Dove

by D H Sidebottom

  A huge grin was plastered across my face when I walked into my own bedroom. Flicking on the light I jumped back when I found Flick sitting in the wicker chair in the corner. By the look on his face I knew he was drunk and high.

  The fierce glare in his eyes made me frown. “What the fuck, Flick?”

  He held a small glass tumbler of golden liquid, and after swirling it once around his glass he downed the contents then pushed himself up from the chair and came towards me.

  My back hit the wall when he trapped me against it. I could see the emotion swirling in his eyes and I couldn’t speak, never mind move.

  I was spellbound by the feel of him and the horror reflected through the pure beauty of his eyes.

  He lifted a hand and I froze when he drew a soft finger across my lips and then down the centre of my throat. The only sound was my deep breathing, the only thing I could focus on, him.

  “I could never accept what… what that monster did to you because it was my fault.”

  My heart pounded and I tried to swallow the despair that mirrored his. “It wasn’t your fault, Flick.” My voice was quiet but I put as much conviction into it as I could manage.

  Anger crossed his face. “You wanted me to talk about it, so you let me. You listen to me. Don’t make fucking excuses up for what I did, Dove.”

  Fury slithered into my veins. “What you did? Tell me, Flick. Tell me exactly what you did.”

  “I didn’t help you!” he bit out. “I pushed you away. I didn’t fucking help you. You were my best friend, the only person I loved and have ever loved, and I let you go through that on your own.”

  “What were you supposed to do?”

  “I was a coward! I was nothing but a fucking coward.”

  “He was evil, Flick!” I shouted, needing him to hear the truth. “He would have killed you!”

  “Then I should have let him!” he screamed back. “Because it would have been better than dealing with this constant exhausting pain inside me.”

  My heart stopped beating as tears burnt my eyes. “It was my fault, Flick. I went to your van. You told me never to do that. It was my own stupid fault. Not yours. Never yours.” I reached up, cradling his face. A single tear rolled from his eye and the sight of it broke my heart. “Neither of us could have stopped him. He was determined to break me.”

  A funny choked sound left him as he pressed his face deeper into my touch. “He hurt you because of me,” he whispered. “He hurt you so much.”

  I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the revulsion on his face with my next words. “What he did to me… it made me stronger. As sick as that might sound. But inside I was closed off, numb. I don’t think I would have ever survived the next few years without that.”

  He screwed his face up and turned away from me.

  Finally talking about it eased a tension in my chest that had been there since that sickening night, yet the pain that came with it threatened to drag me under. But I needed Flick to deal with it before I went away.

  “I was angry with you. Jealous,” I said. Nausea curled heavy in my belly and I took a deep breath. “I left you that night because I was scared and ashamed.”

  Flick froze. I knew for ten years he had wanted an explanation of why I had left him and now I was finally going to tell him, I prepared myself for his hatred.

  “I was ashamed of what I had become. But more than that, I knew I could never give you the thing that you wanted.”

  “I only ever wanted you, Dove.”

  I shook my head, dread tearing an old gaping wound open. “I had something of yours that I knew you would never let go of.”

  Confusion covered his face. “I don’t understand.”

  I was going to vomit. The race of self-hatred through my veins made me shudder. I couldn’t look at him and I lowered my face. “I was carrying the brother or sister you always wanted.”

  He stumbled backwards, falling onto the bed with a heavy thud. His eyes were wide and unseeing, the alarm inside him making his chest struggle with each drastic pull of air. Finding the courage to look at him, the pain on his face finally broke the dam that had been holding it all back for over ten years. My soul shattered in a wail of destruction that forced me to my knees.

  “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t… I… I killed it. I killed the only thing I had left that was connected to you.” I looked up at him, begging him to forgive me. “I paid for it, Flick. I have paid every day since.”

  He couldn’t speak, the look of revulsion on his face breaking me more and more.

  “I went to a backstreet clinic. I had little money,” I mumbled, desperate for him to hear my plea of forgiveness. “They made me pay. They made me pay in the worst way possible. They destroyed me inside. I will never have children because of what I did. I’m sorry, Flick. Please. I’m so sorry.”

  His head was shaking, his jaw trembling as he screwed his eyes shut.

  “You see, it was never your fault. Never. I stole something from you. I took the only thing you had ever prayed for and I killed it. I loved you so much. So fucking much but I couldn’t….”

  He dropped to his knees in front of me and before I could move he was pulling at me, drawing me into him. When his arms slid around me and he buried his face into my neck, a long howl of pain that tore from him, at long last, unshackled the agony we had both locked away.

  He clung to me as hard as I did him, both of us allowing each other to free the misery that had broken us apart so long ago.

  Through the haze I heard a door open and then quietly close, the sun came up, the light in the room growing stronger and the morning song of the birds heralded us into reality.

  Flick’s hands framed my face and he lifted my eyes to his. “I don’t blame you, Dove. I could never blame you for anything. You did what you had to do.”

  In the next breath he was kissing me, his lips soft yet his mouth pressing urgently against my own. He moaned into my mouth when my hands slid into his thick hair, the touch making my heart soar. “I love you,” he whispered. “I’ll always love you.”

  “Why do you always whisper it?” I asked. I loved him and I wanted to shout it from the damn rooftops. It was as though he didn’t want anyone to hear whenever he declared his love for me and as much as I believed him, I couldn’t say it didn’t hurt.

  He leaned towards me, moving his mouth to my ear. His warm breath caused my body to shiver. “A whisper touches the soul,” he whispered against the heat of my skin. “And I need your soul to feel the very depth of my love for you.”

  I pounced on him, knocking us both backwards onto the floor as I crushed my mouth to his. Flick laughed, but not for long when I tore open his trousers and took his cock into my hand.

  “Jesus, Dove,” he groaned when I wrapped my lips around the tip of him.

  He pulsed in my mouth when I very slowly sank down the entire length of him, gagging when he hit the back of my throat. Caressing his balls in the palm of my hand and feeling them pucker with need made me tremble with arousal. He was hard and smooth in my mouth, the unique taste of him making my mouth water and lubricating every one of my slides over him.

  His hand drew my hair into a bunch, the agonising pleasure I was pushing him with making him grip hard and burrowing pain into my own pleasure. I groaned at the sensation, making him gasp when it vibrated along the length of his cock.

  I was suddenly flipped onto my back and Flick thrust deep inside me with an urgency that made us both yelp. He paused to lift his shirt over his head and then his lips encased my nipple, the heat sending a shot of pleasure all the way down to the hollow of my womb.

  I arched towards him, mumbling incoherent shit that neither of us could understand as he started to rock harder inside me. His cock was thick and deep, driving me closer and closer to nirvana. I could feel him holding back, waiting for me, and when he reached between us and swiped my clit with the side of his thumb, I was a dam bursting around him. My loud cry masked the sound of his de
ep growl as he fractured with me, filling me until both of us panted desperately.

  “I love you,” I whispered, looking up at him and securing his gaze so he could see the truth.

  Picking me up, he laid us both on the bed, pulling my head to his chest as he stared up at the ceiling. “I’m not back with Jen. I took her out to tell her I want a divorce.”

  I tensed in his arms. Why was it always too late for me? Every chance at happiness was always snatched away in the most dreadful way possible. I was happy he wasn’t going back with her because she was a bitch who didn’t deserve him. Yet I wanted him to be happy and definitely not alone. Never alone. He’d been so alone when we were kids, and if I could have sold my soul to the devil to make sure he was never alone again I would have. But what could I say?

  “It’s just me and you now, Dove. Me, you, and Ren. I’m going to take care of you both, the way I should have done all those years ago.”

  I just nodded, hating the pain that started to engulf me.

  “I have to go up north today for an audition and to sort out a new film, but when I get back, me and you are going house hunting. Family home shopping.”

  I squeezed him tighter, forcing away the tears that bled straight from the centre of my heart. “But I can never give you a family, Flick. You deserve someone who can…”

  He grabbed my chin, turning my face to his. “There’s adoption.”

  I scoffed. “Flick, I’m a prostitute.”

  “About that,” he mumbled with a look that told me where he was going.

  “I was a prostitute.”

  His face lit into the most stunning picture of happiness, and I couldn’t help but smile with him.

  Quickly kissing me on the nose, he leapt out of bed and pulled on his clothes. I couldn’t do anything but watch with a piercing ache inside me. I would never again see the man I had loved. Covering my mouth with my hand in an attempt to force back the despair that was scrambling up my throat, I watched, transfixed, with a relief that we had finally been able to bury the horror of our childhood. That was all I had ever wanted, really. I wanted Flick to be happy, a happiness that would never hold him back from his future. A future I knew would never be with me.

  “I want you to be happy,” I whispered.

  He stopped and frowned at me. “And we will be.”

  “Promise me, Flick. Promise me that whatever happens you’ll not break your promise to me.”

  “Hey,” he urged as he briskly swept away the tears from my cheeks. “I promise. I promise.”

  I nodded quickly and forced a smile. “Go. Go get that new part.”

  “Ah.” He waved a hand at me. “It’s in the bag, baby.”

  I laughed, nodding.

  “I’ll text you when I get there,” he promised. And then he kissed me quickly and he was gone.

  Forever.

  TWELVE HOURS LATER I was pacing up and down. Where the fuck were they? I hadn’t heard from either Ren or Flick, and my calls were going straight to voicemail. Surely Ren knew how worried I would be. Marcus wasn’t answering either and I knew they would have hit Manchester around late morning. It was now eight in the evening, and it felt like a whole lifetime had passed.

  Dread curled in my belly as a sheen of sweat broke out. I knew but I didn’t want to accept it. I’d checked the travel news scanning for any accidents or holdups they would have hit but there was nothing.

  Firing up the PC I logged into the clientele data list and brought up Jerry Boston’s number. My hands shook as I waited for him to pick up. He sounded like I’d woken him when he did answer. “Mr Boston, it’s Dove Holland.”

  “Who?” he muttered.

  “Sorry, Dove Bliss, Flick’s…”

  “Dove,” he greeted, more alert. “Are you okay?”

  “Umm, Flick mentioned that he had an audition today.” I tried to keep my voice level.

  “Yeah that’s right.”

  “Well umm, we had a bit of an argument, all my fault. And I really wanted to go and surprise him. I don’t suppose you know where he went?” I closed my eyes anticipating his answer before he’d spoken a word.

  “Uhh,” he muttered. “Somewhere up Manchester I think….”

  He was still mumbling when I dropped the phone and ran.

  AN INCESSANT ANGRY throb in my head made me groan.

  A crash. I’d been in a crash. A truck. Hitting me side on. A roll and then a ditch before I’d blacked out.

  Everywhere hurt and I felt restricted. Panic rushed through me making my breastbone press heavily on my lungs, making it difficult to breathe. Was I trapped, still in the wreckage? I couldn’t see anything but blackness as I squirmed and tried to free myself.

  “Flick. It’s okay.”

  I stilled, frowning at the sound of Ren’s sweet voice. “Ren?”

  “I’m here,” she whispered from the side of me, making me turn to squint into the shadows around me.

  “W-what?”

  Before she could answer, a blinding light from above made us both gasp. Pain behind my eyes caused me to blink furiously as I tried to adapt from the darkness.

  Fuck.

  FUCK!

  I noticed Marcus first, his very dead body laid on the floor, a gaping hole in his head spilling blood onto a pale concrete floor. Then I caught sight of Ren. She was tied to a chair, the same as me. Her eyes were on me, moving quickly up and down my body as she checked me out. “You’re okay,” she said with a hint of relief in her voice.

  “What the fuck is going on?” A flash of something in her eyes told me exactly what was going on. “Where’s Dove?”

  She shook her head. “He doesn’t have her. That’s why he has us.”

  “Viktor?”

  She nodded. “Yeah, our interviews, both of them, were setups.” She shrugged as if she should personally apologise for the situation we were in.

  “Hey,” I whispered. “It’s gonna be okay.”

  She stared at me, the lines on her forehead creasing. She didn’t believe me. Fuck, I didn’t believe me. But a part of me was glad Dove was safe. Everything was okay if Dove was alright. I just needed to get Ren out.

  “Flick, it’s going to be everything but okay.” Tears slowly left her eyes and began to crawl down over her pale cheeks. “It won’t ever be okay again. It’s going to be more painful than you could ever have imagined. And that pain will never end until he has witnessed the very last beat of your heart. And all because you fell in love with what belongs to him.”

  Ren was eighteen now, but all I could see was the frightened six-year-old I always held in my memories. “No. I won’t allow that to happen. I won’t ever let anyone hurt you, Ren…”

  “Aww, how sweet. Happy reunion?”

  We both snapped our heads round. A tall man had appeared from nowhere. I hadn’t heard him nor seen him enter the large square space I presumed to be a basement. He reminded me of a ghost, his sallow wraithlike body filling a space that still seemed empty.

  He smiled at Ren, a smile that appeared to be genuine, but I knew was anything but. “Welcome home, sweetheart.”

  She squashed her lips together, a sure sign that she was trying to hold back what she really wanted to say. She remained silent.

  “Aren’t you going to give me a hug? After all it must be what…” he tipped his head aside as though mulling something over, “…four years and twenty seven days exactly.”

  “Untie me and I’ll show you exactly how much I’ve missed you, Viktor.”

  He laughed at her mettle then turned to me. Coldness swept over his face, making me shiver from the chill that had suddenly descended. “At last, Mr O’Kane, we finally meet.”

  My teeth vibrated under the rage that was pouring through me. “Let Ren go. I’m sure we can sort this out between us.” Viktor pursed his lips as he regarded me curiously. “She’s a kid. She doesn’t deserve this. She’s done nothing wrong.”

  He nodded slowly. “Ah, but see, that’s where you’re wrong. It has everyt
hing to do with Serenity. In my world, Mr O’Kane, it’s considered a politeness to pay for what you took.”

  I stared at him. His voice was like a liquid pain that oozed into your pores and made every fibre of you scream in agony.

  “I took nothing!” Ren hissed. “I don’t want anything of yours.”

  Viktor shot his eyes to her. “Not you, Serenity, no. But your sister? She owes me. And unfortunately due to her late payment I have had to take my own compensation.”

  “Payment for what?” I was struggling to keep hold of my anger. Calm was the only way I could even start to think of a way out and I was struggling to sort through the jumbled thoughts.

  Viktor unexpectedly froze, his head tipping sideways again. He seemed alert to something as his eyes narrowed. Then suddenly a large grin broke out on his face. He kept his face on Ren and me and held both hands out to the side as the two men who were standing guard behind him shifted quickly. “No!” he ordered faster than they moved. Instantly they stood firm again.

  I caught the sight of a silhouette fill the doorway behind him.

  “An eye for an eye,” he whispered strangely.

  I couldn’t breathe when the shadow moved forwards, heels clicking loudly in the quiet of the room.

  “Hello, Viktor,” Dove said from behind him, her eyes fixed on the back of his head. My eyes widened on her but she didn’t look at me, only Viktor. She held a knife in her hand, the blood from it dripping down her hand and then spotting on the floor beside her heeled boots. Her clothes were covered in blood and I furiously scanned her body, looking for non-existent injuries. She held herself steady and firm, her focus only on the man in front of me and her sister. “It seems the books are ready for balancing once again.”

  VIKTOR SLOWLY ROTATED, and on his turnaround I shot a fleeting glance at Ren and Flick. They both looked beat up, but nothing I needed to worry about. Yet.