“Like I said, I’m fine with adoption, as long as it’s a baby. But Steve thinks it’s really expensive, and I’m sure it’s hard to find a baby with so many girls opting for abortion.”
“Yeah. I know. It’s sad,” Kristin commented, adding, “You know I’ll support you in whatever decision you two make. When do you think you’ll know about this insemination thing?”
“I don’t know. It’s up to Steve.”
“I’ll be praying for you guys. Keep me posted,” Kristin said.
“I will. And thanks for your prayers.”
As soon as she hung up the phone, the doorbell rang. It was Kelly. She looked really cute with baby Luke asleep in the color- coordinated sling against her chest.
“Kelly. What a surprise! Come on in.” Michelle hugged her and brought her into the warmth of the kitchen.
“I came over to talk about something important.” She sounded excited and yet nervous. “Ben and I could use your help.”
“What? What’s up?”
“We found a building for the church. It’s only about a quarter of a mile from here. We can rent it once a week to start with and then go from there.”
As they sat together at the kitchen table, Kelly explained that it was a local middle school, willing to rent out their auditorium during off-school hours. She described the old, Spanish style architecture with its arches and ornate tile work. “You’re gonna love this place, Michelle.”
“So how can we help?” she asked, eager to learn more.
“First, you can pray we get the best possible deal.”
“Got it.”
“And then, you can join us for our first meeting to organize the plans for the services and outreaches to the community to invite people to come.”
“Sounds like fun. We’ll be happy to help.”
“Thanks, Michelle. We just don’t have many friends around here yet. I was hoping I could count on you.”
“You can,” Michelle reassured her. She watched Kelly sparkle while she talked about the new church. She looked so happy as she discussed the details, while little Luke slept peacefully in his cocoon.
Steve called that afternoon and Michelle told him about her conversation with the doctor and their upcoming appointment. He sounded distant, but did not put up any protest.
“So are you working late?”
“Yeah. It might be ten or eleven by the time I get home.”
After they hung up, Michelle looked around the empty room and sighed. Maybe Monica would like to have dinner with her. She called to ask her, but Monica was sick with a bad cold. “Guess it’s just you and me, Max,” she said to the cat.
CHAPTER THIRTY
The next few weeks were a rollercoaster of emotions for Michelle. Steve seemed much more interested in the adoption idea than he was with the insemination option. He was able to get a recommendation from his uncle for a family law attorney in Portland. After contacting her and explaining his uncle’s referral, Veronica Blake offered her services at a significantly reduced rate. Steve was thrilled to report the news to Michelle.
“Seriously?” her voice asked excitedly over the phone.
“Seriously,” Steve replied.
Immediately, the same thought played on the recorder in her mind. Try every door. Maybe this was God’s answer for them.
“She’s faxing me the forms today and we can start filling them out tonight,” Steve continued.
“Great. I’ve got class until 7:30, but I’ll come straight home afterward.”
“Okay, babe. Have a good class.”
“Thanks,” Michelle replied before hanging up. Her heart was racing with excitement. It looked like the adoption idea might be the answer. Wanting to tell someone, she dialed Kristin’s number but got voicemail. This was something she couldn’t leave on recording.
Grabbing her purse and keys, she headed out the door to Ben and Kelly’s house.
Steve and Michelle filled out all the forms and faxed them back to Veronica Blake. Three more months passed and they heard nothing. Michelle started back to school, this time at the university. She spent some time volunteering on a crisis pregnancy hotline, hoping to save the lives of other women’s babies.
But sometimes she would come home and collapse on the bed in a fetal position and weep. So many women had unwanted babies, and it seemed as if the baby she so desperately wanted would never be hers.
The call came, as Michelle was about to rush off to class late one afternoon in October. “Mrs. Baron?” a friendly voice asked.
“Yes?”
“My name is Beth Woods. I’m calling from Veronica Blake’s office.”
Michelle let her purse slip off her arm and onto the table as she sat down.
“I have some wonderful news for you,” Ms. Woods stated enthusiastically.
“You do?” Michelle asked, trying to hold her hopes in check and ignoring Max’s pleas as he rubbed against her leg.
“Yes. A young woman, who has decided to relinquish her baby for adoption, came into our office yesterday. She looked through our file of potential adoptive couples and selected you and your husband.”
“She did?” Michelle was stunned. Her heart began to hammer in her chest.
“Yes. She was very impressed that your husband is an attorney and you are studying to become a teacher. She believes you’ll be able to provide her baby with a great future.”
“Oh, my gosh. I can’t believe it. When is she due?” Michelle asked.
“You have a little time. She’s twenty-six weeks along. The baby is due in fourteen weeks — January 20th. It’s a boy.”
“Fourteen weeks. That should give me enough time to finish the nursery.” Michelle said to herself as well as Ms. Woods. Then she quickly added, “What do we do from here?”
“I’m preparing the documents you and your husband will need to sign,” Beth explained. “Should I fax them to Mr. Baron’s office?”
“Yeah. That would be great. I’ll call him to let him know.”
“Okay. Sounds good. And congratulations, Michelle. You are about to become a mom.”
As soon as they hung up, she punched speed dial for Steve’s cell phone.
“Hi, babe,” he answered. “On your way to class?”
“No. I think I’m skipping it today.”
“What’s up? Are you sick?” He sounded concerned.
“No, but I’ve got to talk to you about something. When will you be home?” she asked. “Well, I was planning to work late because of your class. I’ve got some briefs to prepare for later this week. Is it something that can wait?”
“It’s really important, honey. Could you just come home? You can bring the briefs and work on them here after we talk.” She could hardly contain her excitement, but somehow it didn’t feel right to tell him over the phone.
“Okay. I guess that would be fine. Let me get some paperwork together, and I’ll be home in about half an hour.”
Hanging up the phone, she headed upstairs to the room that would soon become their nursery. She looked over the purchases she’d made already and began compiling a list of the items she’d need to buy before the baby arrived. Max continued to try to get her attention with his plaintive wails.
“Okay, okay. Let’s go get your dinner,” she said as she scooped up the cat and started toward the kitchen. After feeding Max, she surveyed the refrigerator for possible dinners. She and Steve usually ate takeout on their own the nights she had class. But tonight was special – a time for a real celebration!
After sharing the excitement of the news and a surprise dinner out, Michelle and Steve climbed into bed, his paperwork untouched. “I love you, honey,” she sighed softly as they snuggled together.
“Love you, too, ‘Mom’,” he replied with a grin.
They held each other tightly as Steve said a prayer, thanking God for the wonderful opportunity that lay before them.
As they said their “Amen,” the recurring thought inched its way into Michelle’s co
nsciousness. Try every door. What did it mean? Hadn’t they done that? Wasn’t this the door God had for them?
Michelle called home the next morning. Before her mom could even ask how she was, she dove right into her news.
“You’re what?” Sheila asked.
“We’re adopting a baby,” she repeated. “It’s a boy.”
“Michelle, that is so exciting! I’m really happy for you. What made you guys decide to adopt?”
“We’ve been trying to get pregnant for a while, now. Remember, I talked to you about it last Christmas?”
“That’s right. You did say something about it. You said you were taking fertility drugs. But I don’t think we talked about you two adopting.”
“It sort of happened quickly. We put in the paperwork a few months ago, but I thought it would take a lot longer time than this, so I haven’t been telling people. Then we got a call yesterday that a girl has picked us for her baby.”
“Picked you? I thought they didn’t ever get to know who got the baby.”
“It’s different with private adoption, Mom. Girls go through albums of applications. They get to know lots of stuff about the adopting couples, like their jobs, hobbies, interests, how long they’ve been married – all that kind of stuff. Then they get to pick who they think would be the best parents for their baby.”
“Well this girl certainly knew what she was doing picking you two. You and Steve will make wonderful parents, Mimi. I’m so happy for you. I can’t wait to tell your dad.”
“Is he there? Can I tell him?”
“He’s at physical therapy. Do you want him to call you when he gets back?”
“Sure. That would be great.”
As Michelle hung up the phone, she breathed a prayer. Thank you, God. I’m so very happy! You truly have answered my prayers.
Michelle worked feverishly on the nursery over the next couple of months. Everything had to be just right. After much searching through name books and discussing lots of options, they’d settled on Caleb because it meant faithful. God had been faithful to bring their desire to fruition, so it seemed natural to give their baby boy this name.
When Michelle told her grandparents, they relayed to her the story of Caleb and Joshua spying out the Promised Land and how they had been the only men with the courage God required to face the giants they saw. Perfect, Michelle thought to herself.
She found some wooden block letters at the local craft store and bought the five she would need to spell the baby’s name over his crib. The soft blue walls combined with the brown and cream-colored Noah’s Ark décor was the perfect room for a baby boy. She could hardly wait to bring little Caleb into this room for the first time.
Sitting in the rocking chair taking in the results of her hard work, she reminisced about the babies she’d seen at the hospital and the certainty in her heart that she could easily love any one of them as her own. Surely this was a gift from God – the ability to take someone else’s child into her home and heart.
Just a few more weeks. Then she’d finally be a mom!
It was hard to believe another year had passed. This Christmas was a joyous celebration for Michelle and Steve as they eagerly awaited Caleb’s soon arrival. They traveled down to Seal Beach and Michelle’s mom threw a baby shower for them. A cute decorative little Noah’s Ark set, crafted of wood, was the gift from her grandpa. “Did you make this?” Michelle asked.
“You bet, pumpkin,” he replied with a grin.
Her mom and grandmother made a quilt that went along with the theme. She could barely contain her excitement and gratitude.
More than a year had passed since her dad started rehab. It seemed like he had reached his final potential. Although he wrestled with headaches and had issues with short-term memory, he’d been able to advance to the point of walking haltingly with the assistance of a cane, and his speech was coherent and more fluently connected. He still groped for words at times, but overall, the initial frustration and travail to communicate had been replaced by a quiet, slow and methodical manner of speaking that revealed the humble and gentler man who had replaced the old John Ackerman.
Sometimes Michelle missed the strong, self-confident father she’d grown up with. She also worried about the toll this new version of her father took on her mom, who had to dedicate the majority of her time to caring for a semi-invalid. Tim tried to help out on a regular basis, and it made Michelle proud to see her younger brother maturing into a responsible, caring man.
Best of all, she was so thankful her dad had survived to become a grandpa himself.
All too soon, it was time to head home for the final stretch before little Caleb would be welcomed into their family.
The last two weeks dragged on endlessly. A nervous anticipation mixed with an unexplainable uneasiness made it difficult for Michelle to sleep at night. By the grace of God, she had managed to pass her final exams before the holidays, but she was having difficulty focusing on the night class she had agreed to take this semester.
She was just switching over a load of laundry in the garage one morning when Steve showed up unexpectedly. “Hey, honey. What are you doing home?” she asked.
Then she noticed his face. Something was very wrong.
“Steve? Are you okay?” she asked, putting down the clothes in her hand and walking over to him.
“Let’s go inside,” Steve replied. He draped his arm around her shoulders and guided her into the kitchen.
“You’re scaring me, Steve. What is it? Is it my dad?” she asked, her mind racing with anxious thoughts.
Steve sat her down at the table, reached over and took both of her hands in his and looked into her eyes. Tears were pooling in his own eyes as he began to speak. “It’s the baby, Michelle.”
“What? What’s wrong with Caleb? Did something happen to him?” Michelle was desperate for answers and fighting the urge to flee to somewhere else – a place where bad news couldn’t find her.
He took a deep breath. “He’s fine. He was born late last night. But...” he paused and took another breath.
“But what?”
“But the birth mom has changed her mind, honey. She’s decided to keep him.”
She pulled her hands away from his. How could this be happening? They’d done everything they were supposed to. “Can she do that?” she asked incredulously.
He nodded. “Yeah. She can.”
“But I thought all the documents were signed.” Michelle pulled on a strand of hair at the nape of her neck, trying to maintain her composure while they sorted this thing out. It had to be some kind of misunderstanding. They had rights. Surely they had rights to Caleb.
“We signed all the documents on our side, but the birth mother doesn’t have to sign her part until after the baby is born. There’s always a chance she might change her mind. Remember? Veronica explained that to us when we first applied.”
“So there’s nothing we can do? We have to forget about Caleb just like that?” Michelle stood up and stormed out of the room. Her heart took her upstairs to the nursery and she slumped down into the rocking chair in tears.
A moment later, Steve walked in. “I wish I could fix this for you.”
He was clearly in as much pain as she was, but Michelle was unable to respond to his distress, except to nod.
That night, Michelle cried herself to sleep, haunted by the persistent words, Try every door. After what had just happened, she wasn’t willing to try any door.
Michelle buried herself in grief for the next six weeks. She continued attending classes, but she refused to seek out family or friends. Her mother tried to get her to come back down for a week or two, but the thought of facing everyone’s sympathy was more than she could bear.
As she went through the motions of life, she was careful to avoid the nursery, the doors now remaining firmly shut. She attended church services with Steve, but her heart was not in it. When one of the young moms offered her a baby to hold, she politely declined.
&n
bsp; All Michelle wanted now was to silence the warring voices within that had left her weary and confused.
The voice of reason spoke to her mind, telling her that all the advice from family and friends to wait and be patient was the logical answer, a common sense approach. There was still hope if she just gave it time. A deeper voice of yearning from her heart continued to ache and plead for fulfillment now, in spite of the pain she wanted to bury and forget. And a still small voice in her spirit gently reminded her once again to try every door.
One Sunday, something in the message caught her attention. Ben was going over a passage in the New Testament where Jesus challenged His followers to pick up their crosses and follow Him. Ben explained that Jesus was asking them to surrender their lives and all they held dear and trust Him with their future.
Surrender. The thought pierced Michelle’s heart. She knew she’d never surrendered her life fully to God. Yes, she’d asked for His help. And she’d tried to learn what the Bible said about how to live her life.
But she could not remember a single moment of actual surrender.
Focusing her attention back on Ben, he asked them to turn to Psalm 37:4. “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” It was a promise she’d clung to in her struggles to have a baby.
“There are two ways to look at this,” Ben explained. “You can believe that God will give you whatever you desire as long as you enjoy a relationship with Him. Or, and I believe this is the actual meaning, as you surrender your life to God and learn to get your joy in life from that relationship, He will begin to plant His desires for your life into your heart. Those desires will bear fruit.
“So instead of wondering why God isn’t giving us what we desire, maybe we need to allow Him to give us the desires He knows will bless us in the long run.”
Through the Tears (Sandy Cove Series Book 2) Page 23