Nina's Got a Secret

by Brian W. Smith

  THREE WEEKS LATER

  NINA GOT UP EARLY TO GET PREPARED to meet Val at the airport. She made her normal trek into the bathroom to freshen up. When she walked back into her bedroom, Larry greeted her, holding a breakfast tray.

  “I’m sure you’re excited about seeing your girlfriend today, and the two of you are going to hang out, so I figured you’d need to start the day off with a nice breakfast. I fixed you some scrambled eggs and toast and some freshly squeezed orange juice.”

  Larry was expecting a warm smile and a thank you from Nina, but what he got was a nonchalant glance at the tray and a fake smile.

  “Thanks. Just sit it down. I’m not that hungry. Besides, I just brushed my teeth. I might drink the juice in a few minutes. Thanks anyway.”

  Larry was taken aback by his wife’s attitude. He placed the tray on the dresser and attempted to make small talk.

  “What do you have planned today?”

  “Nothing much; I’m going to pick her up and show her some of the sights. She’ll probably be tired from traveling. We’re going to play it by ear. I’m just excited to see her again. I’m bored out of my mind. Val will bring some entertainment here and hype things up a bit.”

  Nina’s disinterest was obvious and made Larry’s heart ache. If she opened her heart and gave him a chance, he could make her happy. He could be the kind of supportive husband that most women dreamed of having, but Nina would need to be willing to let him prove it. Unfortunately, her indifference toward him was proving to be a hurdle that even he, the master strategist, was having difficulty overcoming.

  Nina walked down the steps looking like a million bucks. Her hair was perfect; her makeup was flawless; and her clothes were immaculate.

  “Mommy, where are you going?” Precious asked.

  “I’m going to the airport to pick up Aunt Val. I want you to behave yourself while I’m gone.”

  “Yes ma’am,” Precious replied.

  Nina scanned the room. She didn’t see Larry, but she did see Chrissy sitting at the table with milk splattered all around her. Pieces of cereal were on the table, in her hair, and on her chest. It was clear the child was having a difficult time eating.

  “That’s disgusting,” Nina mumbled and then turned and walked out.

  Larry stood silently on the second floor next to the banister as he watched his wife display her contempt for his daughter.

  Nina drove to the airport bumping Mary J. Blige and bobbing her head. She was extremely homesick and the thought of seeing her best friend really excited her.

  Val was excited, too. She’d only left the state of Louisiana once in her entire life. Even that venture across the state line was not voluntary. It was a forced journey that was strongly urged by a mean bitch named Katrina.

  Like so many New Orleanians, Val couldn’t stay away from New Orleans too long. The moment she discovered that the city had been reopened after Hurricane Katrina, she was one of the first to return.

  Nevertheless, Val had been waiting impatiently for this vacation and she was determined to enjoy it.

  “Nina, is this your new car?” Val asked as she walked out of the airport terminal. She and Nina met at the curb and stood there hugging long enough to make pedestrians stop and stare.

  “Yep, I told you Larry bought my dream car as a wedding gift.”

  “That’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout!” Val said as she tossed her small travel bag onto the backseat.

  “You sure travel light.”

  “Hold up! You told me to travel light because we were going to shop ’til we dropped.”

  “And you know this!” Nina replied as she held up Larry’s American Express Black Card.

  “Oh shit! Is that the black card?”

  “Yes it is, sweetie, and we’re going to put a dent in this sucker today.”

  “Can I hold it, please?” Val asked as she took the card from Nina’s hand and then rubbed it along her breast, belly, and pretended like she was going to slide it between her legs.

  “You are crazy!”

  “Girl, I didn’t realize it was that thick. It doesn’t feel like a regular credit card.”

  “That’s because it ain’t a regular credit card. This is a, I can get what the hell I want and there ain’t no limit credit card.”

  “Hello! Let’s go and test that theory,” Val shouted.

  “But, before we start spending money, we need to stop and get some gas. My gas tank is damn near empty.”

  “Shiiiit, girl, my car stays on empty. I be puttin’ just enough gas in there to get from my house, to work, and then back home.”

  “You’re gonna run out of gas one day.”

  “I know. I just hope I’m looking sexy the day that happens.”

  “Why?”

  “Shiiiiit, I gotta look sexy because if I run outta gas, I may have to stick out my legs and hitch a ride.”

  “It’s like that?”

  “Girl, you just don’t know. I might have to start selling some coochie if these gas prices go up any higher.”

  Nina laughed and immediately remembered why she enjoyed hanging out with Val; she was a comedian. They laughed together constantly.

  “Val, your ass ain’t that hard up. How much would you charge them for a half tank of gas?”

  “I don’t know, maybe twenty-five dollars. I’d probably hit ’em up for fifty and a Baby Ruth if I needed to fill up my tank.”

  “I can see your ass hasn’t changed one bit.”

  “Nope, I haven’t.”

  THE NEXT FIFTEEN MINUTES were spent discussing the flight and the plans for the day. Suddenly, Val remembered to ask, “Wait a minute, where’s my baby girl, Precious?”

  “She and Chrissy are with the live-in nanny.”

  “You have a live-in nanny? You have really crossed over to the white side.”

  “Val, I’ve spent the last eight years bustin’ my ass, tryin’ to take care of that child. I’m gonna enjoy being spoiled for the first time in my life.”

  “I ain’t mad at cha, baby. How are you handlin’ your new role as stepmother?”

  “It’s fine so far. I don’t really have to deal with Chrissy that much; the nanny has a strong background in dealin’ with children who have autism. Larry made sure of that. When she isn’t around, Larry’s usually there dealin’ with Chrissy.”

  “So when are you going to dive in and ‘deal’ with her? You can’t be married to the man and not interact with his child. Besides, based on what you’ve told me, Chrissy sounds like a sweet child.”

  “Come live with us and I’ll pay you to be her personal nanny. That way you can ‘deal’ with her anytime you want,” Nina suggested in a sarcastic tone.

  “Don’t tempt me; I may take you up on the offer. Did I ever tell you about my little brother that had autism?”

  “You never told me you had a brother with autism.”

  “I don’t talk about him because he died when he was ten years old from pneumonia. My mother and I really took it hard. My mom worked two jobs so I used to be his babysitter most of the time. I probably spent more time with him than she did.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that. I never knew.”

  “It’s okay; I can handle it. The question is, can you handle it?”

  “I don’t know; it’s too early to tell. I don’t want to talk about that right now. Let’s talk about something more interesting. What’s goin’ on with you and Tyrone? The last time I called you, it sounded like he was tearin’ that ass up.”

  “Girl, he was puttin’ it on me. He was givin’ me my punishment.”

  “What?”

  “He was punishin’ me because I’d made him mad.”

  “So sex was your punishment?”

  “Yeah, child; he gave me some punishment dick.”

  “What did you do to earn ‘punishment dick?’” asked Nina with a chuckle.

  “I was supposed to meet him for lunch, and I was thirty minutes late. That made him mad. But the thing that really piss
ed him off was the fact that it was the third time in one month I was late for lunch. Girl, he’d ordered my food because he thought I was on my way. He was sittin’ there lookin’ like a damn fool as he waited for me.”

  “What did he do when you finally arrived?”

  “You gotta understand Tyrone. He has an ego that’s as big as this damn car. He waited until I walked up and then told me he was leavin’. After he told me off, he got up and left.”

  “He left you sitting there?”

  “He damn sure did.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I was so embarrassed that I ate my cold food. Girl, I ain’t gonna lie, I waited to try to let him cool off some before I went home.”

  “I gotta meet this Tyrone. He sounds like he has your ass in check.”

  “Whatever! Anyway, I waited as long as I could and then I went home.”

  “Was he yellin’ when you got home?”

  “Girl, he was still yellin’. I tried to argue back, but he told me to shut up.”

  “He told you to shut up?” Nina asked rhetorically. “What did you do?”

  “What do you think I did? I shut the hell up.”

  “I’ll be damned,” Nina said.

  “I know. This shit is crazy. After he put me in check, he started givin’ me my punishment.”

  “Oh really?”

  “Yeah, girlfriend. Whenever I piss him off, he punishes me with that big dick. Girl, he walked over to me and said, ‘I’m gonna punish your ass.’ He grabbed me by the arm and threw me on the bed face first. The next thing I knew, he was pulling my jeans off.”

  “That doesn’t sound like punishment; that sounds like rape.”

  “When you called, did I sound like someone who was protestin’? Shiiiiit—it’s clear you ain’t never had no punishment dick.”

  “I guess not,” Nina replied in a regretful tone.

  “It’s clear you haven’t. I’m tellin’ you, the best time to have sex with your man is when he’s pissed off with you. When Tyrone’s mad, his stroke is a little faster and his dick seems to get a little longer and harder. He was even growling and shit while he was punishin’ me.”

  “Growling?”

  “Like a damn hungry wolf. He was going ‘grrrrr’ and telling me to apologize.”

  “Did you apologize?”

  “Hell no, I ain’t apologize! I ain’t stupid. If I would’ve apologized, he would’ve stopped strokin’.”

  “You’re a damn nympho.”

  “You can call me what you want; but I’m a satisfied nympho . . . at least in the bedroom. Nina, I can’t lie. A lot of times I intentionally do stuff to make him mad.”

  “So you were late to lunch on purpose?”

  “Girl, I was in the parking lot on the phone with my girlfriend the entire time.”

  Nina laughed and drove toward the Del Monte Shopping Center. She drove slowly down Del Monte Drive so that Val could see the beautiful scenery. The pristine California coast was a much prettier sight than the shores of Lake Pontchartrain that aligned New Orleans.

  “So what does Tyrone do for a living?”

  “He doesn’t do enough; that’s probably my only complaint. But he’s a beast in the sheets. I can’t lie.”

  “That’s all y’all have to go on, good sex?”

  “Spoken like someone who ain’t gettin’ none. I realize your sex life is in the dumps; that’s why I decided to let you listen to us that day when you called. I try to let you live vicariously through me.”

  “No, you’re just a little freak. You were probably turned on, knowing that I was listening.”

  “I sure was and so were you. That’s why yo ass took so long to hang up. Don’t forget who you’re talkin’ to; I know about that little freak in you, Nina.”

  “Vee, it’s been so long since that freak came out. I don’t know if she still lives in me.”

  “That’s because you don’t have a thug like the one I got. Tyrone’s been wearin’ my ass out since he came home from prison.”

  “You’d better hope no one was wearin’ his ass out while he was locked up.”

  “No, baby, no one has touched my man! Don’t even go there,” Val shouted as she rolled her eyes and neck in true ghetto fashion. “Someone sounds a little jealous.”

  “I am jealous; I can’t lie. If it wasn’t for my toy, I wouldn’t have had an orgasm since I started dealing with Larry.”

  “That’s a damn shame. I feel for you, girlfriend, but I can’t say that I understand. Tyrone has been puttin’ that thug dick on me.”

  “What do you call it?”

  “You heard me. I call it that thug dick. Nina, he gives it to me rough, just the way I like it. You know what else he does?”

  “What’s that?”

  “Giiiiiirl, he likes to talk shit while we have sex.”

  “What does he say?”

  “Nina, he’ll be hittin’ it from the back and start askin’ me kinky stuff like, ‘You want me to give you three more inches of this dick?’ Girl, think about it. What would you do if your man was already pounding the coochie, and then he asks you if you wanted three more inches of dick . . . as if the first seven inches weren’t enough?”

  “The first seven inches?” Nina asked in astonishment.

  “That’s right, girlfriend. I said the first seven inches; you do the math. Anyway, Nina, I ain’t lying. I have an orgasm every time he does that. Another thing he does while we have sex that I love is the way he eats the coochie. While he’s eatin’ me, he’ll look up at me and say kinky stuff like, ‘Umm-hmmm, I’ma eat this pussy like it’s some watermelon.’”

  “Watermelon?”

  “Bitch, you heard me!” Val screamed and put her arms in the air like a boxer who’d just won the title belt. “He be callin’ my pussy wa-ta-me-lon! Doesn’t that turn you on?”

  “I’m convinced, yo ass is sho nuff crazy!”

  “Whatever! He’ll say sumthin’ like, ‘I’ma stay right here until you cum for big daddy.’ But my favorite thing he says while he’s eatin’ me is, ‘Give me my juice.’”

  “What?” Nina asked.

  “Check this out. He makes me get in the doggy style position and then he’ll start eatin’ me from behind and smackin’ my ass. Then he’ll start to say, ‘Give me my juice! Give me my juice!’ I’m tellin’ you, Nina; I’m sleepin’ with a damn porn star.”

  “He sounds kinky.”

  “Baby, he is extra kinky, and I love it! When he starts talkin’ kinky to me, I lose my damn mind. I’ll do anything he tells me to. There were a few times when I was out of coochie juice, and I considered puttin’ on a robe and drivin’ to the corner store to get him some orange juice, cranberry juice, pickle juice, pig feet juice, and any other kind of juice I could find.”

  Nina nearly jumped the curb as she laughed at Val. Val may have been joking, but the truth of the matter was that Nina really was living vicariously through her friend. The entire time Val described her sexual encounters, Nina sat there trying to visualize the scene, to include the size and girth of Tyrone’s penis and tongue.

  “So tell me, are you still rationing the coochie to Larry?”

  “Unfortunately, I am. I’m so horny I had to buy a new toy.”

  “What do you mean, unfortunately? You’re choosing to ration the coochie. If yo ass is horny, that’s yo fault.”

  “I don’t want to ration it, but I can’t get in the mood with him. We’ve been married for nearly a month, and we’ve had sex twice. The second time we did it, I was so drunk, I barely remember what happened. I went to the sex shop last week and bought a vibrator to keep me company.”

  “What do you call it?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “What do you call your vibrator? You gotta name it. I have a name for all three of my toys.”

  “Val, you have three sex toys?”

  “You’re damn right! I would’ve had four by now if I didn’t have to help Tyrone pay his probation officer. Child, I love my toy
s so much that I’m thinkin’ about puttin’ them in my will.”

  “Stop it!” Nina shouted.

  “I’m serious! I don’t have any kids, so I’m thinkin’ about leavin’ what few worldly possessions I have to my vibrators; they’ve earned it.”

  “Val, please stop; you’re killin’ me!”

  “I’m serious. I keep ’em locked in a case inside of a cabinet in my bedroom so they won’t get damaged or stolen. Nina, I’m gonna tell you somethin’ I haven’t told anybody.”

  “What?”

  “You can’t repeat this.”

  “What?”

  “Nina, you can’t tell anyone.”

  “Val, you’re starting to scare me. What’s wrong?”

  “Nina, I mean this with all of my heart. If someone should break into my house and steal everything, I wouldn’t care what they took as long as they didn’t touch my vibrators. I swear; if my vibrators came up missin’, I’d have to go on a manhunt.”

  “Girl, you scared the hell out of me!” Nina shouted and slapped Val on the arm. “I thought you were about to say something serious, and you’re still talking about your damn vibrators. It’s not that serious.”

  “Yes, it’s that serious. Have you ever seen people nailing photos of lost kids on poles and hanging photos on the walls in Wal-Mart when a child is abducted?”

  “Yes.”

  “If someone stole my vibrators, I’d start walkin’ up and down the streets of New Orleans passin’ out flyers and shit with pictures of my vibrators on them.”

  “Stop it! You’re making my side hurt!” Nina screamed.

  “I’m not playin’. Underneath the picture would be a caption that said, ‘Have you seen this vibrator?’ My phone number would be at the bottom of the page next to a picture of me cryin’.”

  “What if that doesn’t work?”

  “I don’t know what I’d do. I’d probably start a support group for women who’ve lost their vibrators.”

  “I probably shouldn’t ask because you’re gonna say somethin’ silly, but I’ma ask anyway. What would you call the group?”

  “I was thinkin’ ’bout that. I don’t know. I’d probably call the group somethin’ like—B.B.O.D.”

  “What in the hell does that mean?”

  “Bring Back Our Dicks! We’d even have a website called bringbackourdicks.com.”