A Mother’s Sacrifice

by Kitty Neale

  Polly could see that Johnnie was clearly distressed and reached out to reassure him.

  ‘Don’t be sorry,’ she said as she touched his arm, ‘I wanted you to kiss me. It’s just that I had a bad experience, but I know I’ve got to put it behind me.’

  ‘What sort of bad experience?’

  ‘I don’t want to talk about it. It’s in the past now and I want to forget it – I want you to help me to forget it,’ she said, and brazenly added, ‘so why don’t you kiss me again?’

  The afternoon flew by and though they held each other and kissed, Johnnie managed to hold back from taking things any further. He enjoyed being with Polly and wanted to stay longer, but he had work the next day so regretfully said his goodbyes, though not before making arrangements to visit her the following weekend.

  As the late-evening train trundled along the tracks through the Kent countryside, Johnnie reflected on his weekend with Polly. It hadn’t been anything like he had planned and though he was gutted he had missed out on meeting Glenda, spending time with Polly had been wonderful. They had so much in common and though they hadn’t spoken about it, both had recently experienced the death of their mother and somehow Johnnie felt this brought them closer. He felt warm when he thought of her; she was such a pretty little thing and good company too. He found her very different from the girls he knew in Battersea and couldn’t wait to see her again.

  First, though, he would have to pop in to see Helen and tell her the awful news. It wasn’t a job he was relishing, in fact, he was absolutely dreading it. Still, one small compensation was that at least he wouldn’t have to keep any secrets from his dad. Glenda was dead and Johnnie would never know his mother or how much she loved him.

  Chapter 29

  Jackie really resented being searched as she entered the prison to visit Katy, but it was a necessary evil that she had become accustomed to. It didn’t help that Ross was moaning about it and voicing his opinions to the prison officers.

  Once through all the security checks, Jackie sat at a small table with Ross beside her annoyingly tapping his leg up and down. ‘Can’t you just sit still?’ Jackie said through gritted teeth.

  ‘I can’t help it, it’s this place, it always makes me nervous,’ Ross replied as he scanned the room for visitors.

  ‘Well, if you’re nervous being in here, just think how your poor sister feels!’

  ‘Yes, I know, sorry. But if you hadn’t brought that girl into our home, none of this would have happened.’

  ‘Ross, will you give it a rest and change the record. Now put a smile on your face before Katy comes in!’ Jackie told him, sick to the back teeth with his whingeing. His constant griping was getting to her, especially as he was supposed to be the man of the house, but instead he acted like a spoilt child.

  ‘Here she is! Over here, Katy.’ Jackie waved as her daughter entered the room with a dozen other remand prisoners.

  ‘Oh, Mum, it’s so good to see you, and you too, Ross!’

  ‘And you, my love. How have you been? Are they treating you OK?’

  ‘It’s not that bad, and, as I said on your last visit, I’m on a wing with all the remand prisoners which I’m told isn’t quite as tough as being in the real prison.’

  Jackie’s heart was breaking as she looked at her beautiful daughter, who seemed to have lost quite a bit of weight since her last visit. ‘Don’t you worry, love. I spoke to your lawyer yesterday and he reckons we’ve a good chance of getting you off. It’s just a matter of waiting for a court date and this bloody legal system doesn’t rush itself. I’m afraid he reckons it could be months yet.’

  ‘Yes, I know. He came to see me last week and said pretty much the same thing. I just miss you so much. Time goes so slowly in here – it’s only been a few months but it feels like I’ve been locked up for years.’

  Jackie could see that her daughter was trying to hold back tears and admired how strong and brave she was being. ‘We miss you too, and it won’t be for too much longer.’

  ‘Polly came to see me last week. She seems to have settled in Kent. I’m pleased for her. She’s got a boyfriend too, a chap from London.’

  Jackie was surprised and said, ‘Oh, has she indeed? She’s been back in Kent about a month now and when she rang me there was no mention of a boyfriend. Still, I’m pleased for her.’

  ‘And how are you, Ross?’ Katy turned her attention to her brother.

  ‘All right, same as usual, but I don’t get why you two are so bloody nice about Polly. It’s her fault you’re in here!’

  Jackie quickly intervened. ‘I’ve told you, ENOUGH! This is the last time I’m going to say this! It is not Polly’s fault any more than it’s your sister’s. Dead or not, the blame lies with those Purvis brothers and it’s about time you got that into your thick head.’

  Ross lowered his eyes, saying nothing, and Jackie turned back to her daughter. ‘Now then, Katy, are you getting enough to eat? Plenty of sleep?’ Jackie knew she sounded like a typical mother but she was worried about Katy, who not only appeared thinner but looked pale too, with dark circles under her puffy eyes.

  ‘Mum, stop worrying, I’m fine. The food isn’t anything like your cooking, but it’s edible and though I manage to sleep it isn’t easy. There are so many noises in the night – you know, women crying and shouting out. It echoes in here but that’s to be expected. Honestly, I’m doing OK.’

  ‘So why do your eyes look like piss-holes in the snow?’ Ross asked.

  ‘Ross!’ Jackie said, shocked. ‘Where on earth have you heard such an awful expression?’

  ‘Probably from one of the waifs and strays you’ve taken in, or maybe Polly.’

  ‘Polly would never say something like that and I don’t want to hear it said again.’

  Ross just scowled and Jackie turned to her daughter. ‘Have you been crying, love?’

  ‘Yes, but it’s only because I get a bit homesick. I feel better now I’ve seen you.’

  ‘You’re not being mistreated?’

  ‘No, Mum, I’m not. I’ve made a couple of really good friends and even some of the screws are nice, sorry, I mean the prison officers. The thing that gets to you in here is boredom, and having nothing to do gives you time to think. I’ve been doing a lot of that and, brace yourself, Mum, but when I get out of here I’m thinking about going to Australia to live with Isobel. Just imagine it, sunshine, sandy beaches, blue seas, oh, Mum, it’ll be fabulous. Isobel has always been on at me to come and join her, especially with me being a hairdresser. I’d have no problem finding work so I’m going to be a ten-pound pom! I know this must come as a bit of a shock to you, and I don’t know, maybe it’s just a fantasy, but it is something nice to think about when I’m bored in here.’

  Jackie didn’t have the heart to tell her daughter that if she was convicted and served her time, with a criminal record she wouldn’t be let into Australia. Anyway, she knew Katy would never leave Blighty. The girl had said so on many occasions when Isobel had left. It was only one of Katy’s fanciful pipedreams and Jackie refused to get upset about it unless it really happened. ‘One thing at a time, eh. Let’s get you out of here first then worry about the rest of it.’

  As visiting time came to an end, Ross, who had hardly spoken a word, was up and out of his seat quicker than a Jack-in-the-box, but Jackie found it difficult to pull herself away. She hated leaving Katy behind in here. ‘Take care of yourself, stay out of trouble and I’ll be back to see you as soon as I can. I love you, Katy.’

  ‘I love you too, Mum,’ croaked Katy.

  ‘See ya, sis, take it easy,’ Ross said. He looked for a moment like he wanted to grab his sister and give her a hug, but Jackie could see he was uncomfortable with the whole situation and he couldn’t wait to get out of there.

  Jackie had seen a lot of heartache in her time as a nurse, but nothing had prepared her for this. Somehow she managed to hold herself together, yet knew that her pillow would be wet with tears again that night.

&n
bsp; The stack of unopened letters on the corner table was rapidly increasing as Toby added another to the pile. He knew it was probably another bill, more demands for money that he couldn’t pay, so, he reasoned to himself, what was the point of looking at them and worrying? It was easier to stick his head in the sand and just ignore them in the futile hope that they would go away. Only something was niggling Toby about this letter and he had the distinct feeling that whilst his head was buried, something nasty was going to come up and bite him on his bum. In spite of this, he still ignored the unpleasant fact that the bills needed paying. It was Monday morning and he had a shop to open, so once again Toby disregarded his concerns and set off towards the town.

  The shop had a sign in the window that stated the opening time: nine o’clock. Toby checked his watch and saw it was already gone a quarter past. Still, he didn’t bother to rush. What was the point? he thought to himself. It wasn’t as if he ever got any customers.

  Business had been very slow for the past few months, which was making Toby consider if he should diversify his lines of products. It seemed that there wasn’t much interest in model cars in Croydon and, though it was a passion of Toby’s, he wasn’t selling enough to even cover the rent on the shop. He had thought about stocking records, or even children’s toys and games, but there was a major problem with changing his stock. He had no funds to purchase anything. The Purvis brothers had been milking him dry for quite a time, which resulted in him taking out a bank loan and a Provident loan and pawning just about everything he owned. That left him with just the stock he held on the shelves, a few Green Shield stamps and the pile of bills at home. He rented his flat and the landlord had knocked on the front door on several occasions, but he’d avoided answering, just as he did when the Provident agent called for payment.

  He was sorry that Katy was in prison, but he wasn’t sorry that the Purvis brothers were dead, and if that made him a sick bastard Toby was past caring. Because of the Purvis brothers it had come to this. He had once been a proud man, but was now reduced to hiding behind the sofa when someone called for money. His only hope was that either business would pick up or he’d have a win on the football pools.

  Ross would be calling in later. He’d taken the day off work to go and visit Katy and would pop in on his way home. Poor Katy, Toby thought, but whenever Katy came into his mind, so did Polly. He still couldn’t shake away the feelings he had for her and he could have kicked himself for not telling her how he felt before the rape had happened. He wondered how she was getting on in Kent. He knew that Jackie kept in touch with her, but he daren’t ask Ross as he would go into one of his sulks.

  Toby stared blankly out of the shopfront window and noticed a young boy looking in awe at the model cars on display, but the lad was soon yanked along by his mother. There goes another potential customer, he thought, his mood sinking even lower.

  By four o’clock, Toby had almost given up on having so much as an enquiry in the shop when Ross walked in with his usual sullen face.

  ‘Hello, mate, how was Katy?’ Toby asked enthusiastically, glad to at last have some human interaction.

  ‘She was all right, I suppose, pretty much as I expected, but I was glad to get out of there. It’s a horrible place. I feel sorry for my sister. If only that bloody Polly Myers hadn’t come to live with us. I blame her for all of this. I knew she was no good the moment I set eyes on her.’

  ‘Well, hopefully Katy won’t be in there for much longer,’ Toby said, trying to placate his friend.

  ‘Yes, hopefully. Mum said to ask you round for tea tonight. She’s done a stew that just needs warming up, so it’s ready when you are.’

  Toby licked his lips and felt his stomach groan. He loved Jackie’s stews, and in any case he hadn’t eaten a proper meal in days. He had nothing at home other than a couple of slices of stale bread and a bit of mouldy cheese in the fridge. He just about had enough change in his trouser pocket for a bag of chips but the stew sounded much more appealing. ‘Sounds good to me. Come on, I might as well shut up shop early. I haven’t had a single customer today.’

  Just as Jackie dished up the beef stew, the green plastic telephone rang, making everyone jump.

  ‘I’ll answer that. Get stuck in, don’t wait for me. It’s probably Polly ringing as she knows I’ve been up to see Katy today,’ said Jackie as she went to answer the phone.

  ‘Hello, Jacqueline Benton speaking.’

  Toby tried not to laugh at Jackie who was doing a very good unintentional impersonation of the Queen.

  There was a pause, which Toby assumed was the coins in the pay phone dropping, before Jackie spoke again. As he tucked into his plate of stew, he listened intently.

  ‘Hello, love, I thought it might be you. Yes, she’s fine, seems happy in herself. Yes, we’re all good, thanks, and what about yourself? Oh, good … really … yes … Toby is here having his tea … yes, I’ll tell him … and what’s all this that Katy tells me about you having a boyfriend? What?… the pips are going … no more change … all right, love, speak soon.’

  Jackie replaced the receiver and said unnecessarily as she sat at the table again, ‘She’s gone. That was Polly.’

  ‘We would never have guessed,’ Ross said sarcastically.

  ‘She said to say hello to you, Toby, and hopes you’re well.’

  Toby smiled at Jackie, though inside he was reeling. In May, Polly had rebuffed him, but now, just two months later, she had a boyfriend. After what she had said, he hadn’t expected her to get over the attack that quickly. He suddenly lost his appetite and though Jackie and Ross were chattering over their dinner plates, all Toby could hear was a buzz in the background as his thoughts were firmly fixed on Polly. He wondered who the boyfriend was, what he was like, and felt envious and let down. Still, despite this, he also cared enough about Polly to hope that she was happy.

  What a horrible day: more bills, no customers and now he had lost Polly to a man he knew nothing about. Could things get any worse? Knowing his luck, probably!

  Chapter 30

  Polly’s heart was hammering. Johnnie was due any minute now. This was the third Friday night in a row he’d travelled to Ivyfield to stay for the weekend, but this time, rather than pay out for an expensive bed and breakfast, she had suggested that he stay with her, though he’d have to sleep on the sofa.

  She knew Mrs Stewart next door would be quick to spread the gossip around the village, but as long as her conscience was clear, Polly didn’t care. She wouldn’t be doing anything untoward that would’ve embarrassed her parents, so she could hold her head high. Let them talk, she thought defiantly, sticks and stones and all that.

  There was a knock on the door and Polly answered it to find a very nervous-looking Johnnie with a black holdall in hand.

  ‘What are you looking so worried about? Come in, you silly sausage, I don’t bite!’ she said, laughing.

  Johnnie hovered in the hallway, still appearing quite uncomfortable.

  ‘I don’t know about this, Polly.’ He looked distinctly worried.

  Polly smiled at him. He was obviously nervous about staying the night.

  ‘It’s fine,’ she said, ‘as long as you’re happy with the sofa. I know there’s my parents’ room, but I haven’t touched it yet and it wouldn’t feel right to let you or anyone else sleep in it. Maybe one day, but just not yet.’

  ‘The sofa’s fine with me,’ Johnnie said abruptly. He wasn’t quite meeting her gaze.

  Polly got the distinct impression that something wasn’t sitting quite right with him. She led him into the front room where she had prepared some snacks. She’d also lit some candles, and with music playing softly in the background she hoped it looked suitably romantic.

  ‘This is nice,’ said Johnnie, ‘but I could really do with a drink. Let’s get out of here and go to the pub.’

  ‘Oh, I thought that after a hard day’s work and a long train ride here you might appreciate a bit of time to relax. We can go out tomorrow night. I
think they’re doing some sort of new Saturday-night quiz in the pub, which should be fun,’ Polly said.

  She noticed Johnnie’s eyes flitting around the room then coming to rest on a photograph of her parents that was placed on the sideboard. He stared intently at the picture and blinked hard.

  ‘Are you OK?’ she asked, wondering suddenly if it had been such a good idea to invite him into her home when he was behaving strangely.

  ‘Y–yeah, I’m fine. Are they your parents?’

  ‘Yes, it’s a lovely photo of them. I really miss them.’

  Johnnie looked at Polly then back at the photo, his face pale. His horrified expression began to unnerve Polly even more.

  ‘What’s the matter, Johnnie? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!’

  ‘Nothing,’ he snapped, ‘nothing at all. Sorry, it’s just that you look so much like your mum.’

  ‘I hope that’s not a bad thing?’ Polly asked as she sauntered towards him.

  ‘No, of course not. Your mother was a beautiful lady, and so are you.’

  Polly relaxed again, glad to see the smile back on Johnnie’s face.

  ‘I’m happy to stay in tonight and this is perfect,’ said Johnnie, but he made no attempt to kiss her, instead flopping down onto the sofa.

  Polly leant over him and reached her arms around his neck. ‘I’m so glad you’re here, Johnnie,’ she said, kissing him hungrily.

  Johnnie responded immediately. Polly felt a shiver down her spine. Thanks to Johnnie she had lost her fear of intimacy, and she had missed him so much. She didn’t want to stop kissing him, and moved herself so that she was kneeling across him. She felt his excitement pushing against her as they fell back along the sofa together and her own excitement mounted as she ground herself against him.