Broken Pasts

by Stunich, C. M.

  “Oh, god,” I said as I put my head in my hand and looked over at Nathaniel. “There's a gentle adjustment period when getting to know Jamie,” I promised as my friend walked away, winking.

  “I like her already,” Nathaniel said, but his expression was all for me. He was staring at me, watching me with interest and an undisguised bit of lust. In his eyes was an intriguing glint that went beyond our casual acquaintance. Did he feel any of the same things for me as I did for him?

  “Am I interesting to you?” I asked, voice quiet, almost husky. There was this bit of something in the air, like a taste of heat, of friction. I realized then that we were standing way too close for two people who knew nothing about one another. I took a step back.

  “Fascinating,” he said, but that single word had so many meanings that I was having trouble decrypting them. I took a deep breath and glanced away.

  “Want a beer?” I asked him and he shook his head.

  “I might have crossed the line with you, but I'm still going to keep you safe. Under different circumstances … ” I nodded and put my hands on my lower back.

  “Right. Got it. Maybe some other time?” I looked up suddenly and met eyes that shone under the dim lights of the bowling alley like jewels.

  “Maybe next Friday?” he asked. I swallowed, hard. Were we making a date? Really? Did I want to go there? Could I help myself?

  “Sure. Want to meet here?” I asked as I tried to breathe through my nose.

  “I could pick you up … ” he ventured and then paused. “That is, if you think you'll no longer be needing my services at that time?” I bit my lip and tucked my fingers into my pockets. I was still working under the assumption that Gary would go away. Just leave me alone and disappear. And I couldn't ask Jamie for more money. If I wanted Nathaniel, and Cedric, around then I was going to have to dip into my house fund. Not happening. Gary was not taking that dream away from me. Still …

  “I got a lot of e-mails today,” I said. I hadn't read them. And I didn't want to. “I don't know if this is part of your job or not, but would you mind helping me go through them?” Nathaniel smiled softly.

  “I'd be happy to,” he said and there was that settling of melancholy in his features, like he was depressed. I don't know how he did it. If I were him, I'd have wanted to distance myself from anything that might remind me of what had happened. Nathaniel was embroiled in it. “Each one is a 'separate incident.' The more the better at this point.”

  “Mom!” Rhea called from behind me as she pounded down the steps and flashed us her red and white bowling shoes. “Hurry up. We don't have all day.” I laughed, feeling the tension of the moment break and tried to smile as Nathaniel held out a hand. I paused before taking it and then saw that Rhea's eyes were on mine, observing. I grasped Nathaniel's fingers and swallowed two massive lungfuls of breath. He had this touch that was both gentle and strong, the perfect paradox.

  “I hope you're ready,” I said as I tried to ignore Jamie's smug look. “Because things here get pretty competitive.”

  “I think I can handle it,” Nathaniel said as he winked at Rhea.

  ***

  We weren't more than an hour into the evening when Gary showed up.

  I had just bowled a seven-ten split and was aiming for a killer shot and a very slim chance at a spare when he walked into the alley, leather jacket over his shoulders, brown hair slicked back. I nearly dropped the pearly pink ball on my foot. Nathaniel saw him the same moment I did. And so did Rhea.

  “Mom, look it's Gary!” she said as she pointed and waved. Gary spotted her, waved back and started coming towards us. I grabbed my daughter's hand and turned her to face me as Nathaniel moved past Jamie and up the stairs towards the entryway.

  “Hey, you want to help me with this?” I asked her, hoping to distract her attention from whatever incident was going to occur in the doorway of the bowling alley. “I think we could win the next competition, but I need your help. What's the best way to do this again?” Rhea sighed and turned around, reaching for her red ball with sure fingers.

  “What the fuck is going on?” Jamie whispered from behind me. I shrugged my shoulders and watched as Nathaniel approached Gary. This time, my ex didn't run, just froze in place and tucked his hands into the pockets of his jacket. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I hoped to hell that there was an explanation for all of this. Gary had lost it temporarily and he was here to apologize. That had to be it. Had to.

  “Mom, pay attention!” Rhea said as she stepped forward and tried to explain the art of bowling to me. The kid was too smart for her own good. “Listen, you have two choices. The first is to try and get one pin to fly out of the pit and knock down the other.” Rhea paused and pointed with her free hand. “The other is to try and get the ball to bounce off the kickback plate and onto the deck.” I was nodding and murmuring under my breath, but in reality, I hadn't heard a word she had just said. Nathaniel was on his way back. He didn't look angry or upset, but yet Gary was still here and he was at the counter handing money to the clerk. Which meant he wasn't leaving. Which meant …

  “What's going on?” I asked as Rhea sighed and rolled her ball in my place. Nathaniel looked straight at me with his pretty green eyes and shook his head.

  “There's nothing we can do,” he said and he looked as exasperated as I felt. “He has every right to be here.”

  “Yeah,” Jamie whispered fiercely, stepping between me and Nathaniel, one hand on her hip and the other pointed blatantly at Gary. She always looked so tough when she was pissed. It was a trait I envied. I should be more like her. I can take care of Gary on my own. I can learn to use my gun, talk to him myself. No problem. Still, thoughts were a long way from action and I had yet to prove myself. “But he doesn't have a right to make Theresa paranoid or upset or scared. That is seriously fucked, Nathaniel.” Nathaniel nodded his head, dark hair gleaming under the dim lights from above. After seven o'clock, the alley switched into its 'Rock 'N' Roll' mode and turned on neon signs from the eighties, classic rock music blaring in the background. Let's just say, the majority of the people there were twice my age, at least.

  “No, he doesn't. What he's doing is morally and legally corrupt, but until we can prove that, he stays. We'll write it down as an incident and the more witnesses the better; we'll all sign it. How does that sound?”

  “That sounds like bullshit,” Jamie snarled, stepping close to Nathaniel. Gary was setting himself up two lanes down from where we were. Every couple of seconds, I saw him look up and rake his eyes over me. It was horrible.

  “Jamie, please,” I said feeling deflated. This was my one night a week to calm down, to really let go and relax. Now the silly fun was being obliterated by the man that I had once given my heart to. Was life against me or what? “Nathaniel,” I began, pushing my friend gently out of the way. “What did he say?”

  “He said he was here to bowl.” I tried to look at Gary out of the corner of my eye, but I kept catching this dark stare, this look in his eyes that was akin to staring at the sun. It hurt. “I asked him to reconsider, seeing as to how we were building a case against him, but he refused. Theresa,” he began and his hands came out and wrapped around mine, warm, solid, comforting. There was this stability in Nathaniel, this certainty about what should and could be done in a given situation that I liked. That old question, If you were trapped on a desert island, what one item would you bring with you?, popped into mind. I had to admit that he was a good candidate for the position. He'd get us off the island, I was sure of it. “I don't want to upset you or freak you out, but Gary's behavior is escalating quickly. Normally, it would take weeks or even months for a stalker to be this blatant. I'm really worried about you.” I was already shaking my head. This was too real. It was as real as waking up in the hospital with a part of me gone.

  “Why?” I asked as Nathaniel locked eyes with me. Jamie had turned away and was talking in low tones to Joel, probably explaining the situation to him before he greeted
Gary and invited him over. Not that Gary had ever been all that nice to Joel, but he was a good man. He would never suspect something like this out of my ex-husband. Gary was forty-two years old, clean cut, a respected business professional. This whole situation was like something out of the twilight zone. It was horrible and completely unbelievable.

  “It's hard to say why they do it.” Nathaniel put his hands on my shoulders and suddenly, his lips were on my forehead, burning into my skull and sending me into a spiral of emotion that ended with me folding myself against his chest.

  “Is it my fault?” I asked as the sound and the company and the noise around me seemed to fade. I was wrapped in the arms of a stranger and I had never felt so good. I realized that I was going to get hell from Jamie and giggles from Rhea, but I didn't care. I stayed where I was and listened to the rise and fall of Nathaniel's chest.

  “Not at all,” he told me and his breath swirled the hair on top of my head. “Many people are stalked by complete strangers. There's something wrong with them, not you.” I nodded my head, but I didn't believe him. Somehow, I thought that I had done something that had set Gary off. Maybe it was the way I'd broken off the relationship – cold turkey. Or maybe it was Rhea. Maybe he missed her? I wasn't sure, but I wasn't willing to buy that he was just crazy. Some strange part of me still wanted to see the good in people. How fucked up is that?

  I pulled back from Nathaniel feeling both warm and cold at the same time. His presence was comforting, like an old blanket on a stormy night while Gary's was like being trapped in the middle of a blizzard, naked and exposed. It was not a pleasant experience. The negative canceled out the positive and left me standing there feeling completely empty in the middle of the packed bowling alley. The only thing that was keeping me from melting into the floor and giving up on the night completely was the look on Nathaniel's face, the one that said, I'll help you through this. I decided to throw my instincts (which had never served me well) to the wind and trust him. But tomorrow I was still going to learn to use that gun. I could take a class at the shooting range or …

  “I've got a handgun in my bedside table. Do you think I could throw a few extra bucks your way for some lessons?”

  “You could throw a whole lot of things my way,” Nathaniel said with a dirty smile. “But money isn't one of them.”

  CHAPTER 11

  “He's following us,” I told Nathaniel as we pulled out of the parking lot and started heading south on 'A' Street. Rhea turned around at my words and tried to look out the back window.

  “Who?” she asked as I tried to swallow my anger and put on a fake smile.

  “Just Joel,” I said, trying to lighten the situation. “I bet he's just mad that we beat him tonight. What do you think?” Rhea nodded and stuffed the massive lollipop that she'd won from a claw machine into her mouth. Joking aside, Joel had seemed just the slightest bit ticked off that we'd won. Apparently Jamie had been right: having Nathaniel on The McMaster Lizards had been a double blessing. Not only had my game been better because of him, but he was an awesome bowler.

  “It's okay,” Nathaniel said, calm as always. “Just relax. It's an intimidation tactic. If there's one thing these … ” He paused as if considering his words carefully. Trying to talk secretively in front of a nine year old is not the easiest thing to do. “These bowlers like to do. It's to make you feel scared or upset. Oftentimes, that's their only motivation. They want you to feel small because it makes them feel big.”

  “Like a bully?” Rhea asked and Nathaniel nodded.

  “Exactly like a bully,” he said as we turned right and started back towards the house. I didn't like the idea of leading Gary back there, but then, it wasn't as if the location of my house was a secret or anything. Besides, if Nathaniel said it was going to be okay then it was. Call me stupid for wanting to trust him, but it really did make sense from a psychological level. He'd failed to save his wife from her ex-husband and now he had the chance to save me from mine. Even with just the redemption factor in place, it was worth it for him to be right about this, to protect me. That's not even mentioning the face that he was getting paid to do it. Or that he had an interest in me. I shivered involuntarily and then had to deal with Rhea's raised eyebrows.

  “It's hot in here,” she said without any further explanation as I forced myself to keep my gaze forward and off of Gary's silver BMW. I don't know where the white car from the previous nights had come from, but he was back in his own vehicle now and he was riding our tail like nobody's business.

  “Please tell me you have some cute bumper sticker about how you're going to kick his … ” I looked down at Rhea's inquisitive face and altered what I was about to say. “Butt if he keeps tailgating us.”

  “Unfortunately no,” Nathaniel said with a small smile that I caught in the rearview mirror. “But I could still kick his butt when we get back to your house if that's what you want. We'll just say he was threatening you and call it a day.” I smiled back at him and forced myself to keep my hands folded gently in my lap. I could see how the stress of this could kill a person. I decided to try and flirt with Nathaniel again. It had worked beautifully at the bowling alley. It was as if since he was being forced to play the part of the 'boyfriend', that he could let himself go and just enjoy being with me. I wondered if it would still work with just Rhea as an audience member.

  “Would you join me for a terrible romantic comedy this evening?” I asked. “It's kind of tradition that Jamie and I go home and each watch a different one after bowling, so we have something to talk about in the morning. We've done it for years.” I waited impatiently for Nathaniel's response. Bodyguard warred with boyfriend for a moment as we paused at a stoplight. Finally, he answered me and it wasn't what I wanted to hear.

  “Under different circumstances … ” he started and I held up my hands, hoping that he was glancing back at me.

  “That's okay,” I said, not wanting him to feel the need to explain. I didn't know why I'd even asked. He'd be there anyway, standing behind me and staring at the wall. He'd hear most of the good parts, either way. Besides, most movies were bad enough that they weren't much better than staring at a blank wall.

  “I know you're probably getting tired of hearing that,” Nathaniel supplied, and I could tell that he felt the need to explain himself whether I wanted him to or not. “But with this … ” He gestured vaguely towards the back of the car, and I nodded. “I don't know if it's safe.”

  “Right,” I said and was suddenly convinced that the world had it out for me. Either that or I was just embarrassed at getting turned down. It was probably for the best anyway. What kind of woman falls in love while she's being stalked by her ex? It just didn't seem right though I knew logic wouldn't play a part in any of my decisions. It never did, especially when it came to love. Not that I thought I was in love with Nathaniel, of course. But I was definitely in lust. I hadn't had daytime sex fantasies ever. Now I was spending half my idle time wondering what Nathaniel looked like under all that suit. I was guessing he waxed, or at least shaved. I couldn't imagine a hairy chest or back on the man. “But I am going to start asking for rain checks.” Nathaniel grinned and I could tell the expression was genuine, even if I couldn't see most of it.

  “I could definitely agree to that,” he said and I felt my heart skip a beat, just one, but it was enough that I took notice. It was nice to know that the poor thing wasn't too wounded to get up and try again. It had been beaten, bruised, and bloodied, broken in two and wrapped up again, but it was still there, still thumping away for one more chance at that perfect kiss, that perfect person that could take the darkness and the bad memories and the anger and push it all away again, bring out the sun and light up my soul.

  ***

  “Two freaking days, Jamie,” I said as I carefully applied my eyeliner and batted my lashes at my reflection. “You can't even remotely pretend that I know the guy after two days.”

  “Three days,” Jamie corrected me as she slurped something
noisily in my ear. I adjusted the volume on the phone as she continued to talk. Convincing me to have sex with Nathaniel had now become her number one priority. I kind of thought it was because she really wanted to fuck him and so was living vicariously through me, but I didn't say anything aloud. Partially that was because Nathaniel was standing just outside the bathroom door and partially because I knew Jamie would kill me if I said it. “And you're thinking about it all wrong. How long does a first date usually last?”

  “A good one or a bad one?”

  “Why does that matter?”

  “The bad ones always last longer.” Jamie sighed.

  “A good one then,” she said as she started chewing. “A great one, an amazing one, one where you hit it off right away, find each other attractive, and have a lot in common. One where you just can't wait to jump into bed together and start humping.”

  “Dear god,” I said as fluffed my hair and pouted my lips. I'd found an aquamarine dress in the back of my closet, a sleeveless one with a square neckline that showed off my breasts and complimented my skin. I hadn't looked this hot since I'd met Glen, since I was a teenager. “I'll pretend you didn't just say that and answer the question. Say we do the standard dinner and a movie thing, I'd say about four hours, tops.”

  “Okay, so barring the time with Cedric and time to sleep, you've spent say, forty-eight waking hours with Nathaniel?” I could see where this was going, so I rolled my eyes.

  “I'm hanging up now.”

  “That's the equivalent of twelve dates, Theresa.”

  “Goodbye Jamie.”

  “Think about it.” I hung up the phone, turned off the sink and the fan and opened the door to find Nathaniel staring at me. He was smiling and didn't look at all like a bodyguard, more like a very close friend with a secret to tell.