Once Perfect

by Cecy Robson

  “It’s not something we do.”

  “What do you mean, it’s not something you do?”

  Mateo looked at me then, his expression inflexible. “It’s a respect thing among Latinos. Our parents can do what they want to us. But we can’t do shit to them back.”

  “But what if he…”

  “It doesn’t matter, Evie. It’s how we were raised, no matter how much it sucks.” He finished stacking his weights, then dragged the bench he used for sit-ups to the opposite side of his workout area. He dropped it with a loud clang. “What about you? What are you doing?”

  I returned to my notes and books, feeling powerless to help him and heartbroken we wouldn’t spend the holidays together. Mateo meant everything to me. But I wasn’t so sure then that I meant everything back. “Lourdes usually invites me home with her. Her family’s always been kind.”

  “So you’ll be all right?”

  I guessed I would have to be. “Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

  “What about Christmas?”

  “The same. I’ll probably spend it with her.” I shoved the last few things in my bag, thinking I should just leave. But I still had his ride, and mine lay in bits over the stained floor of his garage.

  “Does her family celebrate on the twenty-fourth?” he asked. When I nodded, he said, “So does mine. Lots of Latinos do. The twenty-fifth tends to be just a quiet day.”

  I played with the straps of my threadbare backpack. “Yeah. We open gifts after midnight on the twenty-fourth and spend the next day mostly eating.”

  He came up behind me and snaked his arms around my waist, then brought a kiss down to the top of my head. His gestures were so gentle, they made me want to cry with how insecure I felt then. “How about you drive back and we spend the twenty-fifth together?” he said. “Just you and me.”

  I bit my lip hard, trying to keep it together. “Are you sure that’s something you want?”

  Mateo turned me slowly to face him, his brows drawing tight enough to darken his light eyes. He sighed when he caught the sadness in my expression. I tried to hide it, but Mateo never missed anything. “Baby, don’t ever think I don’t want to spend time with you. ’Cause I do. Hell, it’s all I ever want to do. But me taking you home, it’s just not going to happen.”

  I hadn’t expected such a blunt response. And it hurt me more than I could have imagined. “Is it because I’m white?”

  “No, that has nothing to do with it.”

  “Then what is it?”

  He took his time answering. “It’s a lot of shit. For one, my mother’s not the healthiest person, at least not in her head.”

  I rubbed his arms, almost afraid to ask. “Did she hurt you, too?”

  “No, she’d never lift a hand against anyone,” he scoffed. “That’s part of the problem.”

  Understanding softened my voice. “She never protected you from Carlos, did she?”

  Mateo’s attention angled in the direction of the house. “Neither me or my sisters. But that’s only part of it. She wouldn’t need to protect us if we had a father worth a damn.”

  He wouldn’t say anything more, but I could see his resolve chipping away. My palms slid along his chest. “You can talk to me. I want to be here for you.”

  Mateo rubbed my lower back, considering my offer. “Carlos is fucked up, Evie―too many drugs, too much booze―I don’t know what made him the way that he is. I only know he takes it out on us, anytime he’s pissed.” He looked at me then. “And he knows exactly when and how to hurt us.”

  For a second, I caught a flicker of fear in his stare. It didn’t last, but I recognized it for what it was. That awful feeling in the pit of my stomach returned. “Are you worried about Carlos doing something to me?”

  His body tensed as if ready to strike. “It’s something I’ve thought about. But he doesn’t know about you or where to find us. I want to keep it that way.” He pulled me closer against him when he saw the concern reflecting back in my face. “I don’t want you to be scared, Evie. I’ll never let anything happen to you. I swear to God I won’t.”

  “I know.” But it wasn’t me I was worried about then. I waited to see if he’d continue. When he didn’t, I asked, “Is there anything else you want to tell me?”

  Although I now rested my cheek against his chest, I felt it when he shook his head. “This shit’s not worth dwelling on, baby.”

  “Okay.” This was more than he’d ever told me. And it seemed to take a lot out of him. I held him closer, wishing I could take away his pain like he did for me. “If you ever want to talk about your family, or anything more, just know that you can.”

  We stayed unmoving for several beats. I liked the way his heart thumped steadily against my ear. One of Mateo’s hands left my back to play with my hair. I lifted my chin and returned the small smile he offered me. But then something shifted in his gleam. “What are you thinking?” I asked.

  “That I’m sweaty and tired.” He bent and kissed my neck. “If only I had a sexy nurse available to give me a sponge bath.”

  He wanted to forget our conversation and his pain. Maybe I couldn’t take away the hurt of his past. But I could make him feel better. My nails trailed beneath his sweatshirt. “Oh, if only.”

  He grinned. “Want to take a shower with me?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Maybe?” He pressed a hard kiss to my lips. “What can I do to change your mind?”

  “Mmm. Maybe a little more of that.”

  “If that’s all it takes, I can give you a lot more.”

  My lids fluttered when his lips returned to my neck. “Let’s go upstairs,” I whispered, willing my hands not to reach into his shorts.

  He lifted my pack and held my hand as he led me to his apartment. The moment the door shut, we were all over each other, yanking our clothes off on our way to the shower.

  I screamed, and he swore, when the cold water blasted us. “Sorry, babe.” He held me close and shielded me from the water as he adjusted the temperature, both of us laughing.

  We stopped laughing when he turned to face me. Water dripped down his hair, trickling around his sexy face and those amazing eyes that always captured and held me in place. “Want to know something?” he asked, his hands sliding over my waist. I nodded, unable to speak from the force in his stare. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  He kissed me before I could tell him the same.

  I hurried into the kitchen a while later when my phone rang. Mateo stayed in his room, sprawled across his bed while ordering us takeout.

  The texts I received were from Lourdes.

  Don’t come home tonight.

  Donovan came looking for you.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Lourdes had screamed at Donovan in Spanish, coming across more as crazy than as someone who could possibly be my roommate. She said he walked off, annoyed, confused, and appearing to think he had the wrong house, just like she’d intended. He didn’t show again. And I didn’t tell Mateo. Mostly because I didn’t want him to worry, but also because I feared what could happen. Mateo was protective in general. To meet someone he knew had hurt me could result in disaster.

  My psych rotation came to a blissful end, and I welcomed my winter break like a form of salvation. The nightmares still lingered, but Mateo was there to settle me when I’d wake shaken and frightened. With no school, I mostly stayed at his place, relishing everything our relationship brought us and the security his presence offered me.

  Mateo climbed on top of me, his beautiful body naked and warm. Just like he’d promised, we were spending Christmas together. It was nice, just him and me alone in bed with nowhere to go and nothing to pry us apart.

  “Hey, beautiful.”

  I passed my hand along his short hair. It was starting to grow longer. I liked it, but I loved the way he smiled at me more. He still seemed sleepy even following our long nap. I wriggled beneath him. “Hi, sweetie.”

  “You ready for your presents?
”

  I smiled. “Totally.”

  He slipped to the edge of the bed and fumbled underneath it, keeping his long legs spread across the mattress. He jerked when I traced my nails against his perfect butt, glancing back. “You trying to start something, lady?”

  I grinned. “Maybe.”

  He abandoned his attempts beneath the bed and reached for me. I shimmied away. “Later―I promise,” I added when that sexy smile spread along his lips. “Let’s do presents first.”

  “All right.”

  I squealed when he grabbed my butt cheek before he flopped back over the side of the bed, laughing. I should have known better than to turn my naked body on my playful boyfriend. His laughter rumbled hard enough to shake the mattress. I wanted to play and tease a little more, but that would definitely postpone our present-opening time, and I was eager to see what Mateo thought of his gifts.

  My overnight bag lay in a heap on the floor where I’d dropped it. I pulled it to me and hauled out two boxes. Mateo placed three presents on the bed in front of me. He handed me one. “You first.”

  I lifted the box wrapped in Santa paper. The edges were carefully taped. Even though the package lacked a ribbon, he’d taken the time and care to wrap it himself. I grinned when I pulled out a pink Phillies cap. “Aw. Thanks, babe.” I placed it on my head and leaned in to kiss him. “What do you think?”

  His eyes traveled down my bare skin, stopping at two points in particular. At first he didn’t say anything. Then he reached for his cellphone. “I think I have new wallpaper for my iPhone.”

  I tackle-hugged him. “Don’t you dare!”

  “But, Evie…it’s Christmas…I’ll keep all the important parts covered.”

  We wrestled for the phone, laughing, but eventually he returned his cell to his nightstand. “You’re no fun, you know that?”

  I reached for one of his presents. “I’m sure I’ll find a way to make it up to you.”

  Unlike Mateo’s gift to me, mine had ribbon, and bows, and a garland, and lots of Christmassy things to make it festive. He yanked at the cluster of decorations keeping the large box together. “Damn, Evie, you want me to open this before the end of the year?”

  I lay on my stomach and crossed my bent knees, leaning my head on my palm. “I’ll give you till July.”

  He grinned and sprinkled the garland over my back. The ribbon he had to tear off with his teeth, and the box he just ripped down the middle.

  “You are so macho,” I mused.

  He laughed. “Damn straight.” He pulled out a thick, rust-colored fleece. “This is nice. Real nice.” He kissed me. “Thanks.”

  His next gift to me was a tiny piece of lingerie―a pink, see-through camisole, with a matching thong I could have flossed with. I held up both and shook them at him. “I really hope none of those slutty salespeople offered to model this for you.”

  “He did. But he wasn’t my type.” He winked when I laughed. “Will you wear it for me?”

  “With the hat?”

  “Hell yeah, with the hat.”

  I pulled off the tags and slipped it on while Teo tore open his second box. “You’re missing the others.”

  “What?” He searched through the tangle of garland and pulled out multiple iTunes gift cards. “Cool. I could use a few tunes.” He kissed me again and went back to work on opening the rest of the flat box.

  I covered my hand with his. “Careful with this one, Teo.”

  He didn’t seem to understand until he pulled out the platinum necklace I’d bought him. “Holy shit.” He examined the links, but then frowned. “Is this why you picked up all those extra shifts at the club?”

  I shrugged. “My term was over. It was no big deal.” At least, that’s what I told him. Lourdes had flipped out when I confessed how much the beautiful chain had cost me. But Mateo always gave. It was time he started receiving.

  “Evie, you shouldn’t have spent so much.”

  I took it from him and placed it around his neck. Damn, it looked good on him. I stroked his chest. “I wanted to give you something nice.”

  He tended to watch my movements when I touched him. This time, he kept his focus on my face, his expression serious. “You need to worry about school.”

  I gave him a small kiss. “I have one semester left. And the chain is already paid for.”

  “Evie―”

  “Just let me do this for you, okay?”

  I wrapped my arms around him when he hugged me. His hands slid down lower and he dropped his head against my shoulder. “Thank you.” He waited a second longer and said, “You have one more.”

  He handed me a large box when I released him. I opened it to find another smaller box inside…one that contained a beautiful platinum ring with an intricate design of ivy and roses circling the exterior. Small diamonds accentuated the center of each flower. My lips parted. It was…gorgeous.

  He lifted it when I didn’t say anything and placed it on my ring finger. “I know you’ve wondered about other girls―especially when I have a fight. This is my way of saying you have nothing to worry about. I only want to be with you.” His eyes widened when he caught my expression and pulled me against him. “Why are you crying?”

  “I’m just happy,” I whimpered.

  “You don’t sound happy, babe.”

  “I’m a girl. This is how girls get when they’re happy.”

  “Well, shit…I should’ve got you an Xbox.”

  My body trembled when I laughed against him. I lifted my chin. “Do you want to know the truth?”

  “Is it going to make you cry?”

  “Probably.”

  He brushed away my trailing tears. “Okay. Hit me.”

  “I think I’m in love with you.”

  —

  The L-word didn’t go over as well as I would have liked. Mateo didn’t say it back. Maybe it was because I’d also used the word “think.” That was a lie. I knew I loved him. Knew it by the way he made me smile every time I thought of him. The problem was, even if I had been more honest, I wasn’t sure Mateo was capable of loving me back, no matter how kind he was.

  Effed-up childhoods could really screw up a person.

  Following a long and awkward pause, he’d kissed me and thanked me for the gifts. We had a great rest of the night, but something had shifted between us. I didn’t know if it was good or bad then, but I found out over the next week at the club.

  Excess became the place to be on New Year’s Eve. Fantasy was the theme. And Sam, bless the cheap bastard’s heart, had actually hired a professional decorator to turn the club into an enchanted forest. Garlands of leaves and lights hung from the rafters. Dragon and unicorn heads poked out from the booths, and vines wrapped around the bars and tables.

  The bartenders, Sam included, planned to dress like elves. Jace, our DJ, opted to be an angel of death with black wings the length of his body. All the waitresses intended to dress like fairies. The only ones not expected to wear costumes were the bouncers. “There’s too much potential shit that could go down,” Teo had said when I’d asked him. “We can’t have anything that could get in our way.”

  There was already a line forming around the building when I arrived forty minutes early on New Year’s. I hurried into the club and crossed the dance floor, where Mateo was meeting with his crew.

  A tiny, deep purple mini-jumpsuit made up the first layer of my costume. Spaghetti straps held the bodice in place. The shorts were so tight and the fabric so thin, I couldn’t even wear a thong without showing lines. So I’d subbed pantyhose sprinkled with glitter instead. Sheer lavender netting―which started at the rim of my bodice and fell just above my knee―served as the outer layer. I’d ditched my boots and replaced them with high-heeled silver sandals that gave me an extra bounce to my steps. I figured if my feet could handle the hooker boots, they could handle the sparkly heels.

  My loose hair and lavender wings drifted behind me as I typed a text. Mateo hadn’t seen my fairy costume before.
But he noticed it when I passed him while he was barking instructions to his crew.

  “Check any weapons these asshats bring in, whether they look fake or not. Watch out for bulges in…” His voice, normally focused and unyielding, trailed off as I flounced by.

  “Damn,” Ant said. He cleared his throat. “All you horny motherfuckers better stop checking out Teo’s woman. He don’t like that!”

  I ignored them and sent my text to Mateo.

  Quit staring at my ass.

  My steps quickened until I pushed open the door to our locker room. A roar of loud and excited voices greeted me. Considering we had a crazy amount of work ahead of us, everyone seemed psyched for the night.

  Noelle was just finishing Dee’s makeup. Dee was in an all-white fairy costume. And hell, she looked fantastic! Noelle had added white and blue eye shadow over her lids, then penciled in a design that resembled butterfly wings when Dee closed her eyes. She finished Dee off by adding glitter. By some miracle, she seemed to have created the same look for herself in dark blue and green to match her eyes.

  “Noelle, that looks awesome.” I placed my tiny wristlet in my locker. Although it was freezing, I’d opted to leave my coat in my newly revamped Cherokee. I had wanted Mateo to see my whole costume, and hoped he’d like it. I smiled to myself. Rendering him speechless was more than I could have hoped for.

  “Thanks, Evelyn. Grab my curling iron from my locker and plug it in. Dee’s going to start your hair while I get to work on your makeup. Hurry up, we’re running out of time.”

  Dee stood and admired Noelle’s artwork in a small mirror, since the remaining waitresses were crowding the big one that spread along the wall. She put the mirror down and grinned at me. “You look good, Evelyn. Did Teo see you yet?”

  My phone buzzed just when she asked. I laughed when I saw Teo’s text.

  I wasn’t looking at your ass. I was too distracted by your rack.

  Even in my costume, my boobs were modest at best. “Yes. He saw me on my way in.”

  Noelle urged me toward the bench. “Evelyn, come on. The curling iron’s ready, girl.”

  All Noelle’s practice paid off. By the time she was done, I was ready to be cast as an extra for Peter Jackson’s next epic fantasy. Dee finished curling my hair and sprayed it. The only thing I did was add shimmering gloss to my lips.