Learning to Lean

by Mildred Colvin

  He grinned. “No, I wouldn’t. Even short-lived it’s worth something just to watch her smiles.”

  “I agree.”

  “May I have your attention, please?” The pastor’s voice called out. “We’ve got a special treat tonight. Our puppeteers have practiced hard to provide meaningful entertainment for our annual festival. I’ve been told the show is about to begin. So, if everyone will gather around, we’ll see how good these kids are. Enjoy and listen to the message the story has to tell.”

  Folding chairs had been brought from the church and still there wasn’t room for everyone to sit. Matt and Heather stood near the back. Heather took Candace from the stroller and held her so she could see.

  “Want to trade kids?” Matt asked.

  Heather frowned, unsure why he’d want to hold Candace instead of Kristi.

  He grinned. “Not permanently. I assume Candace weighs more than Kristi does.”

  “Oh, but that wouldn’t be fair to you.” Heather didn’t quite know how to respond to Matt’s thoughtfulness. Darrell had been a good man, but he hadn’t noticed the details of caring for children the way Matt did. Of course, Darrell seldom had taken care of their children. That had always been her responsibility and she’d never complained.

  Matt shifted Kristi to one arm and reached for Candace who went to him without hesitation. The smirk he turned toward Heather said he’d known all along she would. “Now, I can hold both girls, or you can take Kristi. Doesn’t matter to me.”

  Heather laughed. “For two cents I’d leave you holding them, but you probably wouldn’t pay.”

  “Oh, I don’t know.” He nuzzled Candace’s neck and listened to her giggle. “Might get tiring but not unpleasant.”

  When Heather held her hands out to Kristi, the two-year-old fell into her arms and said something that sounded like “Mama.” Except right then, the puppets popped up on stage and began singing “Jesus Loves Me,” drowning out her voice.

  Heather turned her attention to the stage, as the puppets began a conversation about how much Jesus loved them. One boy puppet bragged Jesus loved him more than anyone else. The other puppets challenged his remark, so he told of Jesus dying on the cross just for him.

  As the puppets argued about which of them Jesus died for, Heather tried to pick out Brad’s puppet. Surely he would make mistakes since he had never worked a puppet before, but if he did, Heather couldn’t see them. Maybe he’d walked away. It would be like Brad to leave and not tell her.

  She’d been caught up in the night. So many familiar surroundings and people she knew and respected. Her defenses against returning to church had been shaken, but it was nothing more than a dream. Attending church wouldn’t make a difference in their lives, hers and Brad’s.

  She and Darrell attended faithfully all their married life, and he’d still died, leaving her with no way to support their children. Using God for a crutch hadn’t helped and wouldn’t now. She needed to be strong and make a way for herself, even if that meant marrying Howard.

  “They’re good, aren’t they?” Matt leaned close to whisper.

  She looked into his smiling face and nodded. He held Candace as if she were his own child.

  Why didn’t Matt have money? She enjoyed being with him whether eating ice cream or watching a puppet show. She’d never met a more attractive and appealing man than Matt Sanders.

  The crowd began moving about. Heather had missed the ending of the show.

  “Mom.”

  “Dad.”

  Twin voices called out as Gary and Ricky ran toward them both talking at once about the fun they’d had.

  “Dad, did you watch us?” Becka ran across the grass, her smile wide.

  Brad followed only a bit slower. He stood by Heather with the hint of a smile on his face, his hands tucked into his back pockets.

  “So, how’d it go?” Heather searched Brad’s face. He’d stayed. He hadn’t stormed away after all.

  “Wasn’t too bad.” He shrugged.

  “Not too bad!” Becka swung toward him. “You’re good for a greenhorn. Of course it helps if your puppet moves his mouth every time he talks.”

  She laughed, and Brad stepped toward her. “My puppet opened his mouth, I’ll have you know.”

  Within seconds Becka’s and Brad’s voices blended with Ricky’s and Gary’s until Heather couldn’t distinguish one conversation from the other. Not to be outdone obviously, Candace and Kristi added their chatter to the melee as each child competed with five others to be heard.

  Six kids. Heather recognized the confusion in Matt’s eyes. He lifted his eyebrows while the hint of a smile touched his lips. In her imagination, his expression said, Will you look at all these tummies to fill, shoes to buy and braces to pay for. More than any sane person would take on, don’t you think?

  She nodded with a sympathetic smile and answered in her thoughts. I know, Matt, I’ve been thinking the same thing.

  ~*~*~*~

  ~Ten~

  When Matt dropped the boys off after church Sunday, Brad jumped onto the porch almost before Heather had the door open. “Mom, can I go with the King’s Kids Puppeteers next Saturday afternoon?”

  Heather waved toward Matt’s departing Bronco then went back into the house, her sons following. She still could scarcely believe Brad had gone to church with the Sanders family. She didn’t know what to think about the eager, bright-eyed boy who shoved a permission slip at her and said he wanted to go on a church activity.

  “Go where?” She stalled for time to think about this new development.

  “We’re going on a bike ride and a picnic at the city lake.”

  “That’s five miles out of town, Brad.”

  He frowned. “So what? Five miles isn’t far on a bike.” His arms folded across his chest as a bit of his old defiance returned. “Don’t tell me. I can’t go. You don’t want me running around with my friends and now you don’t want me going to church.”

  “Brad, I didn’t say you couldn’t go.” Heather stepped over Gary and Candace who had settled on the floor to watch TV. In the kitchen, she dropped the permission slip on the table, as she walked past. “I’m sure it will be fine if you go. I was surprised is all.”

  Brad stood inside the kitchen door looking so much like the little boy he’d been three years ago. He seemed vulnerable somehow without his usual scowl in place. She wanted to take him into her arms and reassure herself nothing had changed, but she couldn’t. Because everything had changed and nothing would ever be the same again. She reached into the overhead cabinet for drinking glasses and set them on the counter.

  “Then I can go?”

  She nodded. “Yes, you can go.”

  “Good, call me when dinner’s ready.” He turned to leave.

  “Wait, where are you going?”

  “To my room. I’ve got to study a script and do my homework.” His voice trailed back to her as he walked away.

  Heather ran after him. At the living room she stopped him with her voice. “Brad, wait. Your homework?”

  “Yeah,” He paused in the hall. “Pastor Barnes says we have to keep up our grades if we want to be puppeteers.”

  Heather turned back to the kitchen and picked up the papers Brad had given her. A second page explaining the puppeteer program had been stapled to the permission slip. As a puppeteer, Brad would be traveling to other churches in the area from time to time to perform. He would also be expected to attend practice sessions once a month and more often before a show. She scanned the page and found a list of rules for participation that included keeping grades up. Another required regular Sunday school and church attendance.

  She stuck the paperwork away with a mental shrug. If Brad wanted to be a puppeteer and attend church, she had no argument to give. Surely going to church would be better than hanging out downtown with who knew what kind of bad influence.

  ~*~

  Matt pulled to a stop at the daycare on Monday evening and jumped from the Bronco almost before h
e took the key from the ignition. The yard looked deserted without children playing. He was late. He’d been pushing six o’clock when he called it a day, but he wanted this job done. With all the work piling up, he’d been turning people away, and that didn’t do anything for his reputation. Besides, he wanted to get back to the daycare and finish the job he and Brad had started.

  Matt opened the door and listened. He followed the sound of voices to the back. Heather sat on the floor in the big room with Kristi and Candace on her lap. She held a book as she read to the two little girls. Becka sat on the floor a couple of feet away listening to the story. Ricky and Gary sat across from each other at a small table playing a game of Rummy. From all appearances they looked like a cozy family.

  Matt frowned. “Sorry I’m late.”

  Heather’s eyes opened wide. “Oh my, I didn’t hear you. Did the bell on the front door ring when you came in?”

  “Not that I noticed.” He glanced back down the hall. “If you want, I’ll take a look at it.”

  “Would you mind?” She moved the little girls from her and stood. “It’s probably the battery gone dead. I could check that myself.”

  He grinned at her show of independence. “It’s no problem. I don’t mind.”

  He didn’t mind when she followed him back down the hall either. He pulled the cover from the bell and handed it to her as if having her help was the most natural thing in the world. He pulled the double A batteries out and looked at them. “You wouldn’t have another couple of these around, would you?”

  “Yes, I think so.” She hurried into her office and came back with the batteries. “Here you go.”

  He replaced them and opened the door. A clear ding dong sounded and he grinned. “Another victory.”

  Heather smiled up at him. “You’re a very handy man to have around.”

  His heart was in jeopardy. Her comment hit him in a way he hadn’t expected. He’d already passed the point of resisting her charm, and he didn’t know what to do about it. Glad for any distraction, Matt turned at the sound of young feet running down the hall.

  “Dad.” “Mom.” Rickie and Gary spoke at the same time.

  “Whoa, we walk inside.” Matt cautioned both boys and stifled a grin when they skidded to a stop.

  “We want to go on a bike ride, too.” Rickie tugged on Matt’s arm.

  “And a picnic. Why can’t we, Mom?” Gary gave his mother a wide-eyed, lower-lip-hanging-out expression. “Brad gets to.”

  “That’s because he’s going with the church group.” Heather looked at Matt.

  Before he could think of a good response, Becka showed up with the two little girls. “I think that’s a great idea, Dad. You and Heather should take the little kids for an outing. You’ll need a bike with a child carrier, Heather. I could probably borrow one for you.”

  Heather shook her head. “No, that’s all right. I have a bike. Minus good tires probably, but a bike nevertheless.”

  “I’ll check it out for you.” Matt shut his mouth a bit late. The kids would be expecting to go now for sure.

  Heather’s eyes held confusion. “Are you saying you want to take four kids on a bike ride and a picnic?”

  Matt shrugged. “I didn’t mean to say that, but…” He turned from one expectant, upturned face to another, finally stopping with Heather. The hint of a smile on her lips told him he had no choice. “But, I can’t think of any good reason why we shouldn’t go. Of course, me taking off on a bike isn’t going to get your new room finished.”

  “I can help you on the room for a couple of hours every night this week, Daddy. And, I’ll bet Brad will help, too.” Becka turned pleading eyes from him to Heather. “That is, if Heather will watch Kristi for me.”

  Heather laughed. “It’s a good idea, Becka, except your dad already works long hours.”

  Matt leaned back against the doorframe and crossed his arms. “Tell you what. I’ll expect Brad here early Saturday morning so we can get in a few hours before the King’s Kids leave. Let me put in some time on the other job this week and get it finished, then come next Monday, I’ll focus on your new room and get it done.”

  “Matt, I’m not in that big a hurry for my room.”

  Matt grinned. “Hey, no problem. We’ll do it. My only question is who’s going to fix our picnic lunch?”

  “We can go?” Ricky and Gary had been listening quietly and now their eyes widened and they gave each other a high five before running outdoors.

  “That’s great, Dad.” Becka’s eyes sparkled and her smile showed her approval. “If Heather doesn’t want to cook, I’ll put something together for you.”

  “No, I don’t mind cooking.” Heather seemed less enthused than the kids, but she gave Becka a smile. “After all, how hard is it to slap a few sandwiches together and buy a bag of chips?”

  “I’ll check out your bike later this week, but right now we’ve got to get out of here and let you go home.” Matt picked Kristi up and steered Becka out the door.

  A few minutes later, Matt pulled out on the road. “Hey, what was that all about?”

  “All what, Dad?” Becka sounded innocent.

  He shot her a quick glance. “You pushing us to go on a bike ride. What’s in it for you? You’re already going with the church group.”

  “Yeah, but Ricky isn’t.” This time Becka’s innocent look seemed a little too put on. “Don’t you think he should have fun, too?”

  “What I think is you’re trying to set me up with a woman you like.”

  “Don’t you like Heather?”

  “Sure, I like her fine. As a friend. If you have more than that in mind, you might as well forget it.”

  “Why?” Becka’s stricken look almost made Matt laugh.

  Instead, he kept his eyes forward and asked the one question he’d been asking himself over and over. “Have you counted noses, Becka? Six kids should be answer enough for anyone.”

  “I think it’s cool.” Becka moved back into her corner of the front seat. “I love little Candace. Gary’s okay, and I always wanted a big brother. If Brad ever gets his head on straight, he might be all right.”

  “So do you think he’ll straighten up?” Matt didn’t mind shifting the conversation away from Heather.

  “He’s going to church now, isn’t he? And he really likes the puppets.”

  “Which is why he’s going to church.”

  “Yeah, but, Dad, you gotta admit, it’s a start.”

  “That’s true, but it’s only a start. We can’t stop praying yet.” What of Heather? She hadn’t yet taken the first step back into the house of the Lord. He wondered if she ever would.

  ~*~

  Heather opened a bag of chips and took one out, letting the captured aroma escape to fuel her appetite. She bit into the chip and watched Matt run through the park after Candace. She squealed when he almost caught her as her little legs pumped even faster. Heather laughed when Matt reached down and grabbed her then fell to the ground, rolling on his back with the toddler held high.

  Candace’s squeals and laughter brought Kristi to climb on Matt’s stomach. Matt sat up and held both little girls down against his legs to tickle them while they squirmed and laughed.

  Heather had never before seen a man play with children as if he enjoyed every moment. Her heart filled with admiration and love. No, not love. She couldn’t fall in love with Matt. She already knew what being poor felt like, and she wanted no more of it.

  Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.

  The words from Proverbs sounded in her mind as if they had been spoken aloud.

  “But I can’t trust blindly,” Heather whispered. “I need something to lean on. Someone tangible like Howard. When I marry him and know there’s money in the bank, then I can trust again.”

  For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.

  Heather shook her head, trying to dislodge the voice that seemed to condemn
her. Where were these scripture verses coming from, anyway? She refused to admit God cared enough to speak to her. He hadn’t been there when she lost everything. Why would He come to her now? Nothing had changed. She still lived in a tiny rental, counting every penny she spent, hoping there would be enough for all the necessities, and knowing there would be nothing left over.

  “Gary, Ricky.” She called the two boys who had discovered the thrill of seeing who could swing the highest before jumping into the soft sand. “Come on. Let’s eat.”

  She turned to the trio on the ground several feet away, glad the voice in her mind had gone. “Matt, do you need help with the girls?”

  “Hardly.” Matt stood and scooped one girl under each arm. He carried the giggling toddlers to the table and deposited Candace on one side and Kristi on the opposite. “Better keep these two apart. They can gang up on a fellow.”

  After they ate, Matt played catch with the boys while Heather stowed their leftovers in a bag and hung it on the handlebars of her bike. She kept the little girls occupied with the swings and watched Matt show the boys how to throw a curve ball.

  Admiration shone from Gary’s eyes every time he looked at Matt. He missed his father, although Darrel had never spent much time playing with him. Matt slipped into the role of dad to her kids without even trying. But was that a good thing? They were so starved for a father’s attention, they craved every crumb he threw their way. How could she guard her heart against such a man? Still she had to, because if she didn’t he would soon claim not only her children’s hearts but her heart as well.

  The outing had been perfect. Heather buckled Candace on her bike and followed Matt and Kristi from the park with the boys rolling ahead of them. As they coasted down a hill toward the busier Main Street, Matt’s shrill whistle startled her from her thoughts. “Gary, Ricky, slow down.”

  She hadn’t even noticed the boys getting so far ahead. “Thank you.”

  He grinned, and her pulse raced.