‘Well with Nate, you could thank him for staying over, that it was nice of him and with Brandon, you could ring him to say you are moving out on Friday. Have you even told him about buying the house?’
‘No, I didn’t. I didn’t know how.’
‘Well you could drop that in there too.’
‘You make it sound easy.’
‘It can be!’
I thought about it. They were easy conversations I could have; at least the start of easy conversations. And I suppose, I can’t expect them to give me a grand sign if I don’t give them both a little push in the right direction.
‘Go on, into the bedroom with you. Make at least one of them now.’
I did as I was told and closed the door behind me. I dialled Nate’s number.
‘Eh Hi Nate, it’s me... eh Faye. I just wanted to call, to ... well thank you. For Friday night... for staying over and well for... Emm to invite you to a little house warming on Friday; just a few friends and neighbours. Hope you can come. Let me know?’
I hung up the phone. Why had I done that? I wasn’t having a house warming. Crap, would the painters even be finished by Friday; this had all been a bad idea. I opened the bedroom door.
‘I only got Nate’s voicemail.’
‘Well try Brandon then.’
My face fell. ‘What, now?’
‘Yes now, you haven’t talked to either one yet.’
‘But...’
‘No buts... in you go.’ She said closing the door behind me.
I sat on the edge of the bed; it would be just after lunch there now. I would call; most likely get voicemail. I would not be leaving a message this time. It rang once;
‘This is Brandon.’
I was startled, I hadn’t expected that.
‘Hello?’
‘Hello Brandon, its Faye.’
‘Oh, Faye, hi.’
‘I was just ringing to say I’m moving out on Friday. I’ve bought a house.’
‘Wow, you bought a house?’
‘Yes, I’m moving in on Friday.’
‘Em, congratulations.’
‘Thanks.’
‘Where is it?’
‘It’s called Windmill Lane, not too far from Clontarf.’
‘Wow, that’s great. You’re really moving out then?’
‘Yes, on Friday.’
‘You said.’
God this was going worse than my voicemail to Nate. Perhaps this had all been a bad idea.
‘Right well I have to go. Just called to say about Friday; I’ll leave my keys with Mark.’
‘Oh right... yea... Em Faye?’
‘Yes?’
‘Good Luck, good luck with the house.’
‘Thanks’ I hung up.
Well no grand gesture there. Chloe knocked on the door.
‘Well?’
‘Nothing really... he just wished me luck.’
‘How did he sound?’
‘Shocked actually, I don’t think he thought I would be moving out.’
‘Right... I see.’
‘What do you see?’
‘Oh nothing, listen am wrecked. Going to head. You sit tight now and wait for a sign. And I want to be the first to know!’
I threw a cushion at her as she left... the first to know indeed. I really didn’t think there would be anything to know. Perhaps, I was barking up the entirely wrong tree. Perhaps, my future lay with someone entirely new!
Chapter 21 – The Sign!
With my luck of course, Nate had called me back and said he would be delighted to come to my house warming on Friday. This only put me, the painters and the furniture delivery company under a lot more pressure to have everything done, dried and displayed by then. I spent most evenings at the new house either supervising or unpacking and had bumped into quite a number of my neighbours. They were all surprised to learn that I was on my own, sans husband or significant other and children; they were still all very welcoming, despite this. I had invited them to my little shin dig too.
It had looked like touch and go all week but by Thursday evening, I knew I would make it. On a bold move, I had decided to hire a local catering company to supply some food and drink and a few staff to keep my guests happy. It was actually on Carole’s [of Carole and Ed two doors down] recommendation. She grabbed me as the type who threw many little catered soirées. Only a year or two older than I, she seemed to have ions of maturity and experience on all things ‘grown up’ and had already helped me out with many of the ‘home owner’ things I hadn’t thought of. She and I had become firm friends over the past week and once she had met Chloe, she was delighted to learn that she would be moving in 2 streets over.
My other neighbours were equally as nice, although perhaps not as friendly. Maureen and Patrick were by far the oldest neighbours and longest residents and were the unofficial ‘Chiefs’ of the road. I had been invited to tea one afternoon and Carole had strongly advised me to attend; that it would make life a lot easier for me. I was quickly learning that there was a lot about suburban politics, I had yet to discover. My gifts of a beautiful peace lily, expensive chocolate and a bottle whiskey seemed to sweeten them up no end and I had been reliably informed that I was ‘just the loveliest neighbour’, so thoughtful and generous and who Jellybean [the cat] just adored!’ – high praise indeed apparently.
I had been right in my assumption that all my neighbours consisted of families, except for Nigel, a widower in his sixties. He and his wife had moved to the lane fifteen years ago and she had passed away two years later leaving him with 2 boys to raise. His sons, roughly the same age as me were still off in college; one in Dublin the other in the US. Eternal students he called them. As neighbours, they seemed to have developed the perfect balance of ‘keeping to themselves’ and always ‘being there for each other’; I looked forward to getting to know them all better.
At five on Friday, while the caterers busied themselves below in the kitchen, I stood looking at myself in my long mirror. I had come a long way in the past year; out of an engagement, into another relationship, discovered the truth about my parents, inherited a great deal of money and many now cherished possessions and bought my dream home. I felt a pang when I realised that, perhaps for the first time, I would host a party all on my own, no man at my side. Walking along the landing, I opened each of the bedroom doors; I was happy with the way everything looked, thrilled in fact, but for the first time since I got the keys the house felt empty somehow. I longed for the day when it would be filled with children.
By seven, people started to arrive; first my parents, then Chloe and Anthony. Carole and Ed arrived with Maureen and Patrick. Lucy brought with her most of the rest of the road, a few people from work and a couple of friends from college. Nate hadn’t arrived yet and I was beginning to wonder whether or not that he would, I repressed the need to check my phone. I flitted from groups and couples trying to introduce people with common ground, I had read somewhere it was the polite and civilised thing to do. I heard the doorbell go, Chloe went to answer it and I found myself checking my appearance in the mirror above the fireplace; hair check, makeup check, no lip gloss on teeth, check.
The largest bouquet of purple tulips made their way into the room followed by a beaming Chloe; Nate had arrived. I rushed forward to greet him.
‘Oh my god they’re beautiful, thank ...’
I stopped dead, the room, sensing the change in my happy demeanour fell silent.
‘Faye I know this is probably not the time or the place, but if I don’t now, I don’t know if I’ll pluck up the courage, Faye will you marry me?’
Collectively the room took a spark intake of breath. I asked for a sign... this was a sign, a big one!!
‘Yes, yes I will!!’
I jumped into his arms, almost crushing the flowers.
‘Oh the flowers, watch the flowers.’ Chloe shrieked.
Chloe took the flowers and I kissed my fiancé. The room cheered.
‘Oh I almost fo
rgot.’ He said reaching into his pocket and taking out a small blue velvet box and handed it to me I felt a little wobbly as I looked back into Brandon’s eyes.
I opened it, my hands shaking.
‘You bought a ring? It’s beautiful.’
‘Well I was hardly going to propose without one?’
‘Oh Brandon, it’s gorgeous!’
He took it from the box and slipped it on my finger; it fitted perfectly. I looked up at him.
‘You’re here; I can’t believe you are here?’
‘I couldn’t lose you. I was so stupid to leave in the first place. When you said you were moving out and had bought a house, I was terrified; terrified that you were moving on without me. I resigned and booked a flight home there and then. I’ve been trying to build up the courage to come and see you for 2 days now.’
‘Oh Brandon, I love you.’ I hugged him close to me.
‘I love you too.’ He whispered in my hair.
It was then I noticed Nate, slipping out through the front door. I hadn’t seen him arrive. Chloe saw it too and mouthed ‘leave it to me’. I felt bad, but I knew she was right; I would talk to him later. Everyone came up to us and congratulated us; I introduced Brandon, my fiancé to my neighbours, our neighbours. As the evening progressed, I sighed happily on the couch beside Chloe and Lucy as I watched Brandon in the corner talking to Carole and Ed. I was getting married; soon I would have my baby!
Chapter 22 – It’s a Baby!
Do you ever think about your life and wonder how you never saw things coming? I don’t necessarily mean bad things, like do you ever wonder how you just didn’t see anything coming? It was something I was pondering. I suppose now that I was so happy and everything was so perfect, I was reflecting on what had been. Change, they say is inevitable – whether it is good or bad. Looking back over my short 25 years, I would have to agree. Change was inevitable and I had gone through some major changes over the years, but finally I felt like it had all been worthwhile; all the hurt and pain. I finally felt like I had made it, I was on the path, life was stretched out before me and it looked pretty darn good.
Things with Brandon and I had never been better. We had started living our happily ever after and we hadn’t even got married yet! In the interest of being open and honest with him, I had told him about the kiss with Nate. He took it well, better than I expected. He said that what was in the past was in the past and we weren’t going to focus on that again. I did want to question his sudden change of tune, as up until a few weeks ago he couldn’t get over my past. But I thought better of it. Besides he kept telling me all he was sure about was that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and that is all I wanted too.
Of course, at the first opportunity, I had told him all about my parents, their death and my god parents adopting me. It was an evening of full disclosure; at least on my part. Again, he took it all in his stride. I was surprised, but talking it through with Chloe and my mum, we decided that the time apart had allowed us both to grow and realised what was important, the future, not the past.
I had hoped that he would be a little more open and honest with me, that he might go into a little more detail about his relationship with Ciara and their engagement or about his dad and their relationship; if they had one and as to whether or not he would like to invite him to the wedding. He didn’t. A categorical ‘no way’ was all he said. When I pressed him a little more, and perhaps I shouldn’t, he got angry; very angry.
‘Faye how can you expect me to forgive that man after what he put my mother through. She loved him, was prepared to marry him, have his child.’
‘But she did have his child.’
‘I know that…doesn’t make what he did any easier.’
I thought to best leave good enough alone. Brandon was back and we were engaged. I had laid all my cards on the table and he was still here. I best not push it anymore or he would slip through my fingers again.
Now that I had sorted things with Brandon, the only niggle I had left was Nate. I didn’t know how to broach things with him at all. We’d never really discussed the kiss or where that might lead. When Lucy had pointed out, over morning coffee the other day, that maybe my sign from Nate had been the kiss; that had thrown me. I’d never thought about it like that before. A kiss was a definite intention of feeling, but then he had sort of slunk off the next day and I was left unsure as to how he felt.
Brandon’s sign had been big and bold and didn’t leave anyone guessing; perhaps I should have been more specific about the type of sign I wanted. I wanted the proposal kind of sign; of course, I realised that now that I had a proposal. Would I have said yes to Nate if he got in there first? … Yes. But he didn’t and Brandon had and I did love Brandon too. I still didn’t know how I could have been torn between the two and easily accepted either one. Perhaps I was delusional. Maybe my feelings for Nate were only memories?
Regardless, I was with Brandon. Nate would someday have to accept that. I called him, several times, but he didn’t answer. He didn’t return my texts or emails either. Chloe advised me to give it time. Time is a great healer they say; I just wondered whether time would heal this wound. I knew that having chosen Brandon that I would never have Nate in my life, not properly; but I still wanted things to be okay between us. A little selfish, I know - I wanted my cake and to eat it!
My mother did ask briefly about what had been going on with Nate and I before Brandon returned. I told her that I didn’t know; which was an honest answer. She said that she had been sure, they all had, that we were getting back together. I sort of admitted that I thought as much myself. ‘But you didn’t’, she would say cheerily ‘and we have a wedding to plan!’ And if my mother had anything to do with it, the wedding would be very, very soon.
Since our engagement, she became a one woman wedding planning machine and I think she would have been quite happy for me to turn around and say ‘just tell me where and when.’ She was a godsend though; with a heavily pregnant Maid of Honour and a new promotion at work, I had little time to focus on wedding plans which was only just a year away.
The stress of the extra work, the longer hours and planning a wedding seemed to be taking their toll on me and I started getting chest pains. I went to the doctor who looked me over and prescribed me something for high blood pressure and said I would need to start controlling my weight, which had crept on a bit. The high blood pressure seemed to concern them a little, the fact I was so young and so they started to monitor me and carry out blood tests. I felt like a bit of a pin cushion to be honest.
As the weeks went by, they didn’t come back with anything conclusive but each month they called me and filled their little veils. Initially, Brandon and I used to get worried that perhaps there was something wrong with me and it only a matter of time before they found it. But every 2 weeks, when they would call me in they would say I was fine and take more blood and so we stopped worrying.
Chloe went into labour late on a Thursday night. Anthony rang in a tizzy and I was out the door to the hospital without thinking. By the time, I arrived at the hospital the baby was born. I stopped as I approached the room and from the door I watched as Chloe held a tiny bundle in her arms and Anthony kissed her forehead. Tears rolled down my cheeks, I couldn’t wait until that was me.
‘Faye!’ Chloe was crying now, ‘Faye, look, she is so small!’
She was a perfect miniature of Chloe. Her dark curls clung to her and she had a darling little button nose and chubby cheeks, the colour of rose petals. As I took her in my arms, that sweet baby smell intoxicated my lungs.
‘Oh Chloe she is perfect.’ I couldn’t believe how perfect she was.
Brandon arrived then in an explosion of flowers, balloons and teddies and while he disentangled himself from them and smothered Chloe in kisses, I sat down in the corner with the baby in my arms. Her little name tag read Ella – such a perfect name for a perfect baby. Tears streamed down my face again and a few minutes passed b
efore I realised everyone else was quiet.
‘You’ll make a wonderful mother Faye, you look so contented there.’ Anthony spoke and I smiled widely back at him.
‘She sure will; a little football team we’ll have.’ Brandon said kissing my forehead and taking Ella in his arms for a cuddle. ‘So small, she is just gorgeous.’ He kissed her too, so gently.
‘We’re glad you like her, we’ve something to ask you both.’ Chloe looked at us seriously. ‘Will you be her god parents?’
I looked up at the tiny bundle in Brandon’s arms, I now knew what my mother had meant when she said she had loved me and that she didn’t even had to think about their request to raise me.
‘Oh Chloe, we would be honoured! Wouldn’t we Brandon?’
‘Of course, thank you so much.’
I looked down at her again in Chloe’s arms, wishing dreadfully that I would never have to step into my mother’s shoes but knowing that if I did, that I would do my very best by Ella. Driving home from the hospital later, I had a big smile of my face.
‘You look happy darling?’
‘I am, so happy for Chloe and Anthony; isn’t Ella just gorgeous?’
‘She sure is! Little dote.’
‘Did you mean what you said, about the football team?’
He looked at me sideways. ‘Well no, not exactly.’ He laughed, ‘Like I do want children, but perhaps not that many. Two or three would be plenty.’
I smiled again, ‘You’re right.’
‘But sure we have plenty of time, let’s get the wedding out of way the first.’
‘Oh definitely! Which reminds me; I need to make an appointment to look at some wedding dresses. My mother has been on my case all week about it!’
‘But it’s a year away!?’
‘I know, but apparently you need to get on top of certain things ASAP! Besides she is having such fun with it and I am really looking forward to trying on dresses!’
‘Women!’ he threw his eyes to heaven.
As Brandon drove on I wondered how long exactly ‘plenty of time for having kids’ would be. Would a honeymoon baby be too soon for him? Would he want to wait a year or two? Wasn’t this something we should discuss before the wedding?
The Meaning of Purple Tulips Page 12