RETURN

by S. C. Deutsch

  The dog-bear dropped and stared at Ana, its gaze full of both fury and bewilderment. Pawing the ground several times, it feinted, trying to make her commit to an action. Ana played its game, refusing to respond while continuing to bounce and slowly waving the knife in front of her.

  The dog-bear stopped pawing the ground and relaxed, letting out a long growl as it shook its head, sending drool flying in long ribbons through the air. Turning to the right, it took a few steps, swiveling its head to look at Ana as it appeared to retreat. Ana wasn’t buying it. Instead of lowering her guard, Ana laughed. Calling it rude names, she continued to wave the knife, egging the dog-bear on. The dog-bear turned suddenly and galloped straight at Ana, emitting an awful howl as it did so. Ana had not only anticipated this but banked on it, assuming a runner’s stance as she waited for the perfect opportunity.

  When the dog-bear turned, Ana transferred the knife to her mouth and clenched it tightly between her teeth. Pushing off with her right foot, she made straight for the charging animal. Using her forward momentum, Ana leapt forward as if trying for distance in the long jump. Hitting the ground with both feet, she bounced once, bending her knees and using the balls of her feet to propel herself upwards. Striving to get as high and as far forward as possible, Ana stretched both arms over her head, diving over the dog-bear before the two collided. Using both hands to propel herself, she pushed off the dog-bear’s shoulders and then somersaulted, landing in a crouch behind the monster. Springing up, Ana spun around and ran straight towards the rear of the animal, vaulting onto its back once she reached it. Leaning forward, she tightened her thighs and hooked one arm around its thick neck, grateful for the hours spent in the gymnastics class. Whipping the knife down, Ana slit the dog-bear’s throat.

  It took a few minutes for the dog-bear to die. Bucking and racing in circles, it tried to eject the unwanted rider clinging to its back. Ana hung on tightly, both arms now wrapped around the dog-bear’s neck and face pressed against its bristly fur. She felt her arms starting to slip as the blood poured out and gripped tighter, pressing her knees into the dog-bear’s side, while chanting for its death over and over. Just when Ana felt she couldn’t hang on any longer, the dog-bear faltered. Coming to a stop, it lowered its head and let out a mournful sound, blood pouring from the gaping wound and pooling on the ground under it. Front legs buckling first, the dog-bear slowly toppled, causing a loud crash as it hit the jungle floor. Ana jumped clear as the creature collapsed, landing more heavily on one leg than the other, and causing her to fall to her side a few feet away.

  Struggling to get her emotions under control, Ana stayed where she was until it became obvious the dog-bear was dead. Panting heavily, Ana’s muscles started to spasm from the exertion, and she curled into a tight ball as they wracked her body. She stared at the inert body for several minutes while waiting for the trembling to stop, clenching her teeth when they started chattering, and holding her legs tightly to her chest. When it finally became evident the dog-bear wouldn’t be getting back up, Ana waited a few more moments for her muscles to relax, then slowly uncurled and rose. Testing the leg, Ana did a couple of squats and was relieved to find it hadn’t suffered any injury. Blood dripping down her arms and falling in drops from her fingertips, Ana turned on her heel and left the area, the knife still held firmly in her grip. She continued walking steadily for an indeterminate amount of time, not taking any interest in her surroundings and letting her mind travel where it willed. Ana continued this way until she eventually fell, sleep claiming her before she hit the ground.

  11

  Chapter 11

  Week 3

  Day 5

  The jungle remained cloaked in a heavy mist, although the gray was no longer uniform in color. The fog still hung thickly, continuing to hide the surrounding trees from sight, but a fine ash now drifted down, softening the landscape as it covered the ground like freshly fallen snow. Ana constantly brushed it off her arms and out of her hair, but the effort proved a waste of time. The ash was replaced as soon as it was cleared away, making any attempts at staying clean futile. It was also becoming hard to breathe, so Ana tucked her chin to her chest and tried to take shallow breaths through barely parted lips. With no general destination in mind but feeling a need to keep moving, Ana continued plodding along while trying not to think about how slim her chances of survival now were.

  When the smell of burning wood ultimately penetrated her hazy thoughts, Ana’s head jerked up and she scanned the area for any sign of flames. Seeing nothing but gray on gray, she tried to determine which direction the odor came from. Unable to zero in on a single source, Ana stopped walking and tried to decide which direction she should head next, nervousness causing her eyes to dart constantly around the immediate vicinity. Her gaze traveling back and forth, Ana strained to see or hear anything that would help pinpoint the fire’s location. When the effort proved to be in vain, she started walking in the same general direction as before, still trying to locate the source of the burning wood even as she slipped back into the semi-trance.

  The heat hit Ana like a blast furnace, making Ana feel like she had stepped in front of an open oven. Coming to an abrupt halt, she took a step back when she saw she was now surrounded by fire. The fog was lifting rapidly, revealing an inferno as far as the eye could see. Feeling the panic starting to rise, Ana tried to find an escape route without losing control. The heat was scorching, baking her skin and burning her lungs. She tried desperately to remain calm, instinctively knowing panic would make matters worse.

  Ana harbored a deep seated, almost irrational, fear of fire. She never lit candles and refused to sit close to a fireplace or any other open flame. Learning where all the fire escape routes were the moment she entered a new building, Ana was also fanatical about making sure her home’s safety systems were always functional and that her family had working fire suppression packs within easy reach of every room. Her mother thought Ana melodramatic, often complaining of the inconvenience of the frequent inspections or the cost of buying packs when Ana insisted the old ones be replaced. Her father, however, seemed to understand and would patiently walk with Ana through the annual checks on the fire preventatives, making sure she felt safe with everything they inspected.

  At around five or six years of age, Ana had witnessed her entire neighborhood in Flaga go up in flames. A bolt of lightning from one of the frequent summer storms had struck the large, half-dead tree across the street, sparking the beginning of one of the worst catastrophes in Flaga’s history. The neighborhood had been after the homeowner to remove the tree for years but had little recourse when the owner ignored the requests, unable to obtain assistance from the local Principe for some reason. The tree had gone up like a torch and toppled, landing directly on the negligent owner’s house, causing the structure to be consumed in minutes. Ana could see the occupants silhouetted in the windows as they tried desperately to escape the flames, running from room to room as they sought a way out. She witnessed one member fling themselves through a second story window, completely engulfed and screaming as they fell, the awful sound continuing until they hit the ground with a thud. Ana had watched in both horror and fascination as the fire leapt from house to house, not leaving her perch at the large front window until her father picked her up and carried her out back. Dumping Ana in the pool, he told her to stay there until his return. Ana’s mother dove in after her, holding her and dunking under the water periodically to make sure they both stayed soaking wet. Her father had jumped in after them, making sure his clothing was completely drenched. After exiting the pool, he had snatched a discarded shirt, wetting it thoroughly before wrapping it around his head, then joined the bucket brigade that snaked from the canal behind her house, across the street, and down the block.

  At the time, Ana had not understood why help never came, only finding out years later that the government did not provide fire, police, or any of the local departments needed to maintain a large metropolitan area, instead leaving it to th
e separate sectors to establish the social services required. It was discovered after the fire that the Principe of Flaga had been siphoning off the credits allotted by the government for these services and had been using them for personal expenses, thereby letting the necessary services lapse. The fire brought the scandal to light, causing the Principe to be sentenced and exiled, never to be heard from again.

  When the fire finally burned itself out, fourteen homes had been destroyed, twenty-three had been damaged so badly as to be uninhabitable, and at least sixty-three had suffered some sort of damage. Along with this, twelve businesses had been impacted, very little vegetation remained, and the streets in the neighborhood had buckled from the heat. Eleven people had died, including the entire family across the street, as well as two of her friends. Ana had remained in the water, now uncomfortably hot, with her mother until her father reappeared, covered in soot from head to toe. He had rejoined them in the pool, turning the water black, and relayed the horror of what had happened to her mother as he washed the ash off. He then told Ana’s mother she was needed to help treat the wounded until transports could be found to take them to area med-centers, then helped both of them out of the pool. Not wanting to leave Ana behind, her mother had taken her along, and Ana was forced to confront the devastation as well as having no choice but to see what fire did to a human body. The experience had made a lasting impact on Ana, giving her nightmares for months after and creating a deep-seated fear of fire that colored almost everything she did.

  Ana fought the panic she once again felt rising within her. Every fiber of her being wanted to run, to escape the flames and save herself. Ana was having an impossible time trying to utilize the Tai Chi training, especially since she was unable to take a deep breath to center herself. When a burning twig landed on her arm, Ana shrieked and gave in to the terror, sprinting through the trees in the direction that looked the least dangerous.

  Running for what felt like hours, Ana tried desperately to take small breaths, but her lungs felt scorched and even the slightest inhalation caused severe pain. Her skin had turned a deep shade of red, making Ana feel like she was suffering from the worst sunburn ever. Afraid to stop, she continued running, eventually panting despite the pain and further damage it caused her lungs. The soles of her feet burned, then blistered, but Ana continued to run, trying to ignore the pain. Terrified of being burned alive, Ana desperately searched for a way out of the inferno. The ash had been replaced by sparks and small embers, causing a ragged cry every time one landed on her exposed skin. Swatting constantly, Ana tried in vain to keep from getting burned while continuing to careen wildly through the trees.

  When she was suddenly confronted by a small body of water, Ana never hesitated. Not caring if it was safe or not, she ran straight into the lake. The bottom fell away abruptly, leaving her to tread water when she was no longer able to touch the bottom with her toes. Dunking under several times, Ana made sure her hair was soaked through. She still carried the knife and a part of her hoped it wouldn’t become damaged should she be forced to stay in the lake for any length of time.

  The cooler water helped Ana calm down, allowing her to focus on the surrounding area. The air near the surface had less ash floating in it, making it slightly easier to breathe, so she kept her head partially submerged and only breathed through her nose. Ana tried not to inhale any water, having no idea how safe it was, but just being out of the heat made her feel better. She swam slowly, trying to conserve her strength as she searched for a possible way out. Rolling a few times, Ana surveyed the forest around the small lake. The entire jungle was ablaze, every tree consumed in flames from the canopy on down. Not seeing any means of escape, Ana began to worry about not being able to continue treading water until the fire burned itself out. Already weak from lack of sleep and not getting proper nutrition, Ana was rapidly tiring with the effort of keeping her head above water. Slowly making her way towards shore, she searched for someplace that would allow her to put her feet down so she could rest.

  Ana was so intent on finding someplace to stand that she failed to see the shine across the surface of the water. When she heard a splash behind her, she turned quickly around, bringing the knife up. What Ana saw sent fresh waves of panic rolling through her. A branch, consumed in flames, had fallen from one of the trees, trailing fire as it fell. But instead of being doused when it struck, it exploded, sending sparks flying across the lake’s surface. The water ignited and sent flames racing in every direction, engulfing the lake in seconds. As the blaze encircled her, Ana screamed and scrambled out of the water. The ground was red hot and her feet, already blistered, burned upon contact, causing her to howl in pain. Turning around, Ana dove back in and swam as fast as possible towards the center of the lake. As the flames closed in, she let herself sink, watching as they filled the hole that marked where she had just been.

  Ana swam rapidly back and forth around the lake, her lungs demanding oxygen as she vainly searched for a way out. The entire surface was ablaze, and an orange glow suffused the water. The temperature was rising, and Ana suddenly understood what being a lobster must feel like. As the temperature continued to rise, Ana could feel blisters starting to erupt on the already burned skin, causing small whimpers that escaped as bubbles, immediately popping the minute they hit the scorching water. Frantically swimming faster, Ana felt her spirits plunging as she realized there was little chance of escaping the flames.

  Ana was not prepared to die, however likely that prospect seemed. And her fear of dying from fire caused her to redouble her efforts at finding a way out. Continuing to swim in the deepest part of the lake, she weighed the options, not liking what she found. Ana knew she couldn’t hold her breath forever and the flames showed no signs of either moving on or being extinguished, meaning she could not try and ride the inferno out. Should she try and leave the water, Ana was sure that the flammable liquid floating on the surface would coat her skin, turning her into a burning effigy the minute the air hit her. Ana had no way of escaping and her total fear of fire made trying to think almost impossible. The thought of being burned alive, flames licking her body as they consumed her, terrified her to the point of madness, and Ana was hard pressed to find a reason to try and survive. The thought of Jax, Jan, and most importantly, not being able to fulfill the promises she made, all helped bring her back from the edge, giving Ana a moment of clarity in which a possible idea formed. Frantically hoping that coating herself in mud would keep the flames at bay, Ana made her way closer to the lake’s edge, trying to ignore the blistering on her skin. Digging clods of dirt, Ana slowly rose, coating herself in gooey, black slime as she breached the surface. Leaving nothing but her eyes exposed, Ana covered every inch of her exposed skin with the black mud. Stepping out of the lake, Ana looked like something from a horror movie, completely caked in dirt and dripping slime. Unfortunately, Ana had forgotten about the jungle floor. With no way to coat the bottom of her feet, the soles began to burn once more, then blister again. Ana was forced to step back into the water while she tried to figure out a way to overcome the lack of protection. She had also forgotten about the oily substance coating the water’s surface, and the outer layer of the mud began to glow as it now ignited. As she was furiously trying to find a solution to both problems, the mud encasing her slowly began to dry, turning hard and rendering Ana almost immobile. The temperature immediately began to rise inside the casing, making Ana literally start baking. Screaming in pain, Ana turned slowly and dove back into the lake, frantically cracking and peeling the mud off as it softened. Intent on removing the caked dirt, Ana forgot that she was in shallow water and struck her head on the bottom, then tumbled over the drop-off and slipped into the depths. Drifting ever downwards, Ana lost consciousness, darkness overtaking her completely.

  12

  Chapter 12

  Week 3

  Day 6

  Ana rolled onto her back, enjoying the way the sun felt on her face. She felt fully rested, her muscles totally relax
ed, and her mind completely at ease. No longer consumed with terror, Ana felt more upbeat and less despondent, her mind clearer than it had been for weeks. Her breathing was regular, she no longer felt starved, although she was still hungry, and even the constant thirst had abated. Stretching both arms, she crossed them and tucked the hands under her head. Ana let herself start to doze when it suddenly hit her that there was something very wrong with this picture.

  Eyes snapping open, Ana abruptly sat up. Looking around, she saw she was still in the jungle. But it no longer looked like the same. Dappled sunlight filtered through the trees and Ana could hear birds chirping and singing. Looking up, she was shocked to see the canopy was emerald green, no sign of blackened limbs anywhere. She caught glimpses of an impossibly blue sky through the leaves and noticed a soft breeze sighing as it gently ruffled her hair. Bringing her gaze back to earth, Ana saw no sign of fire, not even a small pile of ash. Nor was there any sign of the heavy fog that had been present for the last few days. In fact, she could clearly see the trees as the jungle spread out before her. It no longer held a sense of doom and the temperature and humidity had dropped to a more tolerable level, making Ana feel better than she had in a long, long time.