Ask Eva

by Judi Curtin

  ‘He looks really interested,’ said Ella.

  ‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘And with a bit of luck, Aretta, he might even forget that you tricked him to get him here.’

  We stood there for a bit, occasionally seeing Aretta’s dad walking up and down the garden. In the end he came back to us.

  ‘Could I trouble you for a pen and some paper?’ he said politely to Maggie.

  I ran in and grabbed an old notebook and a pencil from the kitchen table.

  Aretta’s dad took it from me and wandered back in to the jungle, with Lucky following at his heels, like she was going to have to protect him from wild animals.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ I said. ‘If you get lost, Lucky knows the way back.’

  But Aretta’s dad didn’t turn around. He just kept on walking, like it was a matter of life or death.

  ‘This is so amazing,’ said Aretta as the rest of us went inside. ‘I can’t believe my father is doing something besides sitting around looking sad. I know this mightn’t be a big deal to any of you guys, but to me it’s like a miracle.’

  Maggie squeezed my hand. ‘Eva’s our little miracle-worker,’ she said, and I had to look away, so no one could see how embarrassed I was.

  Twenty minutes later Aretta’s dad came inside and sat next to Maggie at the kitchen table. He was all buzzy and excited.

  ‘When I was in horticultural college in Nigeria,’ he said. ‘Everyone had to do a graduation project, and mine was a design of an accessible garden. I was proud of my work, but I never had the opportunity to use my ideas. That was many years ago, but I haven’t forgotten them.’

  He put a page in front of Maggie. ‘This is very rough,’ he said. ‘But I think you can see what I would like to do. We can widen the paths and put the plants in raised beds and hanging baskets, all at a height suitable to you. We can build a barbecue that you can reach, and maybe a small fish-pond. We can make a kennel for Lucky. Do you need that shed for storage?’

  ‘Not really,’ said Maggie. ‘There’s just a few things in it.’

  ‘Excellent,’ said Aretta’s dad. ‘We can make a small storage box for the far corner of the garden where no one will see it, and we can adapt the shed to make a gazebo, where you can sit on the sunniest days.’

  Maggie was laughing. ‘This all sounds very ambitious,’ she said.

  Aretta’s father laughed too. ‘Ambition is good,’ he said. ‘It is important to have something to dream of. Now, would you allow me to draw up a proper plan for your garden?’

  ‘I would love that,’ said Maggie. ‘But I have to make it clear that I can’t afford to pay you for your work.’

  Aretta’s dad smiled at her. ‘Payment is not always about money,’ he said.

  At school the next morning, Aretta was smiling so much I thought her face was going to crack in two.

  ‘My father barely slept last night,’ she said. ‘He spent hours on the ancient computer in the common room. He’s already got the outline of the design drawn up, and when I left this morning, he was working on the smaller details.’

  ‘That’s so cool,’ said Ella.

  ‘It’s very cool,’ said Aretta. ‘It’s like it’s been raining for months, and now the sun has come out. My father has come back to me.’

  ‘That’s brilliant news. I’m glad our plan worked out.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Aretta. ‘There’s one thing I need to ask you.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Are you and Ella free after school? My father is going to the library to do some research this afternoon, so I thought maybe the three of us could hang out for a bit?’

  ‘OMG!’ I said as I hugged her. ‘Cinderella is dead! Let’s go.’

  ‘Oh, no,’ said Aretta. ‘I can’t go yet. I’ve just remembered something.’

  ‘What?’ I asked. Was she already changing her mind?

  ‘I’ve got to go to sign up for after-school basketball,’ she said. ‘I’m going to start next week.’

  ‘That’s brilliant,’ I said. ‘I bet you’ll be the star of the team.’

  But then I remembered something too. ‘Oh no!’ I said. ‘We’ve got heaps of maths homework, and it’s going to take me hours. I have no idea how to do it.’

  ‘I’ll help you,’ said Aretta. ‘Maths is easy when you know how.’

  ‘Yay!’ said Ella. ‘A maths afternoon, Sounds like a whole pile of fun. Not.’

  I giggled. ‘Let’s go to my place. With Aretta’s help, my homework might not take that long. And afterwards we can watch a movie. How does that sound?’

  ‘Perfect!’ said Ella and Aretta together.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  ‘I’m going to die of the cold,’ said Ella. (Or at least I think that’s what she said. It was hard to be sure because her teeth were chattering so much.)

  I tried to hug her, but hugging isn’t easy when you’ve got a small, wriggly dog under your arm.

  ‘This so isn’t fair,’ I said. ‘Thanks to Gigi’s committee, visitors are allowed until ten o’clock, but because of Lucky, we still have to hide outside like criminals.’

  ‘I guess we just have to be patient,’ said Ella. ‘Nurse Witch has to move soon.’

  But she didn’t. It was like her bottom had been super-glued to her seat. Ella and I watched as she very slowly turned the pages of her book, occasionally sipping from her cup of tea.

  I shivered. ‘If we don’t move soon, I’m going to get pneumonia and I’ll end up in a nursing home myself.’

  ‘You should have worn a coat,’ said Ella primly, pulling hers up tighter around her neck.

  I knew I couldn’t take any more. ‘Give me your coat,’ I said, reaching out and tugging at the zip.

  ‘Hey,’ said Ella. ‘Back off. You’re not getting it.’

  ‘It’s not for me,’ I said. ‘It’s for Lucky.’

  ‘But Lucky’s got her own personal fur coat.’

  I laughed. ‘She’s not going to wear your coat. Just give it to me, Ell.’

  And because Ella trusts me, she took off her coat and passed it over. She watched as I wrapped Lucky in it and tucked her under my arm.

  ‘See,’ I said. ‘The invisible dog.’

  ‘I’m not sure …’ she began, but I didn’t wait to hear the rest. I was already marching up to the electronic keypad. I didn’t look back, but behind me I could hear Ella’s footsteps on the gravel. I smiled as I keyed in the code.

  Nurse Witch looked up as we walked in to the reception.

  ‘It’s very late,’ she said, like we couldn’t read the huge clock over her head. ‘Shouldn’t children be in bed by now?’

  ‘Oh, no,’ I said. ‘We’re allowed to stay up late on weekend nights, aren’t we, Ella?’

  Ella didn’t answer. She was staring at the bundle under my arm, like it was a bomb that could go off at any second.

  ‘We’re just going up to see Gigi, I said. ‘We’re so glad that you had the idea to change the visiting times.’

  Nurse Witch tightened her mouth and glared at me. We both knew very well that the change in visiting hours hadn’t been her idea.

  ‘Oh, well,’ I said. ‘We can’t hang around chatting. See you later.’

  I was feeling very pleased with myself when, from under Ella’s coat, came a very distinctive sound – Lucky’s short, sharp bark.

  ‘Yip, yip, yip.’

  Nurse Witch jumped to her feet. ‘What’s that noise?’ she said.

  ‘What noise?’ I asked innocently. ‘Did you hear something, Ella?’

  And then it came again.

  ‘Yip. Yip.’

  I held the bundle under my arm a bit tighter, silently begging Lucky to be good.

  Nurse Witch picked up a crutch that was propped in the corner. She walked slowly around to our side of the desk, waving the crutch in front of her, like she was getting ready to fight off a pack of wolves.

  And finally Ella came to life.

  ‘Yip. Yip,’ she said, sounding exactly like Lucky.

  Nu
rse Witch stopped walking and stared at her suspiciously.

  ‘Yip. Yip,’ said Ella again. ‘Yip. Yip. Yip. Yippety-yip.’

  ‘Ella’s got this funny syndrome,’ I said thinking of a documentary my mum had been watching the week before. ‘It’s this thing where you can’t help shouting out random stuff. Didn’t you learn about it at nursing school, Nurse?’

  Nurse Witch didn’t answer.

  ‘It can be totally embarrassing sometimes, can’t it, Ella?’ I said. ‘Remember the time you ran down the street tearing out pages from your Maths copy and giving them to randomers?’

  ‘Fart-bottom,’ said Ella suddenly. ‘Wee-wee face.’

  Nurse Witch gripped the crutch so tightly, her fingers started to turn white. I had a horrible feeling she was trying to stop herself from hitting us with it. Ella had to hold on to the desk she was laughing so much.

  ‘Her syndrome causes uncontrollable laughing too,’ I said, which made Ella laugh even more.

  I could feel Lucky starting to wriggle under my arm, and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold her for much longer.

  ‘Let’s go,’ I said. ‘Gigi will be waiting.’

  ‘Yip,’ said Ella and Lucky together.

  ‘Where could Gigi be?’ I asked when we got upstairs and found her room empty.

  Then we heard the sound of laughing from the end of the corridor.

  ‘The lounge,’ said Ella. ‘I forgot to tell you the residents are allowed to stay there until midnight these days.’

  I followed her along the corridor and when we got to the lounge, it was like we were joining the best party in the world. Everyone was sitting around, chatting and laughing and listening to the radio that was playing in the corner. Hannah was knitting as usual, and Nancy was showing Fred old photographs from her tennis career.

  ‘OMG – it’s like a home,’ I whispered to Ella. ‘It’s like a normal, happy home.’

  Gigi looked up from her chat with Paddy. ‘Girls!’ she said. ‘You’re here at last. Would you like tea or coffee?’

  We asked for tea, and while she went over to the fancy new machine in the corner of the room, I unwrapped Lucky, who blinked in the bright light of the room.

  ‘Who gets first cuddle tonight?’ I asked, and backed away laughing as the old people shuffled towards me with their arms stretched out in front of them.

  Much later, Ella and I sat in the corner, watching as Lucky was passed around the room. Peggy was going from chair to chair, sharing a box of chocolates. Someone had switched off the radio, and Fred was singing a sad old song in a beautiful deep voice.

  ‘This is so cool,’ said Ella. ‘Gigi is always going to miss her own home, but this is lovely too.’

  ‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘I guess.’

  ‘What?’ asked Ella. ‘What are you thinking?’

  ‘It’s almost perfect,’ I said. ‘But that’s not good enough. Look how these people love Lucky. It’s like hugging her is the best thing in their lives.’

  ‘It’s one of the best things,’ said Ella. ‘That’s why we risk bringing her in here every week.’

  ‘Yeah, but don’t you see the problem?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Things can’t go on like this. Someday we’re going to get caught, and then we won’t be able to bring Lucky here anymore. Once we’re discovered, Nurse Witch will be watching out for her, and not even your best made-up-syndrome act will be able to fool her.’

  ‘But if we’re––’

  ‘And it’s not just about being caught,’ I said. ‘What about the times when you go away to visit your cousins? We won’t be able to come here then. And next month, Maggie’s going to visit Ruby for the weekend, and Lucky is going to stay with Ruby’s uncle, so we won’t be able to bring her that week either. Sneaking her in here is totally fun, but we both know it can’t go on forever.’

  ‘So what are we going to do?’

  ‘Like I said before, we’ve got to get rid of Nurse Witch.’

  ‘But how? When I see her being mean I feel like pushing her down the stairs, but I’m not really a violent person, and anyway, I don’t fancy spending twenty years in jail.’

  ‘I’ve got an idea,’ I said. ‘We know Nurse Witch is terrified of animals, so how about we sneak in a cage full of rats and let them run around the place?’

  ‘And you just happen to have a cage of rats lying around your house?’

  ‘Not exactly – but we could use hamsters. Andy is always bragging about his collection of pedigree hamsters – why does everyone think he’s so cool, by the way? Maybe he’d lend them to us for a day or two.’

  ‘That would certainly get rid of Nurse Witch,’ said Ella. ‘But I’m guessing half the old people are afraid of rats and hamsters too. They could end up having heart attacks or something.’

  ‘I suppose you’re right,’ I said. ‘I never thought of that. We’re going to have to think of something else.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘I know! Why don’t we do what Peggy suggested? We could tell the local newspaper that this place is full of bed-bugs, and then Nurse Witch might get fired for running an unhygienic nursing home.’

  Ella shook her head. ‘If people think there are bed-bugs here, the whole place will be closed down and everyone will have to leave. That won’t help us at all.’

  ‘Why are you always so negative?’ I asked, even though I knew she was right.

  I wasn’t mad at her, I was mad at myself. We needed a better plan, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t think of one.

  Ella and I decided it was best to sneak Lucky out the front door when Nurse Witch wasn’t looking, so we ended up lurking in the corridor near the reception desk as usual.

  Ella rolled her eyes when we heard Nurse Witch on the phone.

  ‘Might as well settle down,’ she said. ‘This could be a long one.’

  ‘Oh, Mammy,’ came the familiar voice from around the corner. ‘Things have gone from bad to worse around here. The old people have ganged up on me and they are doing whatever they like. They’re wandering around night and day, and ignoring all the rules I set up for their own safety. I dread coming in to work every morning.’

  There was a silence, and I guess her mum was saying encouraging stuff to her.

  ‘But I can’t leave,’ she said. ‘I need the job. The mortgage isn’t going to pay itself. Yes, Mammy, I know I should get another job, but where? I’m too old for the army now, and who wants a run-down old nurse who couldn’t even manage a bunch of old people without causing a revolution? Yes, Mammy, I know what you always say. Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better. Yes, Mammy. Night-night. See you next week.’

  ‘OMG,’ I whispered. ‘That’s it. We were looking at the problem the wrong way around. We don’t have to scare Nurse Witch away from here. She already wants to leave. All we’ve got to do is find her a new job.’

  ‘Oh, is that all?’ asked Ella. ‘That’s easy then. I guess she’ll be gone from here by tomorrow night.’

  I punched her lightly on the arm. ‘Very funny. Not. Now get ready to run. Nurse Witch is on the move.’

  Chapter Twenty-three

  ‘Why exactly do you need all the newspapers?’ asked the librarian next day.

  ‘School project,’ I said. I knew she’d get suspicious, so I gave her one of my best smiles.

  Ella and I took the huge stack of newspapers to the big comfy chairs at the end of the room.

  ‘Here,’ I said, handing half of the papers to her. ‘And don’t get distracted by photos of cute babies.’ (Ella has a thing about cute babies.) ‘Go straight to the jobs pages and find something suitable for Nurse Witch.’

  For a while, neither of us said anything as we flicked through the papers.

  ‘OMG,’ said Ella after a bit. ‘Look at this. The local hospital is opening a new ward, and needs ten new nurses. Maybe that would suit Nurse Witch?’

  I shook my head. ‘That wouldn’t be fair to sick people. Imagine waking up
after an operation and seeing Nurse Witch standing over you with a needle and a pair of rubber gloves? You’d have an instant relapse.’

  Ella giggled. ‘I guess you’re right. And I suppose that means she wouldn’t be any good for this one – matron needed for boarding school – must love children, and have a kind, caring attitude.’

  I laughed too. ‘There’s probably a reason Nurse Witch chose to join the army in the first place. Even though she’s a nurse, I guess she figured out early that she doesn’t have a kind or caring bone in her body.’

  ‘Maybe she should have a complete change of career?’ said Ella. ‘What about this one here – they’re looking for a night watchperson at the old mill?’

  ‘Let’s see,’ I said, leaning over so I could see better. ‘Nurse Witch would be a great watchperson. One look at her and even the scariest criminals would run away screaming. She’d be so … or maybe not. Look what it says at the end – duties involve working with guard dogs.’

  Now we both laughed so much, the librarian glared at us over the top of her ugly red glasses.

  ‘OMG,’ said Ella. ‘Can’t you just imagine Nurse Witch huddled in a sentry box, with a big pack of German shepherds barking madly outside? I think I’d pay money to see that.’

  After a bit we stopped laughing, and continued to flick through the newspapers. Soon I got distracted and started to wonder what it would be like to be grown up and looking for a job. All the ones here seemed kind of boring and time-consuming to me.

  Who’d want to be an accountant or a lawyer?

  What’s fun about cleaning and ironing?

  Why weren’t there any ads for chocolate-tasters or trampoline testers?

  And then Ella nudged me so hard, I let out a tiny squeak of pain.

  ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I just got excited.’

  ‘Why? Did you spot an incredibly cute baby?’

  She rolled her eyes. ‘No. I’ve found the perfect job for Nurse Witch.’

  Without another word she handed the paper to me, and pointed at a big ad in the bottom corner.