Imperfect Love

by Isabella White

  “When is your next appointment?”

  “I made one with Gabby’s doctor. She said he’s really good.”

  “Dr. Rikus is one of the best. I’ve checked him out and Gabby trusts him, so he must be really good.”

  Holly managed to chuckle. Her father’s humor reminded her of Dr. Meyers. It was dry, but she could read between the lines.

  Charles smiled and stroked her hair. “Sleep tight, and if you don’t feel better in an hour, you call me and we’ll go to the hospital, you hear?”

  She nodded. Even though she hated the fact that her father had just told her what to do, she had to admit that it felt good to be taken care of.

  When she woke the next morning, Holly was forced to drink the shake. Al now made sure she didn’t skip even one. He took a photo of the tin and said he would try to get her more.

  Holly didn’t like it one bit and worried that somehow Gus would find out, especially as it wasn’t on the market, added to the fact that she was carrying his ‘grandbaby’, so to speak.

  The bean was almost three months along now. Holly was proud that they’d both made it that far. Just a little farther to go. At least her father had her back, and she knew that should the day came when those she was trying to avoid interfered, he would fight them tooth and nail in court.

  She didn’t want a single thing from Jake, but for some reason she loved him still, even if she hated his guts. She often wondered if she’d ever go back were he to beg. But she’d counter that thought in the negative; he’d made his choice and that was where it would stay. Her grandmother had always told her to never take someone back if the relationship hadn’t worked out the first time around. Although, where Brandon was concerned, she’d given him a number of chances. With Jake it was different, though. She was carrying his baby, one he didn’t want and because of that, there would be no second chance.

  ‘It is what it is, Holly. I’ve got to go.’ Every time she heard his words in her head, tears would stream down her face and she would hide her face in her pillow, ashamed that she still cared for him.

  Two days later, her father entered her room. “Holly, where did you get that formula?”

  “It doesn’t matter anymore, Dad.”

  “If it’s the only thing that keeps you healthy, please. If it’s money—”

  “It’s not about the money,” she cut him off hastily. “Thing is, it’s not on the market yet, and the doctor who’s experimenting with it won’t give you any.”

  “Honey, we’ve got to try.”

  “Dad, please, let it go.”

  Charles sighed. “We need to help you somehow. Please, let me help you. It’s why you came to me.”

  Holly merely nodded. She didn’t want to fight with him, and God knew how scared she was of Jake finding out about her keeping the baby. But she had no choice, not if she didn’t want her father to find out who the baby’s father was.

  “When is your appointment with Dr. Rikus?”

  “Tomorrow.”

  “We should ask him about this, maybe he’ll be able to get his hands on some.”

  “Sure, I’ll ask him.”

  Charles eyed his daughter both patiently and warily, and then left.

  After dinner, Al prepared her last shake. She cried as she finished it, the end had come.

  There were still six months left in her pregnancy, and Holly could just imagine in what kind of a state she was going to be in when it was time to deliver the baby. She just knew she had to.

  She slept through the night, but when she woke it was with a mind that wouldn’t stop swirling. It felt as if her thoughts were smashing up against each other in her head, and when she sat up in bed the nausea hit her like a ton of bricks. Hurling herself out of bed, she ran to the toilet and threw up bile, just slime and water.

  Al knocked on the door. “Miss Holly, are you okay?”

  Between breaths she croaked, “I’ll be fine, Al.” Which was an outright lie.

  As the nausea abated somewhat, Holly pushed herself up from the toilet and stumbled back into her room. She dressed in a T-shirt, jeans and a coat. Her belly had started to extend slightly but not by much, which also told her that something wasn’t right. Women usually began showing at around three months, right?

  She knew she was over three months now, according to her last visit with Dr. Meyer’s five weeks ago.

  Grabbing a brown paper bag out of the pantry as an afterthought, she made her way out to the waiting car. The driver opened the door for her and introduced himself as Bennie. Once seated, she rested her head against the window’s cold glass, hoping it would help with her hot flushes.

  Holly thought about having skipped that one shake; it had influenced the progress she’d made. If she hadn’t skipped it, she probably wouldn’t be feeling as horrible as she was at that moment.

  Pulling up at the hospital, Bennie stopped the car, got out and opened the door for her once again.

  Holly thanked her lucky stars he was close by when she climbed out, as she almost tumbled over from the dizziness.

  “Don’t worry, I’ve got you, miss,” he reassured her. Turning, he yelled for assistance.

  She was settled into a wheelchair and taken to the emergency room by a man wearing scrubs, and was immediately attended to.

  “What seems to be the problem?” a woman asked, shining a light into Holly’s eyes.

  “I’m pregnant and I have gestational hypertension,” Holly answered. “I’m here to see Dr. Rikus.”

  “Page Doctor Rikus, stat. We’ve got a bad case of hypertension,” she yelled.

  Holly was immediately moved onto a bed.

  “Do you have any insurance?”

  Holly shook her head. “You’ll have to call my father.”

  “I already did, Miss Scallanger.”

  The doctor looked at Bennie.

  “Charles’ daughter?”

  “That’s correct, doctor,” Bennie confirmed.

  “Get her up to the maternity ward, now. Private room,” the doctor barked.

  Holly was wheeled away whilst still on the bed and into an elevator. Nurses fiddled with her arms, while she pinched her eyes closed as a needle pierced her skin.

  “I’m pregnant,” Holly stated, sounding tired.

  “We know. It’s okay,” a male voice answered. “Once you get that line open, let’s get her that labetalol. Start with 20 mg,” he barked his orders to another man who’d joined them in the elevator.

  The nausea began to slowly disappear as did the lightheadedness, but not completely. This is manageable. I can work with this, she thought.

  It wasn’t long before they were exiting the elevator. By then, fatigue had consumed her and she fell asleep, only to be woken by the doctor.

  She looked around and found herself in a small private room. Her father was standing in the doorway with his coat hanging over one arm, and his phone in the other at his ear. He was talking to someone, rescheduling an appointment it sounded like.

  “Miss Scallanger?”

  “Please, call me Holly.”

  “How do you feel now?”

  “I’m okay. Much better than this morning.”

  The doctor smiled. He was somewhere in his mid-fifties and had kind eyes.

  “Your father tells me that you were on some sort of supplement which helped with your symptoms. Do you know what it’s called?”

  “It’s not on the market yet. It’s still in its trial stages, but I’ve now run out and can’t get any more.”

  “Did it work?”

  She nodded. “It did, but the one who gave it to me…” she trailed off, casting her eyes downward.

  “Is he related to the baby?”

  She nodded again.

  “Holly, I need to know what happened, and I need to get my hands on this supplement. If he can give us—”

  “He won’t. Believe me, he won’t,” she cut in.

  “So, I take it that somewhere along the line someone didn’t want you to hav
e the baby?”

  “Yes.” Holly gulped.

  “I must still try to get the supplement, Holly. Without him knowing who it’s for, of course. We need to get you back on it as soon as possible. Who is he?”

  She hesitated.

  “Please. I promise your name will be kept out of it.”

  Holly sighed. “Dr. Gus Peters.”

  He stared at her for a minute, dumbfounded. “You are telling me that he started with the p47 trial?”

  “Correct.”

  “I’ll see what I can do.” He smiled. “We’ve been waiting for him to start with this very trial for the past year. And you say it’s worked for you?”

  She nodded. “Very well, actually.”

  “Terrific. I’ll need you to stay overnight. All we’re going to do is observe you both. I’ll make a couple of phone calls, see if we can get you sorted, okay?”

  “Thank you,” she whispered.

  As soon as he left, two nurses entered, one pushing a monitor. Smiling down at Holly she connected a belt over her slightly extended belly.

  Please let there be a heartbeat, she begged.

  The nurse hit a switch and Holly immediately heard the baby’s heartbeat, confirming that the bean was okay. However, she was worried, too. The heartbeat wasn’t as fast or as strong as it had been in Dr. Meyers’ office.

  The nurse, who’d been standing off to one side, left the room immediately, while the other tried to assuage Holly’s fear.

  “It’s okay, it’s low but no danger yet. We’ll wait for the doctor to come and have a look.”

  Right on cue, Dr. Rikus entered and went straight to the monitor.

  “That isn’t normal, is it?” Holly asked.

  “Holly, don’t worry. The baby is doing fine. Get me an ultrasound. I want to see what is going on,” he commanded, and the nurse made a hasty retreat.

  Her father entered, finally having finished with his phone conversation.

  “Dad, you don’t have to stay if you have business to attend to. I’m in good hands.”

  “I’m not going anywhere until I know you are going to be okay,” he uttered softly, kissing her on the top of her head.

  Why couldn’t he have always been like this? Why now?

  “Doctor? What’s the verdict?” Charles queried.

  “I’m trying to get that formula as we speak. My assistant is making a few calls.” He glanced at Holly and then back at Charles. “She’ll be okay.”

  “And how’s the baby doing?”

  “We are about to find out,” Dr. Rikus replied, just as the nurse returned with the ultrasound equipment. He switched it on, squirted warm gel onto Holly’s stomach, and began his examination.

  She felt better now that she was able to see how the bean looked. The fetus was still relatively small, but the limbs had grown a bit thicker, and one could see the outline of a tiny baby.

  “Hmm,” Dr. Rikus murmured.

  “What is it?” Both Holly and Charles asked simultaneously, which had them both smiling.

  “Nothing bad. Would you like to know the baby’s sex?”

  “You can see that already?” Charles was taken aback.

  The doctor nodded.

  “Amazing. That is entirely Holly’s choice, of course.”

  Holly smiled and nodded her ascent.

  “It’s a little girl.”

  A solitary tear escaped and Holly closed her eyes. It was going to be a little girl who would look just like her father. She was convinced of that, because that was how Murphy’s Law worked. She was going to look exactly as Jake had when he’d been a four-year-old toddler, just like the photo she’d seen when they’d vacationed as his parents’ home.

  The doctor’s voice broke into her musings. “She’s not in distress yet, but she is very close to it. What do you want to do, Holly?”

  “What do you mean?” she asked, slight hysteria building within her.

  “You can still abort—”

  “Never! That’s exactly what they wanted. I cannot and will not abort my baby.”

  “They?” her father queried, an angry look on his face.

  “Don’t, please, Dad. I’m never going to see them again.”

  “Holly if I can’t get that shake, you have no idea what we are going to be up against. I can tell you what you can expect, but not many of my patients have shown symptoms as early as you have and still managed to make it to term. By the looks of things, you are on the severe end of the scale. You aren’t alone, though. There are a handful of women going through the same thing. But the extreme cases I’ve read about… sadly, either the mother, the fetus, or both don’t survive.”

  “What!” her father shouted.

  “Dad, I’m not aborting this baby.”

  “Holly, think this through carefully. You’re putting your life at risk here. I’ve already lost one child. I do not plan on losing another.”

  Holly was furious. All she wanted to do was yell right back in his face that Jamie had never mattered to him. He hadn’t once visited her when she fought for her life at the bitter end, just paid the bills, but she kept quiet. Instead, she said, “I am not getting rid of this baby, Dad.”

  “But… what if you die?”

  “Then I die, okay?”

  “You don’t know what you are saying.”

  “Just go, please.” Tears rolled down her cheeks.

  Doctor Rikus had a few words with Charles, practically ordering him to go.

  Relenting, Charles finally acquiesced. “I’ll be outside if you need anything. Do whatever is in your power to help her. I will not lose my daughter.”

  “You know I will, Mr. Scallanger.”

  Charles kissed Holly softly on the head again before leaving.

  “Doctor Rikus, give it to me straight. What are these women going through?”

  The doctor pulled his chair closer. “Severe headaches, nausea from hell itself, high blood pressure, weight loss, not to mention the strain it puts on the baby. Babies are usually born premature and struggle to stay alive. But if you really want to carry on with this, I promise to do all I can in my power to help you through it.”

  “How do the women die?”

  “Oh, a number of ways. They die of strokes, heart attacks, or clots in their lungs. The pressure is terrible on the kidneys, so even those who manage to survive sometimes have to go on dialysis for the rest of their lives. Even after delivery, you may still suffer with hypertension and develop heart failure.”

  Holly nodded.

  “It’s not going to be easy, Holly.”

  “I know. But nothing worth keeping is ever easy, is it? And I want to keep my baby. Please.”

  “Then we’ll do everything to see that that happens. Okay?” He smiled, patted her hand reassuringly, stood up and turned to speak to one of the nurses.

  “I’ll see you later tonight. Rest now.”

  “Thank you, Doctor Rikus, for everything.”

  Closing her eyes, she listened to the voices outside her door. Clearly, her father and Doctor Rikus were having a discussion of sorts.

  “No,” her father answered whatever had been asked, adamantly. “She came to me for help and that is exactly what I’m going to provide.”

  What was Doctor Rikus asking of him?

  She was pulled out of her thought when one of the nurses injected liquid from three separate vials into her IV, fatigue washing over her once more. Her eyes closed. She was swept away into the darkness of her mind

  HOLLY WOKE WITH A STARTLE AND FOUND herself tucked into bed at her father’s house. She jumped out of it quickly when the nausea hit, making it to the bathroom in the nick of time. She was sick for what seemed like forever. Taking deep breaths, she cleaned up as best she could and went back to bed. Her head seemed to spin out of control.

  She’d lost a couple of pounds in the past month, and had been admitted to hospital three times by Dr. Rikus.

  She also cried a lot, which could have been due to a number of things;
hormones, Jake, and the baby who was struggling just as much as she was.

  The day she reached 20 weeks was one she celebrated. She was halfway through the hell she’d fallen into.

  Where peace and quiet should have reigned, it seemed like her father was constantly fighting with her of late.

  On the plus side, she’d finally started looking like a pregnant woman, even if her highly defined shoulder bones and cheek bones made her look like she was on drugs. She hated looking sickly, but it wasn’t like she had a choice.

  Holly needed baby Jamie now more than ever; she wouldn’t lose her, too. She’d decided to name the baby after her sister, as well as her best friend; Jamie Bernice. Bernie was a sister to her, so it was appropriate to name the baby after the two most special people in her life.

  Lying in bed, her heart beat like drums at a rock concert. She felt hot and bothered, and knew that her blood pressure had shot sky high again. The tablets the doctor had given her weren’t working anymore. It made her think of what Jamie had experienced when she had been alive. A particular drug would work for a month and then it would just stop.

  Holly decided she had no further choice in the matter, she needed to go back into hospital again. They weren’t really as bad as she’d thought, since they always treated her kindly and with care.

  It took a huge amount of effort to turn around and locate the buzzer that had been left on the nightstand in order to call her father. It was something he’d installed a couple of weeks back when she needed him in the middle of night.

  She was feeling weak, but managed to turn nevertheless, swinging her arm out toward the nightstand. It was there, somewhere, all she had to do was find it. Her hand felt around the top a few times until it connected with the buzzer. Relieved, she pressed the button. A siren, not a very loud one, went off farther down the hall.

  Not a minute later, Charles burst through her door and picked her up. She could feel him move quickly, yelling for help at the same time. Lights went on throughout the house, and more hands appeared to help. And then Gabby’s screeching made its way to them. Luckily for Holly, she couldn’t make heads or tails over what the bitch was going on about.

  The cold air outside was a breath of fresh air, offering some relief to her hot body. But the minute she was settled in her father’s SUV, the heat returned, making her feel ten times worse.