by Bijou Hunter
“If you’re cold, we can go back inside,” I say when she just watches me.
“I didn’t tell Ramona that you asked me questions about her.”
“Thanks for that.”
“I don’t start trouble for the club.”
“Thanks for that too,” I say and uncross my arms, so I don’t look so aggressive.
“Talking to you right now isn’t about causing you problems.”
“I get that.”
“Ramona is like my sister, and I want her to be happy, and I think you’re a nice guy. I’m not saying this next thing to hurt either of you.”
“I’m not breaking up with her,” I blurt out and re-cross my arms.
Kelsi loses her lost-little-girl look and frowns hard at me. “Ramona isn’t good at relationships.”
“Neither am I. Together, we’ll learn how to make it work.”
“Ramona isn’t good at drama.”
“Neither am I.”
Kelsi doesn’t just spit out what she wants to say. I watch her working through the words in her pretty head. I’d hurry her along, but I don’t want Ramona’s friends to view me as the enemy.
“Ramona’s brain works different than other people’s,” she finally says. “Like the chemicals in her brain process stuff weird. She gets depressed in a way that I don’t. So, like, if everything is going well with you two, she’s still going to feel more emotional than another woman.”
“I don’t want another woman.”
“I feel as if you’re not listening,” Kelsi says with a hint of anger before immediately backing down and adding, “But maybe I’m just not explaining it right.”
“No, I get it. Ramona’s fragile.”
Kelsi still wants to give me shit. I can see her fighting the urge to go tough bitch on my smug ass. But she’s a sweet butt in Shasta, and her ego won’t allow her to screw with club management. Not even for Ramona.
“Yeah, and she didn’t do good in Cleveland. She’s just getting better now, and dating causes her a lot of stress.”
“Didn’t do good, how?” I ask, wondering about those scars on Ramona’s wrists.
“She slept too much, forgot to eat, felt bad without anyone around to help her feel better,” Kelsi says, and I watch her working through what she should share and what’s too much info. Apparently, half of the Band lacks the ability to hide what they’re thinking. I wonder if Hugh and Max are such open books.
“What is it that you want exactly, Kelsi? Do you think I should break up with Ramona, or are you asking me to be careful?”
I know the answer to my questions. Kelsi clearly wants me to walk away from her friend. Now that she knows I won’t, I give her a second thread to follow since I cut off the first.
“If you feel like you don’t want to be with her anymore or things aren’t going well, or I don’t know whatever people do in relationships that are stressful,” Kelsi babbles and then sighs. “Just, like, warn us maybe.”
“Us?”
“Hugh, Max, or me. Just so that when Ramona feels bad that she won’t be alone.”
“I can do that,” I say, relaxing my shoulders and softening my tone. Rather than view Kelsi as a reminder of a mistake I made, I should focus on her helping me help Ramona. But I’ve currently got Kelsi’s back up, and she thinks I’m a threat. Time for a little charm offensive.
“I want to make Ramona happy. I’m not just interested in getting laid or chasing the daughter of the former president or any bullshit like that. My only goal is to be close to Ramona. I want to be the guy who makes her smile.”
Kelsi’s entire demeanor changes as I speak. She loses her barely hidden irritation and the fear hiding underneath. Now she seems to see me for the first time.
“Ramona’s really loyal and fun. She’s great,” Kelsi says quietly. “I want her to be happy too.”
“You just worry about her.”
When Kelsi exhales, I suspect she wants to cry. “Going to Cleveland felt right for her, but she didn’t do good away from the Band. No one there cared about her. Most people don’t care here either, but we do.”
“And I do too.”
Kelsi looks around as if nervous that she’ll get in trouble. “I didn’t mean to act like I didn’t want you to date Ramona.”
“It’s cool. I need to know how she ticks, and you can help me with that.”
Expression changing again, Kelsi closes herself off. She feels uneasy sharing anything behind Ramona’s back. Knowing what I need, I decide to stop playing games.
“Did something happen with Ramona that I should know about?” I ask, and Kelsi’s pained expression nearly makes me shut up. “She won’t tell me what it is but worries someone will tell me. That someone might as well be you rather than an asshole who could make Ramona look bad.”
I know I’m manipulating Kelsi. She probably knows it too. I see her struggling for the right answer. Should she spill the beans and risk ruining things for Ramona? Or is keeping quiet a mistake?
“Ramona got upset over the weekend,” I explain and lower my voice. “She said she thinks you and the Band are only her friends out of pity. I know that’s not true. I think she knows it too when she’s in a normal mood. I think when she gets in a negative mood that she can’t see anything good.”
“No,” Kelsi whispers. “I’m her friend because I love her. When she moved to Cleveland, I was depressed all the time. I just handled it better than she did. You know, because of her brain.”
“Yeah, I get how you want to protect her. That’s why you wanted to talk and why you know telling me about what happened with her tat is the right thing. You want me to understand. Who else is going to tell me that won’t make Ramona look like shit?”
“Fuse made her,” Kelsi blurts out. “I mean, not like forced her with violence, but he knew how to make her agree. I tried to get her to back out, but then the guys showed up to take her to that Elko place. I knew Ramona didn’t want to go. I knew she agreed because Fuse pressured her. He offered to get her a new car and said he knew she was strong enough to handle whatever happened. He got her to agree and then didn’t let her back out.”
“Agree to what exactly? What’s Elko? Wait, is that where those Executioners live?”
Nodding, Kelsi looks around as if worried we’re being spied on. “Fuse sent some guys up there to fuck with that club. They shot up a hamburger place that the Executioners hung out at. The daughter of their president got shot. They didn’t know she was there. The girl was okay, but their president wanted revenge.”
A cold rage fills my gut, but I hide it in the way I do when my mom’s rattled, and I need to keep her calm. Though Kelsi wants to stop talking, she also wants me to understand.
“Ramona’s not a whore,” she says in a panicky voice. “I should have gone in her place. I could have handled it. I’m tougher, and I like fucking more, but it was too late. They took her up there, and they left her for three days. That’s how long Bronco’s daughter was in the hospital. So that’s how long one of Fuse’s daughters had to be their bitch.”
Kelsi shrinks in fear at the sight of whatever my face is doing, and I realize I’m not quite the covert fucker I thought myself to be.
“Ramona’s not a bad person,” she says, fighting tears. “If you can’t see that, we’ll help her get over you.”
“Why the fuck would I be mad at Ramona?” I hiss, fighting with my rage. “I know how she is. The way she wants to make other people happy. It’s so easy to fucking manipulate her. She’s so soft inside.”
Kelsi’s fearful expression eases. “She didn’t really understand what she was agreeing to. Fuse made it sound like she would hang out and party. I think she knew they’d want to fuck her, but everyone fucks in Shasta. It’s not a big deal, but those guys were pissed. They wanted revenge against Fuse, and they took it out on Ramona.”
“Why the fuck didn’t they just go to war with the Skullz if they were so angry?”
“I don’t know,” she says, and
I feel like an idiot thinking a sweet butt would know the inner workings of the club. “They were always going to war and then making a truce. I think maybe neither club thought they could win a full-on war, so they kept making peace to keep from destroying each other.”
“And Fuse sent his bastard daughter to clean up his mess.”
“She didn’t know,” Kelsi says in a small voice. “I could see in her eyes when she left how she wasn’t really sure what she agreed to, but she didn’t want to go. I should have made her stay. Hugh said something and tried to stop her. Then Mixer threatened to punch him. Ramona might have made a run for it if she didn’t think they’d hurt Hugh, Max, and me. She always wants to protect her people, but she’s not strong enough for what they had planned. I mean, I don’t know what they did, but I know she was messed-up when she got back. And those fuckers.” Kelsi breaks off and struggles not to sob. “They tatted that stupid fucker’s name on her back. You know, to embarrass Fuse, but he didn’t care. He never even checked on Ramona when she got back.”
“I wish he was alive, so I could kill him.”
“Me too.”
“Who all knew about Fuse’s deal?”
“Everyone. I mean, they knew Ramona was going there. I don’t know if they knew more, but everyone knew how Fuse made things square with Bronco. What were they going to do? Fuse didn’t listen to anyone except his VP.”
“This Pinball guy is one of the Executioners?”
“I guess. That’s the name on her back.”
“She didn’t tell you?”
Kelsi looks at me as if I’m a fucking idiot. “Talking about shit doesn’t help Ramona. It just makes the bad feelings louder. Distracting her helps.”
I struggle with a homicidal rage that has nowhere to go. Who do I kill? Fuse is dead. I don’t know who the fuck this Pinball asshole is. Taking out the entire Executioners club will be tricky if River doesn’t want to help me slaughter a dozen-plus number of men. What can I do with this rage?
“I’m glad you told me,” I say in an eerily calm voice. “Someone else would make Ramona look bad. I would have lost my shit and fucked up that person. This way, I heard it from someone I can trust.”
Kelsi exhales deeply. She loves Ramona. Telling me might have ended our relationship. Not telling me might have been worse. It’s a lot of pressure for a chick whose entire identity is built on being a sweet butt and a member of the Band. I could have punished her for being the bearer of bad news. Men around here seem to be stone-cold scum.
“Ramona seems happy when she talks about you,” Kelsi says, “but I know she’s afraid of what you’ll think when you find out about the Executioners. Her half-sisters told people that she begged Fuse for the chance to make money, and he let her do it. They made it sound like Ramona’s a hooker or something. She wanted Fuse to be nice to her, and she needed a car, and he made it sound like she’d party.”
“It’s okay,” I say, realizing she’s worried that I’ll hear shit from people and believe them over her. “I get it. I’m not like those fapsocks, and I know Ramona. I pushed her into staying last night. I knew I was pushing her, but I wanted her to stay. I can see how she’d get bullied by a guy like Fuse.”
Kelsi exhales again and seems more like her normal self. “Ramona isn’t always so moody. When she’s in her regular schedule, and nothing stressful is going on, she’s super chill and fun. But dating you is hard.”
“Because I’m a dick?”
“No, because she really likes you,” Kelsi says and shrugs. “And people think she’s fucking you to get back at her dad or those bitches. Her mom keeps texting her, and Ramona is afraid to talk to her. That’s a lot of stress.”
“Her mom should hate that asshole.”
“Velma only loved one person in her entire life, and that was Fuse,” Kelsi says as if love should explain the bitch’s reasoning. “No one else could compete. He was her everything. I don’t know why. I like fucking bikers, and my mom does too, but we’re not obsessed about it. Velma saw Fuse and lost sight of anything else.”
“She’s a bitch. Ramona’s parents are shit, and I won’t pretend otherwise.”
Kelsi smiles a little. “You’re really not mad at her for what happened?”
“I can see in my head exactly how Fuse talked her into it. Then I can see how she wanted to change her mind but got scared. She was the same way at my house. I didn’t threaten her, and I hope she knows I’d never hurt her. But she wants to please people. With Fuse, I bet there were some threats involved.”
“No, not in words, but Ramona knew he was never going to send Safire or Dymond. He had to send a daughter. If she said no, he was going to make her say yes. Ramona gives in easily when she knows she has no choice. I think she tried to pretend he didn’t threaten her, though.”
Kelsi wraps her arms around herself before continuing, “Like, you have to understand, when she came home and told us what was going to happen, she made it sound like Fuse chose her because she was tough or some shit. She really wanted to believe he picked her because she was strong and not because he didn’t want his real daughters dirtied up. And I pretended like I believed her,” Kelsi says and finally gives in and cries. “I acted like Fuse might care about her, and it would be okay, but I knew. If I had spoken up, she might have stayed. Hugh tried, but Max was scared to say anything. We know how none of us matter in Shasta. If we got in Fuse’s way, he’d still force Ramona. And he’d end us, leaving no one to help her when she came back. Shasta wouldn’t blink an eye if we were gone.”
Hugging Kelsi, I try to calm my rage while comforting her. I want so fucking badly to kill Fuse. No, I want to change the past and take over Shasta before Ramona went to Elko. I want to kill Fuse and save her from ever living through three days with those motherfuckers.
Since I can’t do that, I’ll have to find a way to deal with my rage so that Ramona never feels it directed at her. I hope River, Shelby, and Taylor have some ideas to solve my anger. Before I talk to them, though, I plan to piss on Fuse’s grave. It won’t fix a damn thing, but it’s the very least that he deserves.
THE LEGACY
Whenever home alone, I play with Hilly in the tiny backyard or sleep. Since I’m not tired, I take the dog outside. For ten minutes, I throw him a ball, and he refuses to bring it back. I suspect since he knows I’ll throw it again that he’s trying to save time.
“Where are Hugh and Kelsi?” Mom asks from the side gate.
I glance at her and see me in a few decades. I notice she’s no longer dyeing the gray in her dark brown hair. Without Fuse, what’s the point of looking her best?
“She’s at the Saloon. He’s working a shift at the Waffle House.”
Mom enters the backyard, and I stand up to face her.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” she says, jamming her hands in her leather jacket.
“I guess I am.”
“Because you feel guilty.”
“No, but I know you want me to feel that way.”
Mom’s dark eyes flash with long-simmering resentment. “Of all the men in the world, you choose him.”
“Well, I could be fucking River Majors. He’s the one who kicked Fuse’s ass and took his job. If you think about it that way, Shane’s not the worst.”
I look away before my mom’s sneer bothers me. Slipping a bud in my left ear, I hope the music will distract from her drama.
“They came to this town and stole everything he worked for.”
“If not them, then the Executioners,” I say, reaching down to pet Hilly at my feet. “Fuse was weak, and someone was bound to knock him out of the way. Shasta is lucky the club that took over is backed by money and power in this state.”
Not winning with logic, she tries to kick me in the old heartstrings. “He was your father.”
“You only know that because he made you take a DNA test,” I say, and my mom looks as if I slapped her. “Why did you even come here? I’m not going to break up with Shane over what he did to Fu
se.”
“You’re selfish.”
“So are you. We both put men in front of everything else. I’m where you were decades ago. If anything, you should support my relationship with Shane.”
“He ruined everything.”
“For you and Coterie, maybe, but it’s been fine for everyone else. I’ve even gotten a boyfriend out of the situation.”
Hearing her long-time rival’s name kills Mom’s calm. “Bitch.”
“There’s no reason for me to stop seeing Shane, just like there was no reason for you to end things with Fuse at any point.”
Velma assumes I’m talking about the deal with the Executioners. “You agreed.”
Focusing on the music and not her glare, I mutter, “I did then, and I do now with Shane.”
“You’re just being hurtful.”
“No, I’m being selfish. Just like when you ditched me for hours when I was little so you could service Fuse. Or like when you didn’t want to ask Fuse for money, even though our electricity went out. You chose him over me. I’m choosing Shane over you. If you’re bothered by my selfish decisions, then maybe you should have raised me better.”
“Bam!” I hear from behind Mom.
We both flinch at the voice, but I instantly recognize it belongs to Max. She walks past my mother and joins me.
“I’m here to chill,” she says and pats Hilly’s head. “Are you done with your therapy session?”
Max never looks at my mom. She isn’t nearly as hardcore as she pretends. That’s why she looks guilty when Mom starts crying. Despite knowing the tears are coming, I still feel instantly terrible. It’s bullshit really. She didn’t cry for me. Not even when I was in the hospital. She just seemed worried, but there were no tears. For Fuse, she weeps. No way should I feel guilty, yet I still consider comforting her.
Before I can give into my mother’s manipulation, Max throws her arms around me and holds on for dear life.