Imperfect Love

by Isabella White

  “See,” Bernie said, all-knowing. “Told you so.”

  All three chuckled at that.

  “Jake.” Gus walked in with a different type of medicine in his arms. “There are forms you two will have to sign as this is purely a trial basis.”

  “Dad, we’re not going to sue you.”

  “It’s not that. We have to show the trial’s paperwork to the government if we want to release it to the public in the future. Holly is the type of woman I’ve been waiting for, to be honest.”

  “Fine, give it to me.” Jake held his hand out for the clipboard.

  Holly could hear the pen scribble on the pad.

  “Holly needs to sign it as well.”

  “Could you explain it to her first? Like you did with me out in the hall?”

  “Sure.”

  Bernie got up to leave. “I’m just outside, okay?”

  Holly smiled and nodded as Gus took the chair Bernie had occupied seconds ago and re-positioned it closer to her bed.

  Jake sat next to Holly on the bed, stroking her back softly.

  He smiled, looking down at the tin of formula with a huge p47 on the label, and a picture of a pregnant woman smiling. “It’s a product specifically designed for pregnant women who struggle with high blood pressure and all sorts of illnesses during their pregnancy; specifically for gestational hypertension and preeclampsia symptoms. If immediately treated, we think it might help in reducing many of these symptoms, which in turn might even allow you to have a normal pregnancy without paying the hospital too many visits,” Gus explained.

  He went on to tell her about the amount of vitamin properties the shake provided, and how good it was for the fetus. He further added that it would also help the fetus grow as it should, following that up with another list of pros.

  From what Holly could tell, there were no side effects, yet. She would be the first person to try this wonder drug; in essence she’d be a guinea pig. However, she didn’t mind in the least. Especially if it would keep her from feeling so horrible.

  While Jake held the clipboard for her, she picked up the pen and signed.

  “I’ll need to keep her overnight—the first twenty-four hours are critical. The medication should start having an effect by tomorrow night.”

  Stay overnight! Holly didn’t say it out loud, of course, but she was none too happy. The last time she’d stayed over was when Jamie was constantly in and out of hospital.

  The staff at Downsend, a couple of miles away from P&E had organized a makeshift bed for Holly, placing it right next to her sister during her last days. It had been an extremely difficult time, and one of the reasons Holly didn’t like hospitals. It brought back all those memories of her twin.

  “I’m sorry, Bee Puke. If my dad says overnight, it’s overnight.”

  “You said it was just going to be a checkup.” Holly’s lower lip trembled.

  “That was when it was only you we were worried about. But it’s not only you, anymore. There is a little bean inside of you, so, I have a different say in all of this.”

  Holly chuckled tiredly, loving the name he’d come up with. Jake sure seemed very excited about it all, but she couldn’t shake the horrible feeling that his mother would never let her forget this episode.

  Bernie stayed with her and even accompanied her when she was admitted to the maternity ward. Holly seriously hated hospitals, but she’d always liked the maternity ward. It was the only section of a hospital she loved. It meant life, not sickness or death.

  Jake walked into her room at around nine, followed by an ultrasound machine. He was grinning from ear to ear, and she wished that she felt the same way as him.

  His father, accompanied by a nurse, walked into the room a couple of minutes later just as Jake was about to turn the machine on.

  “Let me do it, before you break the thing,” the nurse said, ushering him out of the way.

  He moved to the other side of Holly’s bed to stand next to Bernie, who shared Jake’s excitement.

  His father gently lifted up the hospital gown she had been admitted in. She hated those stupid gowns and wished she had her pajamas. He squirted lukewarm gel on to her lower abdomen—which at that point in time didn’t even resemble a woman who could be pregnant—before he gently moved a device over her midriff.

  There was nothing at first, and then he stopped when he found what he was looking for. He clicked another button on the machine and the heartbeat, sounding like it was beating a thousand times per minute, filled the room.

  Holly’s eyes grew.

  “Don’t worry,” Bernie assured. “It’s normal for it to be fast.”

  Jake didn’t say a thing. He just stared at the sonar like a ten-year-old boy who was watching his favorite cartoon.

  Gus was mesmerized, too, as he gently moved the device to see another angle.

  Tears welled up in Gus’ eyes.

  “You are such cry-babies,” the nurse announced.

  Holly looked at Jake, who at that moment had pinched his eyes closed with the fingers of one hand.

  Holly just smiled. She might not feel the same as him yet about the pregnancy, but she loved the way he was so emotional over it.

  When the sonar was done and Gus felt happy about what the little bean had shown him, he bid Holly a good night.

  Jake and Bernie stayed behind. Both smiling like idiots.

  “I can’t believe you are pregnant,” Bernie gushed.

  Holly gave her the raised eyebrow look.

  “Okay, relax, will you?” Bernie huffed, raising her palms in defense. “But can I just say this? It was due to happen, Holls. By the way you guys attack each other every time you get together, this is so not hard to believe.”

  “Bern!” Holly said, but blushed immediately.

  Jake chuckled, not ashamed in the least.

  “Why don’t you go home? I’m fine. I’m just going to close my eyes and sleep.”

  “You sure? I sort of feel crappy about promising a checkup and now it’s a full night.”

  “In that case, you owe me big time, and you’re going to need to make it up to me.”

  Jake laughed. “It’s because of all those making- up sessions that you are in here.”

  “Seriously!” Not him, too.

  Bernie laughed.

  Jake bent and gave Holly a kiss. “Be safe. Love you,” he whispered.

  “Love you, too.”

  “Night, Bernie.”

  “Night, Jake.”

  Bernie stayed for about another hour and then left, too. By then, Holly felt so tired she hardly noticed her friend had left.

  Jake woke Holly up early the next morning. He was wearing a doctor’s coat.

  “You’re on duty?” Holly asked sleepily.

  “I’m always on duty.” He bent down to give her a kiss and touched her stomach softly, which made her smile.

  Jake got to work and helped one of the nurses take her vital signs. “You ready, Dr. Peters?” a woman’s voice asked from the doorway.

  “Dr. Peters,” she mouthed, opening her eyes wide.

  Jake winked, kissed Holly on the temple and made to leave. Turning back, he ordered, “Just hit the button if you need anything. I’ll be back later, but right now I have to do the rounds.”

  “Go, before they fire your ass.”

  “I’m dating a funny girl,” he teased, and then exited the room.

  GUS CHECKED ON HOLLY LATE IN the afternoon. He took a while perusing the charts and her vital signs before finally signing the release form.

  Bernie had gone in to see Holly and took her home right after they’d hunted Jake down to say goodbye.

  As happened on a regular basis with doctors, just as they found him, his pager beeped. He quickly rattled off instructions before leaving them. “I’ll call you tonight. Take it easy and drink the shake my dad gave you.” He kissed her, while cupping her face with both hands. Just before he disappeared completely, he turned. “Bernie?” he called.

 
“I’ll make sure, Jake. But she’s old enough to take care of herself and I doubt she’ll want to feel shitty.”

  They could hear him laugh all the way down the corridor.

  Once home, Bernie began to prepare dinner. Leo still hadn’t arrived.

  Holly busied herself and read over the description of how to mix the shake, which Gus had written the proportions of on a piece of paper.

  Bern gave her a quizzical look. “So… it’s not out on the market yet?”

  “Yeah. He’s one of the best baby catchers out there, so I very much doubt that my boyfriend’s dad would want to poison me or bean here.” This was said with a smile and a tummy rub.

  Bernie smiled. “They do look like beans, right?”

  Holly chuckled at Bernie’s sudden change of mood and nodded.

  “Jake seems excited, though. How do you feel?”

  “I don’t know how this could’ve happened. I was on the pill.”

  “They come when they come. I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter what you are on. It will happen if and when the right person comes along, and when it’s the right time.”

  “This is so not the right time. His mom is going to kill me.”

  Bernie giggled. “I’m just glad it’s not me. That woman can be crazy.”

  Holly’s smile disappeared. She picked up a cubed piece of carrot from the counter and chucked it at Bernie, who immediately ducked and laughed.

  “What type of a friend are you?”

  “The one who loves you to bits, but not the one who’s going to hold your hand when you share this news with her. That is Jake’s department.”

  Holly smiled, shaking her head. Pulling her hand through her hair, she mumbled, “She’s going to kill me, isn’t she?”

  “His mom is psycho. So she could try but the way that man looks at you, Holly, I’m sure he’ll even take a bullet for you, if it comes to that.”

  Holly giggled again as she popped a piece of carrot into her mouth. “She’ll get over it.”

  “She has to, I mean…” Bernie’s eyes grew. “Have you even imagined what this kid is going to look like?”

  “You mean… if he or she ends up looking like Jake? Baby contests, here we come.”

  Bernie snorted. “I feel sorry for all the other babies.”

  “Me, too. Think I’ll go have a bath.” Holly couldn’t stop thinking about the plus side of being pregnant with Jake’s child. Children were never relationship fixers, but whatever happened; Jake would forever be in her life. And if she wasn’t going to be with him until eternity, at least he was still the father of her child. She couldn’t ask for anyone better. It sure was the silver lining around that dark cloud.

  The bath did absolute wonders for Holly, and when she started to feel a bit woozy, she grabbed the shake Gus had given her and spooned four heaps of powder into a glass of milk.

  While Bernie was still busy in the kitchen, Holly went to have rest.

  Jake called her early in the evening. “How do you feel?”

  That was the first question he asked when she answered the phone.

  “Much better. Your father’s shake seems to be working.”

  “You don’t feel nauseous or dizzy?”

  “Nope. It’s quite amazing if you think about it. I mean, I was in the hospital for a day and I only had one earlier.”

  “I’m impressed. And how does it taste?”The taste wasn’t anything to write home about, but the fact that it worked was all Holly cared about.

  “It doesn’t matter what it tastes like, Hooligan. It’s working, so that’s all that matters.”

  Jake chortled. “I’m never going to be rid of that name, am I?”

  “Let me think. Umm… nope, not going to happen.”

  Both had a good laugh and continued to talk for a while longer. Conversation was interrupted by his beeper going off in the background.

  “I’ve got to go, Bee Puke. Talk to you later. If you feel bad again, please ask Leo to bring you in, will you?”

  “You know how I feel, Jake. I’ll be fine.”

  “I know. But you have a bean to take care of now. So please, Holls, if you feel bad, come in.”

  “Okay, I promise,” she acquiesced, saying goodbye and hating having to do so. She placed the phone on the nightstand and lay back down.

  Holly couldn’t help but wonder if she could have become any more pathetic. She was at a stage in her life where she couldn’t imagine going on without Jake anymore.

  What had become of the Holly who had packed her bags not a couple of months ago, swearing to never go for abs and ass again? Jake most certainly had both, not to mention his Tommy Hilfiger look and those sultry bedroom eyes.

  She touched her belly softly. None of it mattered anymore. She was going to be a mommy in less than nine months and whatever happened, happened.

  He’d promised to never leave her and she was just going to have to trust that for now.

  Over the next couple of weeks, Jake spent as much time with Holly as possible. Any time he was off duty, he made a point of visiting her during the night.

  It was evident to her that he was dead tired. However, he always went out of his way to keep their conversation flowing.

  Yet time and again, she went back to the same question. What was it going to be like when baby arrived?

  Gus introduced Holly to Dr. Meyers. It wasn’t the same doctor who’d helped her the night she collapsed. Something told Holly that Gus didn’t quite trust Dr. Augustus with the woman who just happened to be carrying his grandchild.

  Strangely enough, Holly really liked Dr. Meyers. She was in her mid-fifties and of course, of the female persuasion, which was a huge plus as far as Holly was concerned. This bode her well as she’d always struggled to spread her legs for just anyone, other than the man of her dreams—exes excluded—and was glad that having found herself in this situation, she was opening them for another woman.

  Holly felt no awkwardness, or not as much as she thought she would have. The first time, however, had been somewhat nerve-wracking only because she’d had no idea what to expect. This was due to the fact that she’d never visited a gynecologist before, knowing full well how stupid of her it had been, what with the risk of cancer, but that was just how it had panned out. Plus, she’d thought that there had been no reason to visit one, really, as starting a family hadn’t been in her five year plan.

  Attending one of her weekly appointments, which sucked as it should have been one a month— but due to her case, Gus had insisted on once a week—Holly made herself comfortable in the waiting area, along with a few other families.

  One in particular, had a little boy who kept looking at Holly. She started making faces at him and smiled, and he in turn kept hiding behind his mom’s belly. Holly thought it was really huge.

  “When are you due?” she asked the woman, smiling.

  “Only two weeks to go,” the woman replied, her relief obvious. “It feels like I’m going to pop any minute now.”

  “I can just imagine. Do you know what it is?”

  “The little girl we’ve wanted,” her husband answered.

  “Daddy’s girl,” Holly said, making them laugh.

  “I can’t wait,” the man added, to which his wife chuckled.

  “Miss Scallanger?” The girl behind the desk called Holly’s name and gestured for her to follow. She returned the magazine to the coffee table and followed her. On her way, she glanced at her watch, and then toward the door. Jake hadn’t as yet arrived and she hoped he wouldn’t miss their first appointment. She quickly pushed her worry to back of her mind; there was a slim chance that he might not be able to make these at all.

  The receptionist opened a door to Dr. Meyers’ office and stepped aside to let Holly through. The doctor smiled from behind her desk as she entered. “Thank you, Natasha,” the gray-blond woman said. “Good day, Holly, please, take a seat.” She gestured to one of the two chairs in front of her desk. “How do you feel?”

 
“I feel good, thank you,” Holly replied.

  “Dr. Peters told me that you are one of his guinea pigs.”

  Holly grinned, nodding. “Thank heavens I don’t look like one, yet.”

  Doctor Meyers laughed. “Are we going to wait for Jake, or do you want to get started?”

  “I don’t think he’s going to make it.” Her tone was sad, more than what she’d wanted to show.

  “It’s not easy having a doctor as a boyfriend or spouse, especially when it comes to appointments like these. I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but it doesn’t.”

  “I’m learning that pretty quickly.” She smiled, regardless of how she felt.

  “Okay, then. You can change in there”—she pointed toward a small cubicle behind her desk—“and when you’re ready, we’ll begin.”

  Holly nodded, got up and walked to the change room. She was feeling miserable, so much so she wanted to cry over Jake not being there to see what their little bean looked like now. There was nothing to be done. Her only option would be to leave the ultrasound photo for him to look at when he had the chance.

  As soon as Holly was ready, Dr. Meyers led her to another room where an ultrasound machine was positioned next to a bed. She climbed onto the bed and lay back.

  The doctor covered Holly’s legs with a blanket, and then scrunched the material of her gown in her hand and moved it upward to expose her belly. Smiling at Holly, she gelled a flat device of sorts.

  Hovering over Holly’s stomach with the same tube of gel, she smiled. She squeezed quite a substantial amount of the gel onto her stomach, which she then spread using the device; going first up and then down, around, and from left to right.

  Dr. Meyers suddenly stopped what she was doing and chuckled, listening to whatever was going on outside the door.

  Interested, Holly did the same, and then began smiling.

  “Something tells me Jake managed to make it.”

  True to her words, a knock sounded on the door and it opened.

  “You are lucky you made it. Didn’t your father ever warn you about ticking pregnant women off?”

  Jake sauntered in, smiling broadly. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” He bent over Holly, kissed her on the lips, and made himself comfortable on the edge of the bed.