News from Gardenia
Page 25
Linda Corrin
Stephen Cosgrove
Anthony Creagh
James Cridland
Ewan Crossan
Joshua Crothers
Ann-Marie Curran
Richard Curtis
Peter Dalling
Gerald Daniels
Bruce Davenport
Shazza Davidson
Coral Davies
Glyn Davies
Graham T. Davies
Liam Davies
Peredur Davies
Jonathan Davison
Paul Davison
Tony Dawber
Belinda Daws
Amanda Dawson
Darren Dawson
Edd Dawson
Paul de Greef
Paulo Jorge de Oliveira
Cantante de Matos
Jamie De Rycke
Meriel de Vekey
Michelle de Villiers
Matt Dean
Ryan Dehmer
Andy Devanney
Gavin Dietz
J.P. Diver
Stephen Donnelly
Adam Dowden
Lawrence T. Doyle
Simon Drinkwater
Will Dron
Jonathan Dubrule
Christopher Dudman
Keith Dunbar
David Dupplaw
Justin Dykes
Cariad Eccleston
Liz Eden
Gordon Edwards
Roger Edwards
Richard Eggleston
Suzi Ellington
Brendan Ellis
Thor-Dale Elsson
Charlotte Endersby
Derek Erb
Marc-Alexandre Espiaut
Mark Faithfull
Lily-Jo Fannon
Di Farence
David Fauvrelle
Gillian Fifield
Anna Eve Figueroa
Richard Firth-Godbehere
Bård Fjukstad
James Fowkes
Craig Francis
Ian Frank
Laura Franks
Alan Freeman
Paul Freeman
John Frewin
Anthony Froissant
Stephen Frost
Tony Fyler
Christian Gaetani
David Gallaher
Hilary Gallo
James Gander
Chris Garnham
William Garrard
David Garvie
Joe Gaunt
Perry Gerakines
Saman Gerami
Simon Gibson
Stuart Gilbert
Beryl Giles
Sarah Gill
Neil Godfrey
Richard Goldsmith
Ben Goodchild
Mark Goody
Jean Graham
Neil Graham
Kerrie Caflas Gray
Jacinta Grayden
Arthur Green
Roger Green
Paul Gregory
James Griffin
Mike Griffiths
Lee Grimshaw
Emily Hopkins
Lance Haig
Andy Hall
Natalie Hall
Daniel Hallifield
Penny Hands
Michael Hansen
Marie Hanson
Pete Harbord
Paul Hardingham
Peter Harrigan
Chris Harris
Paul Harris
Vron Harris
Bryan Harrison
Kris James Harrison
Richard Harrison
Stacy Harrison
Graham Hassell
Andrew Hawkins
Paul Hawkins
Neil Hayhurst
Elizabeth Henwood
Roger Herbert
Ian Higgins
Stuart Higgins
Julian Hill
Adi Himpson
Adam Hinton
Matt Hobbs
Michal Hobot
Magnus Hoelvold
Iain Holder
Brad Holland
Andrew Holmes
Emily Hopkins
Simon Houghton
Peter Howell
Rod Howitt
Gordon Hudson
Ben Hughes
Jack Hughes
Paul Hughes
Tim Hughes
Jordan A. Hulme
Andrew Humbles
Luci Humphreys
Andrew Hunter
Leif Hunter
David Hutchinson (n5xl)
Fiona Hyde
Deb Ikin
Matthew Iles
Martyn Ingram
Tom Ingram
Marie Irshad
Richard Isherwood
Lee Israel
Ben and Izzy
Auli Jaatinen-Stock
Steve Jalim
Fadi Jameel
Fiona James
Mark Jeffrey
Paul Jewitt
Kay Johannes
Adam Johnson
Dean Johnson
Pete Johnson
Thomas Johnston
Catherine Jones
Heather Jones
Jessica Jones
John-Paul Jones
Peter Jones
Stephen Jones
Terry Jones
Deborah Jones-Davis
Richard Judd
Milan Juza
Chris Kanieski
Robin Karpeta
Katspjamas
Mike Keal
Joan Kelly
Martin, Rebecca & William Kelly
Scott Kennedy
Henry Kenner
John Kent
Matthew Keys
Dan Kieran
Andy Kiernan
John Kikkert
Meg Kingston
Steve Kirtley
Narell Klingberg
Peter Knight
Alexis Kokolski
Michael Kowalski
Arthur Kressner
Karim Kronfli
Aleks Krotoski
Steve Kunzer
Steven Laing
Lis Lambertsen
Karen Langley
Mark Larbey
Tracy Laurence
Craig Lawrence
Jeffery Lay
Gareth Layzell
Jason Le Page
Gareth Lean
Jørgen Leditzig
Holly Leeds
Steven Leighton
Masha and Klim Levene
Andy Lewis
Ian Lewis
Wendy Lewis
Ben Lindsay
Liane Linstead
Mark Lis
David Lister
John New & Deborah Lough
Tristram Love
Lisa Lyons
Abby MacArthur
John Macmenemey
Simon Macneall
Cait MacPhee
Beth Magner
Ewan MacMahon
Mark Mangano
Greg Manning
Richard Manning
Gemma Cleal & Nick Mansbridge
Andy Marczak
Shuna Marr
Karen Marshall
Andrew Martin
Colin Martin
Johnny Martin
Paul Martin
Tim Martin
Paul Mason
Rebecca Mason
Karen Masson
Brett Masterson
Andrew Matangi
Ajay Mathur
Noel Matthews
Donna Maxx
Shaun McAlister
Don McAllister
Rod McDonald
Shane McEwan
Dustin McGivern
Kathryn McGrath
Stuart McKears
Ben McKenzie
Gavin McKeown
Andy McLeod
Sarah McNair
Ian McWilliam
Jacqueline Meaney
Neil Melville
Wendy Metcalfe
Deborah Metters
Tamsin Middleton
Simon Middleyard
Miggi
Daryl Millar
Paul Miller
Nick Milligan
Richard Mills
Lindsay Mitchell
John Mitchinson
Deena Mobbs
Danny Molyneux
Tom Moody-Stuart
Lee Morecroft
Bethany, Grace & Morgan
David Morgan
Paul Morriss
Nik Mortimer
Michael Morwood
David Moss
Greig Muir
Alexandra Austin Muirhead
Robert Naylor
Angela Neale
Andrew Neve
Vivienne Neve
Paula Newens
Christopher J Newman
Alex Newsome
Simon Newson
John Nichol
Jess Nicholls
Al Nicholson
Chris Nicolson
David Nield
Andrej Ninkovic
Martin Nooteboom
Tom Northcott
Stuart O’Connor
Sean O’Rourke
Antony O’Sullivan
Anna-Maria Oléhn
Isabell Olevall
Kaylene O’Neill
Erwin Oosterhoorn
Matthew Orrison
Jim Osborn
Alan Outten
Stuart Owen
Brendan Owens
Lawrence Owens
Louise Paddock
S.J. Page
Sal Page
Keith Paine
Matthew Palmer
Michael Palmer
Ernest Panychevskyy
Kevin Parker
Mark Parkinson
David Parry
Kevin Pascoe
Andrew Paul
Shaun Payne
Neil Pearce
Dave Pearson
Bella Pender
Dan Pendleton
Michael Pennick
Mark Phelan
Amanda Phelps
Lorin Phenis
Chris (furrie) Phillips
David Phillips
Eric Phillipson
Guy Phipps
Jennifer Pickup
Steve Pike
Brian Pitkethley
Justin Pollard
Edward Pollitt
David Poloni
Malcolm Porter
Craig Portsmouth
Rachel Poulton
Nick Powell
Jon Prendergast
Edward Price
Christopher Pridham
Jim Prince
Morgan Prior
Simon Prior
Johnny Pritchard
Adam J Purcell
Jenny Puttock
Huan Quayle
Ethan Race
Mark Randall
Hans Rasmussen
Colette Reap
Julia Rees
Ian Reeves
Georgina Helen Reid
James Reid
Craig Reilly
Paul Renold
Lauren Rhodes
Andy Rice
Mark Richards
Christopher Richardson
Andrew Riddell
Laura Riggall
Heather Ringstead
Craig Risk
Robert Ristroph
Andy Roberts
Ian Roberts
Andy Robinson
Katy Robinson
Anne Rock
Petre Rodan
Mike Roest
Charles Ross
Craig Ross
Lorna Ross
Ian Roughley
Lynn Rowlands
Chloe Rowley-Morris
Allan P. Russell
Emma Ryal
Paul Sadler
Jon Salt
Evan Salway
Christoph Sander
Steven Saunderson
Neil Sayer
Hugh Scantlebury
Claire Scott
Ryan Scott
Chris Scutcher
Adrian Seale
Pat Samhain Seery
Lee Sei-Macfhearchair
Annie Self
Daniel Sendall-King
Katherine Setchell
Jennifer Seymour
Lee Shannon
Robert Sharp
Jonathan Sharpe
Joanna Sharples
Darran Shepherd
Karl Sherratt
Jennifer Shipp
Jon Shute
Sam Sibbert
Richard Sickinger
Darren Sillett
James Sinclair
Vicki Sivess
Angela Skinner
Claire Slade
Alasdair Smith
Alison Smith
Eric Smith
Laura Smith
Neil G. Smith
Nic Smith
Paul Smith
Russell Smith
Adam Smithson
Nat Snell
Peter Snell
Jason Soroko
Chris Spath
Tom Speller
Peter Spicer-Wensley
Mat Stace
Lee Stamper
Graham Starkey @grezzaa
Craig Stewart
Bent Stigsen
Glenn Stokes
Jack T. Stonell
Andrew Storm
Karen Stott
Alison Strange
Charlie Styr
Stéphanie Suchecki
Patrick Sugrue
Mark Sundaram
Mark Suret
Ian Sutherland
Lindsay Swann
Trina Talma
Jack Tams
Alan Taylor
Gregory Fenby Taylor
Lee Taylor
Mark Taylor
Nick Telford-Reed
Edward Thomas
Jo Thomas
Mark Thomas
Paul Thomas
Alexander Thompson
Andrew Thompson
Alex Thomson
Mark Thorpe
Barry Tipper
James Tombs
Samuel Toogood
James & Helen Townsend
David Tubby
Nicholas Tufnell
Daniel Tumilty
Ben Tumney
James Tunnicliffe
Richard Turner
Paul Tyler
Pete Tyler
John Underhill
Rav Vadgama
Mark Vent
Steve Wadsworth
Yasuhiro Waki
Steve Walker
Stewart Walker
Antony Wallace
Bobby Wallace
Nick Walpole
Stuart Walsh
Hui-chang Wang
Ashley Ward
Rachel Ward
Adam Warn
Marc Warner
Paul Warren
Emma Watkins
David Watt
James Watts
Paul Wayper
David Wegmuller
Glenn Wehmeyer
Carl Weller
Philip Weller
Karen Wells
Tom West
Johan Westlin
Amy Wheaton
Devlin Hugh Francis
Whitfield-Martin
Matthew Whittaker
Carol Whitton
Jason Wickham
Rob Widdowson
Andrew Wilcox
Dave Wild
Tom Wilkinson
Christopher Williams
Craig Williams
Graham Williams
Gwylim Williams
Trevor Williams
Joan Wilson
Martin Wink
Tim Winstanley
Graham Wise
Stuart Witts
Ian Wolf
Cindy Womack
Charlotte Wood
Rupert Wood
Steven Wooding
Katie Woodman
Barney Worfolk-Smith
Bryan Worth
David Wright
John Wright
Rachel Wright
Simon Wright
Ian Yates
Yin-chien Yeap
Stewart Young
Goldie Yule
Lynn Zarb
About the Author
Robert llewellyn wrote his first novel at the age of twelve. By the time he’d published The Man on Platform 5 (his first grown-up work of fiction), thirty years had passed. In the intervening period he’d worked as an artist’s model, a bespoke shoemaker, a tree surgeon, a screenwriter, a comedian, actor and TV presenter.
He has appeared regularly on British television since 1987 in various guises including under quite absurd amounts of rubber in Red Dwarf; covered in grease and dust in Scrapheap Challenge; in terrifying machines on How Do They Do It? and sitting in a car chatting in Carpool.
Robert Llewellyn writes under a rack of solar panels in Gloucestershire, and News from Gardenia is his fifth work of fiction.
This edition first published in 2013
Unbound
4–7 Manchester Street Marylebone London w1u 2ae
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All rights reserved
© Robert Llewellyn, 2013
The right of Robert Llewellyn to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with Section 77 of the
Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
No part of this publication may be copied, reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
Typeset by Bracketpress
Art direction by Mecob
Cover design by Kid-ethic.com
A CIP record for this book
is available from the British Library
isbn 978-1-78352-009-1 (trade pb)
isbn 978-1-908717-12-2 (trade hb)
isbn 978-1-908717-13-9 (ebook)
isbn 978-1-908717-11-5 (limited edition)