stranger—one that is going to be my boss soon. This is so unlike me. Dane is incredibly easy to talk to. The fact that he’s easy on the eyes helps out as well.