No Ordinary Woman

by Valerie Byron

  Being alone after a tummy tuck and liposuction took more out of me than I anticipated. I couldn’t get out of bed easily, and if I sat on the sofa downstairs, it was impossible to get up to answer the phone. There were moments when I wondered if it had been worth it. Had I known how painful the recuperation period was going to be, I may never have done it.

  It took about three weeks to recover from the painful surgery, especially with the drains that were attached to my abdomen for so long, but finally the day came when I was ready to face the world with my new body.

  I had lost thirty pounds and five dress sizes. It was heaven to shop and actually look good in smaller sized clothes. I had blonde highlights put in my hair, bought revealing outfits, and started to exercise.

  As the days passed, I noticed a more youthful and attractive person staring back in the mirror. It was heaven to go out in my new, sexy clothes, and to have admiring glances sent my way by men. “Interesting,” I thought. “Men haven't really looked at me since I was in my twenties. Now I am getting stared at by younger and older men.”

  Valerie 2005

  I went out for lunch with Cousin Jackie and a new British friend of hers, Tatiana. The three of us formed a tight trio of single gals, and we spent a lot of time together laughing and having fun. All of a sudden things started to change. We took a trip together to Florida, spent weekends in Newport, and went out for lots of lunches and dinners. Tatiana became a close friend and of course Jackie had always been there for me. Life was starting to look much brighter and I even had the motivation to start helping Tatiana find a mate. My matchmaking creativity came into play, and I found it enjoyable searching for potential partners for her on the Internet. Since she was an absolute beauty, it wasn’t difficult. The problem was, she was extremely particular and it was hard to find a man who, fit her exact specifications.

  As my confidence rapidly rose, something else occurred that I had not expected. In late October, two months after my surgery, I began to experience sexual stirrings long forgotten. It appeared that the loss in weight had kicked started my libido. All of a sudden, my attitude towards men swiftly changed. I had never had any interest in men since before my marriage, but now all I could think about was sex. Physical longings took over my mind constantly, and threatened to interfere with the life I had lived thus far. In desperation, and to the amusement and encouragement of my girlfriends, I purchased my first vibrator. Embarrassing, perhaps, but it did the job.

  A vibrator was not enough. I yearned for more and turned to the Internet and dating sites. I had seen what was out there when I was helping Tatiana find dates, so I knew where to look. There were several paid sites that looked of interest, so I bit the bullet and paid for a month on one of them. It seemed strange uploading new photos of myself that showed a younger looking, slimmer me than before. I posted an interesting profile and then waited to see what would happen.

  The response was overwhelming. So many men seemed ready and willing to get to know me, but I was not certain of the protocols. Younger men, older men, those who lived out of state, ugly men, handsome men… where on earth to start? Who to choose?

  After a few miserable failures, I became more adept at selecting those men whom I thought would be appropriate, but none of them seemed to be just right. My first month of paid dating ended, and I decided not to invest any more money.

  A friend mentioned a free dating site that sounded interesting. I felt there was nothing to lose, and posted my profile. I stated my age as five years younger than I was, and was surprised to receive requests for dates from much younger men. Although flattered and a little thrilled, I knew there was no point in dating any of them, as they were probably only interested in sex. Although I wanted a satisfying physical relationship, I also wanted the elusive combination of love, passion and commitment. Could I really find all that on a dating site?

  One day I received an inquiry from a man who lived out of my area. I was intrigued by his profile, but a little put off by his photograph. It was not very clear or focused, but he appeared to be of medium height, with a receding hairline and quite ordinary looking. Not only that, he was only forty years of age, young enough to be my son. There was no way I would have an interest in a “boy.” Also, I had always been attracted to tall, handsome, artistic men and this one did not appear to have any of those attributes.

  His name was John and he sent me several emails, asking if I would be interested in meeting him. After deliberating, I decided he was not my type at all, and definitely much too young, but deserved a kind response. On December 9, 2007 I sent him a response.

  John – My girlfriends told me to put an age stipulation on my profile preventing all the young ‘uns from approaching me. It is all very strange to me why men in their 30’s and 40’s feel they would have anything to offer a woman of my age, other than a physical relationship. Seriously, though, I am immensely flattered that someone younger than me would show an interest. You are adorable. Thanks for making my day. Valerie

  John responded with disappointment and I promptly forgot about him. In the meantime, I was dating a different man each week. It seemed as though my physical appearance, and the confidence I had attained from the surgery, drew men to me like bees to honey. Unfortunately, there seemed to be something wrong with each of them. Either they were not my type; unattractive; afraid of commitment; poverty stricken; too old; too young; or just didn’t have the “it” factor. I was determined not to “settle” as I had with my marriage. Friendship was fine, but passion and intimacy was just as important.

  My libido was in full force when I was approached by an incredibly handsome teacher, named Brett. His pictures on-line showed a stunningly good looking 46-year-old teacher, who lived about an hour away. I couldn’t figure out why he was pursuing someone of my age, but enjoyed the flirtation. He would often text me, and other times I would chat with him on-line. He had a webcam and I would watch him walk around his room, flirting with me. He often asked if we could meet for a drink, but I was afraid. I knew I looked good, but he was so young and so good-looking, that I figured he was only after one thing. Ironically, that was the same thing I was looking for.

  I still had not been intimate with any of the men I had dated and my sexual longings were becoming more and more intrusive. All I could think about was sex. One night, Brett called me, after we had been chatting on-line. It was late and I was ready to go to bed. He asked if he could drive over to see me. I know I should have behaved like a rational, mature woman, but I was longing to see him, and to feel some physical affection after so many years. Like a fool, I agreed. “Yes, come over. I’ll be here.”

  I dressed in my most seductive pair of black slacks, with a form fitting black sweater. I put on my make-up carefully, and made sure I smelled as good as I looked. I sat in the living room and waited for him to arrive. Finally, around 11:00 pm I heard him outside the patio door and I opened it. He walked straight through my dining room, into the living room and stood there, looking at me. I cannot tell you how I felt at that moment. He was everything and more than his photos had shown. He was larger than life! It was as if a movie star had walked into my house and said “Here I am – all yours.”

  He was about 6’4” tall – incredibly broad and strong. He had told me he was a water polo competitor, and he looked the part. He wore a black leather jacket and jeans, with a black shirt. His hair was blonde and curly, and his eyes a piercing blue. I could not believe my eyes, and had to sit down to catch my breath. I offered him a scotch, and we sat and talked for a while. Needless to say, I behaved like a complete slut and took him to bed. What else could I do? I had not had satisfying sex since 1969 – over thirty-eight years before! And how satisfying it was! He was strong and capable and made me feel like the most desirable woman in the world. I kept my wits about me, and made sure we used protection, but that one-night stand was the best thing that had happened to me in almost forty years. He held me all night in his strong arms, and we parted the next morning
with a kiss and a hug. I knew there could never be a relationship between us – but I would never forget that one night of bliss.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  John, my on-line buddy, persisted with his emails and instant messages, and I found myself going to the computer after dates, confiding in him and asking his dating advice. I didn’t tell him about Brett, as I thought he might get on my case for allowing a total stranger into my home, never mind into my bed!!

  I found him to be a little radical and outrageous in his ideas, but he was always ready to listen and offer advice. He usually told me to drop the guys I was seeing, as he felt they were losers. Some of his emails made no sense, but I figured that since he was from Germany, perhaps his English was not too good.

  I began to consider John as a great on-line friend, but was focusing all my attention on another suitor who was nine years my junior. Although David lived three hours away in the Mojave Desert, he seemed perfect and our relationship started to blossom via daily telephone calls and numerous emails. He promised to drive out to see me in late December 2007. While preparing for David’s visits I still responded to John’s emails and instant messages. It gave my ego a boost to realise that someone so young had a crush on me.

  In the meantime, Bill and I took a trip to Indiana. Our son, Nick, had purchased his very first home with his partner, Lee, and was anxious for us to visit. The house was brand new and gorgeous, and we had a wonderful time. I spend a great deal of time on the phone to David while I was there, talking about his impending visit to Los Angeles. After a week in Indiana, Bill and returned to our respective homes.

  I went to the computer one night and found another email from John, giving me a little more information about himself. He sounded quite intriguing and my interest was piqued. “What the hell?” I thought, “It can’t hurt to lead him on a little. I really enjoy the attention and I’ll never actually meet him.”

  All of a sudden, my relationship with John had taken on a life of its own. Numerous instant messages were written back and forth on a daily basis but eventually David arrived, after weeks of intense and heated conversations. I took one look at him and thought he had definite potential. He was tall, dark and very romantic, and seemed ready to fall in love, as I was. Having had a taste of what lovemaking could be like, I was bursting with repressed sexual desire and could not wait to get David into bed. This time I wanted it to be with a long-term partner, and felt David could definitely be the one.

  A little shy and uncertain, David went along with my desire for intimacy, and we kissed and hugged all evening after I had prepared him a delicious dinner. He was already declaring his love for me after weeks of intimate phone calls and letters, and I was flattered and thrilled to have a strong, attractive man wanting me. Later that evening we went to bed and spent hours just holding and kissing each other.

  Unfortunately, to my disappointment and embarrassment, David found it impossible to make love to me and experienced such a terrible migraine, that he left for home at four in the morning, giving me a brief kiss goodbye.

  I was devastated, and overcome with pity for him, as well as frustration at not being able to consummate our mutual desire. David called me on his return home, followed by an angst-filled email expressing his disappointment, and feeling that perhaps he was impotent. I reassured him that I did not care about sex – what a liar I was – and that I only cared about him.

  I had a tendency, in moments of boredom, to seek people from my past. I had reunited via emails with Benny, my pen-pal from 1960, and we were writing to each other on a fast and furious basis. He was proving to be a caring and loving man, who seemed to be having deep feelings for me. I saved all his emails and was preparing to write a book about him, which is a separate story. In the meantime, I decided to look for my half-brothers.

  The computer is amazing, and I was able to research plenty of information. I found the schools my half-brothers had attended, but the trail was cold after that. My sister, Julie, had surely married and was living somewhere in England, so I didn’t bother looking for her. I decided to look for my brother John, and hired a detective agency. I was given a list of about thirty addresses in England, and decided to send letters to each and every one.

  One day, a few weeks after, I received an email. I had no idea who it was from, but as I read the words, my heart almost stopped.

  “Hi Valerie. This is your sister, Julie. I received an email from my brother John, and he told me he had received a letter from you. Just wanted you to know that I have been living in California, in Orange County, since the early 1970’s, and would love to meet you.”

  I almost fell off my computer chair in shock. Julie!! I had never even contemplated searching for her, especially since my mother had told me dreadful tales of Julie and her mother, Barbara. Still, blood is thicker than water, and it wasn’t Julie’s fault that our father was such a bastard. We arranged to meet the next week.

  I called Bill and asked him to accompany me to the restaurant where we were to have dinner with Julie and her new husband. A cousin from London, whom I had never met before, Robert Bogin, was in California on business, and joined us for the dinner. It was very strange meeting brand new family for the first time. I was nervous, but excited at the same time. I knew Julie was nine months younger than me, but had no idea what she would look like or how she would react to seeing me.

  The dinner went well and I was impressed with my new sister. She was smaller than me, with huge blue eyes, and probably looked more like our father. I could see no physical resemblance between us whatsoever. She was more reserved and contained than me, and I sensed a slight pulling back at first, especially when I gave her a huge hug. All in all, it was an interesting meeting and we arranged to get together in the near future.

  My half-sister, Julie, my cousin Robert Bogin and me – 2008

  CHAPTER FIVE

  The next four months were filled with the most intense emotion I had experienced in years. My infatuation with David grew as I encouraged him to come back and try again. He drove back on three or four occasions, hoping against hope that he would be able to make love to me. He even tried using Viagra, but it caused even worse migraines and, as before, he always left in the early hours of the morning. In April 2008 he left for the last time, following up with an email explaining that I deserved more than he could give, and that he did not want to cause me any further distress.

  My heart was broken and I wrote constantly, begging him to return. Emotionally I was a mess. I had endured all those years of marriage without real love or passion, and now it seemed as though I would never have it.

  John had seemed to disappear from sight and I forgot all about him. I decided to go back on-line and renew my subscription with Match.com. I was contacted by a 63 year old man who lived in Denver who seemed convinced by my profile that I was the one for him. I couldn’t tell much about him from his profile or picture, but allowed him to call me on the phone. Week after week, Jerry would wake me in the morning, call again in the afternoon, and then in the evening at bedtime. Through long telephone conversations, we had established a very intimate relationship, without actually having met.

  One morning the phone rang at 8 am, waking me from a sound sleep.

  “Hi, sexy baby” came the deep, thrilling tones from the voice on the other end of the line.

  I stretched out, smiling, loving the sound of intimacy and suggestion in his voice.

  “I love you, baby,” he went on.

  “I think about you day and night, and can’t wait to see you.”

  I had become dependent on Jerry’s phone calls, and loved hearing his voice. He made me feel as if I were the most important woman in the world. We seemed to get along perfectly, except for our political views. He was a die-hard Democrat, whereas I am more conservative. We had had a few hearty debates over the phone about his politics, some even leading to tears on my part.

  “Oh well”, I thought, you can’t have everything. “Maybe I can learn someth
ing from him.”

  “So when are you coming?” he asked.

  “I can be there this weekend – my son gave me a free pass, so I’ll arrive on Friday afternoon.”

  “I can’t wait, baby” he said softly. “I’m dying to see you in person.”

  I wondered to myself if what I was doing was crazy. My friends had warned me not to fly out to see him, especially since I had no idea who he really was. But his seductive words roped me in, and I failed to heed the warnings of my friends who learned of my on-line dating.

  “Please be careful,” warned my cousin, Jackie. “You don't know who is out there.”

  “He could be a serial killer,” voiced another anxious friend, Rita. “Please don't leave to go see someone you have never met before.”

  I pooh-poohed all their cautionary words, certain that I had found the man of my dreams. Nothing was going to stop me from boarding the plane and meeting Mr. Wonderful.

  Friday finally arrived and I managed to find a seat on the plane at LAX. Travelling stand-by is always stressful, but since my Nick worked for the airline, I was able to obtain a pass.

  It was a two-hour flight to Denver and as the plane swooped down to land, my stomach dipped in anxiety.

  “Please, God, make him attractive,” I begged. His picture had been fuzzy on the dating site, and although he had sent me newer photos, they showed a man who was somewhat overweight. Jerry had assured me he had been dieting and exercising faithfully for the past six months, and had dropped several sizes. He phoned regularly, boasting of the runs he had taken up and down Red Rock, and reporting that his belt size was shrinking rapidly. I was expecting to meet a burly but fit man and although his photos showed him to look like a pleasant teddy bear, I felt I could live with that. I just wanted a happy, pleasant and loving man, nothing more.