Stop Dragon My Heart Around

by Susanna Scott

  Move on.

  Her check for $25,000 felt hot inside the pocket of her deerskin pants. Satisfaction about the gift filled her like the tranquil pool at her feet. She would give it to the school principal when she saw her at the powwow, and let everyone know that she was the school’s mysterious benefactor.

  The check would help the school install a computer lab and hire a part-time teacher to bring the students into the twenty-first century. The kids would be so pleased, and with her identity known, she would be considered a part of the tribe, even though she chose to live and work away from the rez.

  “Falling Water.” Behind her, a man called, his voice welcoming and excited. He’d used her Native American name, something only family or close friends were permitted to do.

  Tee stood and saw a man walking toward her. His stride was easy as he navigated the rough sandstone plateau. His black hair was pulled into a low ponytail at his neck, and he wore the ceremonial breeches and a ribbon shirt. He seemed familiar.

  When he smiled at her, she recognized his eyes from her childhood. “Runs with Deer!” She reached out to grab him in an unrestrained hug. It was her old friend, the one with the meddlesome mother.

  Runs with Deer, or James as he was commonly called, wrapped his arms around her, and then held her away by the shoulders so he could see her. “Wow. You sure grew up nice,” he said. “How come you’re not wearing the women’s dress?”

  Tee stepped back, putting a foot-width of distance between them. On the reservation, she liked to have additional, protective layers. Her mother had understood and made the different clothing for her.

  “I just prefer pants,” Tee said with a tight smile. “You men would never understand this, but sand in sensitive spots can be uncomfortable.”

  “I can imagine,” he said. No rancor or judgment stretched his face. He’d just been making an observation. Tee relaxed.

  “What’re you doing here?” Tee asked. “Last I heard you were in medical school somewhere in Seattle.”

  “I was. I’m done now. I’ve signed on with the reservation clinic.”

  Pride and happiness washed through Tee as if she herself had gone to medical school and come back to serve the tribe. “That’s amazing. I knew you could do it.”

  The two of them had been the best students in their class, bringing each other books from home to read about the world beyond the rez. They’d read under a shade tree during recess, while the other kids played, swapping stories about the fascinating life beyond the dusty roads of the reservation.

  “You know there’re probably a hundred thousand different forms of bacteria in that water.” He looked at the pool with derision.

  “And you’ll drink it anyway.” Tee watched the calm surface of the dark, mysterious pool. “Just like I’ll sing the buffalo song with the women.”

  “In pants.”

  “In pants.” She smiled, feeling more understood by a tribe member than she had since her mother died. “You got a place to live yet?” she asked, wanting to keep talking with him.

  “The housing situation is even worse than it was when I left.” James frowned and shook his head.

  “The tribe has put all its resources into building the fireworks stand and smoke shop.”

  “Will they pay off?”

  “Who knows?” She shrugged, always aware that what she said reflected on the Chief’s leadership. “The tribal council controls all that.”

  “But your Dad is Chief, surely he knows?”

  “I really don’t know. I stay out of reservation business. You’ll have to ask him.”

  “I will.”

  As their eyes met Tee saw that he recognized the boundary she had placed. “So, do you need a place to stay?”

  “I’m bunking with my Mom for now.” He gave her an amused look. “I heard she’s been vetting you as a future daughter-in-law?”

  Tee laughed. She’d always liked his forthrightness and was glad to see it hadn’t changed. “It’s not a daughter-in-law she really wants, it’s grandchildren.”

  “Well,” James paused. “I’m here to stay. Here to settle. Here to work on grandchildren.” The smile he gave her matched the sincerity in his expression. Tee blushed and was amazed to find she was glad. Glad he’d be staying to work on grandchildren.

  She studied him under her lashes. He’d filled out through the shoulders, grown into his lanky-kid height. He was a man, comfortable in his skin now. He would make someone a very good husband. She tried to imagine what it would feel like to kiss his smooth, handsome face, but the image wouldn’t form. All she saw in her mind was Leo scowling at her.

  Tee stepped back a bit, creating space between them. “Your Mom must be so happy to have you back.”

  “She is. It is good to not have to worry about her from far away.”

  James’s mom was a sweet woman who’d been widowed early but was determined to raise her son so he knew his heritage. In the way of fatherless children, James had gravitated toward the men in the tribe. He’d been the Chief’s adoring shadow for a time.

  Tee had been jealous on occasions when the Chief took him hunting, or to the tribal man things. Now, her childhood insecurities seemed petty. He’d made something of himself. He was a doctor now. “Hey doc, would you look at this thing on my back, tell me if I need to go to the doctor?”

  He smiled and tilted his head, and the setting sun turned his brown eyes tawny. Friendly Easy-going. Nothing like Leo. “Ohhh, it’s the would-you-look-at-my-mole pick-up line,” he joked.

  Tee grinned. “I’m not sure it’s a mole. It hurts, but I can’t see it that well in the mirror.”

  “Turn around.”

  Tee turned, lifted the back of her shirt flap, and pointed to her lower back. “Somewhere around there.”

  “I see it.” He ran his finger over the mark. The brush of his fingers was impersonal, and no jolt of attraction shook her. No sensitivity of her skin. Nothing. His perusal, even without her being able to see him, was entirely clinical-feeling.

  “What do you think, Doc?”

  “It looks like a burn.”

  “I haven’t been near anything hot.”

  “Hmm…I need to look at it with better light, but for this weekend, keep it out of that water.” He dropped her shirt and she turned to face him.

  “Yes, sir. Thanks for looking.” She smiled. “You know the elders would say that water would heal anything.”

  “The elders are idiots then. We cultured one of our school door handles once for a lab. My view on cleanliness changed dramatically.”

  “Eww, don’t tell me. I work in a casino. I’d just as soon remain ignorant of all the unseen guests.”

  “I heard you worked in a casino now.” His voice held no judgment, and Tee nodded in agreement. “Before we join the others, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about your Mom. I heard she went to the sky.” His words were gentle.

  “Yes.” The familiar ache squeezed Tee’s chest. “I thought about you a lot when it happened. About how awful I was to you when your father died. You were just a kid. I don’t know how you went on.”

  James cleared his throat and looked away from her, over the still pool. “You just do. What other choice is there?”

  “Does the hurt ever get any better?”

  “You think it’s better, and then something happens and you’re right back there. In the pain pit. That’s the way I used to think about it when I was a kid.”

  “The pain pit,” Tee repeated, agreeing with the words. “So true.”

  “How’s the Chief holding up without her?”

  “He’s a strong leader. The wind still whispers wisdom in his ears.” Her words were rote. Words she’d spoken since he’d been elected Chief. She was used to the automatic artifice—it was necessary for the Chief of the tribe to be strong in the sight of others.

  There were plenty of men waiting in the wings to run against him if he appeared weak. Tee knew that many in the tribe didn’t agree with the less th
an progressive stance the Chief took on most issues. She privately agreed. It was time for new priorities and services; upgrading the school was just the beginning.

  The reservation also needed a good technology center for everyone and a library. Even the groceries seemed wilted and old on the reservation.

  “I’m glad you’ve returned,” she said. “We could use some new energy around here.” It was a borderline treasonous statement, but she wanted him to know she supported any effort he made to improve the medical services.

  He smiled. “I’m glad to be back too.”

  “We need you. Last year the kids had to go all the way into the city for vaccinations and there was trouble with the money side of things. They made us pay in cash. We had to raise it ahead of time. And then a bunch of the parents wouldn’t participate because they were suspicious of the white man’s shots.”

  James whistled between his teeth. “What percentage of the reservation kids do you think have been fully vaccinated?”

  “Fully? Maybe fifty percent.” She hated the socioeconomic factors that made the children of the tribe so vulnerable. But it’d always been that way. Her first year in college, she’d gotten her first DTaP shot and had a horrible allergic reaction which kept her in bed for a week.

  “I brought a bunch of donated vaccinations with me, so it should go smoother this year,” he said. “I could use some help convincing mothers to bring in their children, though.”

  “Whatever I can do, I’m happy to help,” Tee said, meaning the offer.

  James smiled. “Are you going to stare into that bacteria laden pool all night or are you going to come be my date to the powwow?” He extended his elbow toward her and Tee threaded her hand through his arm.

  “Well, when you put it like that.” Tee laughed and walked beside him across the rough sandstone to the hive of tribal activity.

  The campground was at the center of the lands the Paiute had claimed before the Bureau of Indian Affairs, under President Jackson, had shrunk them to nothing. The tribe’s fight with the authorities continued through the decades.

  Lately, the fight with the government was about the proposed disposal of nuclear waste on the nearby Yucca Mountain, and about nearby coal plant pollution. The elders favored hunkering down, a form of isolationism, which included no lawsuits over Yucca Mountain or the coal plant.

  People her age wanted to fight. Tee’s time in the casino had convinced her that there was no power in avoidance and poverty and clinging to ideals, which were at best outdated, and at worst sticking their heads in the desert sand. But, she couldn’t voice her opinion because it would be disrespectful to her father.

  Just another reason she’d chosen to live off the reservation.

  They stopped at the edge of a large group of gathered tribal members. In one corner of the plateau, a group prepared the sweat lodge, in another women built an outdoor feeding area.

  “Hello, Dr. Gemmell,” an attractive young woman greeted James. She brought her two friends to stand by them. The trio wore traditional dresses and their hair was loose around their shoulders. The ceremonial dresses were bold, and florescent flourishes mixed with the metal spirals that Tee knew would jingle when they danced.

  The woman shifted and circled the doctor adroitly cutting Tee off from the group. Tee met James’s amused glance over the woman’s shoulders and shook her head. James shrugged at their obvious move to separate them.

  She watched the women’s constant hair flipping and touching of his arm, feeling ever more an outsider. Did she flip her hair like that when Leo was around? Or constantly touch her face and lips to draw his attention to them?

  “Ladies,” James said, reaching around one of the women for Tee’s arm. He inched her forward, displacing the women to his right. “You remember Tallulah, the Chief’s daughter.”

  Tee saw that the women were much younger than her—barely out of high school, she guessed. The women nodded, but their faces were less than friendly.

  “You should know,” the middle woman said. “Tallulah lives in town, in a casino. She hardly comes to the reservation.”

  Tee shook her head. “That’s not true—”

  “Are you saying you live here with us?” the young woman challenged.

  “I don’t have to live here to be a part of the reservation,” Tee answered, taken aback by the women’s vehemence.

  “I’ve known Tallulah all her life,” James said, censure in his tone. “I’m sure she’s more involved than you know.”

  Despite his defense, Tee wanted to get away from the group. “Look, you’ve no idea about anything. Talk to me when you’ve a few more years and life experience on you.” She didn’t add that in those years, if tribal statistics held, the young women would acquire several children and wish they had more options off the reservation.

  “I’ll catch up with you later,” she told James and walked away from the group.

  Across the fire, Leo stepped out of the shadows and stood next to the flames. He wore a dark T-shirt, faded jeans, and hiking boots. The women and James continued to talk at her back, but their chatter sounded as if it came from far away.

  Her eyes drank in Leo. The blaze illuminated the side of his face, making his clenched jaw and cheekbones prominent. His hooded eyes watched the flames. Tee waited for him to lift his gaze to her, to acknowledge her presence, but he continued to stare into the fire.

  She skirted the bonfire to stand at his side. “You didn’t have to come.” She kept her voice level. She would control herself this time, she would be cool, detached, and not go bat-shit crazy on him. She was moving on.

  People who’d moved on didn’t argue with their wannabe lovers.

  They had other—more important—potential lovers on their minds.

  “Why was that guy looking under your shirt?” Leo lifted his face to stare holes into James’s back.

  “He’s a friend. A doctor.”

  Leo met her eyes and the intensity of his stare took her aback. “Who’s he to you?”

  “He’s my date.” The words felt oh-so-good to say. “I told you, I wasn’t waiting around on you anymore.”

  “Who is he to you?” Leo repeated.

  Nobody sat on the tip of her tongue but she swallowed it down.

  “Why do you care? He’s an old friend. He’s exactly the kind of guy I should be dating and spending my time with.”

  Leo’s gaze was tight and fierce, and his irises flared orange. Tee inhaled and took a step back. When she looked closer, his eyes were their normal, deep green color.

  She opened her mouth and closed it, finding she had nothing else to say. She was tired of fighting with him. He wanted her to let go, and that was what she was doing. Now he was mad about it?

  Beside her, Leo was silent.

  “Will you be okay on your own?” She meant at the powwow, but when he looked at her, the question held much more meaning.

  “Yeah.” He looked over the crowd. “I’ll be fine.”

  His emotional withdrawal hurt. She would never understand it. She hurt for herself. She hurt for him. She hurt for what she knew in every fiber of her body. They should be together, have a future together, but it never would be.

  “Okay.” Even in whisper, her voice was shaky. She touched his chest. The contour of his muscles contracted under the curve of her palm, warm, inviting. His heartbeat jumped under her fingertips.

  The eyes of the tribe burned at her back, through her doeskin shirt and tightened the muscles between her shoulder blades. Even though the young women had practically thrown themselves at James, she knew the tribe was viewing her hand on Leo’s chest with disapproval.

  Tee spread her palm wide, stretching Leo’s black tee between her fingers. She memorized the feel of him, knowing it was the last time she would likely touch him.

  Leo’s demeanor softened. He put his hand over hers, enclosing it inside his bigger one. The move was gentle, brotherly, but his words were harsh to her ear. “I’ll be fine.” Squeezi
ng her hand, he pulled it away from his chest, and dropped it between them, on her side of the gulf.

  “Why are you here anyway?”

  “The Chief asked me to come.”

  “Oh.” Somehow this information was a twist in her fresh wound. He was there for the Chief, not for her. “He’ll be over near the drums,” she said. “He’ll introduce you around.” She tried to put her usual charm into the words, but her voice sounded strained.

  “Tee,” James called from a large group of women, desperation and a help-me plea in his eyes.

  Tee turned toward him and then glanced back at Leo. “I’m coming,” she called.

  “I’m actually here with Tallulah, she’s my date,” James said loudly enough that everyone in the powwow, the desert beyond, and certainly Leo, couldn’t fail to hear.

  He was wasting his breath. Tee knew better than anyone that Leo didn’t care.

  Chapter Ten

  Tee is not ours. Leo tried to soothe his dragon, but fury beat through his blood.

  His eyes narrowed on the human doctor standing with her about fifty feet away. She gave Leo a concerned frown, and then her mouth moved in a determined line. She slipped her hand into the crook of the man’s arm.

  Her action hit him with the force of a gut punch. He would kill the man.

  Now.

  The man who’d dared touch her.

  His beast pulsed under his skin for blood, making him shudder. Need he could barely control fired through his body, and his dragon wings beat at his back. Urgent spikes of adrenaline raced through his veins.

  Take her away from here, his dragon insisted.

  Now.

  His beast’s focus moved from Tee to the man. He smelled the man’s antiseptic human skin, and his eyes picked up an infrared heat signature, yellow at his torso and red around his head. His ears registered the thud-thud of the man’s heartbeat. It was way too slow and calm for a creature in the crosshairs of a dragon.

  He could kill him in one leap. Tear his head from his shoulders. Shake him in the air and toss him into the canyon. No one would ever find him.

  Red rage threatened to consume him, worse than any he’d fought to control since he was a teen fledgling. His vision narrowed on Tee and the man. His feet stepped forward of their own accord, even as his wings broke the skin at his back.