by Rose, Angel
“Mount Sinai hospital, please.” I said
“Sure. Rainy day” he smiled through the rear view mirror. “I hate when it rains.” The cab driver said. He pulled out a cigarette from a cigarette box. “Do you mind?” he glanced at me through the rear view mirror again.
“Sorry. I’m pregnant.” I smiled.
“Oh…congrats. I don’t need to smoke anyway. This stuff will kill you.” He chuckled then slipped the cigarette box back into his pocket.
We pulled up to the hospital.
“Thank you.” I said as I gave him a twenty-dollar bill.
“Sure thing. I can pick you up when you get out. Here’s my card.” He pulled out his business card and handed it to me. I grabbed it casually and nodded as I stepped out of the cab.
“Your change!” he shouted.
“Keep it.” I was feeling generous and thankful he didn’t smoke in the cab. He reminded me of Dave a little and it kind of broke my heart.
I walked through the automatic doors of the hospital to see Dr. Joe at Mount Sinai. I needed to speak with him and I knew if I didn’t, the stress would cause me to miscarry again. I asked security to page him and before I knew it, he was standing behind me.
“Jenesis?” he asked softly.
“Hi.” My heart immediately dropped and when I looked into his eyes…I automatically felt sick.
“Are you okay? What are you doing here?” he asked with concern.
“I’m pregnant and I need to speak with you.” I was a nervous wreck and he noticed. I couldn’t look him straight in the eyes. My hands were trembling and I walked quickly towards the elevator. He glanced at his beeper as it vibrated on his belt buckle.
“Did you have security page me? He asked.
“Yes…please, can we go to your office?” I asked nervously.
“Of course, come.” He placed his hand on my back and continued to escort me to the elevators. He pressed the number six and we headed to his office. The closer we got the more nauseous I felt. He unlocked the door and I entered into a huge conference room. “Please, sit.” he remained standing and seemed nervous as he placed both hands on the top of the leather seat.
“Thanks.” I sat against the leather chair thinking about what I was going to say. It had to be quick because at any moment, I was going to fall apart.
“How far along are you?” He asked apprehensively. It seemed as if he knew why I was there to see him.
“I’m not sure…two…three months, maybe.” I said reluctantly.
“Congratulations.” He said without looking at me. “Do you want me to do blood work?”
“Yes…and while you’re checking to see if I’m pregnant…Can you do a paternity test?” He glanced over at me. He was caught off guard by my question.
“A what?” His eyebrows furrowed. “We can’t do that until the baby is born; I mean, we can now, but I wouldn’t want to risk to a procedure like that on you while the baby is inside of you. You’ve miscarried twice already.” he said cautiously.
“No…” I whispered. “I mean a paternity test to see if… you’re my father.” His stare went blank. He immediately became stone-faced, his eyes widening before me…he knew he had to answer a question he couldn’t ignore.
“What are you talking about?” he said as he walked over to the large, rectangular window overlooking the street.
“You read what happened in the newspaper, right? Dave, the captain of the detective unit that I worked for was killed, everything was written in black and white in the papers. The cops shot and killed him and he died a hero, but that’s not what really happened…at all.” I stood with my hands in my lap clutched together. “And now that Dave is dead, everything that happened remains a mystery, including what he said before…before…he…raped me.” I said trembling. I turned face away from him as my insides churned.
“Jenesis…I didn’t know that happened to you. I’m so sorry. I wish I was there to protect you. I would have…killed him.” He clenched his fists on top of the leather chair as his lips tightened into a straight line. You could tell he was going to explode. “Is Dave the father of the child you’re carrying?” I turned to look at him as he asked me with tears and rage in his eyes. He was devastated, but not because I was raped, but because he knew he was going to have to tell me something that I needed to forgive him for. I could feel it in my heart.
“The baby is Michael’s. Michael tried to protect me and killed Dave…but I was shot, too…right in my stomach, the bullet went right through Dave and into me. I was lucky I was able to get pregnant again. So, regardless of who’s the father right now, I’m going to have this baby.” At this point, I was a bundle of nerves. “But I have to know…Joe…you need to tell me the truth. Are you my father?” I pleaded softly, the tears skating down my cheeks relentlessly. I stared at him, imploring with my eyes. He cleared his throat before answering me.
“What did Dave tell you?” he said softly, almost in a whisper.
“He said my mother was having an affair…with you and that you’re my father. You’re the reason my father hated me all of my life. Is it true?” The ball in my throat grew thicker and the nerves in my stomach got tighter.
“Jen, there’s nothing more that I want than to tell you the truth.” He took a deep breath before he parted his lips to speak. “Yes, I had an affair with your mother. But it wasn’t an affair; It lasted for 21 years…it was much more than that, I loved her…she was my life.” I inhaled deeply, got up from the chair and started to walk around. I lost my breath. Twenty-one years…did he just say twenty-one years?
He walked around the conference table giving me no eye contact at all. I wanted to kill him. Kill him because I knew he was going to tell me lots of things I couldn’t deal with, especially now.
“I couldn’t tell anyone because of your father. You know how small towns are, there’s always big gossip. Besides, she thought he would kill her… or you. She didn’t want to put you in more danger.” He walked over to me slowly. I could feel the tension thickening in the air. My heart pounded as he approached me. “I loved her more than anything in the world and when she told me that there was a possibility that you were mine, I was so overjoyed. All I wanted was to see your father dead. Dead and gone, so I could raise you and we could be a family.” He held both of my hands and I couldn’t say a word. I was speechless and stunned to say the least. I felt like my whole world had collapsed around me. He sat me down, then knelt before me. “Every beating that she took, she took for you and for me. I wanted to end the relationship, but I couldn’t stay away from her and to be honest, I couldn’t live without her.
I was there from the beginning, when you were born, your first shots, your first bump and bruise, when you started to walk and your first words,” He held his breath, the tears rushing to the surface of his eyes. With one deep breath, he began to cry, placing his hand over his chest. “But she wasn’t sure if you were mine and I had no proof, but that didn’t mean I loved you any less. I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.” He bursted out into tears as he stood up never losing eye contact with me, and with every word that was released from his lips, my heart broke into tiny pieces, bit by bit. I stood up and took a step back. I gasped for air as he spoke about my mother. I could feel my chest tightening; my stomach began to wince. I wanted to speak, but I couldn’t get the air out of my lungs. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Not only was I the victim of abuse, but I was a victim of abuse from a man who wasn’t even my father. How could she do this to me? She was my world. I can’t breathe…I can’t breathe.
“Jenesis, please…say something.” he begged. I took a deep breath, holding on to the little dignity I had left and walked towards the door, opened it and turned to look at him.
“Why didn’t you do a paternity test?”
“She wouldn’t let me.”
“Why?”
“Because if you weren’t mine, she said she was going to kill herself.”
My heart stopped beating. I coughed
trying not to choke on his words.
“My mother would have never done that.”
“How do you know? She only showed you love…not fear. She wanted to protect you, always.”
“How? By killing herself.” My response was harsh. The heat in my face rose in an instant. I was getting angry.
“You don’t get it, do you?” He pleaded.
“Oh, I get it alright. I do. You’re love affair cost her her life and ruined mine.”
“No, your Uncle Mike…did that. He told your father…He told Bobby. I know he did.”
“You were both wrong for not telling me.” I shook my head in disbelief. “I think I liked you better when you were nothing more than my pediatrician, not as a potential father. My whole life is ruined because you both lied to me. How fast can you get a paternity test? Because we’re done here. I never want to see you again.” I closed the door behind me. I felt like I got shot in the stomach all over again. Every memory of my childhood stayed behind in that room with him.
My life as I knew it as a child, good or bad, was erased by his devastating words. ‘We had an affair…you might be my daughter…I loved you.’ My mother’s memory was instantly destroyed…her lies…her betrayal cut so deep, I thought I would have a heart attack and die. I stopped in front of the elevators, holding on to the wall to keep me from falling flat on my face. Joe ran up behind me.
“We can make this work. I’ll take the test…I need you to meet me tomorrow morning. Please…this is the only chance we have to make this right…I owe it to you and you owe it to me.” the elevator doors opened and before I stepped in, he blocked me with his arm. I looked up at him, the tears flowing with no end in sight and I said sternly,
“I.Owe.You…Nothing.” I pushed his arm out of the way and stared at him intensely as the doors closed in his face. He stood there, silent, with his mouth slightly ajar and then he whispered,
“No…”
Michael Chapter 3
I waited nervously in the lobby for her. Goddammit! Why did she see Dr. Joe without me? I walked towards the elevator only anticipating the worst. The elevator doors opened, Jenesis sprung out and ran into my arms, grabbing a hold of me tightly, sobbing into my chest. I grabbed the back of her head gently and placed it against my chest. I stood there silently, listening to her whimper as her body shook from the pain in her heart. “It’s okay baby, it’s okay. I’m here…I’m here.” I whispered into her hair.
She managed to break away from my embrace. I didn’t realize I was holding on to her so tightly. I could see her discontentment. It was written all over her face. She was uncomfortable in my arms and that made me feel like shit.
“It’s true Michael, he could be my father. My whole entire life has been a lie.” She said softly as her head hung towards the floor. I placed my fingers underneath her chin and lifted her face gently to mine. She took a step back and shrugged me off.
“The company car is outside…let’s go home.” I tried to grab her by the hand as we walked out of the hospital to the car. She didn’t let me. My driver drove us home and we entered the elevator up to the apartment.
“Jenesis, you’ve been through so much today. Why don’t you take a shower and relax.” I said softly. She glanced up at me, still feeling the shame of not knowing who her father was. She walked into the bathroom and sat on the toilet bowl and began to weep and weep. I watched from afar. I couldn’t bear to see her in so much pain. But, I’ve seen her in worse condition, on our bedroom floor, underneath my father’s filthy body while he was…raping her.
I needed to comfort her but I was sure she didn’t want me near her. I cautiously entered the bathroom.
“Jenesis, you need to take a shower. Let me help you.” I grabbed her by the hands and lifted her up, removing her blouse as I raked my fingers along her waist, then to her back, unhooking her bra. I knew my gentle touch was having an effect on her. It made her nipples harden and she covered her breasts with her hands. I removed my hands and whispered,
“It’s okay…just take a shower.” She removed her panties, then I helped her step into the shower. I removed my own clothing and got in the shower with her. I stared at her, looking at every salacious curve on her body, watching the water fall gently against her silky skin as she stood underneath the shower. She gently leaned her head back to rinse her hair and the lump in my throat grew larger, making it almost impossible to choke back the tears. I placed the soap in my hands and rubbed them together under the water. I lathered her back gently caressing each shoulder. She let me touch her, and that’s when I let the tears fall from my eyes. She couldn’t tell I was crying in the shower. It made it easier for me to let it all out.
The touch of her skin on my fingers brought back the memories of how much I really missed Jenesis and how much I wanted to make love to her. She stared at my erection as it doubled in size before her eyes. She turned around and placed her hands against the cool tiles, then pushed her firm, round, plump ass against me. My erection grew harder and I could feel the heat from her body against mine. She turned around and I quickly pulled her in and kissed her tender lips, staring into her eyes asking for permission to ravish her…and she let me. I parted my lips placing my tongue gently into her mouth, trying to match the movement of hers. I kissed her passionately as she grabbed my ass pressing my enormous erection against her belly. I wanted to suck the life out of her. I wanted to feel the passion again, the passion that was there before she knew who I was and what I had done. I felt the guilt creeping up on me, slowly, dangerously, in a way that made me feel dirty and unclean for craving her…wanting to almost punish her for not feeling the same way I did by fucking her into oblivion until she could no longer feel the pain that I’ve caused her. How could she still love me? After everything I had done…knowing how I helped poor helpless women get trapped in the web of lies that Dave weaved; knowing that Dave was going to kill them, without blinking, without a second thought; and then watching as Dave wrapped his hands around her tiny throat to choke the life out of my Jenesis, had everything to do with…me.
I opened my eyes to see that hers were tightly shut, her breathing erratic while my excitement grew, throbbing against her naked flesh. I picked her up by the waist and she wrapped her legs around me. I stepped out of the shower without unlocking my lips from hers, our tongues playing tug of war in each other’s mouths, as I tried so desperately to consume her. I walked towards the bedroom and on our bed was the throw blanket that her mother gave her. I knew it would ruin the moment, so I quickly scooped it up and threw it on the night table. She still had her legs wrapped around me as I gently placed her on her back on the bed.
“Jenesis, I want to make love to you…please…I need this…we need this.” I whispered as I gazed into her eyes. The tears trickled down her cheeks into her ears and I just wanted to lick each and every tear away. She was what I needed, and I needed her like I needed air in my lungs.
“Make love to me Michael…slowly.” She whispered as she tugged on my bottom lip gently with her teeth. I plunged my tongue into her mouth, devouring her…slowly. I slid my hand between her legs and released my torrid kiss from her lips, sliding my tongue down the center of her body while gently pushing my finger in and out of her wet entrance. She pushed gently against my finger until my tongue reached her throbbing clit. I lifted her legs as I knelt on the floor against the bed, then I kissed her gently in between her thighs, working my way to her aching flesh. I licked and sucked ever so gently on her clit until it was engorged and tender. Her body vibrated in pleasure and she let out a deep moan as I punished her with the flicks of my tongue, making her squirm, making her beg me to fuck her with every velvet stroke. She lifted her head slowly, watching me slide my tongue across my top lip waiting for her to give me permission to make love to her. She nodded gently. I slid my body up against hers and I could feel the tension in her body, she was afraid. I slipped my throbbing beast into her slowly at the entrance, stroking the tip of my head in a circular motion
against her clit as she slid her hands down my back grabbing onto my ass. She pushed me into her. I could feel her swollen flesh pulsating against my shaft. I let out a moan… it felt so fucking good…something I needed to feel…from her. I pushed into her slowly, inch by inch, deeper while staring into her eyes. I thrust and circled my hips in a rhythm of merciless pleasure as she dug her nails into my back, digging and clawing at me until I felt my blood on her fingers. Her high pitched moans vibrated in my ears and I lost myself in her; the sound of her delicious moans driving me to my breaking point. I was pushing hard, and she was driving back against me making the moans that escaped my lips grow louder and louder…I was reaching my peak. I opened my eyes,
“I can’t hold it, Jenesis, you’re gonna make me come.” I said on a hitch as I pushed into her.
“Come for me, baby, come inside of me.” She whispered as she banged her hips against me… fast.
“Baby, right there, give it to me…Jenesis! Fuck!” I shouted as I pushed into her wet, tight, flesh. She yelled out my name as I came inside of her. My hot seed filling her as she shattered around me, lifting her head off of the mattress, burrowing her nails into my shoulders. I held on to her, grabbing her ass tightly and pushing myself through her body. I was trembling, so was she, and I felt the love between us that only she and I could share.
Jenesis Chapter 4
He took me there again, to heaven; heaven on Earth and I was content…I was relieved, and I was…afraid.
I rolled over on my stomach and he placed his hand around my waist.
“Jenesis, I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much.” He tenderly stroked my cheek with his fingers.
“Michael, do you love me?” I asked.
“What? Of course I do.”
“No, I mean…do you really love me? Unconditionally…no matter what I do or what I’ve done.” I grabbed his hand and held it tightly.