Spin My Love

by Chantal Fernando

  She puts her hand on my shoulder and gives it a little squeeze.

  “He died of an overdose after one of my sets. He had left early with a woman, and when I walked back into our hotel room I found him dead. His pants were around his ankles and he was lying on the bathroom floor. It was … sad, really. That’s when I knew I had to get my shit together; that I couldn’t live like that anymore. I went to rehab for six months, and when I got out I came back here to take a break from everything.”

  I swallow hard as I let her process this. I’m surprised when she puts her mug down and lays her head on my shoulder, wrapping her arms around my waist.

  “You’re doing so well,” she praises me in a soft tone.

  “I have two reasons not to screw up now,” I say against her hair.

  “Two?” she asks.

  “You and Parker,” I reply. “I don’t want to disappoint either one of you, or let you down. I want to be a father that he can be proud of. I will be a father that he can be proud of.”

  “I know you will,” she replies, pulling away and wiping her eyes.

  “Don’t cry,” I whisper, hating to see her upset. “I’m also going to make sure I can be everything you deserve.”

  “You need to want it for yourself more than anything, Tane,” she says softly. “I think that’s the only way you’re going to beat this thing long-term.”

  I think that over. “You’re right.”

  She forces a trembling smile. “I just never thought this would happen to us, you know? To be apart for so long, and to have all these things happen to you … I just wish you were here with me that whole time instead, because I never would have given up on you.”

  You don’t deserve her.

  I push away the thought and wrap my arms around her tighter, her body pushed up against mine.

  “We’re gonna be okay,” she says.

  I nod, hoping that she’s right. I know I don’t deserve her, or Parker, not after everything that I did. What I do know is that I will spend the rest of my life making it up to the both of them.

  And I intend to do just that.

  *****

  “I’m assuming Giselle told you about us then,” Levi says before sipping his drink whilst eyeing me over the rim of the glass.

  How did he know? Every time I looked at him I wanted to punch him in the face for touching my woman. I’m guessing he could tell. Was I that obvious?

  “She did,” I say in a careful tone. “I know it’s not fair for me to hold that against you, and don’t get me wrong, because I’m so fucking grateful you were there for her, but I’m also jealous.”

  I put the truth out there; no bullshit. Complete honesty.

  Levi nods. “I get that. You weren’t here; I was. I love Giselle, but she’s always loved you. Even when you didn’t deserve it, which was most of the time. Her and I are nothing but friends now, but I’m telling you, that will never change. We will always be in each other’s lives. I consider you a friend too, so I’m hoping we can all be okay.”

  And I get pure honesty in return—I can respect that. “I know Giselle loves you, my son loves you … and hell, you have been my friend since I can remember,” I tell him, struggling to find the right words to say. “As long as you realize you and her are only friends, then I think we can be cool.”

  He pauses for a second, but then nods with a little grin on his face. I’m jealous, but I need to let it go, because I have no right to be. He was here, I wasn’t. That’s on me, no one else. The consequences are mine and mine alone. My burdens to bear.

  “Be good to her,” he says finally.

  “Fuck, man, I never want to hurt her again,” I admit.

  The door opens and Gage walks in with a woman, holding her hand. “Hey guys,” he says when he sees us. “This is Bianca.”

  The cute, petite blonde waves at us. “Nice to meet you.” Her voice is soft and sweet. She definitely doesn’t seem like Gage’s usual type, but I guess that’s changed.

  We mumble our replies as they head into his room. My eyebrows hitting my hairline, I turn to Levi. “Serious?”

  “As serious as he’s ever been before,” Levi replies with a smirk. “First time he’s brought her home, though.”

  Good for him.

  “Keira told me about how you called her,” Levi says. “Thanks for handling that. I wouldn’t have let her try and keep Justin away.”

  My lips tighten at just the thought of her. How had I even touched a woman that was so selfish? “I didn’t want Parker to have to suffer because I decided to …”

  Did Levi even know about Keira and me? I don’t think he did, and I wanted to keep it that way.

  He shakes his head. “My sister is a troublemaker; always has been, and always will be. She’s always been jealous of Giselle.”

  I turn to him. “Do you want to get out of here?”

  “Sounds like a good idea.” Levi laughs as giggling sounds come from Gage’s room. We stand up and leave as quickly as we can.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Tane

  I call Giselle’s phone the next day, but she doesn’t answer. Assuming she must be busy, I decide to go to the cemetery with flowers for my mother’s gravestone. I stare down at her name engraved in the marble. Jocelyn Miller. I wish she could have been alive to meet Parker. She would have adored him.

  Besides her taste in men, my mother had no faults that I knew of. She was kind, loving, and sweet, and never had a mean thing to say about anyone. She would be the first person to offer anyone help, whether they deserved it or not. She didn’t deserve to die so young.

  A heart attack.

  I place the orchids on top of the headstone and take a step back.

  I love you, Mum.

  “I heard you were back.” A voice I’d hoped I’d never have to hear again.

  I turn and stare at the man who I thought was my father my whole childhood.

  “I still come by here every week,” he says when I stay silent.

  What does he want? A fucking medal?

  “I have nothing to say to you,” I say quietly, turning and walking away.

  “Tane,” he calls out.

  I turn back and stare him down. A man I thought was big and scary as a child is now shorter than me, slightly overweight, and looking a little worse for wear.

  He looks pathetic.

  I don’t feel anything for him other than pity and hate. I know I need to forgive him—not for him, but for myself. I know how hate eats at you, making you do things you normally wouldn’t.

  “Did you ever find your biological father?” he has the audacity to ask.

  Jim Carlson. The name of my father.

  Did I seek him out? Yes, I did. But I didn’t talk to him.

  He’s the president of a local motorcycle club. I sat and watched him with his wife, and they looked happy. I didn’t want to ruin that. I don’t know if he has other kids or not, or if he even knows about me, but I let it be. Besides, the last thing I need is to get caught up in the life of an MC world. Giselle might take Parker and run. And I really don’t need to be around any drugs.

  “I’m sorry, you know, for what I said to you,” he finally says.

  I nod, but it’s a little too late for apologies.

  “I still consider myself your father,” he says quietly.

  Really? How can he say that after how he treated me?

  “I don’t have a father,” I call out as I turn around and walk to my car.

  *****

  I have a talk on the phone with my sponsor, Timothy. We check in with each other weekly, or more, if I need someone to talk to. After seeing my father, or at least, the man I’d thought was my father, I called him. We talk for half an hour, and he says the things I need to hear. I don’t need to go backwards just because I ran into him. I’m stronger than that. Just because he pushed me away doesn’t mean I’m not worthy.

  I hit the gym for two hours then head back home. When I see my personal assistant standing at m
y front door, I frown, thinking something must be wrong.

  “Julia?” I call out as I walk to her. “What are you doing here?”

  She lifts her face up and smiles as she sees me. “I was getting bored on leave. I thought we could talk about some of the events you’ve been asked to do.”

  I wish I could say I wasn’t a cliché bastard and that I didn’t sleep with my assistant, but I can’t. It was, however, a one-time mistake that happened when I was drunk. That might not be an excuse, but it’s an explanation. I told her after that it wouldn’t be happening again. She’s good at what she does, although she can be pushy if you give her an inch.

  Pun not intended.

  “You’re on holiday, Julia, we can talk work in a few months’ time,” I say. She’s holding a clipboard in front of her, and looking professional in white and black, her staple black-framed glasses perched on her nose. “I can’t believe you flew all the way here.”

  “I live in Sydney, not the other side of the world,” she replies, rolling her eyes.

  I sigh. I don’t think she’s getting the point. I pause. “How did you even know where I lived?”

  “Tane, I’m the one that booked the real-estate appointments for you.”

  Oh, right.

  I pull out my keys slowly, really not wanting to open the door. I cannot see this ending well, and I don’t need any more points against me.

  “Look Julia, why don’t you go stay at a hotel, enjoy yourself, and we can talk work soon,” I tell her, trying to act casual about it.

  “Tane, I’ve missed you,” she says, pouting slightly.

  And there it is.

  “We’ve spoken about this before …”

  “I know,” she replies. “I know you said we aren’t anything to each other, but at least I still got to see you all the time. Now I don’t even get that.”

  “I’m your boss,” I say. “It’s unprofessional of you to just show up at my house unannounced when you know damn well I’m taking some time off.”

  “I was bored,” she snaps, losing her composure for a second.

  How is her boredom my problem? She’s been paid to handle my PR and be my assistant; surely there is something she could do?

  A thought occurs to me. “How did you get here?”

  “I took a taxi from the airport.”

  Of course she did.

  It’s only then I see her mini-suitcase behind her. This is so fucking awkward.

  “Let me make a phone call, then I’ll drive you to a hotel,” I tell her as I fumble with my keys. I unlock the front door and let her in.

  “Help yourself to whatever you want,” I tell her, gesturing to the fridge.

  “Okay,” she replies as I walk into my bedroom, locking the door behind me. I pull out my phone and call Giselle, wanting to tell her what was going on here. Last thing I need is her thinking that I’m doing something behind her back. She doesn’t pick up and I wonder what she and Parker are up to right now. Hopefully they are having more fun than me.

  I call again with no answer, so I open my door, ready to get rid of my assistant.

  When I hear Giselle’s voice, I cringe.

  Fuck.

  I wish I could have told her what was going on so she didn’t have to walk in on another woman in my house.

  “Who the fuck are you?” I hear Julia ask in a bitchy tone.

  “I’m Tane’s girlfriend. Who are you?” Giselle snaps back.

  She’s mine? At least she’s admitting it now.

  Julie clucks her tongue. “Oh, honey, you won’t believe how many women think they are Tane’s …”

  Like her, maybe?

  “Sorry to inform you,” she continues, “but Tane isn’t the settling down type.”

  My cue to enter.

  Giselle looks up and narrows her pretty eyes on me. Parker is nowhere in sight, thank God.

  “She’s my assistant, and she’s just leaving,” I tell Giselle. I walk over to Giselle and give her a kiss on her forehead, ignoring her stiff posture and dirty looks.

  I turn to Julia. “This is Giselle, and she’s a hell of a lot more than my girlfriend. She’s the mother of my child and the woman I plan on marrying one day. If she will have me.”

  I hear Giselle’s gasp. I sneak a look at her, hoping I haven’t creeped her out. She looks surprised, her mouth dropping open. Julia, on the other hand, laughs cattily. “Yeah, right.”

  “That’s enough,” I snap. “Julia I’ll call you a taxi.”

  I pull out my phone and do just that, leaving her gaping at the fact I wasn’t even going to drive her to a hotel now. What I really wanted to do was fire her ass so I never had to see her again.

  I watch out of the corner of my eye as she stands up. “Do you know what? I quit. Try not to fuck your next assistant.”

  With that parting shot, she walks out the door, dragging her mini suitcase behind her. I turn to Giselle, who is staring at the spot Julia just departed.

  “You were sleeping with your PA?” she asks, disappointment dripping from her tone.

  “I slept with her once. Over a year ago,” I explain. “Just after Keiran died.”

  It’s not an excuse, but an explanation. I clearly wasn’t in my right mind.

  “I see,” she murmurs, staring down at the tattoos on her arm.

  “Where’s Parker?” I ask, changing the subject.

  “Back at Gage’s. We went to the beach today, and now we’re having a BBQ. I came to see if you wanted to come.”

  And instead she got caught up in this.

  “She just dropped by. I had no idea,” I try to explain. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

  “I’m sorry too,” she bites outs, looking anywhere but at me. “I think I should go.”

  “Giselle—”

  “Its fine, Tane,” she replies, looking down. “I hate the thought of you touching another woman, but I know that it happened. A lot. Seeing it takes it to a whole different level though.”

  “Seeing it?”

  “Seeing someone that you’ve slept with,” she replies with a shrug. “We aren’t even together; I have no right to feel anything.”

  “Oh?” I say, a smug grin appearing on my face. “Pretty sure you just called yourself my girlfriend.”

  “I was pissed off, Tane,” she says dismissively.

  “That’s bullshit, and you know it. We always knew we would end up together, always.”

  She doesn’t bother trying to deny it, but she does come back with, “If you always knew it, maybe you shouldn’t have fucked around so much.”

  Ouch. The truth hurts sometimes.

  “It’s not as simple as that, is it?” I reply quietly.

  She sighs. “I guess not. It’s just not a good feeling to know so many women have had you. I know that I have to let it go, though. At least, the rational side of me knows that.”

  “And the other side of you?”

  She raises a brow. “Don’t tempt me.”

  “I’m sorry it hurts you, but to me they don’t mean anything. No one matters to me except you,” I say, my lips tightening in a slight grimace. “Julia was a huge mistake. I knew it the second after it happened. I’m sorry.”

  She sighs and walks up to me, placing her hands against my chest.

  “Maybe we can still get our happily-ever-after,” she replies, looking up at me.

  Hope swirls in my chest.

  “Yes, we can,” I say softly, smiling. I wrap her in my arms, my fingers drifting down her back.

  “You still owe me two more dates,” she mumbles into my chest.

  I chuckle. “You just want the questions, don’t you?”

  “I like the dates too.”

  “You think the dates will ever stop? Because they won’t. I won’t ever stop showing you how thankful I am to have you in my life, no matter how long we’re together,” I tell her.

  She sighs contently. “I’ll hold you to that.”

  “Come on. Let’s go to Gage’s,” I te
ll her.

  She lifts her head. “Should we wait for the taxi to come and pick up your assistant first?”

  I can’t help it; I laugh. She can’t help but be kind and thoughtful.

  “You better start looking for a new one,” she tells me in a sharp tone.

  “I will.”

  “A male.”

  “Yes ma’am.”

  She smiles. I grin.

  All is right in the world.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Giselle

  On our fourth date, Tane surprises me the most.

  He tells me to dress up, and I do. I wear a black bodycon dress with a completely bare back. It reaches my knees, balancing out the show of skin. My hair is loosely curled and my makeup is simple. I love seeing his eyes roam over my body, widening slightly as he takes me in.

  “You look incredible,” he says, kissing my cheek. He opens the passenger door for me and I climb in.

  “So, where are we going?” I ask once he gets into the driver’s seat.

  “Be patient,” he says, making me narrow my eyes at him.

  When we pull in front of the Hilton, I’m confused. A lot of people are walking in, all dressed to the nines.

  “It’s a fundraiser for breast cancer,” he explains as we walk into the hotel lobby. “And I am going to play.” I can’t help but feel proud of him.

  “Did they ask you?”

  “Yes, my new personal assistant,” he looks at me with an amused expression as he says it, “told me they had contacted her. She said I was on a break but would ask me. It’s for charity, and I’m doing nothing, so why not.”

  Great. Another female personal assistant. I put that aside, because I trust him.

  I smile up at him. “I think it’s great. How do they raise the money?”

  “Entrance tickets and food—all the proceeds go to charity.”

  We walk into a function room and I watch Tane set up. He looks so sexy, brow furrowed in concentration as he sets up his fancy laptop and equipment. A lock of his dark hair falls on his forehead and he pushes it away agitatedly. I grin against my wine glass. He doesn’t even realise how sexy he is. A few minutes later he walks over to me, flashing me an apologetic look.