by Rose, Angel
Legal
Loving Heart (Broken Heart Series No 3)
Copyright © 2015 Angel Rose
This book contains adult content intended for mature audiences only.
18+ and older.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Book Cover: Shutterstock photo
Paperback Version: Createspace
Professional Editor: Avril Stepowski
ISBN-13: 978-1519261397
ISBN-10: 151926139X
All rights reserved.
Dedication
For my family, because unconditional love is what we live by.
For Everyone who believes love can conquer all,
I AGREE.
I’M SURE YOUR HEAVEN ON EARTH
IS WAITING OUT THERE FOR YOU.
Acknowledgments
Thank you Carmen Alicea PA for everything you’ve done for me leading up to the release of this book. You’ve been a shining star and I couldn’t have done it without you.
Thank you, Michelle Bigioni-Slagan PA for all you’ve done for me. You are super at what you do and I am so lucky to have you. I couldn’t have done it without you.
Thank you, Crystal Aguilar for your friendship, help with my books and pimping me like it was going out of style. You are truly a wonderful person, inside and out. I’m so lucky to have met you.
Thank you, Audra Hart, Alessandra Torre, Colbie Kay, and Liberty Parker. You’ve always been there for me. Hands down, I’m one lucky newbie to be in the presence of such talented authors.
Thank you to ALL OF MY FANS AND READERS. I REALLY APPRECIATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU.
Thank you to MY STREET TEAM, Seductive Book Angels.
A Special Thank you to Suzette Salinas and Frances Garcia, promoting me is easy for you and you truly are Angels! Thank you!
I LOVE YOU GUYS, THANKS FOR STICKING BY MY SIDE.
A Special Thank you to Kathy Jones Bargiacchi, Linda Dockery and Heather Cook, My Beta Readers. Thank you for your feedback, you’ve been with me since day one. All of your words of encouragement have kept me going and that means so much to me.
Loving Heart (Broken Heart Series No 3)
Copyright © 2015 Angel Rose
This book contains adult content intended for mature audiences only.
18+ and older.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Professional Editor, Avril Stepkowski
Cover, istock photo
ISBN-13: 978-1519261397 (CreateSpace-Assigned)
ISBN-10: 151926139X
All rights reserved.
Michael Chapter 1
I walked into the apartment and shut the door behind me as quietly as I could. The pounding in my head was enough noise to fill an entire planet. I was hungover. I drank my ass off last night after I left Jenesis. I strolled down the block to the nearest topless bar, Satin Nights and drank Hennessy straight up, on the rocks, all night long.
The bartender kept sending drinks over my way. He stared at me vehemently as I placed a wad of money on the side of my drink staring at the dancer’s work the stripper pole. The smell of cheap perfume and alcohol practically singed the hair of my nose, intoxicating my senses and clouding my judgment. I wasn’t a big drinker, but I was last night. My vision was blurry and all I could see were women passing me by, rubbing against my shoulder to get my attention. Some even whispering in my ear, “fifty-dollars for a lap dance gorgeous?” Now every woman in the club knew how drunk I was, and maybe even one or two could have given me a hard on, but I wasn’t thinking about pussy. I wasn’t even thinking. Period.
One of the women grabbed my hand, offering me a free fuck, placing her leg in between my thighs and rubbing herself against me, but that wasn’t happening…ever. Every sip, every gulp, every tit, ass, pussy in that place…was hers. Jenesis was the farthest thing from my mind yet, the only thing on my mind. But, I had to try to forget the words that came out of her mouth…I’m pregnant. The words echoed in my ear and kept echoing in my head all night long. It can’t be true. She didn’t have any symptoms. She wasn’t throwing up, at least I didn’t see her.
I walked out on her again, something I promised her I would never do. Of course, the same old ‘Michael style’ of doing things; cold and heartless. I left her there alone to wallow in her sorrows and take the news that she was pregnant all by herself. How could I? Dave raped her and I walked out on her like a bat out of hell. Running away from the truth; running away from the fear; running away from myself. I’m a piece of shit. I ruined her life. I needed to make things better. I wanted her to forgive me. I wanted her to know that this Michael was long gone.
I could tell her body ached by the strained look on her face. Her eyes were tightly shut and puffy. She was probably crying all night. I sighed heavily as her body twitched. She looked as if she were having a dream, most likely…a nightmare. I wanted to touch her face and kiss each of her swollen eyes. I wanted to wrap my arms around her but, I didn’t dare.
She turned over on her side, her beautiful long, black strands of hair slid across her rosy cheek. She lifted her arm slowly over her face to shield the warm rays of the sun that slipped through the Venetian blinds invading her eyes. She squinted at me. Our eyes locked at that moment. I could feel her penetrating stare, it sent a shiver down my spine. She closed her eyes again, shook her head then took a deep breath. I stood there, staring at her, admiring her beauty; watching her swallow the thick ball in her throat I knew she had to avoid crying in front of me. I knew what she was thinking and I was ashamed.
She finally opened her eyes, gawking at me as if she were looking at a stranger and…she was. I couldn’t blame her. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I shifted my body to the end of the couch trying not to touch the warmth of her skin that skimmed my hand. I noticed the pregnancy test, her fingers were gripping it tightly as if she thought I would pry it out of her hand and throw it away. She sat up slowly, almost fearfully, sliding her body as far away from me as she could.
“Jenesis?” I whispered.
“Michael? What time is it?” she asked rubbing her eyes.
“We need to talk.” I leaned forward, placing my elbows on my knees. I couldn’t look into her eyes, so I looked towards the window.
“Michael, I know what you’re going to say and the answer is no.” She sat up straight shaking her head and getting ready to give me the fight of my life.
“Jenesis, this nightmare is over…for both of us. How do you expect me to move on knowing that the child you are carrying might be Dave’s?” I stared deeply into her eyes. “He’s my father. Even if I took a paternity test no one would be able to tell the difference. Your baby might be my brother!” I shook my head in disgust, the words alone made my body tremble in anger and my stomach wince.
“Michael, for God’s sake! Don’t be ridiculous. A paternity test will tell us if you or Dave is the father, but I know it’s not his…I feel it.” She stood up and started to walk around the room. Then, she turned to face me. “It’s Our baby! Jesus, Michael, I’ve lost two children and I’m not about to abort a child I don’t know for sure is Dave’s.” She grabbed my arm. “Does it matter who this baby’s father is? I can’t abort this child after everything that I’ve been thro
ugh. I know this sounds horrible, but, he loved me…really loved me, whether he was in love with me or not, whether he wanted to kill me or not…I…I saw it…in his eyes.” she sobbed as she covered her mouth knowing that what she said sounded completely absurd, but somewhere deep down inside of her, she really did feel that way and she couldn’t help it.
“What are you saying? Are you out of your fucking mind! Did you forget he raped you? Did you?” The temperature in my body rose to in an abnormal rush of heat. I tried to control my temper. I didn’t want to be that man; that man she despised…that man she feared. But then I broke down. My emotions took over and I yelled at her, sliding my fingers through my hair, staring at her straight in her eyes in disbelief. I was so angry I lost my breath and even choked on my spit. She took a step back away from me. I knew I startled her. She was frightened. She walked slowly towards the kitchen.
“Yes…I know he did. You know he did.” She turned and glanced over at me with those beautiful hazel eyes. My heart melted. I loved her so much it hurt. “I haven’t forgotten or forgiven him. But…I know, deep down inside his tormented, twisted mind, he was sick…I just know it.” She whispered covering her face with her tiny hands, crying into them softly. My mind was racing. She wasn’t making any sense. I had to make her believe she was making a mistake. A big mistake.
“No…you want to believe he was sick so you can have this baby and forgive him. No! No! I won’t let you do it. I won’t!” I shouted as I followed her into the kitchen. Dammit! I’m losing it. I can’t control my temper, but she doesn’t understand.
“Damn you, Michael! You were in on it, remember! You. Helped. Him! Don’t tell me you didn’t think your own father was sick!” She cried. She swallowed hard as if she were trying to push something down her throat that just wouldn’t go down without a struggle. She placed her hand on her stomach, rubbing it gently.
“He.Raped.You. Do you want to live the rest of your life knowing that your son or daughter is a product of that! Look what it did to you!” I grabbed her by the arms and shook her gently, her eyes teared as my own tears skidded down my face. She could barely breathe as she looked at my hands on her shoulder. She was unsure of my intentions and that made me feel like shit. She pushed me away with her hand against my chest. She held her stomach as she glanced up at me; All of the shouting reminding me of the three of us at the house. Dave had the gun pointing at my head and another gun pointing at her. I remember watching her running for her life up the stairs after Dave shot at her. I closed my eyes tightly. Reliving the nightmare, and then I grabbed her tightly in my arms against my chest and I whispered in her ear,
“He can’t have you…remember? That tiny piece of your heart belongs to him and I can’t take it…I can’t. I love you too much…please, please don’t do this to me…don’t do this to us.” I looked into her eyes deeply and saw nothing, so I released her.
“Why did you say that to me? My mother wasn’t raped by Dr. Joe?” she shook her head disbelievingly. “We don’t even know if what Dave said is true. How could you say something like that to me Michael, how?” She whimpered. I already knew by the blank look in her eyes that I lost her. “And if the baby is yours…should I abort him just for the sake of not knowing? Either way, we don’t know. I love you…don’t you get it… and I can’t bear to lose another child that might be yours. It would destroy me. I. will. never. recover.” She stared at me and I could see her hurt was turning into anger. “It’s not your fault.” She whispered as she looked down at her stomach. I inhaled deeply.
“You don’t know how much I regret everything I’ve done…especially to you…but especially…for him. I never touched a hair on the head of any of those women. They meant something to me…a friendship…someone to talk to…to spend time with. I was repulsed by what he did, but he was my father, the only father I’ve ever known. Even though he did what he did, he cared for me.” I walked towards the kitchen window looking out of it contemplating whether or not to punch a hole through it or jump out of it. I glanced over at her as I leaned my hands against the window pane. “I had a top notch education. I had everything. The little 6-year-old boy who saw his mother’s head get blown off by his father graduated from Yale.” I shook my head reliving the moment he pointed the gun to her head and pulled the trigger. Her head exploded like a Halloween pumpkin being thrown out of a window and landing on the hard concrete sidewalk. Her brains splattered against the wall and all over my face. When she fell to the floor, she fell on top of me. The amount of blood that spilled from her head and all over me, covered me in seconds. He grabbed me and lifted me into his arms with one hand. I held on to him tightly. I had no one else to hold. I looked out of the window again, too hurt to even look her way. “He was intelligent and could even sell you the Brooklyn Bridge then make you sell it back to him for… free.” My palms were sweaty and I felt my heart beating hard against my chest. I needed to get through to her, but I could see it in her face she didn’t care what I said. “He got away with murder and it was easy, really easy for him, and I couldn’t win. He never let me visit my grandmother…his mother. He knew. He knew the life he led and he didn’t want that for me.” My lips quivered as the pressure in my hands made them ball into a fist. I took a deep breath. One of the deepest breaths I could. My anger was taking control of me. I didn’t want her to see this side of me. I never wanted her to see this side of me again. I couldn’t help it. I just couldn’t help it.
“Did he really kill your mother?” she glanced up at me quickly, then I looked away.
“He did…right in front of me…but he told me she was a whore and cheated on him. She deserved to die. I was six years old. Six. Fucking. Years. Old. I believed him.” All of these feelings; the pregnancy, my mother, Jenesis being raped was all trapped in my head. I wanted to punch something. Anything. But not her. I wanted to hold her. Kiss her. Fuck away this pain that lay dormant in my heart. If I could I would kill Dave again…for killing my mother, killing those women, killing the people that I loved and for raping my wife. She didn’t understand. I couldn’t save my mother and I lived with that guilt all of my life. The tears surged at the corners of my eyes. I needed her to believe in me again. “Don’t you see? He’s all I ever had. It took me years of sitting in the school’s counselors office as a kid, then endless drunken nights of puking with my best friend Eddie to overcome all of this shit when I got older. Eddie never liked Dave…and now, he’s dead…because of me.” I lowered my head in disgrace. Feeling the pain of Eddie’s death in the pit of my stomach and knowing that I could never say I’m sorry to him was a pain in my heart that I lived with every day.
“My God… Eddie, Margaret, Carl…Vivian, my best friend… Michael? I can’t…” She had to get up and walk around. I knew what she was feeling. I walked over to her slowly, turning her around to face me and cupping her face in my hands.
“You see, I didn’t know any better, and I trusted him. Who else did I have? I had no one else, no one.” I whispered. I wanted to touch her lips with my tongue. I wanted to invade her mouth and swallow her whole. There was nothing that hurt me more than not touching the woman I loved. My fingers slowly traced the line of her cheek bone. Her beautiful eyes shedding tears because of me. I hurt her so much. It’s been so long since I’ve touched her. I released her beautiful face from my hands and my heart sank into my stomach. I stood there standing in front of her, then she reached out for my hand.
“Here…feel.” she whispered as she placed her hand over her stomach.
“This baby is innocent Michael. He’s you and me…that’s it. He’s not Dave’s. He is nowhere inside of me Michael. Please…I need you…I need you to love me unconditionally…the way that I love you. No matter what you thought about doing to me and no matter how you helped Dave…I forgave you…because I can… and I know that you truly love me.” I placed the palms of my hands on her stomach and then fall to my knees. I lifted her blouse and kissed her belly gently.
“I’m sorry baby…I’m.
So. Sorry.” She slid her fingers through my hair as I cried softly against her stomach, kissing her belly button and grabbing on tightly around her waist. This child was the most important person in her life right now and I…just couldn’t accept that.
I stood on my knees in the hallway of the apartment thinking about how this pregnancy might tear us apart. She slid down against the wall and sat on the floor with me. For the first time in months…I had hope and she finally let me touch her.
I sat in the chair across from her with as she lay in the bed getting ready to sleep. She closed her eyes and let the stress of the day fall behind her as she clutched her pillow tightly then slowly released as she fell into a deeper sleep. She seemed to be dreaming all night long, twisting and turning in the bed; Reliving the nightmares she had before we met or the new nightmares I created for her…about me and Dave. I got up and sat on the windowsill wondering where this relationship was going. How I fucked up her life. How I destroyed everything she believed in…including my love. Now, she was pregnant. Two prospective fathers, one a rapist and murderer, the other…the accomplice. I couldn’t force her to be with me. I needed to think of a way to gain her trust; to make her love me again. I just didn’t have a clue how.
Jenesis Chapter 2
I woke up staring at Michael sleeping in the chair across from my bed. His head was leaning on his shoulders and his heart shaped lips were puckered up like a fish. I remember how I would kiss his beautiful lips in the morning. This was so hard for me, but right now there was something even harder I needed to confront and that was Dr. Joe.
I got up and took a quick shower. I grabbed my sweat pants and sweat shirt from the dresser and got dressed. I didn’t want to wake up Michael to tell him where I was going. This was something I needed to do myself. I grabbed my purse and went downstairs to hail a cab. It was a rainy day. The day already started off somber and somehow the rain just added to the darkness. I placed the hood of the sweatshirt over my head and waved my hand. The cab stopped and I got in quickly.