Finding Fisher

by Dakota Madison

  “Find out what exactly.” My dad looks back and forth between Fisher and me, giving both of us equally angry glances.

  I’m completely stumped because I truly don’t know what to tell him. I’m not even sure what’s going on between me and Fisher. It’s not like we’ve ever defined it. It’s just sort of happened.

  Which is so unlike me in every way, and probably part of the reason it’s so exciting and I enjoy being with him so much.

  I’ve always done whatever my parents have wanted and tried my best not to disappoint them. Getting engaged to Franklin was a rare exception and one that my parents still haven’t quite forgiven me for.

  I can see in their eyes that this might be an even worse slipup.

  “You’re getting ready to graduate from Stanford University,” my mom finally says. “One of the most prestigious institutions of higher education in the country. You’ll be attending Harvard Law in a few months. One of the finest law schools in the world. Has this young man even attended college?”

  My parents both stare at Fisher.

  He shakes his head. “I have not. And don’t intend to. I own my own successful business.”

  My mom’s eyes narrow. “And what’s that?”

  I cringe as the words come out of Fisher mouth because I know my parents won’t approve of me being with a mechanic.

  “I’m a mobile mechanic.”

  Just as I suspected my parents are appalled. I don’t think their faces would be as scrunched with disgust if he had slapped them with stinky fish.

  “He’s really good at it,” I add. “He can fix anything. And he’s quite talented at building things. He owns his own house and he’s building all of the furniture by hand. He’s actually amazing.”

  Fisher shoots me a quick smile and for just that moment I don’t feel like my heart is going to beat right out of my chest. But then my mom says, “I’m sure he’s good at whatever it is that he does,” in such a condescending manner my heart starts to race again.

  Then my dad takes in a deep breath and tries a different approach. “We know you’re going through a lot right now. Losing Franklin so unexpectedly. But we thought this would be an opportunity for you to start law school without anyone or anything holding you back. We don’t want to see you get tied down again.”

  I can’t believe I actually laugh. It’s so inappropriate, but it just comes out. “Fisher isn’t tying me down. If anything he’s lifted me up out of my despair. He actually makes me feel normal.”

  “But you’re not normal,” my mom says. “We raised you to be superior in every way.”

  “Don’t you want me to be happy?” I reply a little too loudly. It startles everyone, including me.

  “Of course we want you to be happy.” My mom puts her hand on my arm, but I pull away.

  “There will be plenty of time to be happy when you’re a partner in a law firm,” my dad says. “Now is the time for hard work to make that happen.”

  “I do work hard,” I mutter.

  “We don’t want you to have any distractions that might prevent you from achieving your goals,” my dad explains.

  “Maybe I’d better go.” Fisher has turned as white as a sheet and looks like he’s going to be sick.

  “Stay.” When I place my hand on his arm I can feel how tense he is and I immediately feel guilty. My parents have basically told him he’s not worthy of my time and that he’ll hold me back when nothing could be further from the truth. I feel like he’s the only thing in my life that’s keeping me sane right now.

  “We know you’re going through a lot right now,” my dad says a little more sympathetically. “But please think about what we said.”

  “I will.”

  My mom gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. “We’ll talk again soon.”

  Then my parents turn and walk out the door. And I’m left standing there, in my robe and wet hair, feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck.

  “Will you just hold me for a while?” I ask Fisher.

  He looks as dazed as I feel. “Yea, sure.”

  We head into my bedroom and lie on the bed. Fisher pulls me close and wraps me tight in his arms.

  I know he’s there to hold me together so I allow myself to fall apart a little and let out the sob that’s been brewing.

  “It’s okay,” he whispers. “Just breathe.”

  I try to take in a deep breath, but snuffle instead.

  We lay there in silence for a few minutes, lost in our own thoughts. Then Fisher says, “I don’t want to come between you and your parents.”

  “You’re not,” I assure him, but we both know it’s a lie.

  “It’s obvious they don’t like me. I’ll never be good enough for you in their eyes. And you and I both know that’s true.”

  “Are you saying you’re having second thoughts? About being with me?”

  “I’m saying that you should probably have second thoughts about being with me. I’ll never be able to give you everything you deserve. Your parents made that very clear.”

  “And what is it exactly that you think you can’t give me? You make me smile. You make me laugh. You definitely get me out of my comfort zone whenever you have the opportunity. No one has ever done that.”

  “I can tell your parents love you and care about you. They want what’s best for you. And they don’t think I’m it.”

  I turn to face him. “And what do you think?”

  He shrugs.

  “Tell me.”

  “Maybe I agree with them.”

  I search his face. All the confidence and humor and joy I’m used to seeing has been drained from his eyes. He just looks sad and defeated.

  I shake my head. “That’s not true. You’re what I need.”

  He places a warm hand on my cheek. “You had a major loss. I happened to be there for you. I know you felt like you were falling apart and I held you together, but that doesn’t mean we’re supposed to be together forever. Or even for longer than right now. I don’t want to disrupt your life. And I’m not sure I truly belong in it anyway.”

  I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. Tears are now streaming down my face, but I don’t care. I want him to see how much his words have hurt. “You said you’d always be there for me. And you said you weren’t a liar. So which is it? Are you always going to be here or are you a liar?”

  Fisher’s eyes are moist and I can see he’s blinking back tears. “I’m not a liar.”

  “I’m so tired of everyone but me deciding what’s best for me. Being with you is a choice I made. Do you know why?”

  He shakes his head.

  “You don’t expect me to be perfect. You don’t judge me when I’m not. You just let me be me, whatever that is. And apparently I’m still discovering what that is. I’m not afraid to try new things when I’m with you. You insist on it. Do you have any idea how much I’ve grown since we’ve been together?”

  “You’re making it extremely difficult for me to do the right thing.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “Your parents obviously think I should let you go.”

  “Is that what you think?”

  He shrugs. “I have wondered if you’d be better off without me.”

  “And what do you want?” I look deep into his eyes searching for the truth.

  “I want what’s best for you. I always will.”

  “What do you want?” I push.

  He bites his bottom lip, as if he’s trying to hold back the truth.

  “What do you want, Fisher?”

  “Is that a trick question?” He says finally. “Of course I want you. What guy in his right mind wouldn’t want you?”

  “Your brother, apparently, had a little trouble with the concept. Or maybe it’s just that he wanted me and Olivia too.” I realize a little too late how bitter I sound, but for some reason I don’t try to take it back, or even apologize.

  To my surprise Fisher doesn’t look angry, or upset with my words, he actually looks h
ungry, like he wants to possess me. It frightens and excites me at the same time.

  “Franklin was the smartest idiot on the planet for what he did to you. You deserve to have someone completely devoted to you and only you.”

  I gulp. I know it’s probably too soon. And I know it’s probably completely inappropriate. But I can’t help how I feel. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

  All of the tension in Fisher’s body and on his face since my parents’ tirade seems to completely melt away with my declaration.

  “I’m glad I’m not the only one.” He gives me one of his dimply grins.

  “I’m really not sure what’s going to happen with my parents. I’ve never seen them that angry in my entire life.”

  “Have you ever done something that completely defied them before?”

  “They weren’t thrilled when I accepted Franklin’s proposal. But they also talked us into a very long engagement. Like not getting married until we finished law school.”

  “Being with me is a much bigger pill for them to swallow. You realize they may never accept me.”

  “They haven’t even given you a chance. They haven’t gotten to know you.”

  “I hate to break it to you, Buttercup, but I don’t think they really want to get to know me. And they probably won’t ever give me a chance. I think their minds are already made up. You have to decide if you’re okay with that.”

  “It’s their problem if they’re not willing to give you a chance.”

  He cups my face in his hands and looks into my eyes with so much intensity I shudder in response. “I need you to be sure that you want to be with me. That you want me. And that you’re willing to accept the consequences.”

  I’d like to believe that my parents will come around eventually, but I’m really not sure. Franklin is right. He may come between us. Am I going to be okay with that?

  “I’m sure,” I say finally.

  Without saying another word he pulls me close and kisses me. A hard and possessive kiss. It’s like he wants to let me know that I’m his.

  “I meant it when I said I’ll always be there for you. Don’t ever doubt that. I’m yours, Buttercup.”

  For the first time I understand what a big responsibility that is. Belonging to someone. Having someone belong to you. Franklin was never truly mine. His heart, at least part of it, always belonged to Olivia.

  Things with Fisher are different. I have no doubt I’m his one and only and I suspect I always will be.

  But I still feel a lot of uncertainty about how we’ll be able to work things out. Even when I move to Massachusetts to attend law school we’ll still be living in different states, albeit a little closer than California is to New Jersey.

  “We’ll figure it out,” Fisher whispers into my ear. Once again he seems to be reading my mind.

  “Okay,” I agree. The closeness of our bodies and the sexual tension in the air between us are too tempting to refuse.

  Without taking his eyes from mine Fisher slowly unties my robe. “I feel like I’m unwrapping a present.”

  He’s very good at making me feel special with even the smallest of gestures.

  “Right now all I want to do is make you feel good.”

  And that’s exactly what he does.

  ***

  “I need to head back to New Jersey today.”

  I wipe the sleep from my eyes. “I know.” I realize he can’t actually stay in my bed forever, and neither can I, but can’t help the disappointment in my voice.

  “I’ll come back for your graduation, if you want me to. It’s only a few weeks away.”

  “My parents will be there,” I remind him.

  His eyes narrow. “Does that mean you don’t want me to come?”

  I quickly shake my head. “No. That’s not what I meant. I definitely want you to be there. I just want you to be aware of what you’ll be stepping into.”

  “If we want to be together, we’re going to have to deal with your parents.”

  “I know. Just trying to give you fair warning.”

  He smiles. “I’m a big boy. I’m sure I can handle it. And I definitely don’t want to miss seeing you graduate. It’s a huge accomplishment.”

  “It’s more of an expectation, but I appreciate your support.”

  “It is okay for me to call you? I know you have final exams coming up.”

  “You’d better call me,” I tease.

  “You can call me too. Whatever you need. Whenever you need it.”

  As if on cue my cellphone rings. We both look at each other.

  “Expecting a call?” He raises an eyebrow.

  “Not at all.”

  I grab my phone and see it’s a Cambridge, Massachusetts number. I quickly answer it.

  “Ms. Woodford?” It’s a man’s voice that I don’t recognize.

  “This is Chloe Woodford,” I confirm.

  “This is Mac McKenzie. I’m one of the managers of the Square Apartments in Cambridge. You filled out a rental application for August. I wanted to let you know that I just went to process your application and unfortunately your credit card was declined.”

  “That’s not possible.”

  “I’m sorry. I ran it twice. I just wanted to let you know that I’ll need to deny your application.”

  “Would you give me a day or two to sort this out?”

  He heaves a sigh. “I can give you twenty-four hours.”

  As soon as I end the call Fisher grabs my hand. “What’s wrong? You look sick.”

  “My application for an apartment in Cambridge is about to be denied. He said my credit card was declined. That was the least expensive apartment I could find close to campus. I no longer have a fiancé to share the rent like I thought I would and rents around Harvard are very high. I’m not sure what I’m going to do if I can’t get that place.”

  “Why was your credit card declined?” he asks.

  I shrug. “I have no idea. My parents pay the bill for me.”

  We both look at each other and our eyes grow wide when the realization hits. My parents stopped their payments.

  I grab my phone and dial my parents’ number. My dad picks up on the first ring.

  “What happened to my credit card?” I say through gritted teeth.

  “Let me get your mom,” my dad says.

  After a moment I can hear my mom pick up the other line.

  “Chloe is phoning about her credit card,” my dad says.

  “The application for an apartment in Cambridge was denied because my credit card was declined.”

  There are a few moments of silence on the other end of the line. Then my dad says, “Are you still with him?”

  “If by him you mean Fisher the answer is yes. I’m still with him.”

  “We can’t support that,” my dad says flatly.

  “Can’t support that or can’t support me?” I ask.

  “We want to support you,” my mom says.

  “But you’re going to try and manipulate me into doing what you want me to do.”

  “When you decide to get serious about your future again we’ll think about restoring your credit card,” my dad says.

  “Don’t worry about it,” I tell him. “I’ll figure out how to do it on my own.”

  After I hang up I’m not sure whether to be angry or hurt. I feel both.

  “I’m sorry,” Fisher says.

  “It’s not your fault,” I assure him. “You warned me that I’d have to accept the consequences of being with you. These are some of the consequences.”

  “What can I do to help?” he asks.

  I shake my head. “I have no idea what I’m going to do about housing. Luckily my parents already prepaid all of my tuition as soon as I was accepted. And I don’t think they’ll try to get that back. They’re both Harvard alumni. They want me to get my law degree there. They’re just not going to make it that easy on me. Now I’ll be one of the struggling law students instead of one of the spoiled rich kids.”<
br />
  “There are probably cheaper areas outside of Cambridge where you can rent a place.”

  “But I have no idea which areas are safe. I’ll be there alone. I don’t know anyone.” I put my face in my hands and rub my temples. “This isn’t how things were supposed to be. I was supposed to be living with my fiancé and we were supposed to be going to law school together.”

  Fisher pulls me into his arms and holds me tight. “I promise everything will be okay. I’m only four hours away. It’s an easy drive. Whenever you need me I’ll be there for you. You won’t be alone.”

  “You have your business in Old Town. You have to help out with Jackson. I don’t want to be a burden.”

  “You’re not a burden. You’re a priority.”

  He places a soft kiss on my lips.

  “As soon as I get back out east I’ll take a drive up to Cambridge. I’ll scope out everything for you. I’ll see what neighborhoods are safe and what’s affordable.”

  “You don’t mind doing that?”

  “I told you whatever you need. I’m there for you.”

  “I feel like it’s too much,” I admit.

  “Anything for you, Buttercup. Haven’t you figured that out yet? I’d do anything for you.”

  Seven

  Final exams are like a blur. I’m preoccupied with the move to Cambridge and the idea of having to find a job to support myself once I’m there. Luckily my savings account is only in my name and my parents can’t touch it. So I have enough money to last a few months until I get settled into law school and my new place, wherever it may be.

  Fisher has taken two trips up to Massachusetts, but his reports haven’t been that encouraging. He hasn’t been able to find a place that’s affordable and “nice enough for me.”

  I told him that maybe his standards were too high and he just laughed and said there was no way he was allowing me to “live by myself in a dump.”

  By the time I hand in the last of my finals I feel like I’m ready to collapse. All I want to do is get into my bed and sleep for the next six days until graduation.

  But when I enter my apartment my roommate looks more upset than her usual state of agitation. “What’s going on?” I ask.

  “My thesis advisor is accusing me of cheating.”