A Mother’s Sacrifice

by Kitty Neale

  When she was able to pull herself together, Glenda went to the small cold bathroom to splash some icy water on her face in the hope that her eyes wouldn’t look puffy when Frank got home from work. He had gently told her off about getting so upset, saying it wasn’t good for the new baby, but nearly three months had passed since she had last seen her son and she was beginning to despair of ever seeing him again.

  In desperation, and against Helen’s warning about writing too frequently, Glenda took out her pad and scribbled a fraught letter to her friend. She begged Helen to meet her somewhere outside Battersea, if only for just an hour or so. She had to see her son.

  Glenda hoped against hope that Helen would be brave enough to come, and willing to risk it. She knew it would be painful to have to say goodbye to Johnnie again, but she couldn’t put Helen in the dangerous situation of returning to Maude’s without him. There was no doubt in her mind that Harry had it in him to seriously hurt Helen. But just to see her child for even the briefest of moments, to cuddle him and love him – it would be better than nothing, which was all she had now.

  Frank couldn’t wait to get home to see Glenda and sing a song to her belly. She wasn’t showing yet, but nonetheless he couldn’t resist talking to her stomach. He was so excited about his firstborn child.

  He shoved his chilblained hands into his thin mac pockets and walked briskly against the wind. As much as he loved living in this part of Kent with the sea views and the salty fresh air, he couldn’t wait for the summer to arrive. Never had he known a wind so cold that it actually caused pain as it lashed his face. He was sure that, if he stopped for just a second, icicles would form in his hair.

  Pleased to be in the warmth of their railway-carriage home, Frank went to greet Glenda with a kiss, but just one look at her swollen eyes and he could tell she’d been crying again.

  ‘Yuk, Frank! Please go and wash before you try to kiss me. I’m not being funny but you stink of fish and it’s making me feel quite queasy,’ she said.

  ‘Sorry, love, of course I will. I didn’t think. It never used to bother you, but with the baby and all now I suppose there’s gonna be quite a few changes.’

  ‘Yes, I suppose there will be. When I was pregnant with Johnnie I craved coal. Can you believe that? Coal of all things! Harry said it was dirty, bad for me, and he locked the coal shed up. I got so desperate that I had a secret stick which I used to literally drag bits out from under the door.’

  Frank laughed, and then went to the bathroom to wash. He could just picture his pretty girl sitting there in the back yard, legs akimbo and her mouth blackened as she chewed on lumps of coal. When he returned, smelling fresher, he bent to kiss Glenda again and this time she didn’t protest, though her conversation returned to her son.

  ‘Talking of Johnnie,’ she said quietly, ‘I’ve written a letter to Helen asking her to bring him to meet me.’

  ‘Glenda, we’ve talked about this. It ain’t fair on Helen. Harry will go mental if she gives Johnnie to you!’

  ‘No, listen, Frank. I don’t intend to take him. I just want to see him – I have to see him, if only for a little while.’

  ‘But are you sure you can handle letting him go again, Glenda? It will be like mental torture, and you’re bound to get overly upset, which won’t be good for our little one,’ said Frank as he gently patted Glenda’s tummy.

  ‘I know what you’re saying, Frank, but not seeing him is causing me more anguish. It’s more than I can bear. I don’t even know if Helen will agree to meet me, but I have to try.’

  Frank wasn’t convinced that this was a good idea, but he had so far failed to come up with a way of getting Johnnie home with Glenda on a permanent basis. He’d considered going back to Battersea to snatch the boy, but that would fuel Harry’s anger and he’d go all out to find them. Not only that, Frank’s wages only just covered the rent and groceries so he had no idea how they’d manage financially. They’d need things for the baby when it arrived: a cot, a pram, clothes and who knew what else. He felt helpless and was desperate to complete Glenda’s happiness, especially with her being pregnant, but at the moment he just didn’t see how he could support Johnnie too.

  He sighed heavily. They were both so full of joy and excitement about the forthcoming baby, but a dark cloud always loomed, and Frank knew Glenda would only be truly content when Johnnie was back in her arms for good. He looked at her, her eyes pooling with tears, and decided that if just seeing Johnnie for a short time would help, it was better than nothing.

  ‘All right, love,’ he said at last. ‘I ain’t the sort of man to stand in the way of a mother seeing her child and if you’re positive that you can cope then so be it. Give me the letter and I’ll post it in the morning.’

  Glenda at last smiled, while Frank worried about how he was going to find the train fare for her to travel to London. He offered up a small prayer. ‘Please God, I’ve never asked you for anything in my life before, but please, Glenda needs this and I want to give her a bit of the happiness she deserves.’

  Chapter 12

  Maude was looking worn out and old, Bob decided as he tucked into his breakfast while surreptitiously studying his wife. Taking on Johnnie was too much for her, but he knew better than to voice his thoughts. She adored the boy, they both did, but Johnnie was more of a handful now that he could crawl and was running Maude ragged. He would have to get the playpen he was making finished, but he needed a bit more wood to complete the job. Once made it would at least confine Johnnie to one place for a while.

  Maude strapped Johnnie into his pram and gave him a finger of bread, butter and sugar to chew on, something that never failed to quieten him. She then flopped onto a chair, her legs spread wide, and said, ‘I’m glad Helen will be here to pick him up later. I could do with a break.’

  Bob wasn’t sure that it was a good idea to let Helen take the boy out again, but as usual he kept his thoughts to himself. Instead he said, ‘Where’s she taking him?’

  ‘To see Glenda’s parents again.’

  He picked up his cup and gulped the last of his tea while thinking that if Harry found out all hell would break loose.

  As though reading his mind, Maude said, ‘Don’t say anything to Harry. What he doesn’t know can’t hurt him.’

  ‘I ain’t stupid.’

  Maude’s eyes narrowed. Bob stood up quickly and grabbed his coat. ‘I’d best be off or I’ll be late for work.’

  ‘Don’t forget to bring the wood home for the playpen. If you weren’t so bloody useless you’d have finished making it weeks ago.’

  ‘I’m doing it as fast as I can. Every part of it needs sanding to make sure that Johnnie doesn’t get any splinters from the wood, and then it will need a good few coats of varnish.’

  ‘Don’t stand there making excuses. Just get it done. Now go on, bugger off to work. I’m sick of the sight of you.’

  Bob wished he had the nerve to tell his wife that he was sick of the sight of her too. He also wished he had the courage of Glenda, his daughter-in-law. If he had, he’d have walked out on Maude years ago.

  The steam train rumbled along the tracks, and the noise seemed to beat in time with Helen’s pounding heart. She amazed herself at how brave and defiant she was being, but Glenda was her lifelong best friend and she would do anything she could to help her out.

  When the letter from Glenda had arrived, the postman had given her that look again, but Helen had just ignored him and snatched the letter from his hand. It didn’t come as any great surprise that Glenda had asked to secretly meet with her and Johnnie, because the same idea had crossed her own mind. But she had been surprised to read that Glenda was in the family way. It was quite sudden, but Helen was pleased for her friend, though she knew the new baby could never replace Johnnie.

  Now they had actually put their plan into action, Helen found herself shaking with nerves. That confrontation with Harry had scared her more than she cared to admit, and Helen really didn’t want to be faced with his te
mper ever again.

  The train pulled into Bromley station, where Helen spotted a very excited-looking Glenda waiting on the platform. Johnnie had been asleep for most of the journey but suddenly woke up. It was almost as if he could sense Helen’s excitement and anticipation as he gurgled in glee.

  As Helen got off the train Glenda ran towards her through the steam, her arms waving frantically and tears streaking her face. Her sweater was pulling tightly across her swollen stomach but it wasn’t obvious that she was pregnant.

  ‘Helen, I can’t believe you’re here, that you did this for me! Oh, look at my gorgeous baby,’ Glenda exclaimed as she eagerly took Johnnie from Helen’s arms.

  Helen grabbed the folded-up pushchair then watched in fascination as Johnnie traced his fat little hand over his mother’s face, beaming with delight.

  ‘I’ve missed you so much, my beautiful baby boy. Mummy loves you and oh, you’re just so gorgeous.’ Glenda pulled Johnnie close to her and looked over his shoulder. ‘Thank you, Helen, thank you so much.’

  They walked to a local park and played together for just over an hour. Glenda’s eyes filled with tears when she saw that Johnnie could crawl. ‘I’m missing so much,’ she said sadly. ‘I think he’ll be taking his first steps soon but I won’t be there to see them.’

  Helen didn’t know what to say to comfort her friend, but Glenda was so thrilled to see her son that the moment of sadness soon passed. ‘How are my parents?’ she asked, though her eyes were still on Johnnie.

  ‘They’re about the same and, as I said in my letter, relieved to know that you’re OK. It’s good of Maude to let me take Johnnie to see them and though your mum is like mine and distant a lot of the time, your dad is really chuffed when I turn up with him.’

  Glenda turned. ‘It’s so good of you to take him to see them, and to do this, to bring him to me, I … I can’t thank you enough.’

  ‘You’ve already thanked me.’

  ‘I worry that I’m putting you at risk with Harry. It’s enough of a risk when I write to you.’

  ‘If our roles were reversed, you’d do the same for me, so stop worrying and just enjoy your time with Johnnie.’

  ‘You’re such a good friend,’ Glenda said. She leaned forward and began to play with Johnnie again. She looked so happy that Helen didn’t want to interrupt, but after a while she couldn’t help but become aware of the time. She daren’t be late getting Johnnie back to Maude. She’d be faced with a barrage of awkward questions. She hesitated, unsure of what to do. How could she tell Glenda it was time to go? It was just so heartbreaking.

  ‘It’s all right, Hel, I know what you’re thinking,’ Glenda reassured her friend. ‘I know it’s time for me to say goodbye. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy and I’ve prepared myself. I won’t be able to afford the train fare to do this very often, especially when this little one pops out –’ Glenda patted her stomach ‘– but I can’t wait ’til next time. Here, Helen, this should cover the cost of your ticket.’

  ‘No, no, there’s no need for that. I’m just sorry I can’t do more to help,’ said Helen glumly.

  Glenda pressed the money into Helen’s hand. ‘Frank did a bit of overtime to cover the fares and as you’ve done me a massive favour you shouldn’t have to be out of pocket. If you don’t take it, I won’t feel that I can ask you to do this again.’

  ‘All right, if you insist. I just wish I could leave Johnnie with you, but I’m too scared of what Harry would do to me,’ she said, deciding to keep to herself the fact that she’d already been attacked by Harry. It would only upset Glenda if she knew, and telling her served no purpose.

  ‘I know what he’s like and I wouldn’t let you put yourself at risk. The only way would be to snatch him from Maude, and that way you wouldn’t be involved.’

  ‘Glenda, I’m not sure if Harry is still looking for you or not, but if you took Johnnie he wouldn’t rest until he found you.’

  ‘I know, but this is so hard, Helen,’ she said, hugging Johnnie. ‘I know he’s heavy now, but I want to hold him for as long as I can. Do you mind pushing the pram again?’

  ‘No, of course I don’t,’ Helen said as they set out for the station.

  They showed their tickets and checked the train arrival times.

  ‘Your train leaves first,’ Glenda said, ‘so I’ll come to your platform to see you off.’

  Helen nodded, but she could see tears gathering in Glenda’s eyes. She knew it was going to be really hard for Glenda to part with Johnnie again, so when the train came into view she reluctantly folded the pram then held out her arms to take him. ‘Oh, love,’ she said softly, ‘don’t cry, it’ll upset him, and you’ll see him again soon. Take care of yourself, won’t you, especially now you’re in the family way again.’

  Fighting back tears, Glenda fiercely kissed Johnnie, and as though aware of her distress, he began to cry. ‘Shush, darling, shush,’ Glenda soothed, her voice cracking.

  Helen opened a carriage door and shoved the pram in, then once again held out her arms, but Johnnie was clinging to his mother. The guard called for passengers to board and, reluctantly prying him loose, Glenda at last handed him over.

  Helen quickly climbed into the carriage and sat down, soothing Johnnie as the guard blew his whistle and the train pulled away. It was heartbreaking to see Glenda running alongside the train to get a last glimpse of her son, tears streaming down her cheeks, but then the train gathered speed and Glenda disappeared out of sight.

  Betty Howard hadn’t got anywhere with using her feminine charms on Billy Myers. She had the distinct impression that he wasn’t interested in her and the thought crossed her mind that maybe he had an eye for the fellas. It wasn’t legal, but what else could explain his ability to resist her? After all, as lots of men had told her, she was one of the best-dressed and best-looking young women in Battersea.

  Her boss had let her off work early today as there was a lack of deliveries. Stock was pretty low so he’d gone off to source some new suppliers. Betty had wanted to take full advantage of having the afternoon free and had decided on a little shopping spree up the Junction. She had spent the afternoon going in and out of shops, but there wasn’t anything that took her fancy. It was all so drab, utility stuff mostly, and she was sick and tired of the military cut. She longed for colour, flamboyance, and so finally settled on a bit of blue material that she could turn into a half-decent skirt using her trusty sewing machine.

  Betty’s feet were aching and she decided to make her way home, but as she passed opposite the train station she spotted Helen on the other side of the road. It was a surprise to see her pushing a pram, one of those folding ones, which she recognised as Glenda’s. Helen wouldn’t have Glenda’s pram unless Johnnie was in it, would she? Something didn’t add up in her mind. Betty was about to call out to Helen, but paused in thought. What was Helen doing with Johnnie at the train station, and did Harry know about it? She smiled to herself, thinking this would give her the perfect opportunity to have a quiet word with him. She had always thought Harry was a bit of a looker and though he had a vile temper on him, she was convinced that the love of a good woman could tame him. And now, with Glenda out of the picture, the man was fair game.

  Betty grinned to herself. She knew that Harry always went for a drink after work. She would need to hang around for a while, so she turned on her heels and headed for a little café. She’d bide her time in there; rest her feet, have a cuppa, and then in an hour she’d contrive to bump into Harry.

  After taking her time over two cups of tea and several cigarettes, Betty set out on her mission. Her luck was in. She was only halfway along Falcon Road when she saw Harry coming out of the Queen Victoria.

  ‘Wotcha, Harry. I haven’t seen you in a while. How are you?’ she asked as she fell into step alongside him.

  ‘Betty, yeah, I’m all right,’ he answered, but he didn’t look at her properly and Betty felt as though her sexy stride and fluttering eyelashes were going to waste.
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  ‘Are you on your way to the Castle?’

  Harry grunted, which she took as a yes.

  ‘Mind if I accompany you? Only if you want to buy me a drink or two, I’ve just seen something that you’ll find very interesting,’ she said, and Harry stopped walking to look at her. Good, she thought, she’d got his attention. She quickly licked her lips to add a bit of shine.

  ‘I doubt it, Betty. Unless you’ve seen that slag of a wife of mine or her fancy man, I ain’t interested.’

  ‘No, I haven’t, but I’ve seen something else that you should know about. As I said, it’s something I’m sure you’ll find interesting, so why not buy me a drink and I’ll tell you all about it?’

  ‘This had better be good,’ Harry growled as he began to walk again.

  Betty tottered along, trying to keep up and smiling to herself. She was finally going to get Harry’s undivided attention.

  Maude had to admit that she’d enjoyed an afternoon off from Johnnie while he was with Helen, but now she was starting to get a bit anxious. For the first time, Helen was late. She should have been back an hour ago. Maude paced the floor nervously, and then looked out of the window again, hoping to see Helen pushing the pram down the street.

  She hadn’t mentioned anything to Harry about Helen taking Johnnie out because she knew he’d disapprove. Harry didn’t want Johnnie to have anything to do with the Webbers, but they hadn’t done anything wrong and she felt it was cruel to stop them seeing their grandson. However, despite Helen’s reassurances, there was always that constant worry, a niggling fear that Helen would be daft enough to give Johnnie to Glenda.