Unforeseen Heartbeat

by Maureen Mayer

  “Jesus, Jer, it wasn’t like that with him!”

  “Wasn’t? As in you’re no longer fucking him? Did you throw him to curb, too, when you were finished with him? ‘Cause it seems you have a bad habit of repeating the same mistakes, Maddie.”

  “No.” My voice lowered to barely a whisper. “He left me.”

  “Ah, well I can’t say I’m surprised,” he huffed out accusingly. “He probably saw past that perfect little façade you and I both know is all for show and saw you for the slut that you really are.”

  “Are you kidding me? You’re one to speak! You went through a whole slew of girls while we were still hooking up. You’re no better than me, so don’t try to make me out to be the bad guy.” I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “Why am I even discussing this with you? I don’t plan up hooking up with you or anyone else for that matter, so this entire conversation is pointless.” I climbed off the bed and swung the door open. “I think you need to leave.”

  “You really want to end things just like that? Not even a goodbye fuck? I think you at least owe me that much.” He spewed out a sardonic laugh.

  “Fuck you! There’s nothing to end, Jeremy. We were never in a relationship together. It was always casual, no strings attached sex, and you know it. So stop trying to make it out like it was something more when clearly it wasn’t.”

  “Fine. But don’t come crawling back to me when you’re dying to have my cock buried deep inside you.” He grabbed his crotch, and my nose wrinkled just at the thought of having sex with him again.

  “Get. The Fuck. Out.” I waved my arm out the door. “Now!”

  Jeremy stood, placing the gun in my hand as he brushed past me, and left the apartment without another word. I sank back onto the bed, my knees giving out from suddenly feeling lightheaded, and placed the gun in my lap as I wiped a trembling hand across my sweat-ridden brow.

  “Are my eyes playing tricks on me, or was that Jeremy peeling out of our parking lot just now?” Robbie came waltzing into my room with his jaw clenched tight and white-knuckled fists balled up at his sides.

  “No. Unfortunately, you’re not seeing things.”

  “Well, what the hell did that fucktard want?”

  “Obviously, he came here for the only thing I’m good for, Robbie. To fuck my brains out and be on his merry way.”

  “Oh, baby girl.” His shoulders sank, and the agitation that was so boldly painted on his face melted away before he took a seat beside me on the bed. “Please tell me you didn’t.”

  I couldn’t hide the hurt in my eyes as I shot him an incredulous look. “You shouldn’t even have to ask me that. You know I would never do that to…” I rubbed my hand over my slightly protruding belly, finding solace in knowing my little girl was safe inside her momma. “I would never do that to my baby.”

  His expression softened, his lips turning up into a smile, and he nodded in the direction of the vibrant pink gun that stood out like a sore thumb in my lap. “I see you found your surprise.”

  “I can’t believe he did this. I remember the first time he took me to the gun range and telling him I wanted one just like his, but in pink. I honestly didn’t think he remembered.” I ran my hand across the cold steel of the barrel. “How did he even get it in there without me noticing?”

  “He didn’t.”

  I slowly raised my head and Robbie was chewing his bottom lip with a look that screamed he was guilty. “What do you mean, he didn’t? How else would it have—”

  “Hunter stopped by the day he left town. I guess he thought you’d feel safer having one of your own. It was supposed to be one of your Christmas presents, but since he couldn’t be here to give it to you himself, he asked me to slip it in your nightstand drawer and said you would know to find it there. I’m surprised it took you this long to notice it. He didn’t exactly choose a subtle color,” he chuckled under his breath.

  “Wait… you saw him?! Wh-when? How?”

  Robbie released a heavy sigh. “He saw you leaving for work that night and thought it would be best if he dropped it off while you weren’t here. He didn’t want to upset you more than he already had. I tried to get him to stay at least until your shift ended, but he had a plane to catch. I’m sorry, baby girl. I would have told you sooner, but at that point, he was already long gone.”

  “No, it’s okay. Now that I know the real reason he left, I don’t blame him for not wanting to see me. I just can’t believe it took Jeremy to open my eyes and make me realize it.”

  “Oh, I do not like where this is going…” His voice trailed off, and he weaved his fingers through his hair, shaking his head.

  “He didn’t leave me because he thought I wasn’t ready for a relationship.” I could feel the lump forming in my throat. “He left me because he couldn’t handle being with someone like me. Someone who’s slept with nearly every guy my age within a quarter mile. I mean, let’s be serious here, Robbie. I’m a slut. Plain and simple. Who could possibly want to be with me?”

  “Girl, if you weren’t pregnant right now, I would slap the shit out of you for thinking that way about yourself.”

  “Robbie…” I groaned, knowing there was a lecture coming.

  “No. You listen and you listen good. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Any man would be lucky to have you, and whatever Hunter’s hang-ups were for ending your relationship, I guarantee it was not because he thinks you’re a slut. You haven’t slept with another guy in over six months, Maddie, and the entire time you two were together, even those months before you officially started dating, you remained faithful. Now why do you think that is?”

  My shoulders shrugged, and I hung my head, refusing to see the truth in his eyes when he spoke.

  “Well, allow me to enlighten you then. It’s because you loved him. You still love him, and I’ll be damned if that man doesn’t love you just as fiercely and passionately as the day he first laid eyes on you.” I was about to argue, but he pushed his finger to my mouth, smashing my lips together. “Don’t you dare try to convince me otherwise! You know I’m right. Anyone would be a fool to deny how in love the two of you were. All you had to do was walk into a room together, and people couldn’t help but turn their heads. It was like there was a charge in the air the moment you two connected, and the spark between you ignited a fire so bright and so strong that it’s still burning.” He brushed his thumb along the curve of my jaw, lowering his voice to a more soothing tone. “That fire is still aflame, baby girl.”

  “Then why isn’t he here with me now, huh? Why did he have to leave me? I’d love to hear what you have to say about that, since you seem to think you have all of the answers.”

  “I don’t know, but I’m sure he had his reasons. You know how protective he was of you, and I’m sure he wouldn’t have made any decisions without considering how it would affect you first. Maybe he thought he was protecting you by breaking things off.”

  “What could he possibly be protecting me from? Finding out that he has another girl waiting for him in Texas? Because really, hearing that would have hurt a lot less than the bullshit excuse he gave me.” My body shuddered as I fought back the tears. “I would have waited for him, Robbie. I gave him everything, every last part of me, and yet it still wasn’t enough.”

  “You know he would never cheat on you. Yes, technically you guys aren’t together right now, but in my eyes, if you’re still in love with the person, it’s just as bad as cheating. Now, stop trying to fill your head with such nonsense, and get your cute butt over here.” He pulled me to my feet, locking his arms around my waist, and I buried my face in his chest as a sob sliced through my throat. Between the pregnancy hormones tossing my emotions through the wringer and the breakup still tugging at my heartstrings, I think I’d cried more over the last few months than I had in my entire life. I was exhausted, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure how much more I could handle.

  “Shhh, everything’s going to be all right, baby girl.” He stroked his hand over
my hair and down my back. “I promise.”

  I always hated when others tried to prove me wrong, but God, for once, just once, I hoped he was right.

  After fighting to keep it a secret for so long, I finally broke the news to my parents that in a few short months, they were going to grandparents. As expected, my mother cried tears of joy, shouting, “My baby is having a baby!” Of course, she also whispered in my ear that her Kama Sutra book must have done the trick. I had to bite back a laugh because, little did she know, I was just over three weeks pregnant when she had given me the book, which to this day has sat on my bookshelf collecting dust. My father, on the other hand, was usually more reserved when it came to expressing his excitement, so you can imagine how shocked I was to find tears streaming down his face as he pulled me into his arms and told me how much he loved me and couldn’t wait to meet his grandchild.

  Brett took a bit longer to warm up to the idea of his little sis becoming a mom, but soon he was embracing the role as uncle and even offered to take me to all of my prenatal appointments from that point on. We headed to my five-month checkup, and I was eager to see my sweet baby girl’s face on the 3-D sonogram. The doctor informed me that she was doing just fine, and that now would be a good time to start my birthing plan, since the baby’s due date was August first. Thank God Brett came with me to absorb all of the details, because most of what the doctor had discussed went in one ear and out the other the moment I saw my baby’s face appear on the sonogram. Now that she was getting bigger, her features had become more defined, and I kid you not, she was the spitting image of her daddy, from her tiny button nose to her plump little lips. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on and she wasn’t even here yet.

  I could tell the ultrasound technician was dying to reveal the sex of the baby, but it didn’t feel right finding out without Hunter here. It was one of those moments I felt was meant to be shared with both the mother and father present, and I knew it wouldn’t be the same without him. As much as it killed me to wait, I decided to hold out until the baby was born.

  When Brett and I got back to our parents’ house and showed them the sonogram photos, my mother was about ready to wring my neck, because I refused to find out the sex of the baby, and she was still unsure of what color to paint the nursery. Either way, I was still convinced it was a girl and told her to just keep the color palette all different shades of pink. If it turned out that it was a boy… well… let’s just hope he’d be in touch with his feminine side, because he was going to see a lot of pink during the first few months of his life.

  After leaving my parents’ house, I took a quick nap, which these days I couldn’t quite get enough of, and when I woke up that afternoon, I thought it would be a good idea to start grabbing a few baby items to keep at the apartment. I still needed all of the necessities: a crib, changing table, bedding… the whole nine yards.

  Since I was still without a car, Robbie let me borrow his hatchback… under the condition that I named the baby after him. I rolled my eyes, settling for the middle name, and he reluctantly handed his keys over. I was beginning to see that being pregnant instantly made everyone else a pushover.

  Walking into Babies R Us was, let’s just say… an experience. Everywhere I looked, mommies-to-be at all stages of pregnancy were loading up their carts with the latest and greatest baby gadgets, and here I was, totally clueless about what half of these items were used for. And the breast pumps… don’t even get me started on those! They looked like some sort of torture device used to suck the life straight out of your tits, and just reading the descriptions on the back of the boxes alone scared the shit out of me. They had to have been invented by a man, because no woman in her right mind would ever willingly put herself through such barbaric treatment.

  “Did you need help finding anything, ma’am?” A male employee came up to my side as I held up two different breast pump displays, trying to decide which one looked less painful.

  “Do women really use these things? I mean, seriously,” I pushed my chest out for emphasis. “Do I look like a cow waiting to be milked?”

  The man’s face reddened as he quickly became flustered. “Um… no—”

  “And another thing… should I get a single pump or a double pump? And what’s the difference between suction strengths?” I held them up over my breasts. “Oh God… are these going to stretch out my nipples?!”

  “Uh, maybe I should find someone else with more experience to help you.”

  “That would probably be for the best,” I glanced over at his nametag. “Steve.”

  He sped off in the opposite direction, leaving a cloud of dust—or possibly powdered baby formula, considering the aisle I was standing in—in his wake. I was pretty sure that would be the last I’d see of Steve.

  “First time mom?” A woman who looked to be in her mid-thirties pulled up next to me with a belly so round she could barely reach the handle on the cart.

  I smiled sheepishly. “Is it that obvious?”

  “From my experience, it’s the first timers that tend to scare off employees like that. After popping out a few kids, you don’t bother asking for help anymore, because chances are, they don’t know jack shit about being pregnant and raising babies anyhow.”

  “I guess you’re right.” I looked around, suddenly feeling very anxious and overwhelmed because… fuck, I didn’t know jack shit about raising babies either! My pulse quickened and tears welled up in my eyes at the thought of having to figure out everything on my own. I knew then that I never should have kept the baby a secret from Hunter.

  “Honey, are you okay?”

  “No,” I choked out. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

  “Is your husband or boyfriend around? Would you like me to go get him for you?”

  I shook my head and buried my face in my hands, sobbing, “No, the father doesn’t even know I’m p-pregnant. He left me before I had a c-chance to tell him.”

  “Oh, hon,” she gushed empathetically, pushing her cart to the side before coming over and gently rubbing my back. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to set you off. I know how hard it is being on your own. My first-born’s father, if you could even call him that, up and left us a week after he was born. I won’t lie and say it was easy, but I managed to get by, and we were much better off without him.” She placed a hand over her swollen belly and smiled. “A few years later, I met my husband, and now we’re on our fourth child.”

  “Oh my gosh, I don’t think I’ll ever have that many.” I laughed, dabbing my eyes with edge of my sleeve.

  “Well, when the right man comes along, sometimes you just can’t help yourself. I reckon a sweet girl like you won’t have to wait very long for your prince to sweep you off your feet. Just you wait and see.”

  “Thank you. I needed to hear that.” I smiled graciously at her for her kind words, but they only reminded me that my prince had already swept me off my feet, only to leave me before our fairytale was complete.

  “Anytime, hon. If you ever need any advice,” she scribbled down her name and number on a piece of paper and slipped it in my hand, “don’t hesitate to call me.”

  “I appreciate that. Really, you didn’t have to go through the trouble of coming over here to help me. I’m sure you’re just as tired on your feet as I am.”

  “Oh hush. We mothers have to stick together. We’re like a band of sisters; when we see a mother in need, it’s our duty to help, and the same goes both ways.” She squeezed my hand reassuringly. “It might seem like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders now, but I’m telling you, you’re going to be just fine.” Her gaze flew over to my empty cart, and she smiled softly. “Now, let’s see what we can do about getting that cart filled up. Maybe we can get Steve back out here to help with the heavy items, since that’s all he’s really good for anyway.”

  We both fell into a fit of laughter and made our way up and down each aisle, perusing everything from bottle warmers to baby monitors. I lea
rned her name was Beth, and she patiently took the time to answer all of my questions. By the time I left the store, I had a cart full of items, some I never imagined I would have needed, but thanks to Beth and all of her motherly advice, I was well stocked and ready for my little bundle of joy to arrive. Maybe I could do this on my own after all.

  Steve came out from hiding and helped me load up Robbie’s car. After apologizing for my earlier outburst, his mouth curved up in a smile, and he told me it happens all of the time. Those raging hormone fluctuations did crazy things to my emotions, and surely he was used to dealing with that on a daily basis, but I felt bad nonetheless and gave him a generous tip for helping me.

  I decided to take the scenic route home and stop for another one of those delicious milkshakes to settle the baby’s incessant kicking. She was squirming around a lot more, and I loved feeling her tiny movements. I cherished those moments because it let me know my baby was happy, healthy and safe inside me, but sometimes I just needed a break from her using my insides as a punching bag, and those peanut butter and bacon shakes seemed to do the trick. My little girl was lucky I loved her so much, because at this rate, I was going to weigh nearly a thousand pounds by the time she arrived, and I still had four months to go! It also didn’t help that all of the employees at Sonic knew me by name and had memorized my order. Yeah… that’s when you know you have a problem.

  The entire way there, I was growing extremely agitated because some asshole felt the need to tailgate me, and I was already driving well over the speed limit. I stuck my arm out the window and waved for him to go around, but the dickwad wasn’t budging and continued to ride my ass for another mile. Seriously, what the fuck was this guy’s deal? My patience was wearing thin, and I gently eased my foot down on the brakes, hoping he would take a hint and stop screwing with me. I breathed a sigh of relief, because for a split second it looked like he was beginning to slow down, but he quickly gained speed and rammed straight into the back of Robbie’s car, jolting me forward against the steering wheel. Pain shot through my ribs as I kept a steady grip on the wheel, trying not to swerve into the other lane where there was oncoming traffic.