by Bijou Hunter
“Well, he did come after the twins, and they never shut the fuck up.”
“Very true, dude.”
“Shut up, bro.”
We walk into the living room where Shelby sits with Hansel in her lap while Gretel cuddles with Ramona on another couch. They’re watching “Club Dread” and talking about Dave Foley for some reason.
“He grabbed Selina’s boob in ‘Veep,’” Shelby announces. “Best cameo ever.”
“‘Veep’ is HBO, right?” Once my sister nods, Ramona shrugs. “I don’t have those fancy channels.”
Shelby’s face lights up, and she smiles at River and me. “I love watching old shit with new people.”
River claps his hands together. “I’ll break out the nachos and warm up the cheese. Let’s binge watch until bed.”
Joining Ramona on the couch, I adjust Gretel so I can get closer to my woman. She studies my face as if checking for something. I don’t know what she sees, but she wiggles closer and rests her head on my chest. I swear she fits so perfectly against my body that there’s no denying this woman was made specifically for me.
THE LEGACY
Shelby tells me that she’s afraid of meeting my friends. She says Kelsi is too perky. That women with guy names don’t like her. Plus, she thinks maybe Hugh smells like French fries because Utah did once. She figures their man-on-man love transferred the scent.
“Kelsi isn’t perky at all,” I explain. “Your best friend’s name is Taylor, which is a guy’s name, and she obviously likes you. Hugh never smells like French fries. He also showers twice a day.”
“All true,” Shelby whispers, clearly just nervous. “I woke up scared, and I can’t shake it.”
“Max is making tacos. She’ll be nervous too, so cooking will calm her. You should just focus on how they’re anxious too. Everyone will be on their best behavior. Then after we eat, we’ll watch ‘Super Troopers.’” When Shelby continues to sulk, I squeeze her hand. “This is your home. There’s no reason to be scared.”
Sighing, Shelby pretends to calm down. She still lingers close to Shane and me before breaking off to follow River around. By the time the Band arrives, Shelby is hiding in the backyard with the dogs.
Hugh enters the house first and scans the foyer. I told him about the tile cat design on the ceiling, and he focuses on that while Kelsi and Max walk past him.
“Feel free to walk around the creepy house,” Shane says as he guides them to the big, square kitchen. “The basement is a thing of nightmares.”
Kelsi looks at me and giggles excitedly. “Let’s go poke around.”
Hugh agrees to stay in the kitchen with a nervous Max, who just wants to cook. Leaving them, Kelsi and I head downstairs with Shane to find a poorly lit labyrinth.
“Why design it this way?” I ask no one since none of us could possibly know the answer.
“I think it was meant to be a play area,” Shane says from behind us as we zig-zag through the basement’s web of walls. “Like a maze for kids.”
“Can’t you knock down a few walls and make a game room?” Kelsi asks before disappearing around a corner and jumping out to scare me.
Laughing like two dumb kids, we look at Shane to see if he heard her suggestion.
“I’ll talk to River about it,” is all he says.
“Wait, are you scared of the basement?” I tease, wrapping my arms around him. “Do you think changing things might anger the ghosts?”
“Violet Navarro might be in the walls,” Kelsi mutters and looks around.
Gasping, I lose my smile. “That’s true. They might have put her in here.”
“No, I’m sure they buried her in the yard like normal killers,” Kelsi says, but I grab her closer.
“We have to be careful with what we say when Shelby’s around. No Violet talk. No ghosts. She’s sensitive to that stuff.”
Shane gives me a look that makes me wish I could get him naked right away. He just loves it when I’m sweet to his sister.
Deciding the basement isn’t fun now that we’re thinking of a dead girl in the walls, we return upstairs to find the mood has shifted.
“What’s happening?” Shane asks an amused Taylor standing halfway out the back door.
The tall blonde leans closer. “River met Max. Apparently, he’s so horny that he’s lost the ability to form words. We’re currently taunting him.”
“No,” Kelsi says and shakes her head.
“Don’t be jealous. He got horny for you plenty of times,” Taylor tells her.
“I’m not jealous, biker lady,” she says, frowning up at the taller woman. “Max doesn’t like bikers.”
I clarify by adding, “No, she fears them.”
“But Go-Go is harmless,” Taylor says, grinning at Shane. “He’s a large hippie man. No one should fear that pussy.”
Shane smiles like a devious little boy. “Say that again, where he can hear you.”
Kelsi and I join Max in the kitchen while Shane and Taylor hunt down River to cause trouble.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“I’m making tacos.”
“She’s fallen into crazy-cook mode,” Hugh says from the kitchen table where he eats chips and dip.
“Did he say something to you?” I ask Max.
“I don’t know.”
I give Max a little hug and then go looking for Shane. He stands outside with Taylor and River. The Reapers president looks riled up, but his friends are clearly amused.
“How does that happen?” River demands to a laughing Taylor while dodging Shane’s slap.
“What?” Shane asks, chuckling at his friend’s expression.
“That?” River says, jabbing his finger toward the house. “I’ve lived here for fucking months. How do I not know she lives here too?”
“I don’t understand why he’s upset,” I whisper to Shane.
“River is very emotionally fragile,” he says while River looks ready to punch him.
“This is not that big a fucking town,” River growls.
“It’s not that small either. That’s why it took me months to find Ramona,” Shane says and runs his fingers gently down the back of my head.
“What’s her deal?” River asks me in an aggressive tone.
Shane stands between us and snarls, “Step back.”
“Do you want to fight?”
“Mess with my woman, and I will throw down with you anywhere at any time.”
“Dick,” River mutters, waving off Shane and pacing around the backyard.
“I don’t understand what’s happening,” Kelsi says, sitting at the table on the porch.
Taylor smiles. “River has a boner that he doesn’t know what to do with.”
“I’m not helping with that,” Kelsi says and winks at me.
I share her smile, but River just glares at us. “What have you been telling her about me?”
“Telling who?”
“Whom,” Kelsi corrects.
“Don’t be that person.”
“Why? Am I not classy enough?”
“You haven’t read a book for the entire time I’ve known you, and we went to school together.”
“I skimmed,” she says.
Laughing at her expression, I almost forget River is acting unhinged. I don’t understand why he’s upset. Max doesn’t know how to be rude. She’d rather insult herself than anyone else. If he annoyed her, she’d never lash out. Yet he acts personally attacked.
“Does he always act like this when horny?” I whisper to Taylor.
“Why are you asking me? I dabble in boy parts but never River's. Too much drama. Why don’t you ask her?” she says, gesturing toward Kelsi.
“He mostly said I was pretty and then talked about my lips.”
“Huh, yet somehow you were able to see past his subtle hints and realize he wanted a blowjob.”
Kelsi stands up and leans over to glare at Taylor. “Are you messing with me?”
“No, I’m messing with him,” the
taller blonde says and flicks a discarded peanut shell at Kelsi.
“Okay, well, I suck dick. There’s no shame in it.”
“She’s very good, I hear,” I say and pat Kelsi’s back.
“You are too.”
Shane frowns at us, and I remember how he wants to pretend he and I were virgins when we met. I keep reminding him that virgin men tend to ejaculate too fast, and he’s very good at holding on until I’m done. Shane is too possessive to just accept the compliment. He’d rather be angry that we weren’t high school sweethearts who shared our first fuck.
“Max is moving out of town,” I tell River, who still paces around, bitching to himself.
Kelsi loses her smile. “Everyone leaves.”
“She’ll be back,” I whisper. “Everyone returns.”
Kelsi shares my smile, but we both flinch when River walks too fast in our direction. Shane tackles his president, and Taylor goes to pile on. I’m not sure what’s happening. Is this violence real? What’s wrong with River? Should I be helping in some way?
“Just sit here with me,” Kelsi says, realizing I feel like I should fix the problem. “Or maybe we ought to help Max make tacos.”
“Hugh is helping.”
Kelsi leans over to see through the back door. “He’s sitting at the table, eating.”
“What would we be doing?”
“It’s true that Max is a tyrant.”
“What does that mean?” River mutters, trying to crawl out from under his friends. “Like she’s an angry bitch or something?”
“No. She just doesn’t want help in the kitchen.”
“Where is she going?”
“Why don’t you ask her?” Taylor says while sitting on River’s legs.
Frowning back at her, he grumbles, “Get off me.”
“No.”
Shane keeps River pinned to the grass. “Settle down.”
“Asking Max is a mistake,” I say despite wanting to just chill and let them roughhouse. “She’s shy and fears bikers. Getting in her face over her kitchen habits will make her cry.”
“I’m not getting in anyone’s face,” River says, reaching back to try to grab Shane’s balls.
“No, I need them!” I cry and point at where his hand is headed.
Shane dodges his friend’s grasp. “You might not want kids, River Majors, but I do.”
“You’ll be a great mom,” Kelsi tells me. “Lenient, though.”
“Yeah, I’m not good with tough love.”
“I’ll do it for you,” Taylor says and gets off River. “I’ll be the aunt who shows up and bosses the kids around so Mom can get a break. That’ll be my job. Shelby’s role will be to sneak them sweets. Real bad-influence shit. River will tell the kids incredibly inappropriate stories about pussy and death.”
“What’s my job, then?” Kelsi asks.
Squeezing her hand, I say, “To get drunk with me while Taylor bosses around the kids.”
“I’m a good friend.”
We laugh as River wipes dirt off his shirt. “You fuckers need a new crack in your ass.”
“Even me?” Kelsi asks, and River rolls his eyes. My friend giggles with me. “It’s fun to taunt the big scary biker when I know I have another big scary biker to play interference.”
Shane flashes me a grin while River mutters something I can’t hear. My man’s expression is so damn appealing that I rush over to give him a hug. Shane loses interest in his friend and just kisses all over me. I don’t know if our two groups are mixing well, but I know I’ve never been happier than I am right now.
THE ROMANTIC
Once Ramona and Kelsi disappear into the house to check on the food, I send Taylor to find where Shelby’s hiding. Now alone with River, I ask him what the fuck his problem is with Max.
“That is the hottest woman I’ve ever seen,” he says in an accusatory tone. “You knew she existed. You are not a good friend.”
“Sorry, but I just don’t see it. Ramona is the only woman on my radar. Max is just a cute chick.”
“Why does she hate me?” he nearly whines.
“Did she say she hated you?”
“No, not in words. I said hello and tried to strike up a conversation. You know, unleash a charm offensive. Then she looked at me as if I was fucking Freddy Kruger flashing my blades.”
“You watch too many horror movies.”
“That’s on your sister, not me.”
“I told you that Fuse and the Skullz burned down a restaurant belonging to the family of one of Ramona’s friends. Well, Max is the friend.”
“She is aware I’m not one of the Skullz, right?”
Rolling my eyes, I mutter, “You’re acting like a fucking idiot.”
“That chick,” he says and exhales loudly. “That chick looked at me, and I was on fucking fire. Then I saw that fear in her eyes, and I was on the floor. I’ve never had that feeling. You need to make this happen.”
“I’m not your fucking matchmaker.”
“Where’s she going?”
“Nashville.”
River’s blue eyes flash with rage. “That can’t happen.”
“I am not helping you fuck with that girl.”
“What kind of VP doesn’t have his president’s back?”
“This isn’t business,” I grumble, refusing to be guilted. “This is about your dick. And my girl’s happiness. I’m not bullying her friend into fucking you.”
“If it was just fucking, I wouldn’t care. I want her to look at me like she did before she realized who I was.”
“Dude, you need to calm down.”
“I feel as if she lit a fire inside me. I already fucking said that. You need to get her to stay in Shasta.”
“No,” Ramona says from the porch.
I smile at the sight of her tough-girl stance. Though petite and thin as a rail, she’s ready to brawl a stone-cold killer like River in defense of her friend. This is a woman who’ll protect our children to her last breath. She’ll remain loyal to me, even when I’m acting like a little bitch. Ramona is a fucking keeper.
“No, what?” River asks, careful about his tone since I’m just dying to tackle him again.
“You need to leave Max alone.”
“I’m not the bad guy. I just want to know her.”
“That’s fine, but she’s shy, and she isn’t going to be around to flirt with you.”
“Nashville is a shithole. Have her stay here.”
“That’s dumb, and you know it.”
River rolls his eyes. “Okay, fine, but what’s in Nashville?”
“A dream job that she can’t get here. If you think she’s so hot, then you can wait. Shane stalked me for weeks before he made his move. That’s romantic. Bullying Max out of a dream job isn’t romantic.”
“Yeah, be romantic like me, ass-face,” I taunt River, who looks ready to throw a punch.
“How long is this job for?”
“I don’t know. A month or six, maybe a year. It’s a job. If she likes it, she stays. There’s no way to tell.”
“That’s too fucking long.”
“Then you’ll get over Max quickly. And we’ll all look back at today and laugh at you.”
River gives me a side-frown as if to say my woman’s getting mouthy. Considering the shit that comes out of the mouths of his mother and four little sisters, I’m unconcerned about his delicate sensibilities.
“Well, can you at least get her to stop looking at me as if I’m the devil?”
“She looks at me the same way sometimes,” I admit.
“Bikers destroyed her family. Max will get to know you and see you’re not Fuse. She likes Shane behind his back. But to his face, she’s still nervous.”
“Does she tell you that I’m a catch?” I tease, and Ramona smiles brightly. “Does she say you’re lucky I stalked you, baby?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Are we good here?” I ask River, wanting to ditch him and reward my woman’s mouthiness w
ith a shit-ton of kisses.
“I guess.”
While River tries to accept that life won’t always bow to him—a new concept, to be sure—I join Ramona on the porch. She cuddles in my lap, kissing all over my face in a dramatic display of affection. At first, I think she might be messing with River. Then her lips meet mine, and I realize she’s just very appreciative of my hot body.
“Your confidence is sexy,” I murmur.
“But I’m rarely confident.”
“Well, your lack of confidence is also sexy.”
“Lucky for me, huh?” she teases and wiggles on my lap before remembering how we’re not in the position to spend time alone.
River marches off around the side of the house. I don’t know if he plans to take a long ride to calm his tits. Or possibly he’ll find a woman to soothe his dick. Whatever his plan, I hope he can chill out and allow the rest of us to have a fun evening.
“Do you think he’ll behave?” Ramona asks.
“I have no idea. I know I didn’t when it came to you.”
“Yes, you were the worst,” she murmurs, cupping my cheeks and nuzzling my jaw against hers. “I’m so very lucky that such an awful man fell so wonderfully hard for me.”
“I know you can’t see it yet, but I’m never going to give you up,” I say as she rests our foreheads together and stares in my eyes. “This thing is just going to get more and more solid. We’ll spend the rest of our lives together. You and me, and the Band and the Fearsome Foursome. Nothing will stand in our way.”
“Not even River’s dick problems?”
“Especially not that,” I say, chuckling at how River reacted. “He’s really not a virgin despite how stupid he just acted. Like he’s dated chicks before and has been rejected and shit.”
“Well, Max is a virgin, and she can’t handle someone like River. He needs to get over his attraction and find a woman with less baggage.”
“But what if Max is his Ramona?”
Considering my words, she shrugs and climbs off my lap. “Well, then there’s no stopping the inevitable, is there?”
I take her hand in mine and head inside to check on everyone. I haven’t seen or heard from Shelby for a while, and I’m unsure if anyone is actually entertaining our guests.