One Baby Step at a Time

by Meredith Webber

  The young woman’s breathing was slow and shallow and oxygen levels in her blood were veering towards dangerously low.

  Thoracostomy!

  Did every nurse’s head have words rarely thought of just sitting there waiting to be thrown up when necessary?

  ‘See if there’s a doctor free,’ Bill said to her assistant. ‘She needs a drainage tube put into her chest to get rid of any fluid collecting in there, then the wound closed as soon as possible. But if we can get the drainage going she’ll be more comfortable and hopefully her blood gases will improve.’

  The nurse returned, almost inevitably, with Nick, but this was work and in a work situation personal issues were forgotten.

  Bill explained while he examined the patient, then, taking care to keep away from the wound, anaesthetised a small area of her chest. Bill had the thoracostomy needle and drainage tube ready for him and within minutes the drain was in, fluid and blood flowing from it.

  Lifting the sterile dressing, Nick examined the wound.

  ‘She needs it closed,’ he said, and turned to the young nurse. ‘Can you find out how soon a surgeon will be here and where this lass is on the triage list? I can close it if no one else is available.’

  Of course you could, Bill thought, again realising just how competent an ER doctor Nick was, but it was the realisation of why he was so good—his time with the army—that made her heart ache. That time must also have deepened his desire for a family. Well, now he had one—or part of one. With Serena’s return he’d have the real thing, which was why she herself had to butt out right now.

  Rob Darwin arrived before she had time to become melancholy over this decision—one, in fact, she’d already made.

  ‘Two surgeons up in OR with the bus driver who looks like losing his leg, but if you’re happy to do this, I’ll assist,’ he said to Nick.

  Around them they could hear the noise of other nurses and doctors shouting for this or that, the chaos of a multiple casualty accident continuing, but within the cubicle everyone’s concentration was on the patient, on closing the young woman’s chest so her heart and lungs could function properly.

  Nick worked with such precision, cutting more skin around the wound, cleaning the flap he’d need later to close the hole, clearing blood clots from deep inside, Rob holding back the skin while Bill irrigated the flesh beneath. Whatever had driven in had gone between ribs but had torn the cartilage connecting them.

  Carefully Nick put the muscles and tissue back together again, stitching and stapling until finally the wound was sealed by the young woman’s own skin, drawn tightly across her ribs.

  ‘What did it?’ he asked as he straightened up, leaving Bill to apply the dressing.

  ‘Something silver—it should be by her legs,’ Bill told him. ‘The ambos think it was in her backpack, which she was holding on her knees.’

  Nick felt beneath the sheet and found the small silver statue of a cat with its right paw raised.

  ‘If it’s a good luck charm, it didn’t work, did it?’ he said, returning it to its place beside the girl. ‘That paw must have gone straight through her chest when the accident happened. Perhaps she had it in her hand at the time, showing it to someone.’

  ‘Well, she’s had some good luck landing in a hospital where an ER doctor can close her chest with a minimum of fuss,’ Rob said, then he turned to Bill. ‘Can I grab you a coffee?’

  As soon as the words were out he must have realised his mistake and offered to get one for Nick as well, but as an approaching siren told them another patient was on the way, they both refused, and Rob went off to refresh himself before heading back into the fray.

  ‘He’s still hopeful of getting a date,’ Nick said, his voice strained but that could be stress. ‘Perhaps if you went out with him you’d find the spark.’

  And put a distance between you and me, Bill thought, but didn’t say it, knowing it was exactly what Nick was thinking.

  ‘I think that’s called using people and I’ll deal with the stupid situation between us in my own way,’ she snapped, then headed for the entrance to prepare for the next arrival, although as she watched the ambos unload the patient, she wondered if going out with Rob might not be a good idea.

  Not all romances began with instant attraction.

  And Rob was relatively new in town and lonely, and by going out with him she could introduce him to some other women and maybe he’d find someone who did feel a spark.

  So, rather than using him, she’d be doing him a good turn and at the same time distancing herself from Nick .

  By midnight all the patients had been stabilised, some flown south for further treatment, some hospitalised and the lucky few with minor injuries had been packed off to their hostel. Not wanting to keep Kirsten up later than necessary, Bill signed off and headed home.

  ‘No trouble at all,’ Kirsten said. ‘She’s a gorgeous little thing, isn’t she? I’ve been watching her sleep. What’s the story?’

  Bill sighed.

  ‘Who knows really? The bits I do know are so unbelievable I don’t like to think about them. Briefly, Nick thought his girlfriend was having an abortion but she didn’t and now there’s Steffi, and right now her mother is in New York, which is why the baby’s here with Nick, and after that—who knows?’

  ‘Nick won’t let her go,’ Kirsten said, ‘Steffi, I mean. Never having had a family, she must seem like a miracle for Nick.’

  ‘Exactly,’ Bill said, and must have sounded bleak for Kirsten put an arm around her shoulders.

  ‘It is good, isn’t it—for Nick, I mean?’ she probed, and Bill assured her it was.

  ‘I’m just overtired,’ she said. ‘How you manage kids and work I’ll never know.’

  She thought she’d sounded okay but the wondering look on Kirsten’s face told her she’d failed.

  ‘Well, look after yourself,’ Kirsten said, giving Bill a hug. ‘And if you need to talk to anyone, remember I’m not the family gossip.’

  Bill had to smile for it was Bob’s wife Jackie who claimed that title. Kirsten was the last person in the family to repeat anything told to her in confidence.

  Nick found himself scowling at Rob Darwin every time they crossed paths that evening, but as the flow of ambulances was reduced to a trickle and the patients he was treating only had minor injuries, he had time to consider the situation more rationally. He knew he should be glad the man was interested in Bill because he himself certainly had no proprietorial rights on her, no claim at all, in fact.

  And he definitely shouldn’t be kissing her, for all his mind and body were obsessed by her.

  Perhaps obsessed wasn’t the word. Surely he couldn’t be obsessed? Obsessed drew pictures of stalkers and serial killers in most people’s minds—

  ‘You all right?’ his patient asked, and he knew he must have groaned.

  ‘Fine, just a long night. And you’ll be fine too. Just remember to check the coverings on the wounds every day and if you start getting some yellowish seepage, come back here or see a GP.’

  ‘I’ll definitely come back here,’ the patient said, and for the first time Nick registered that she was a very attractive young woman. English, from her accent, and though her long blonde hair was matted with blood and her face streaked with grime, he knew she’d clean up into something special.

  He smiled at her, hearing Bill’s voice whispering Cradle-snatcher in his head.

  ‘You do that if you need to,’ he said in his most professional voice, knowing it was highly unlikely she’d be back while he was on duty. One more night then he could take some time off and sort out a workable arrangement for himself and Steffi.

  The thought of her brought a half-smile to his face and he realised again that, whatever lay ahead, giving Steffi a stable, happy life had to be his number-one priority.
/>   Once Bill shifted out, it would be easier to work out what to do next. Easier to stop thinking about her as well.

  It had to be.

  He looked around the ER. The place had gone from chaotic to all but empty, only one sad drunk sitting on a bench and Nick had been told the man was homeless and often spent the night in the ER.

  Had he ever had a family?

  Surely not, for wouldn’t a family have kept him sane and safe and off the streets?

  Although not all families worked...

  ‘Mine will,’ he muttered.

  And was startled when a passing nurse said, ‘Your what will what?’

  He grinned at her.

  ‘Sign of advancing age, talking out loud,’ he said, then realised the nurse in question was Amanda, the woman who’d asked him to join her and her friends on a trip to the islands. ‘Oh, by the way, I won’t be able to make it at the weekend—unexpected complications.’

  ‘Old friend Bill more than just an old friend?’ Amanda asked, surprising Nick so much he had no time to retort before she added, ‘Hospital gossip machines work just as well in the country as in the city, and everyone in the ER has seen the way you look at her.’

  He had to quash this right now! More for Bill’s sake than for his.

  ‘I’ve known Bill since we started school together in the kindergarten class, what’s more—’ like some pathetic loser about to tell a lie, he found himself crossing his fingers behind his back ‘—the gossip I’ve heard links her with a certain other doctor—one who was in here earlier.’

  He walked away before he got himself deeper into the mire, sorry he’d had to implicate Bill in a relationship that didn’t exist but not wanting to explain his current situation.

  Not that he could explain it because he had no idea exactly what it was—apart from a disaster.

  Although Steffi wasn’t a disaster and if he concentrated on getting life right for her, then everything else should fall into place.

  Or so he hoped.

  He arrived home to find his friend and his daughter both dressed for the beach.

  ‘She loves the bath so much I thought I’d try her in the pool—there’s a paddling pool beside the big pool and the water in it is quite warm. But I thought it best to go early before the sun gets too hot. Here, you can have a little play with her before you head to bed and I’ll put the washing on.’

  Bill handed Steffi to him and walked away, and though he wanted to watch, he didn’t, turning his full attention on his daughter, who was gurgling with delight, hopefully because she was pleased to see him.

  ‘We’ll manage on our own, won’t we?’ he said, lifting her high into the air. ‘Just one more night with Bill then it’s you and me against the world, kid,’ he added, while she laughed down into his face.

  He hugged her close, reaffirming the fact that she was more important than anything else in the world right now, and getting their lives together sorted out had to be his first priority.

  So why the hell, when Bill returned, did he suggest he grab a coffee and some toast and join them at the pool?

  Because he wanted to see with his own eyes how his daughter took to the water?

  Or he wanted to see Bill in a bikini again?

  Ridiculous—that was tempting fate and the look Bill gave him told him she thought so too, but he excused himself by deciding he didn’t want to miss Steffi’s first dip in a pool and hurried to fix some breakfast so he could join them.

  * * *

  Hell! She could do without seeing Nick with no shirt on. Didn’t he realise they had to be seeing less of each other, not more?

  Bill brooded on this as she and Steffi went down in the lift, exiting on the ground floor and walking out the back of the foyer to a beautifully landscaped recreation area. The two pools, formed so they looked like natural rock pools, were set in lush tropical vegetation. To one side was an outdoor barbeque and picnic space, tables and chairs set up beneath palm-fronded shelters.

  On the other side was a long, narrow lap pool for serious swimmers, but for now all she and Steffi needed was the paddling pool.

  Steffi saw the water and began to clap, making Bill realise she wasn’t new to pools. Of course, her mother’s New York apartment building could be modern enough to have one on site, probably on the roof.

  Her mother.

  Serena.

  Just keep the beautiful blonde in the forefront of your mind when those abs come into view, Bill told herself, dropping their towels on a nearby chair, putting a little more sunscreen on Steffi’s face then carrying her towards where the pool sloped from ankle depth to probably shoulder depth on Steffi.

  The little girl paddled happily on the edge, splashing water up at Bill and chortling her delight.

  ‘The notes said she’s had swimming lessons.’

  The abs had arrived, although right now they were decently covered by a T-shirt.

  ‘I must have missed that part but lessons or not, you can’t take your eyes off them for a minute around water,’ Bill replied, then felt foolish and added, ‘But of course you’d know that. I think child drownings are among the cruellest things we see in the ER.’

  ‘Well, that’s put a dampener on the fun, hasn’t it, Steff?’ Nick sat down in the water with his daughter and squirted water in his fists to make fountains.

  She squealed with delight and once again he felt his heart fill with happiness. Whatever he had to sacrifice to give her the best possible life, he would. Not that resisting his attraction to Bill could be regarded as a sacrifice when they hadn’t got past the kissing stage!

  ‘One kiss does not a relationship make,’ Bill said quietly, and he knew that once again their ability to follow each other’s thoughts was in play.

  ‘You are so right,’ he told her. ‘Now, how about you take over here while I swim about a hundred laps to convince my body of that?’

  Bill laughed, which suggested that everything would be okay between them, but he knew it wouldn’t—not unless they saw as little as possible of each other between now and when Serena returned. And, no, he told himself, he wasn’t going to question the ethics of going back to Serena for the sake of his daughter—it was the right thing to do and he would do it.

  Swim first, then sleep then one more night on duty, after which he’d get his new life organised...

  * * *

  How could so much have been organised while he slept?

  Nick woke at two in the afternoon to find a note that informed him his daughter was at playgroup, whatever that might be, and would be home at two-thirty. Two nannies were coming for interviews, Anna at four-thirty and Dolores at five-thirty.

  Dolores? Who was called Dolores these days?

  It had to be a measure of his overall confusion that he was spending precious brain power, limited right now, on an unknown person’s name.

  He showered, glanced around the apartment to make sure it was tidy then phoned Bob, who put him onto the right car dealer for the vehicle he’d decided would be safest for Steffi.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  ‘AND JUST WHERE have you been?’

  Bill was obviously angry when she greeted him just inside the door of the apartment when he returned at four twenty-five.

  ‘I’m not late for the appointment,’ he pointed out.

  ‘No, but nervous would-be employees are usually early. Anna’s sitting out on the deck with Steffi.’

  Nick took in the faint flush of colour in Bill’s cheeks and guessed the anger in her voice was more that of relief, the release of tension when someone had been worrying.

  Over him, or the fact that he might miss the interview?

  ‘I’d have phoned if I’d thought I’d be late,’ he said, touching her gently on the forearm.

  She st
iffened immediately, then turned away, obviously not interested in the answer to her earlier question.

  So he didn’t tell her...

  Why she’d let herself get all uptight over Nick being late, Bill didn’t know. All she did know was that her relief at seeing him had prompted a surge of anger.

  Stupidity, that’s what it was!

  She closed her eyes and prayed he’d like one of the nannies enough to employ her and she could fade quietly into the background of his life.

  This idea should have brought pleasure, but her visit to the playgroup with Steffi, seeing the other mothers and their children, watching Steffi’s delight as she’d taken in the noise and colour, had brought back all the pain she’d suffered with the miscarriage, in her arms and in her heart.

  ‘Plenty of small children around for you to play with,’ she reminded herself, only to realise that since she’d come home after the miscarriage she’d deliberately avoided spending too much time with her smaller nieces and nephews. The older ones, yes, she regularly took them to the beach or went to watch their sporting fixtures.

  But the infants—the toddlers...

  ‘Would you two like tea or coffee?’

  She called through the open door out to the deck, not venturing out because she didn’t want to get involved.

  Steffi looked up at her voice and left her hold on Nick’s knee to stagger a couple of steps towards her, but Bill resolutely turned away.

  Losing one child had been bad enough. To have this one worm her way any further into her heart then be lost to her—that would be too much.

  She made the coffees, as requested, set the mugs on a tray, added biscuits and a fruit strap for Steffi and took the lot out on to the terrace.

  ‘Aren’t you joining us?’ Nick asked.