by Penny Wylder
I'm not sure if every girl feels this way about her first, but I do.
The orgasm is growing, filling my entire body with warmth. I'm so damn close, and he knows it. He fucks me harder, faster, until the room is spinning, and I scream out in pleasure.
My body explodes as tingles surge through me, making my toes curl and my eyes snap shut. There are colors behind my lids, bright pinks and blues that burst like fireworks in the black sky.
Dash drives his face into my shoulder, and groans. His body is shaking as his cock jerks and throbs in my pussy. I can feel his cock turn rock solid as he comes, and the beat in his shaft that's pulsing like a heartbeat.
His breathing is heavy as he turns his face to kiss my cheek. “I want you to know something,” he says, his words weak and scattered like he just ran a marathon.
“Okay, what is it?” I ask as I run the tips of my fingers up and down his back.
“I'm going to help you figure this out.”
I turn my face and look at him. “You don't have to do that. I'll figure it out. This isn't your problem.”
“Just because it's yours, doesn't mean you have to figure it out alone. I'm helping you, you can't stop me.”
I smile, knowing that he's just as stubborn of a person as I am. “Looks like I don't have a choice then.”
Dash smiles back, giving me gentle kiss. “Nope.” His arm curls over my stomach, and he pulls me in close. “We're going to figure this out together. You're never alone, Anna, not while I'm here.”
As we fall asleep together, I don't feel helpless or fearful. I feel like I have a warrior carrying me.
A warrior who will give me what I need and not ask for anything in return.
Maybe I've been wrong this whole time. Maybe asking for help isn't a sign of weakness.
Maybe everything I need is right here next to me.
9
Anna
I wake up alone. Dash isn't next to me. His pillow is cool to the touch. Pushing myself up in the bed, I rub my eyes and look around. There's a note on my nightstand. I reach over and pick it up.
Good morning beautiful,
I had to leave for work and you looked too perfect to wake up. But I know how to solve your problem. Don't worry, I'll explain it all later.
—Dash
The note brings an instant smile to my face. This man is incredible. The time on the clock beside my bed says it's six in the morning. Too early to start job hunting, but not too early to surprise Dash.
I throw my legs off the bed, deciding I'm going to bring him a coffee and breakfast. I throw on some clothes and a little makeup. Grabbing my purse, I head out the door.
The coffee shop around the corner is already open with a small line at the counter. I buy two coffees, a muffin for myself, and an egg sandwich for Dash. I noticed he likes those in the morning.
It's crazy to me how much I've noticed about a man I didn’t think I was paying much attention too. He enjoys egg and cheese sandwiches on a bagel. He likes his steak medium rare, and his favorite beer is a Sam Adam's Boston Lager.
He's a huge Red Sox fan, religiously listening to sports radio for updates when he misses a game on the television. His favorite color is blue.
Dash is a family man, he likes to help people, and he's confident. His hands are rough, but he's so gentle when he touches me. He likes to listen to music while he does the dishes, and his favorite dessert is ice cream of any flavor.
None of these things he’s said to me. I saw them with my own eyes and took note of every single one without even realizing it.
The bus comes to a stop a block away from his work. I walk the rest of the way, white paper bag tucked under my arm and a coffee in each hand. The building he works in is in the industrial park in the Readville section of Boston. I head through the main door, and spot him sitting behind the front desk.
“Hey,” I say.
Dash looks up from the computer and smirks. “Good morning, beautiful. What are you doing here?” he asks as he pushes back from the desk and stands up.
I raise the coffee in my right hand and look down at the bag under my arm. “Thought you might be hungry and in need of caffeine.”
“I did work up an appetite after last night.” Dash winks as he takes the coffee. He kisses me, making my stomach twist into knots. “What is it?” he asks.
“Bacon, egg, and cheese on an everything bagel.”
“My favorite.”
“I know.” My lips curl into a grin as I reach in the bag and take out his food. “You eat it almost every day.”
“Yeah, I'm a man of habit in some ways.”
“So, I got your note this morning.”
“Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't wake you. I wanted to, but you looked so peaceful sleeping, I couldn't.”
“It's fine.” I take a sip of my coffee as our eyes connect. I can't deny I feel something for this man. Everything about him makes me smile. From his eyes to his lips, to the way he holds me, I can't get enough of it. “About that letter—”
“Yeah,” he says, taking a huge bite of his sandwich. With a mouth full of food, he holds up a finger as he chews and swallows. “I have a solution to your job problem.”
“I saw, I'm just not sure how so quickly.”
“Yeah, it hit me when I woke up this morning.”
“Hey, is this her?” Jed asks as he comes around the corner and stops.
“Sure is. Jed, this is Anna. Anna, this is Jed.”
“Hi,” I say giving him a pleasant grin.
Dash sets his coffee on the desk behind him and wraps his arm around my waist. The thought that he's been talking about me to one of his friends at work makes my heart flutter. It's like he sees us as more than just roommates who hook up. Like I'm his girlfriend, and we're a couple.
“Is she excited?”
I look between them. “Excited for what?”
“I haven't told her yet.” Dash's fingers circle around the small of my back.
“Told me what?” My eyes steady on his as I quirk a brow. “What's going on?”
“Well. . .” Dash smiles as he lets his eyes roam the large office. “Welcome to your new job.”
My jaw drops open as my head tips to the side. “My what?”
What the hell is he talking about? My new job?
“I thought a lot about what you said about not waiting and doing what I want to. And you're right. My sister is getting better. She'll be home soon, I'm sure. And you need a job, it only makes sense.”
“I—I'm sorry. I'm confused. How can you just give me your job? Don't I need to see your boss, fill out an application, have an interview. . .” I furrow my brows, my mouth knitting down into a light frown. “You can't just give it to me without any of that.”
“I can when my boss is a good friend of mine.” Dash's eyes drift to the man leaning against the desk. “So, Jed, what do you think?”
“Wait,” I say, holding out my hand. “You're his boss?”
“I sure am. Dash explained everything to me, and seeing as how I'd rather not go through all the stuff you listed, the job is yours. Besides, I trust Dash, he knows people. I know he wouldn't ask this and put his name on the line if you weren't capable.”
“Okay, so let me get this straight.” I take a step back so I can look at both men. “You're going to leave your job, because I said you should,” I pause and turn to Jed. “And you're just going to hire me because Dash is vouching for me?”
“Basically,” Jed says. “My father owns the place. I run the business and do a lot of work around the warehouse. I'm not really an office guy, and I'd rather not have to spend hours searching for someone to fill Dash's spot.”
Dash smirks as he nods in agreement. “You nailed it. It's perfect. We both win.”
My heart sinks as I picture myself saying goodbye to him. I don't want him to leave. I know what I said, but now I regret every word. I've enjoyed being with him. I've enjoyed sitting with him at night, eating dinner and watching old horr
or movies.
“You're leaving?”
“Yeah, I'm going to call today for my tickets and try to get a flight in next couple weeks to Peru. I'm going to train you for Jed, and then I'm gone.”
I stand silently, plucking at my bottom lip anxiously. “What about your sister?”
“Don't worry about the rent and stuff. I'm going to pay in advance so you'll be all set until Betty can get home. I'm not going to leave you high and dry.”
“I don't know what to say.” Crossing my arms over my chest, I hold myself protectively.
Dash's eyes flick between mine. “You don't sound happy. I thought you'd be excited and relieved to have a new job.”
“Dash, this isn't what I meant when I said that to you yesterday. I mean, I did, but I didn't think it would be this soon.”
“Why shouldn't it be this soon?” he asks.
“I don't know.” My eyes start to well up, but I don't want to cry here right now. I dart my eyes away, and suck in a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. “Alright, well I should get going. I'll let you get back to work.”
I back away from him, and turn quickly to leave. Dash says something, but my heart is beating so loudly, and my mind is rolling with a million thoughts, I can't hear him.
I'm not even sure I'd listen if I could. I said what I said because I want him to follow his dreams, and do the things that will make him happy. And in the same breath, I don't. I want more time with him. I want to keep this feeling that he gives me alive.
If Dash leaves, I might not ever see him again. He might meet someone else. He might fall in love with some girl he meets in a small village while he's traveling. The thought kills me. It makes my chest hurt and my stomach crumble like brittle limestone.
“Hey!” Dash calls out. “Anna, wait up!”
I keep my head down, picking up my pace. I can't talk right now. I'm a mix of sadness and anger. I feel stupid for putting this idea in his head. I'm an idiot for planting the seed and not thinking it would grow.
It just happened so fast.
“Anna!” he yells again, his feet hitting the pavement hard. “Stop!” His hand falls over my shoulder and stops me in my tracks. “Anna, what the hell is going on? Why are you ignoring me?”
“Not right now, Dash. I just want to go home.”
“I don't get it. You're not even a little happy about this?” I can see the confusion in his eyes. His brows are arched high, and his pupils are dilated.
“I'm going home, Dash.”
“That's your answer? That's all you have to say?”
I pull my shoulder free from his fingers, saying nothing at all. I don't have the right words to give him. I should be grateful. I should be happy that he's done so much for a girl he just met.
But I'm not. All I feel is more sadness and pain. I gave myself to a man who isn't sticking around. Not that I expected we'd get married one day and grow old together. I just thought he'd be here for a little bit longer than this. I didn't think time would get cut this short.
I thought he cared more about me than he actually does.
Because if he cared as much about me as I do about him, this conversation would have never happened.
You're a naive girl, who’s given her heart to a man who doesn't want it.
Dash doesn't want me.
A single tear falls down my cheek as I walk away. It rolls down my face, but I catch it with the back of my hand before it breaks free.
I won't cry for him. I won't cry for some guy that only has half his heart in something.
If he even has any of his heart in this at all.
10
Anna
I haven't spoken to Dash in two days. For two days I've locked myself in my room, avoided him at all costs, refusing to even acknowledge him. If he's home, I stay in my room or venture out into the kitchen or bathroom as quickly as possible.
When he's at work, I breathe a sigh of relief. Just the thought of seeing him draws out all these emotions I don’t know how to process. I don't want his job. I don't want him to leave. I just want it to go back to the way it was.
Back to when I felt like we were us.
I'm sitting on the couch when I hear the door lock open. Gathering my stuff, I'm trying to fumble it all in my arms, and get inside my room before the door opens. I'm not quick enough.
“Surprise,” he says, giving me a big smile. “Look who I found.”
Betty comes in behind him hobbling on a single crutch with a boot on her foot. She gives me a giant smile and holds out her arms. “At last!” she yells, wiggling her fingers for me to come give her a hug. “I finally get to meet you in person.” She hugs me tight.
“Oh my god, you're actually here. I didn't think they were letting you out yet.”
“Yeah, well, I don't think they could stand me much longer.”
“You are a pain in the ass,” Dash says, grabbing her bags from the hall, and bringing them inside.
“Shut up,” Betty snaps with a giggle. “What do you know, anyway?”
“I know you better than anyone else. Trust me, if they could have kicked you out sooner, they would have. I bet your food was spit in a few times, and you didn't even know it.”
“Wouldn't be the first time,” she says as she winks at me. “I'm a force to be reckoned with.”
“Mm, hm,” he hums as he shuts the door.
“So, Anna, what do you think? Does the apartment look like you thought it would?” Betty asks. Her hair is a little darker than the last time we video chatted. Her eyes are the same blue as her brother's, but she's a lot shorter than I expected based on how tall Dash is.
The resemblance between them is there. They both have the same almond shaped eyes and the little dimple in the center of their chins.
“It does.”
“And me?” she asks, holding out her arms. “Do I look any different?”
“No, but you're shorter than I thought,” I say, looking her up down.
“You can blame my parents on that one. They gave Dash all the height.” She waddles awkwardly to the couch and drops down. “I hope you haven't been bringing home all kinds of girls to my bed, Dash.”
He glances at me briefly. I can see the fire in his eyes as he thinks about our nights together. “No, of course not.”
“Yeah, right. Anna, how bad is he lying?” she asks me as she looks back at me over her shoulder. “Because I know my brother. He goes through girls like a hand of cards in a poker game. No pun intended.” Betty giggles.
“I'm telling you, I haven't brought home anyone.” Dash kicks her bags with his feet deeper inside the apartment. “Besides, that bed is still mine for now. Doctor says you still need to elevate your leg. The couch will work best for that.”
“I don't like saying this, but you're right. I'll crash here until you leave for Peru on Sunday.”
“You're leaving Sunday?” My gaze freezes on him. His lids are soft, almost apologetic as he nods. I'm in shock. “Sunday?”
“Yeah, bought my tickets yesterday.”
“Dash also told me he got you a new job. I heard what happened at Giovanni's. What a dick, huh?”
“Yeah, he was a perv.”
“Well, it's good that you can take over for Dash. Jed is a pretty laid-back guy.” Betty flips around quickly on the couch and grips the back. “Hey, maybe Dash can set you two up on a date or something. I think he's single. Right, Dash? Jed's single, isn't he?”
“No, it won't work. Jed doesn't date anyone who works for him.” He cuts in quickly, slapping the idea down instantly. I can hear the jealousy in his voice and see it in his eyes.
“Maybe he'll make an exception,” I say, taunting him.
It's childish, I know. I just can't help it. If he cares so much about who I date, then why leave at all? Why not stay, and see where this goes?
Because Betty is back, you dip-shit. You really think this would have gone anywhere? He would have dropped you the second she came home anyway. Look at what he's
doing. It's been his plan all along.
“He won't,” he barks through grit teeth. “Jed doesn't mix business with pleasure.”
“I might be able to change his mind.”
Betty looks at us for a second in silence. Her eyes trying to read the situation. “God, it's like you took my place, Anna. See, Dash, I told you it'd be like I was here.”
“Yeah, I can see that.” He gives me a side-eyed glance.
“I'm starving. Anyone else hungry?” Betty asks, changing the subject. I'm thankful she's oblivious to the tension between Dash and me. It's already awkward enough, that would just make it a hundred times worse if she could feel it too.
“I can eat.” Dash walks to the fridge, grabs the milk, and chugs it.
“What are you, twelve? Get a damn glass, Dash. My god, I know you were raised with more decency than that.”
“Maybe. And maybe I just don't give a shit.” He wipes his mouth, putting the jug back. “So, are we going to go eat or what?”
Betty rolls her eyes, using her crutch to push herself up off the couch. “Let's go. My stomach is eating itself. The hospital food was awful. I don't care what they say, it's no Rochambeau.”
“What's Rochambeau?” I ask.
“It's the best damn French food in town. I've been craving it for weeks, and someone—” Her eyes jump to Dash, tone lowering, “wouldn’t bring me any.”
“I’m sorry, Bet, but I was pretty busy around here with work and taking your friend around town like you asked.”
My eyes land on his and we stare at each other. There's anger in his eyes, and I can feel the anger in mine firing back. I don't know why he's angry. He's the one leaving. He's the one following his dream to travel. This is his choice, not mine.
I haven't done anything to him. Other than give myself to him. He took my virginity, and now he's running away.
It's easy to look at other girls who think they're in love and give themselves to a man who's unworthy of taking it. I'm not in love, am I?
No. But it doesn't make this any easier. I want to shut it off, but I can't. And the more I think about it, the angrier I get.