‘You’re doing that thing with your lips again Faye, what’s on your mind?’ Brandon watched me from the bed as I took off my makeup.
‘Me? Oh nothing…’
‘Faye the lip twitch comes out when it is something…c’mon, out with it.’
I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at him. Was now the time to have a baby talk? It’s something we’d never really discussed. Not properly at least.
‘Well… I was just wondering… about what you said earlier.’
‘What did I say earlier?’
‘About having plenty of time for having kids.’
‘Oh right…’ he adjusted himself on the bed. ‘Well we do darling, our whole lives.’
‘Yes I know that, but well… you see, I was hoping it would be sooner rather than later.’
‘Oh…’
‘Not before the wedding obviously, but well maybe soon thereafter.’ I looked up at him expectantly.
‘Wow Faye, I didn’t realise you wanted to have kids that soon.’
‘You don’t?’
‘I’m not saying that. It’s just I suppose, I hadn’t thought about it. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to have kids, but well in the next year or two is not something I had thought about. Particularly until we know that you are 100% ok.’
I climbed into bed and switched off the light. This wasn’t the conversation I had been hoping for. I thought, especially after today, seeing Brandon with Ella that he would be as broody as I was.
‘Faye I’m not saying no to a baby straight after the wedding, let’s just be sure you are 100% healthy first and then we can talk about it more, ok?’
‘Ok.’ I pretended to stifle a yawn and doze off. I wept a little once I heard his breathing level out. Even knowing about my adoption, Brandon didn’t understand my need for a family, my own family.
Chapter 23 – Fast forward, Rewind and Repeat
I read in a Bridal magazine that you should enjoy planning your wedding as much as you do the day itself, as your wedding day will pass in the blink of an eye. That may be true but I seemed to turn my head and baby Ella was almost a year old, I was slightly slimmer, still attending the doctors regularly and had planned a wedding that I couldn’t wait to attend!
Three days before our wedding, I had yet another doctor’s appointment, they took my blood pressure again, it was perfect and despite my protests, they took more blood, thankfully there was no bruising. By now, I saw little to no point to any of this, I was just happy that my weight seemed to have returned to a ‘normal’ range and I was no longer on blood pressure medication. Right now, nothing was going to rain on my parade, I was a bride to be and my day was fast approaching.
The morning of our wedding, the sun shone brightly in a blue sky and a smattering of fluffy white clouds floated around like candy floss. In hours, I would be Mrs. Brandon Donohue and the very thoughts sent shivers down my spine. Chloe and I had spent the night at my parent’s – for old time sake. She was in the bathroom again. Honestly that girl couldn’t hold her champagne!
‘Chloe are you ok?’ I asked through the door. Wasn’t the maid of honour supposed to be checking in on the bride, not the other way around!
‘Yea, I’ll be out in a minute’
Moments later the door clicked and pale Chloe emerged clutching a glass of water.
‘Wow Chloe,’ I said, passing her the concealer, ‘You’ll need this!’
‘Thanks, I’ll be grand in a minute; it only ever lasts for the first few minutes when I get up.’
‘God, I wish my hangover were as accommodating!’
Chloe went quiet for a few minutes.
‘You’re not hung-over, are you?’ I asked, a few things slotting into place.
‘Of cour…, no, I’m not.’ She looked a little unsure whether to continue or not.
‘Oh my god, you’re pregnant!’ I rushed over and engulfed her in a hug.
She burst into tears. ‘I wanted to tell you all week but I didn’t want to steal your thunder.’
‘Steal my thunder? You mad woman! Oh my god… Congratulations! When? How? Tell me everything!’
A few hours later, I stood at the bottom of the aisle and watched as Chloe walked down in front of me. In a few minutes, I would be Mrs. Brandon Donohue and in seven months’ time, I would be an ‘Auntie’ for the second time and I hoped, all going well, my own little bundle of joy would follow suit very soon thereafter. Lost in my pregnancy fantasy, I didn’t notice the person standing next to dad and I.
‘Faye, can I have a word.’
‘Nate, what the hell are you doing here?’
I hadn’t seen Nate since the night Brandon proposed. I had phoned, emailed and even called by his house but he had ignored and avoided me. I was shocked to see him stood next to me at the bottom of the aisle.
‘I hardly think this is the time, do you Nate?’ My father looked across to him, nostrils flaring.
Nate ignored him, ‘Please Faye, give me 1 minute.’
I wavered; Chloe was almost at the top of the aisle.
‘Nate please, this my wedding day.’
‘I know that’s why I had to come. Please.’
‘Ok speak, you have 30 seconds.’
‘Alone?’
‘Nate, you are pushing your luck, say what you’ve come to say.’
He looked at me, really looked at me.
‘Faye I love you, please don’t go through with it. I’ve always loved you. I should never have left you. That night, the night of your house warming, I was late because the Jeweller hadn’t finished inscribing this.’
He reached into his pocket and took out a small black velvet box, he opened it and the most beautiful sapphire on a bed of diamonds tinkled back at me. As the ground started to shake and I could feel my legs wobble beneath me, the last thing I remember was Nate saying;
‘Faye, will you marry me?’
Chapter 24 - A wedding, a proposal and a bust up.
‘Faye, are you ok, Faye can you hear me?’ It was Chloe’s voice that interrupted my fuzzy mind.
‘Chloe, is it time to get up?’
‘She seems a bit confused. Is that normal?’
‘She’s just had a big shock, Maura.’
‘Sshh....I’m still asleep.’
‘Faye, come on wake up.’
My head felt groggy and heavy.
‘Whoa... what’s going on, where am I?’
I look down at myself. I’m in my wedding dress.
‘What happened?’
‘You fainted Faye, are you ok?’
It all came flooding back.
‘Nate... he,...’
‘He’s outside.’
‘Brandon?’
‘Outside too’
‘He can’t, its bad luck!’
‘Don’t worry pet he didn’t see you, he is worried though. What happened?’
‘Nate proposed to her.’ It was my father’s voice.
‘He did what?’ Both my mother and Chloe spoke together.
‘Faye what are you going to do?’ Chloe looked at me questioningly.
‘She is going to marry Brandon of course! Aren’t you Faye?’ my mother looked from me to my father as she said it. ‘Declan, ask Nate to leave.’
‘No, mum, wait I need to talk to him.’
‘Talk to him, are you serious? Faye you can’t possibly, it’s your wedding day!’
‘I know it is. Please, send him in.’
Chloe opened the door and Brandon rushed forward, ‘Ah Brandon…don’t… you’ll see me.’ I screamed.
‘I don’t care about that, are you ok, what happened?’
‘This guy said you fainted, sorry man didn’t catch your name?’
Nate came through the door.
‘I’m Nate.’
Brandon spun around. ‘Nate, as in Faye’s ex?’
‘Yes...I...’
‘What the hell are you doing here?’
‘Did you invite him?’ Brandon looked at my sideways.
‘No, of course I didn’t.’
‘Well then why is here?’
‘Faye please, we need to talk.’
‘Excuse me mate, this is our wedding day, you’ve had plenty of time to talk to her before now.’
‘Excuse me ‘mate’ but Faye can speak for herself.’
Nate and Brandon squared up to each other like silver back gorillas in the wild.
‘Nate I think you better leave, you’ve caused enough damage already.’ My father took Nate by the arm.
‘No Dad, wait.’
‘Damage, what damage, what have you done?’
It was then Brandon saw it, the little black box in my hand; I didn’t even realise I had it.
‘What’s this?’ He says taking it from my palm and opening it. ‘What the hell?’ Brandon looks from me to Nate and back again.
‘It’s an engagement ring.’ Nate said defiantly.
‘Faye what is going on here? Are you seriously telling me that you proposed to her just as she is about to walk down the aisle?’ He spits the words into Nate’s face.
‘Please Brandon, calm down.’ I plead
‘Calm down, what the hell is going on here? You told me you hadn’t seen him since before you moved into the house.’
‘I haven’t, not until today.’
‘Ok then... right.’ Brandon takes a deep breath and steadies himself against the wall.
‘Faye please, can we talk?’ Nate breaks the tense silence.
I watch in slow motion as Brandon stands straight, clinches his fist and pulls it back hitting Nate square in the jaw. ‘Get the hell out of my wedding.’
I stare on in shock, not quite believing what is happening. I was supposed to be saying ‘I do’ right now.
‘Oh my god Nate, are you ok?’ I rush forward, a trickle of blood already making its way down Nate’s chin. Brandon glares at me.
‘Faye! Stand back, you’ll get blood on your dress!’ My mother rushes between Nate and I.
‘Leave, leave now before I do something worse. Tell him Faye, tell him to leave?!’
I hesitate, just a moment too long.
‘I don’t believe this!’ Brandon storms from the room.
I do nothing. Caught. Almost rooted to the spot; I know I should go after Brandon but I can’t.
‘Dad, please, go after Brandon?’
‘Chloe, is Nate’s jaw ok?’
‘He’ll be fine, nothing broken, bit of bruising.’
‘Good, can you both leave us now?’
‘But Faye, what’s going on?’
‘Mum please!’
They close the door behind them.
‘Bit of a mess this.’
‘Well what did you expect, coming here like this?’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Are you really?’
‘Well no, I had to come. If I had let you marry him, I would never have forgiven myself. Faye, he doesn’t love you, not like I do.’
‘Nate, how can you say that, how can you say that to me on my wedding day. A whole year, I haven’t seen you in a whole year. AND you were the one who ignored me. I tried. You ignored me.’
‘I was hurt Faye, hurt that you chose him.’
‘I didn’t ‘choose’ him as you put it.’
‘But you are about to marry him?’
‘He asked.’
‘If I had asked, asked first, would you have said yes?’
‘Yes.’
He bowed his head. ‘If I hadn’t have been late, this would be us wouldn’t it?’
I nodded.
‘Oh Faye, it still could be, say the word, all you have to say is yes and I’ll marry you here, today, right now.’
I look at him, he means it. He would marry me right here, right now... all I have to do is say yes. There was a time when I wanted nothing more than that, wished it, dreamed it. I did love Nate, I knew that, but I also knew part of me always would. I thought back to the night Chloe and I had made the pro/con list; just over a year ago. Nate had come out with more pros and less cons than Brandon. But then, Brandon had given up his internship for me; something he had always wanted. He had done that because he loved me and I loved him. Nate was only doing this because his hand had been forced; he had to do it today or he would lose me, it was all too little too late.
‘Nate you have to go. This is my wedding day and I am going to marry Brandon!’
‘You are...?’ It was a sheepish voice that answered and it took me a moment to realise that it wasn’t Nate’s.
Brandon stood by the door.
‘Of course I am darling.’ I ran into his arms and kissed him more passionately then I ever thought possible. When we came out of our embrace, Nate was gone.
Chapter 25 – Happily Ever After – anyone?
Despite our minor ‘glitch’ the day passed by in pure moments of utter bliss and despite my nerves, I didn’t trip while walking down the aisle, tuck my dress into my knickers or marry my fifth class teacher – just a selection of the nightmares I had had in the run up to the wedding. I was finally married, Mrs. Faye Donohue. It felt weird on the tongue; like it didn’t quite sit right but none the less, that was my new name. I smiled happily up at Brandon, as the priest, Fr. Reilly blessed us and I swelled with pride as we turned to face our friends and family as man and wife. I floated down the aisle with Brandon at my side; Nate’s hasty proposal, a distant memory.
We drove up the long avenue of Kush Castle as dusk fell early on the late October day. Lanterns and fairy lights illuminated each of the trees that lined the avenue and circled the castle. A magnificent water fountain projected coloured lights into the night’s sky and huge urns filled with flowers, lined the red carpet that had been rolled out from the impressive double doors. Our driver opened the car door and getting out, Brandon turned to take my hand. I felt like I was in a movie.
Inside the Castle, a string quartet and waiters with flutes of champagne greeted our guests. A large chocolate fountain and mountain of strawberries, dominated the focal point of the room. Our photographer whisked me to the impressive sweeping gilded staircase where I posed for him and felt like a million dollars in my vintage ballgown made from the softest of silk and tulle in a creamy ivory. The A-line skirt fell to the floor in folds and opened up to reveal oceans of fabulous material when I spun. The simple sweet heart neckline emphasised my now small waist which was highlighted by the only detailing on the dress – a bejewelled waist band. My veil swept from the crown of my head, down the length of my body and blew in the gentle autumn breeze.
Lucy and Chloe were my bridesmaids, dressed in a deep luxurious purple holding loose bunches of ranunculuses, pansies, cineraria and African violets in strong pinks and purples, accented with feathers and butterflies. I, of course, held my favourites; the largest bouquet of purple tulips I could find.
As the drinks reception finished, we were led into the Great Hall. Roses and tulips wound themselves around candelabras on the tables that reached to the ceiling where antique chandeliers looked as though they were suspended in mid-air. The windows were framed by gold damask curtains and the gilded walls and ceiling made the whole room feel like it should be in a Disney movie. The food was mouth-watering and afterward, Brandon whisked me around the dance floor for the first and only waltz of the evening. The whole day was magical and I didn’t want it to end.
As we closed the door to the bridal suite, on a party that would continue long into the early hours of the morning, Brandon led me to the armchairs in front of the giant open fire that illuminated the room.
‘Faye, this has been the most amazing day of my life, I couldn’t be happier. I love you so much. You’ve given me so much this past year and you’ve asked for so little in return.’
I looked down on my new husband, I did love him. But it still pained me that the only thing I had asked of him, he’d refused. After the night of Ella’s birth, we had had other baby talks. For a long time they went nowhere. No definite decisions or plans made, Brandon on
ly agreeing that he did want kids – one day. Then, about five months before the wedding, totally frustrated I asked for a time frame. I wanted to know. I laid it bare. I wanted a honeymoon baby I said, when do you want one I asked. He had been very quiet. 20 minutes passed. I said nothing. I just watched him.
Five years, he wanted to wait five years. I felt like combusting, five years… it seemed an eternity. I couldn’t possibly wait that long. With every ounce of strength I had, I suggested a compromise. Three years. We had decided that we would wait three years before we started a family. Thinking about it, looking down on my new husband, three years seemed like an eternity.
‘Ok, maybe what you’ve asked of me wasn’t so little, but well… I’m a lucky man. I just want to thank you again, I love you darling.’
I held my breath. I thought he was going to say it. I thought he was going to suggest now, on this, the most magical day of our life, that we start a family. Have a honeymoon baby. But he didn’t. As he kissed the back of my neck and opened my dress and waited for me to step out of it, he reached for a condom, not happy to rely on my birth control alone, even on our wedding night. I had to put it from my mind, for now.
Our honeymoon was the perfect combination of idyllic white sandy beaches and crystal blue seas. We marooned ourselves in a remote villa on a private beach on a small tropical island for fourteen blissful days and nights, eating nothing but fresh fruit and the finest foods prepared and delivered to us by a secret staff we never saw. It was everything and more that I had ever dreamt of. Walking back through the arrival hall at Dublin Airport, I was brought back home with a bang when my phone rang as soon as I turned it back on.
‘Hello Faye? This is Nurse Huet from Dr. Greene’s surgery. The Doctor would like you to come in tomorrow. She has your latest results that she needs to discuss with you. Can you make it?’
Still in honeymoon mood the thoughts of being away from Brandon on any of our 5 remaining days off were out of the question.
‘Em can she give them to me over the phone like normal?’
The Meaning of Purple Tulips Page 13