Innuendos (It Had 2 B U Book 1)

by V. Kelly

  “That entire hospital thinks you have herpes. I think me helping you move is the least I can do.”

  The next day I returned to the house a little after nine. I didn’t go home last night, and I had to sleep on Tony’s couch, listening to the animalistic bedroom noises coming from Tony’s room. It was a little disgusting. I’ve never been that vocal in the bedroom. Tony is a serious screamer. I know more about Tony’s sexual habits than I would like. Though, as much as I hate to admit, it was definitely a turn on to hear Emma spanking the crap out of him while he begged for more. I didn’t peg Emma as the dominatrix type, but she has that domineering persona down perfectly.

  After a couple hours of packing boxes and moving the big shit over to a storage unit I rented, I sent Tony home. I figured even with a bum hand, I could take care of this myself. What I didn’t expect was how hard it is to carry boxes using a limp wrist for support. It took me way too long to get the boxes to my car. Before I knew it, it was time for Breezy to come home.

  She left me a letter this morning. I avoided reading it, because I didn’t really want to hear what she had to say, but right before five, after my entire body was wrecked with exhaustion, I opened it up.

  Dear Max,

  I’m sorry things got all screwed up between us. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you. There has always been a wall up between us when it came to the bedroom. I did that purposely, because I knew that you and I work so much better as friends. Breaking down that wall has caused too many conflicting emotions in me. You’re all I have, Max, my only family. Without you, I’m truly alone. Watching you break the mirror last night really shook me up. I knew that I hurt you in a way that I never intended. Please know that despite whatever feelings you do have for me, my only request is that we stay friends. I don’t want to lose you, Max. I know that you’re upset and angry about Travis. I can’t blame you for that. Had I known he was giving me a hickey, I would’ve stopped it. It was stupid and selfish of me to even leave with him. The truth is, confronting you scared me. I felt like you were giving me an ultimatum—it’s either us be together or nothing at all. I can’t do that, Max. I won’t gamble with our friendship on some whim that you and I may be perfect together. Don’t you see how much you mean to me? Don’t you see that there isn’t a man alive that means more to me than you do? Isn’t that love enough to keep us going?

  I hope that when you read this that you will understand a little bit about where I’m coming from. I spent all night writing this damn letter. Seventeen drafts later, and I still think it sounds like shit. No amount of sorry, or please forgive me, will ever make up for what I did.

  As for the sex . . . you’re right, I felt a connection. I felt so many emotions and things last night, and I just couldn’t handle them. I’m not sure what any of it meant. All I know is that it felt like we had reached a point in our relationship where everything changed. The innuendo game caused this mess, and though I really want my damn puppy, I know that in the long run we both lost. (Even if you got more than a kiss from me)

  Max, your kisses set me on fire last night. Sex with you was the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced, but it also scared the shit out of me. I need you to be okay with us just staying friends. I need you to realize that in the long run, that’s what is best for our relationship. Imagine if we fail. Imagine if almost eleven years of friendship are ruined because we decide to give a relationship a shot. It’s a gamble, Max, one I’m not willing to take with you.

  I hope you know that I care for you. I hope you know how much of my heart you truly possess. There will never be another man who will ever shine as brightly in my eyes as you do. You’re my light, Max. Please don’t let that light burn out because of one foolish night of passion.

  Always and forever your best friend,

  Breezy

  Why did I open this damn letter? Why?

  I crumple up her letter and throw it into one of my boxes. I close the box and put a string of tape over the top. I’m crying bullets. They ricochet over my cheeks and fall onto the cardboard box I’m holding. It barely soaks it up. I’m trying to tape up with one hand, but it’s a lot more difficult than I expected it to be. Breezy really knows how to break a guy’s heart. At least she didn’t mention Travis being her perfect man. That would’ve killed me.

  When I’m almost finished, I hear her car pull up into the driveway. Fuck, I was supposed to be gone before she got home. I try to wipe the tears from my eyes, but they are falling so fast and frequent that I can’t stop them. I’m like a faucet that’s broken. No amount of wrenching or twisting is going to get me to turn off right now.

  I take a deep breath when I hear the knob turn. This isn’t going to be easy . . . but it’s time to move on, and finally let Breezy go.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Breezy

  “Max? What’s going on?” Max is sitting on the floor in the middle of a cardboard kingdom. He won’t even make eye contact with me as he tapes up a box. “Max, talk to me. What’s going on?”

  Finally, he looks up at me. I notice he has tears in his eyes.

  “I can’t do this anymore, Breeanne.”

  “Can’t do what anymore?” My heart is on hyper-overdrive. Already tears are threatening my eyes, and I don’t even know what’s going on. I see his hand inside the cast, and I freak out. He did that because of me and this stupid hickey on my neck. I absentmindedly rub my neck.

  “This. Us. I can’t live with you anymore, Breeanne.” Why is he calling me Breeanne? What happened to Breezy?

  “I don’t understand, Max. You’re moving out?”

  He nods feebly.

  “Why?”

  “I’m in love with you, Breeanne. I have been since the day I first met you. I know it’s stupid, because you’ll never feel that way towards me, but I can’t help myself. The other night was the best night of my life. I was finally able to hold the woman of my dreams in my arms, kiss her, and make love to her until the sun came up the next morning. I gave you everything that night. My heart. My love. My dick. I’ve never fucked anybody bareback before, not once. I saved that for the woman I wanted to make my wife. I saved it for you, Breeanne. At one point I thought you were feeling the same thing; then Travis shows up and suddenly everything that happened was forgotten. I can’t do it. I know what it’s like to be with you now, and frankly, I just can’t spend another minute living beside you unless you’re mine.”

  What world am I living in? My Max is in love with me. He’s been in love with me since we first met. How did I not notice this before? Now he’s leaving me, and it’s all because I went back to Travis. I don’t want to lose Max. I don’t want him to move out. I need to fix this and fix it now before the one person who means the world to me is gone forever.

  “Max, I’m not sure what to say. Why didn’t you tell me how you were feeling? We could’ve talked all this out. Please don’t move. I need you.” I’m crying—full on water faucets, and a snotty kind of cry.

  “Would it have mattered? You already had your thoughts about me, Breeanne. I’m a man-whore, remember?”

  “Stop calling me Breeanne. That’s not what you call me,” I scream.

  “It’s what I have to call you now to protect my heart. Don’t worry. Once I’m gone, you and Travis can go off and be a happy little family. You’ll forget all about me.”

  “Max, that could never happen. You’re my life.”

  “No, Breeanne, you’re mine. That’s the problem. I don’t know who I am without you. It’s always been Max and Breezy. I always thought it would be that way forever. I was wrong. You love him. I’ve never seen you actually fall in love with someone before. It’s fucking killing me. Every time he makes you smile instead of me, every time he makes you laugh, every time his dick gets to pleasure you . . . it all hurts, Breeanne. I can’t take the hurt anymore. I may be strong, but I’m not strong enough to watch another man win over the woman I want to be with. I’ve done it for eleven years, and frankly, I’m over it. I need to
know what it’s like to be Max. Maybe someday down the road we can be friends again, but for right now, do me a favor and don’t call me.”

  “Max, please. I need you. You’re my best friend. You’re my crutch. You’ve always been there for me, and now just because we had sex, you’re going to abandon me?”

  “Breeanne,” his voice cracks. A stream of tears flood from his eyes. I’ve never seen Max cry before. Each tear breaks me a little more. I don’t want Max to cry. I just want to go back to before things got all messed up.

  “If you think the other night was just sex, then leaving is the only decision I have. Either learn to walk on your own, or find a new crutch.” He picks up a box and walks towards the door. “One day I will get over you. I’ll fall in love, marry some girl, and make her incredibly happy. The problem is the only girl I’ve ever thought about marrying is you. Take care of yourself, Hicks. Make sure he treats you right.”

  Then he’s gone. Just like that. He walked right out that door and left me. I sink to the floor and my entire world shatters. I’m catatonic, a shell of emotion sitting in a mine field of boxes. Max left me. Max is in love with me. Max is gone. I curl up into a ball and hug my knees. It’s something I did right after my parent’s accident. The doctors were afraid I was going into shock. All it took was one hug from Max, and everything was better. Instead of cowering to the grief I had, I fought it. Max was the only reason I didn’t fall apart completely. Now he’s gone, and I just feel numb. I’m rocking back and forth sobbing like I’ve never sobbed before. I don’t understand what’s going on. Why did he have to leave?

  The door opens and my heart soars when I realize Max is coming back. He stops for a second in the doorway and assesses the situation. For a moment I think he’s going to say something. I can see the tears in his eyes. He doesn’t want to leave, yet he’s forcing himself to do just that.

  “Max,” I whimper. “Please don’t go.”

  He ignores me and stoops down to pick up another box. He doesn’t even look at me when he walks out the door for a second time. I can’t sit here and watch him walk out of my life. Instead of convincing him to stay like I should have, I flee to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me. Once in my room, I lose it. My chest hurts, my heart hurts, my entire body is a living, breathing, emotion that’s cracking apart.

  I hear him work quickly in the other room, and after ten minutes of the door opening and closing, I’m surrounded by silence. No more Max. No more open door. No more chance that we can fix us. I can’t even call anyone to wallow in my grief. Without Max, I have no one. I’m fucking pathetic. My entire life revolves around one person—now he’s gone.

  My phone rings and I dive for it, hoping that it’s Max. I’m devastated when I see that it’s Travis. I don’t even bother answering it. I flip it to voice mail and turn my phone off. I don’t want to talk to anyone but Max. I grab my pillow and Mr. Hifflesump, and then pad over to Max’s empty bedroom. There I collapse onto the floor, curl myself into a little ball, and weep.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Max

  It took everything I had not to scoop Breezy up off that floor and into my arms. That’s something the old Max would do. The new Max doesn’t give a shit that the woman he loves is crying. He doesn’t care that he watched her break apart in front of him. He doesn’t care that it’s all his fault. Nope, the new Max is over taking care of Breezy all the time. The new Max is done.

  Driving to my parent’s house with my Bronco packed full of boxes was quite humbling. I moved out when I was eighteen, stayed in the dorms all through college, and immediately moved into the house with Breezy. I haven’t lived with my parents since I graduated high school, and even then I was hardly ever home. My family is small, but they have big hearts, so I know my mother will not turn me away when I show up on her doorstep.

  It wasn’t like I made a snap judgment and went, “Okay, I’m going to move out.” I really thought about it. The more I pictured Breezy and Travis together, the easier it was to pack up all my shit. Within four hours, all my stuff was in boxes. It’s kind of sad to think about how easy it was. The big stuff I had Tony help me move into a storage unit. Carrying my bed and dressers to his truck wasn’t easy with my bum hand. Everything else, I knew I could take care of myself. My mom and dad have no idea I’m coming. The element of surprise is the best way for me to get them to succumb to my needs.

  Once I’m at my old two-story red brick home, I let out a long sigh. Am I really ready to do this? Should I turn around and give in. No way! This won’t be permanent. I’ll just stay a couple weeks, maybe a month, until I’m strong enough to get my own place. I should be fine, so why do I feel like a person is pounding my heart with a sledgehammer?

  My mom answers the door on my third knock. Her face brightens when she sees me, but then she sees the box in my hand.

  “Honey, what’s wrong?”

  “I need a place to live for a couple weeks. Can I stay here?” Tears are threatening again. My chest heaves, as I push back the emotion filling it.

  “Of course, Honey. What happened between you and Breezy? I thought you guys were happy together?”

  “She fell in love with someone else.”

  My mom covers her mouth and gasps. “No! I thought for sure that you two would end up together. You’re perfect for each other. Come inside. I’ll make you some hot cocoa, and we’ll sit by the fire and talk this out.”

  “Fire, Mom? We live in Miami.”

  “Well, the fire won’t actually be burning, Max. Come on.” She puts a reassuring arm around me and guides me inside. “You can pile all your boxes in the basement. Your old room is still open if you need to use it.”

  “Thanks Mom.” I kiss her cheek

  Once inside, my mom and I settle on her loveseat. Her legs are pulled up underneath her, and she has a cup of hot cocoa in her hand. I look a lot like my mom. We both have the light eyes and dark hair thing going on. She’s slightly heavy set with a cute round cheeks and a smile that could warm anyone’s heart. My dad on the other hand is opposite of both of us. I’m convinced my mom must’ve slept around on my dad, because other than a slightly crooked left eyebrow, I look nothing like him. My dad is a scrawny, blonde hair, brown eyed man that wears glasses and frigging pocket protectors. Everly, my little sister, sort of has his facial features, but she has the dark hair and light eyes just like my mom and me. No matter what way you look at it, my dad is the odd duck in our family.

  “Okay, my handsome son, tell me what happened?”

  “I can’t talk about this stuff with you, Mom. It’s embarrassing.”

  “Oh my god, you two had sex!” She exclaims, as her entire face lighting up. “That’s what happened; isn’t it? You two slept together, and now you’re friendship is different.”

  “It’s over. Our friendship is over, Mom.”

  “But why? Did she tell you that she didn’t want to be friends anymore?”

  “No.”

  “Then what happened?”

  I sigh loudly. Talking about my love life with my mother is the last thing I want to do. I love my mom. She’s awesome, but telling her I’m somewhat of a man-whore doesn’t sound appealing. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Well, tough titties, Max. Talk or you can go straight back to where you came from. I need to know what I’m working with here.”

  “Did you just say tough titties?”

  “I’m fifty-five years old, Max. I’m allowed to say tough titties if I want to.”

  “You’re also my mom and that makes it wrong on so many levels. It’s right up there with thinking about you and Dad having sex.” I shudder immediately after the words leave my mouth.

  “You say it like your dad is incapable of showing me a good time. I will tell you that your father can do things to me that most men . . .”

  Make it stop! “Mom, shut up, shut up, shut up.” I shout, covering my ears. “You want me to talk, fine. Yes, I slept with Breezy. Yes, it was the most amazing ni
ght of my life. I woke up the next morning the happiest man in the world, only to have that same world crush me. Her ex picks the exact moment we start discussing us to knock on the door. I gave her some time to talk to him, and the next thing I know, she’s gone—just vanished on me. She comes back and tells me that Travis and she are going to try again. To make matters worse, she had a gigantic hickey on her neck. It was like everything that happened between us meant nothing to her, Mom. We finally took that gigantic step in our relationship, and she treated me like a fucking condom, easily expendable and only good for one time.”

  My mother blanches and chokes on her cocoa. “Well, that’s one way of explaining it. Max, is leaving Breezy like this really what you want to do? I mean, you’ve been best friends since high school. You’ve lived together for the last four years. Did you even think about the way you left her? Max, she’s been through a lot. Our family is all she has. If you leave her, she has nothing.”

  “No, mom, she has Travis.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong, Son. Travis doesn’t have her. He’ll never have her. How long have they been a couple?”

  “A few months.”

  “How long have you and Breezy been together?”

  I flop my head over and glare at her. “Mom, Breezy and I aren’t together.”

  “Max,” she says cradling my face. If you believe that, then you’re an idiot. You’re her longest relationship, Son. She just doesn’t see it . . . yet. But she will. Trust me. When a couple days go by, she’s going to realize what she has with you and come running back.”

  “Not when Mr. Perfect is at her disposal. She probably doesn’t even care that I left. I’m sure it will make her upset for the first day, but after he shows up to make her feel better, she won’t care anymore.”

  “That’s the biggest crock of shit, I’ve ever heard, Max. That girl loves you just as much as you love her. Maybe she’s not the brightest crayon in the box, and a little blind to what’s really going on between the two of you, but she’s also the smartest girl I know, besides your mother and sister of course. I know this separation will be good for you both.”