Last Resort

by Susan Lewis

  ‘No, really, not for me,’ Penny said, shaking her head as Esther offered her one of the glasses. ‘But you carry on.’

  After stoking up the fire and putting everything tidily back in place Esther settled herself in the opposite chair, while Penny gazed through the condensation on the windows at the drizzling rain and thought about David boarding the flight in London. It was almost too much to bear.

  ‘Why was Wally with David?’ she asked, pushing the words through the suffocating emotion in her throat.

  Esther sucked noisily on her cigarette, then took a hasty mouthful of wine. For the moment Penny couldn’t bring herself to look at her as she asked herself why she had to be sitting here with this irritating old woman whom, under any other circumstances, she would probably feel sorry for.

  ‘He had to give statements to the lawyers and to Stirling,’ Esther answered. ‘I’m sure he’ll tell you all about it when he comes back.’

  Penny nodded. The fact that Wally, apparently, wasn’t going to face any charges himself mattered to her neither one way nor the other. All that mattered was David. Then, turning to look at Esther, she felt herself soften slightly, for the compassion in Esther’s eyes seemed as genuine as the love in David’s voice. ‘Why did you do it?’ Penny asked. ‘Why did you get me and Christian together when you must have known what it would do to David? But no, of course, you didn’t, did you?’ She sighed, remembering that David had told her that Esther hadn’t known the whole story.

  Esther’s eyes darkened with sorrow. ‘It wasn’t until you’d gone off with Christian that David told me about Gabriella and Jenny and the way Christian was . . .’ She stopped, flattening her lips and looking down at her drink. ‘Such a terrible thing for Christian to have done to David, taking you away like that,’ she muttered. ‘But I promise you, my dear, that had I known what he was up to I’d have put a stop to it right away. Oh dear, I’ve made such a terrible mess of those boys’ lives and I really should have listened a bit harder to what Billy was trying to tell me. He was talking about David, you see. He was trying to tell me about David, but I thought he meant Christian.’

  Penny tensed, but she was no longer listening to Esther: she was thinking about the geomancer she had seen in Hong Kong. Feeling as ill as she had lately and with the results of her blood tests still to come, the memory of his hand closing over hers wrapped itself around her heart in a cold grip of terror.

  Realizing that Esther had fallen silent, she said, ‘Are you able to tell me what happened during the past two weeks? Do you know why David didn’t call until now?’

  ‘I really don’t know much more than you do,’ Esther said solemnly. ‘Wally will be able to tell us when he gets back, I’m sure.’

  ‘When will that be, do you know?’

  ‘Tomorrow, I think. Maybe the next day.’

  Penny took a sip of her lemon drink, then stared down at the crackling logs in the hearth. ‘Where’s Christian now?’ she asked.

  ‘In Miami.’

  ‘And Gabriella?’ she said almost to herself.

  When Esther didn’t answer right away Penny turned to look at her and felt her heart contract with unease at the look on the old woman’s face. Obviously she knew much more than she was telling.

  ‘It’s you he loves, my dear,’ Esther said, her voice quaking slightly. ‘You must know that, when he came after you the way he did. He knew what a risk he was taking, dear boy. He knew it would probably be the end but he did it anyway, so you can’t ever doubt how much he loves you.’

  ‘I don’t,’ Penny responded. ‘But you didn’t answer my question. Where’s Gabriella now?’

  Esther’s face twitched; then, sighing, she looked helplessly down at her drink. ‘She’s with David,’ she answered quietly.

  Penny could feel the slow burn of jealousy and pain driving right to the very core of her. ‘How long has she been with him?’ she asked.

  ‘As far as I know, ever since he went to Marseille.’

  Penny’s hand went to her mouth as the betrayal dug ruthlessly into her heart. ‘So that’s why he didn’t call,’ she said.

  ‘I expect so,’ Esther replied dully. ‘I can’t say for sure of course. But, yes, I expect so.’

  Penny looked at her. ‘What do you think it means?’ she said. ‘That Gabriella was there.’

  Esther wrinkled her brow thoughtfully. ‘It could mean a lot of things,’ she said, ‘but, now that we know the whole story, my guess is that she’s been doing her own kind of deal with David while the lawyers have been doing one with the DA. But even if she is going to stand by him I’m afraid it doesn’t look like it’s going to do him much good.’

  ‘Do you think that’s a possibility? That she will stand by him?’ Penny said, despising herself for not wanting it to be true when it could, in the end, make a difference to the sentence he received.

  ‘Anything’s possible,’ Esther answered. ‘But why don’t you look at it this way, dear? He’s just called you. He didn’t go without saying goodbye or telling you how much he loves you. So nothing’s changed for him on that front and in your heart you must know it. But there’s a whole other agenda for him now and, whichever way you look at it, right at this moment you just can’t come first.’

  ‘No,’ Penny mumbled, not liking the truth of it but knowing she had no choice but to accept it. And because she needed to voice her thoughts, she said, ‘It’s just . . . Well, it’s just so hard to imagine what he’s going through, to get any idea at all of what’s really going on. I hate being in this position, feeling so shut out and useless.’

  ‘But you’re not useless, my dear. It’s going to be very important now for David to know that you love him, that you’re going to keep things running for him. And I shall be here to help you, of course. And you’ll know soon enough what’s happening to him. Though if he’s surrendering himself it’ll probably be because of the evidence Christian’s already given against him. Or maybe because Gabriella’s going to give evidence too. Oh dear, we just don’t know, do we?’

  ‘Oh God!’ Penny groaned, her head falling back in despair. ‘Hasn’t she tormented him enough? How many pounds of flesh does she want, for God’s sake?’

  Esther was silent as she picked up her glass.

  ‘Have you ever met her?’ Penny asked.

  Esther nodded forlornly. ‘I’m afraid so,’ she answered. ‘Not a pleasant woman. Not pleasant at all. Dismissed me like I was a nobody. Not that I blame her, of course, but really there was no need for her to be quite so rude. Funny thing was, Wally liked her.’ She laughed briskly. ‘But then the old thing likes anyone who makes him feel important and she certainly knew how to do that. Beats me why she bothered, but there it is. People think I’m just a silly old woman, but I’m not always quite so silly and I could see through Gabriella Villers as plain as I can see through glass and I think she knew it. All that one was interested in was money and, now I know everything, the power she has over David, of course. Dreadful woman, stopping him seeing his children the way she does. Still, mustn’t be too down on her, must we? It might just be that she will speak up for David and he won’t have to go to prison after all.’

  Penny allowed her thoughts to drift for a while; then, more from a need to say something than out of any real concern, she said, ‘I suppose yours and Wally’s income will dry up now.’

  Esther gave a nervous laugh. ‘For a while, maybe,’ she said. ‘But David will take care of us. He’ll see that we don’t go without.’

  Penny frowned. ‘That’s going to be pretty hard for him now that he doesn’t have any money, isn’t it?’ she commented.

  Esther’s eyes drifted off to the window. This was obviously something she didn’t want to talk about, and as she emptied the bottle into her glass Penny watched the way her hands were shaking. But before Penny could say anything Esther was already talking.

  ‘Do tell me to mind my own business if you want to,’ she said, holding her glass in front of her wine-stained lips, ‘but
I have to tell you, dear, that you really don’t look at all well. Are you sure you’re all right? Is there anything I can do?’

  Penny shook her head as the knot of fear in her chest tightened. Then, again out of a need to share her feelings with someone, she said, ‘My friend wants me to find out if there are any hospitals for tropical diseases nearby.’ She made a half-hearted attempt at laughter; then, hardly thinking about what she was saying or to whom she was saying it, she added, ‘But to tell you the truth, Esther, I don’t think I’ve got a tropical disease. What I think is, I’m pregnant.’

  Esther’s busy eyes were suddenly arrested in their sockets as she stared incredulously across the room at Penny. Then, abruptly, she started shaking her head. ‘No,’ she said emphatically. ‘You’re not pregnant. I’d know if you were pregnant.’

  Penny looked at her curiously. ‘How would you know?’ she asked.

  ‘I just would,’ Esther answered. ‘Believe me, I know these things, and you’re not pregnant.’

  Penny wasn’t about to argue, because in her heart she didn’t believe it either. ‘No, you’re right,’ she sighed miserably. ‘I’ve just got several doses of jet lag, some kind of delayed reaction to trauma and a touch of flu, all of which are curable.’ She paused. ‘But what if I were pregnant?’ she said, suddenly wanting to go ahead with the fantasy.

  To her surprise Esther’s eyes started to sparkle. ‘Well, it wouldn’t be a problem, dear,’ she told her. ‘You’d never want for anything, you know, David would make sure of that, and I’d be here to look after you.’ Then her expression started to turn oddly wistful. ‘You know, I almost wish you were. That baby would be so lucky having you and David as parents.’

  Penny gave a splutter of laughter. ‘Wouldn’t it just! With one of us so screwed up right now she doesn’t know which way to turn and the other on his way to jail . . . yes, I’d call that really lucky.’

  Esther smiled and, realizing that the old woman was already knitting bootees, Penny decided that to run any further with the fantasy would be less than wise. So, changing the subject, she said: ‘What will you do now? Do you think you’ll stay in France?’

  Esther nodded, but it was clear that she was still lost in her reverie. ‘Have to stay if you’re pregnant,’ she said. ‘You can’t go through it on your own and David would want to know you were being taken care of.’

  ‘But I’m not pregnant,’ Penny said abruptly.

  ‘Ah, but you might be,’ Esther persisted. ‘Being sick the way you are and looking the way you do.’

  ‘You were convinced just now that I wasn’t,’ Penny pointed out, trying to ignore the unsettling currents of excitement the possibility was evoking. If she were pregnant, if she really were carrying his baby . . . But no, she had to stop herself thinking that way. She wasn’t pregnant and she had to be out of her mind to be sitting there hoping she was. ‘No,’ she said decisively. ‘I can’t be pregnant. It’s too early for all these symptoms and . . .’ Even as she said the words she could feel herself starting to freeze. But it was too late to take them back and from the look on Esther’s face she could see that Esther was thinking the very thing Penny didn’t want anyone ever to think: that, if she was pregnant and it was too soon for the baby to be David’s, then it had to be Christian’s.

  As the horror turned her insides to ice the swell of nausea sent her running back to the bathroom. By the time she came out again Esther had opened another bottle of wine and was sitting crookedly back in her chair.

  She waited until Penny was sitting down too. Then, fixing her with slightly unfocused eyes, she said, ‘Have you missed a period, dear? You can tell me now. Have you missed a period?’

  Dully, Penny nodded her head. ‘I should have had one last weekend,’ she answered. Then, as though Esther had asked the question, she said, ‘I never once made love with Christian without using a contraceptive. David and I never used one at all.’ She sighed as Esther blinked rapidly. ‘But that still doesn’t change the dates,’ she said. ‘I couldn’t be suffering like this if I was only three weeks pregnant.’

  ‘Ah, but no one pregnancy is ever the same as another,’ Esther told her. ‘What we need to find out is when you were ovulating, that’s what we need to do. It’s generally thirteen or fourteen days before your period is due and by my reckoning that was when you were with David.’

  Penny forced a smile, but her eyelids were drooping and suddenly all she wanted was to sleep. Esther carried on talking for a while, but though the words were reaching her Penny couldn’t find the strength to respond.

  ‘. . . and when you’re in your sixth month,’ Esther was saying, ‘David will have you flown out to the States so you can be near him when the baby comes. I’ll come with you to look after you in the final stages and they’ll probably let him out for the delivery. They do that sometimes, you know. Oh, he’s going to be so happy about this, Penny.’

  Penny wondered if she’d drifted off for a while, for the next thing she knew Esther was saying, ‘But you’re not pregnant, so you really must stop worrying. You just have to get some rest after everything you’ve been through. Come on now, let me take you up to bed . . .’

  ‘Oh God, I wish David was here,’ Penny heard herself mumble as Esther led her towards the stairs. ‘I wish I could have gone with him. I don’t even know where to contact him.’

  ‘Shh,’ Esther soothed. ‘He’ll be in touch, don’t you worry about that. And Wally will always know how to reach him.’

  ‘I’m not pregnant,’ Penny said, the words sounding as strange in her ears as the heaviness she felt in her legs.

  ‘No, I know,’ Esther answered, pushing open the bedroom door.

  Penny smiled, almost as though it was she who was drunk, not Esther. ‘I’ve got to keep the bed warm,’ she mumbled. ‘This is the bed.’ And suddenly she started to cry. ‘Oh, God,’ she wailed, ‘I’m damned well falling apart here and I promised him—’

  ‘Shh,’ Esther said softly, pulling back the covers and sitting Penny on the edge of the bed.

  ‘I’m making such a fool of myself,’ Penny sniffed, her eyelids so heavy now she could barely keep them open, ‘but I feel so terrible and I might have an incurable disease and I might be pregnant . . .’

  ‘Just you go to sleep now.’ Esther smiled, easing her back against the pillows. ‘Go to sleep and dream of David. He loves you, Penny, and he’s going to want this baby even more than you do.’

  ‘But what if it’s not his baby?’

  ‘Of course it is. It couldn’t be anyone else’s.’

  ‘But there isn’t a baby.’

  ‘Maybe not, but if there is you really won’t need to worry about a thing,’ Esther whispered.

  ‘I got to tell you, Marielle,’ Stirling said, slotting documents into his briefcase, ‘that you and that poxy little magazine are giving me a headache. So, for the umpteenth time, it’s not in my power to hand the god-damned thing over to you because, to begin with, it’s not in Villers’s name and, to end with, there’s no funny money involved that we can find. Now, why don’t you do me a favour and pop along home and work out how you’re going to get a reference out of Penny the Moon when she fires you?’

  Marielle didn’t even flinch. ‘You made me promises,’ she reminded him tightly.

  Stirling was shaking his head. ‘Uh-uh,’ he said. ‘Never any promises. All I did was get you to see things my way and, since that suited you, Marielle, you went along with it like the decent, law-abiding citizen you are. Shame it’s gonna cost you your job, but hey, that’s the way life goes. Win some, lose some. Looks like you lost, Marielle.’ He said it with such relish, such unbridled glee, that Marielle snatched up a book and flung it at him.

  Fortunately for her it missed, but he didn’t look any too pleased. ‘Get the hell out of here, will you,’ he said, sounding more bored than annoyed. ‘I got things to do and dealing with you don’t figure on my agenda today.’

  ‘Fine upstanding member of law and order you are,�
�� she spat. ‘First you renege on David; now you renege on me.’

  ‘Wasn’t me reneged on Villers,’ Stirling informed her smoothly. ‘I did what I could to get him the deal he wanted, but I don’t run the DEA and nor do I run the District Attorney’s office. And as for you, Marielle, we had no deal. Like I said before, you were just doing your duty as a law-abiding citizen. Now, unless you’re of a mind to bounce around on my dick for a while, I suggest you scram.’

  Marielle glared at him.

  ‘A blow job?’ he suggested.

  ‘You bastard!’ Marielle seethed. ‘You used me—’

  ‘It was mutual, Marielle,’ he cut in. ‘Anyway, what are you so worried about? The magazine’s still there, isn’t it? Could be that Penny the Moon won’t want to hang around now that Villers is gone, so you might end up with what you want after all. You’re sure sly enough to, even if you don’t have any more brains than a daffodil’s dick.’

  ‘You can insult me all you like,’ Marielle snarled, ‘but I’m going to report you to your superiors. You exploited me, used me for sex, sent me out to do your dirty work . . .’

  ‘Put a fucking sock in it, Marielle,’ he yawned. ‘You twitched that cute little butt of yours in my face so many times I got to feeling sorry for you – that’s how comes my dick found its way into your various available orifices.’ He grinned. ‘Real angel of mercy, me. Don’t like to see a person in distress, not if I can do anything to help, and you sure looked like a person in distress to me, coming on to me the way you did. Anyway, time to go find some other poor sucker to put you out of your misery, ’cos I’m outa here in the next five minutes.’

  Marielle was quiet for a moment. She knew she’d lost; in fact, if she were honest with herself she’d known it from the moment David had flown out to the Philippines to get Penny back. She’d misjudged just how strongly David felt about Penny, just like she’d misjudged her own powers of manipulation when it came to getting what she wanted out of Stirling. Had she been anyone else she might have felt embarrassed at the lamentable naïveté and preposterous belief in her own importance that had led her to think she could take on men such as Villers and Stirling, but Marielle wasn’t about to give herself a hard time over that. What she wouldn’t mind knowing, though, was just what Gabriella Villers had been doing in France up until the time David had given himself up. Because, if Gabriella Villers had been here for the reasons Marielle thought she had, there was every chance Penny the Moon wouldn’t hang around were she ever to find out.