by Lisa Lace
I open the door, and there he is. When we met at Molly’s, I thought it was going to be the last time, but Ethan’s with me again. He holds out his arms and pulls me into a tight hold. “Are you okay?”
I nod, even though my eyes are red-rimmed and it’s clear that I’ve been crying. “I’m being stupid,” I say. “It’s not like we really had anything. It’s more that I feel really dumb.”
“You’re an attractive and talented woman, Lily. It’s not dumb to think that a man would fall at your feet. A man is a fool if he doesn’t.”
“I don’t understand why he did it. Why not be honest from the start? If it was just for fun, then whatever. But he didn’t have to lead me on.”
“It’s his mistake. He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”
I stand back to look at Ethan. He’s wearing a pair of denim jeans and a plain white tee. I’ve not seen him dressed like that for years. It looks completely different on him now. He’s toned up since we were kids, and his shoulders have broadened. Even though I’m upset, my body reacts to the instant attraction.
I notice flecks of white clinging to his arm, and I look up at him curiously. “Is that paint?”
Ethan rubs at the flakes and smiles. “I forgot how much I enjoyed it.”
“Where have you been painting? At the place you’re staying at?”
“I spilled quite a bit. Not sure I’m going to be getting all that deposit back.”
I laugh. After the morning I’ve had, I didn’t think I’d be smiling again so soon. I’ve already called Chloe and told her that I can’t see her tonight. She warned me to be careful.
“I’m glad that you’re getting back to the old you.”
“I realized that maybe he had more going on for him than I knew.”
“Come in,” I say, registering that we’re still standing by the front door. “Coffee?”
“Please.”
“The place is a mess. Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
Ethan sits on my sofa. I see him eyeing up my turntable, which has been shoved into the corner. “I have nowhere else to put it,” I tell him. “Neighbors hate me.”
“You must get fed up with this apartment.”
I sit down beside him, hand him his filter coffee, and shake my head. “No. I love it here. It’s home.”
A smile spreads across his face. “I’m glad you’re happy.”
Ethan looks handsome tonight, more like I remember him than he’s looked in recent weeks. Sandy and slightly ruffled, his hair looks like he’s rolled out of bed rather than coming freshly from the salon. A couple of days’ stubble has grown through. There’s that rugged charm I used to love.
“You look like you’ve had a rough night.”
He runs his hand through his hair and nods. “Work.”
“Uh-huh. Want to talk about it?”
“I’m not here for business.”
“You’re here for goodbye.”
He nods slowly. His hand slips on top of mine. “When I left Payson all those years ago, I never said goodbye. I’ve regretted that ever since. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake again.”
Our eyes meet. A spark flickers. My heart pounds with that same intense palpitation that it always does when I’m near Ethan. “I wish you didn’t have to go.”
“I’ve already been away too long.”
I bow my head, my fingers curling around the handle of my mug. “You know, I’m glad you called.”
“You are?”
“Yes. I didn’t want to leave on bad terms either. What we used to have was so special. I want to always remember it like that.”
Ethan smiles. It’s broad and warm. “You’re right. The memories I have of our years together are some of my best.”
“Which one’s your favorite?”
“My favorite? Hmm. How about the time we went to that theme park, and you took dozens of pictures on that disposable camera?”
I’m already laughing. “And when I went to get them developed, I realized there was no film inside? God, those were the days before the Ethan Steeles of this world revolutionized technology.”
“Do you remember that crappy cell phone you used to have? The flip phone?”
“That was so trendy back then. I thought I was the shit.”
“You dropped it in the river during one of your great stepping stone adventures.”
“We used to love it there.”
“We were always outdoors, weren’t we? Do you remember that time we got completely lost in the woods?”
I giggle. The memory is still fresh in my mind. I was just starting to panic when Ethan began gathering sticks. Before I knew it, we were so absorbed in building a fort that we forgot we were even lost. “We built a hut. We stayed in it for hours.”
“That’s not all we did.”
My heart flutters wildly in my chest. “Where did the years go?”
Ethan chuckles. “We’re not past it yet, Lily.”
“Aren’t we? I feel ancient. I wish we could go back to those times.”
Leaning toward me, Ethan holds on to my knee. Even that simple touch is enough to make my blood race around my body and sends a flush coursing through me. His ivy eyes hold my gaze. “We could have good times again, Lily.”
“Ethan.”
“Please, hear me out.” He takes both of my hands in his, holds them tightly. “I know you don’t trust me anymore. I’ve let you down too many times, and even when I’ve tried to apologize for the mistakes I’ve made, I’ve fucked it up. But my time here in Arizona has taught me things. The only time in my life when I was ever truly happy was with you. Tell me what it’ll take to make this work, Lily, and I’ll do it. I’ll fly down here every weekend. I’ll stop wearing suits. I’ll skinny dip at the golf course. Whatever it takes.”
This time, I believe him. His eyes are very earnest. His hands are holding onto mine so tightly. He’s come dressed as the old Ethan, no airs and graces.
I nod. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
I’m laughing, happy tears rising behind my eyes. “Okay. Let’s try to make this work somehow.”
Ethan straightens with excitement, his eyes widening. “You mean it?”
“I do.”
I’ve got nothing left to lose. I’ve spent the better part of a decade pining after Ethan, and here he is, begging me to be his. I don’t know how we’re going to make it work, with all that’s changed between us, but I know I’ve held on this long for a reason.
His arms close around me in a tight hug. One hand rises up my back, along the back of my neck. It settles in my hair and rests there as Ethan presses his lips against mine.
Ethan’s mouth is warm, his stubble rough against my skin. His tongue traces against mine. He tastes of coffee, the way he used to when we whiled away the hours with our heads bowed together at Molly’s.
I placed my hands on either side of his face, his silky hair slipping between my fingers. Ethan’s arm closes around my waist, pulls me tight.
My breasts press against his firm chest. My hands fall to his upper arms. He’s strong and solid beneath my palms. “I’ve wanted you for so long,” he murmurs. He lowers his mouth to my neck and kisses my throat.
I place my hands on the back of his neck and throw my head back, savoring the feel of his mouth moving above my collarbone.
I’m wearing a blue T-shirt and a pair of fitted jeans with ripped knees. Ethan takes hold of the bottom of my shirt with both hands and pulls it over my head. Underneath, I’m wearing a white, see-through lace bra. His palm cups my small breast and squeezes then reaches behind my back to the clasp.
The bra falls away. Ethan lowers his head to my chest. His tongue circles each nipple in turn, his hands clasping at my breasts. His mouth is warm, his teeth teasing. He nibbles slightly, and a shudder of pleasure spreads through me.
I straddle him. Between my legs, I can feel Ethan’s hard, swollen cock pressing against me. I grow wet at the sensation, k
nowing Ethan is hard for me.
Reaching for his zipper, I pull away the denim and slip my hand under the band of his briefs. I take hold of his shaft in my palm, closing my fingers tightly around him. He lets out a low moan and widens his legs.
I rub the length of him, up and down, in fast, tight strokes, until Ethan threads his arm under me and flips me onto my back on the sofa. He leans over me and pulls down my pants, tears off my panties. Completely naked, I stretch my arms above my head and watch his eyes wander over me: my petite breasts, my slim navel, my toned thighs. I shudder at the sound of his low growl of approval.
Ethan kisses my breasts again, then moves lower. His head comes to rest between my legs, his hands pushing my thighs outward.
I grip the smooth arm of the sofa. Ethan presses his tongue against my clit, and a thrill runs through me from the first stroke, the pleasure building with each one that follows.
When I come close to orgasm, I begin to gasp. Ethan holds my legs apart and presses harder with his tongue, expertly massaging my clit until I cum.
Then, he lifts his body and pulls off his jeans and briefs. He stands for a moment, and I drink in the full view of him. His broad, flexed shoulders, his taut chest, his rigid abs.
His erection, thick, long and hard.
I lie back and part my legs, inviting him toward me.
Ethan lies above me, and with one hand, he guides himself inside me. The other slides up the length of my arms still raised above my head and settles at my wrists.
He presses into me. He’s thick and hard. I sink into the feeling of Ethan filling me. He thrusts, and the sweet dizzying sensation spreads through me. I grasp at his back, pulling him into me hungrily.
I come again when he presses his fingers against me.
“Let’s go to the bedroom.”
We move to my room. I’m in front of Ethan. He stands a step behind, his arms circling me. His hands start at my waist, then reach up to my breasts. His squeezes, and his erection throbs. He’s pressed against me, sending a breathless anticipation coursing through me.
Ethan urges me toward the edge of the bed, then presses down on my shoulders so I’m leaning over the mattress.
He enters me, and I grasp at the bedsheets. Each thrust seems deeper than the last.
“Ethan!”
He fucks me hard. Before he comes, I lie on my back on the mattress. He kisses me on the mouth. Our eyes meet for a moment before he fills me again.
I moan with pleasure as he rides me until he explodes into me. He slows to a still, his body hot and damp. I reach out and pull him down into another kiss. “I love you, Ethan.”
He presses his lips over mine, kisses me deeply. He rolls away, but pulls me close before he gets too far. I rest against him, my hair fanning out against his chest. He sweeps it back, then kisses me on the forehead.
We lie together until we start talking. The sweetness of our memories brings our bodies together again.
We fuck again.
“I thought I’d lost you forever,” I whisper to him in the dark.
His arms tighten around me. “I’m never leaving you.”
Ethan
I wake up, and Lily is in my arms. We are still in her rundown apartment. There’s no magnificent city skyline, silk sheets, or any other of the luxuries I’ve grown accustomed to, but I’ve never felt more content.
I pull her closer toward me, and she smiles in her sleep. Moments later, her tired eyes blink open. She stares up at me, and her smile grows. “You’re still here.”
“Of course I am.”
Lily stretches out, her toes pointing beyond the edges of the covers, then rolls onto my chest, lifting herself on her elbows. Her hair falls messily around her face. No make-up, no designer labels. This is my Lily, effortlessly beautiful. “I was scared you might take off again.”
“I promised you I wasn’t going anywhere this time, and I meant it.”
She rolls onto her back and stares up at the ceiling, her gaze growing distant. She looks worried.
“What is it?”
Lily turns to me. “What happens now, Ethan?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you going back to New York?”
I lift myself up on my elbow and look down at her. Her eyes are downcast. She’s twisting the edges of the sheet in her hands. I answer slowly. “I have to go back to New York.”
“For how long?”
Letting out a long breath, I sink back onto the pillows. “I don’t know. But I’ll be back.”
“When?”
“As soon as I can. Or you could come to me. My offer still stands, Lily. There’s a place for you in the city with me.”
“No.” Lily shakes her head and sits up, grasping the sheets around her bare chest. She leans back against the headboard and faces me. “I can’t do something like that right now.”
“Does Arizona really mean that much to you? I know it’s home, but there’s a whole world out there. You might like New York.”
“It’s not New York, Ethan.” She struggles to find the words. “It’s this. Us.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, last night was amazing, but there’s still a ton to figure out.”
“I have means, Lily.”
“We have things to figure out, Ethan. After everything that’s happened—the first time you left me, and then the one-night stand, and this whole Vincent thing. I’m sorry, but I can’t drop everything based on a promise right now.”
She bites down on her lip. I can see she’s trying to choose her words carefully. She takes my hand gently. “I know you have all the best intentions, but a lot has changed. Let’s take this thing one day at a time, okay?”
“I understand, Lily. If that’s what you want.”
I’m hurt, but I can’t say I blame Lily for wanting to tread carefully around me. I have a habit of letting her down. I put my arm around her and draw her close. Her head rests against my shoulder. I kiss her forehead. “We should go somewhere.”
“Where?”
I grin. “Anywhere. After all these years, it’s time for us to have one of those adventures.”
Lily sits bolt upright, the sheets falling away for a moment. “Do you mean it?”
“I mean it!”
“Don’t tease me, Ethan.”
“I mean it, Lily. Let’s go somewhere. Anywhere you want.”
“What about your business?”
“A week won’t kill them. We’ve recently come to the end of a pretty huge project. Things should be calmer for a while.” My stomach sinks when I think of the defense contract and all the work my team had put into it. I’ll have to tell them when I return. It should come from me.
I look at Lily, and the disappointment fades. She’s worth it.
I always knew I’d do anything for her.
“Where do you want to go, Lily? Let’s see if I can remember your list. Thailand? India?”
“New Zealand. Australia.”
“Which one’s top of your list?”
“I don’t know. We can go anywhere?”
“Anywhere in the world.”
She lets out a long breath and lifts her face to glance at me. She shuts her eyes and shudders. “I hardly dare dream.”
I frown. “Why not? It’s all possible now.”
“Things never go according to plan.”
“It’s different now. I’m not going anywhere, and I’ve learned my lesson. I won’t let you down again.”
She smiles and closes her eyes. She nestles against me, content. “You know,” I tell her, “I always thought that you’d go without me. You know, travel.”
Lily glances upwards. “I got cold feet once you were gone.”
“I wish you could know how sorry I am for the way I acted back then.”
She lifts her head to catch my lips in a forgiving kiss. “It’s okay, Ethan. I understand.”
I’m not sure that she does. I’m not sure that I understand why I left her, e
ither. At the time, it made sense. I was protecting her. Now I realize how much she lost by waiting for me, and I’ll do anything to make it right.
“What should we do today?” Lily asks me. “Maybe we should go to some of our old haunts. Wouldn’t that be something?”
I smile. “I would love that. But I’ve got some work to take care of first.”
“Oh, okay.”
I can hear the disappointment in Lily’s voice, and I make a suggestion. “You know, my assistant, Jennifer, is in town with me. Maybe you could spend the morning with her, and then we can take a trip down memory lane together this afternoon.”
Lily raises an eyebrow. “Your assistant is in town with you?”
I laugh and hold up my hand. “She’s just an employee, Lily. Well, no, that’s a lie—she’s a very good friend. She keeps me organized and stops me making a fool of myself in front of the press. She’s the only one who talks straight with me.”
Chuckling, Lily gives me a teasing glance. “Ah, yes. You’re a big scary businessman now. I bet everyone walks on tippy toes around you, don’t they?”
I smile. “Sometimes.”
“God, it’s weird to think of you like that. You never had that kind of confidence when you were young.”
“You have to be decisive in business. A team won’t respect a leader who doubts himself. You have to choose a course of action and make it work.”
“Do you miss it here?”
“In Payson? Sometimes. I guess I miss being carefree, taking each day as it comes. But, that was more from being young rather than being in Payson.”
“I don’t know. I still pretty much take life as it comes.”
“I admire you for that. I could never stop asking myself ‘what if?’ What if I can’t pay the bills? What if I get in an accident and have no insurance? What if I lose my job and have no savings to get by?”
She offers an affectionate smile, her fingers trailing over my chest pensively. “Your fears were always different from mine. I always thought, What if I wake up at thirty in a job I hate, and I can’t leave because I’m tied into rent on a condo I can’t afford? What if I take a nine-to-five to keep me going, then realize life has passed me by, and I’ve never seen the world?” Lily shrugs. “My life’s not perfect, but I’m doing what I love. And I have time to work on some of the things I enjoy most: time with friends, and nature. I don’t know. It works for me.”