“Not very hungry?” Velma asked me.
“Not really.”
“I guess that goes with the territory. Or is it just for the moment?”
“Excuse me?” I was shocked again. Did she know what I was?
“Atancia, has anyone ever told you that you feel just like your mother?”
I stopped breathing and stared at her, trying to sense harder. Her energy felt human; she wasn’t hiding it. Was it possible for a Durand to give off a fake human feel? Surely, Ben would have warned me if it were possible. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“I knew her, a very long time ago. You don’t quite look like her, but you feel like her. I could tell who you were the moment you passed by. I was so happy my hunch was right. I was hoping those boys had Viveca helping them when I heard about the clinic, but I didn’t believe it until I felt you. ”
She had just given a bunch of information I could have sworn no human had. I debated whether to run out of the café, but I was too curious to leave. “How do you know about them? About my mother?”
The panic must have resonated in my voice because she said, “Don’t worry, Atancia, I’m not going to hurt you, and I’m not what you are, not enough anyway. Only a couple of generations worth, not enough to stick around. But for some reason I can feel everyone around me. Just a surprise of genetics I suppose.”
She was like Matt’s mother, partially Durand. “So you can tell which people are like me?”
“Oh yes, very clearly.”
“Does everyone know?” I figured she’d know who I meant by “everyone.”
“No, no one does. My family did not stay with the Durand, so we are not considered part of your society. They don’t really keep track of outsiders.”
I nodded before asking, “But you knew my mother?”
“Yes. Though it’s been a very long time since I saw her. Maybe 40 years. I haven’t felt her at the clinic though. She doesn’t come by?”
“I don’t know where she is, actually. I’ve never met her.”
It was Velma’s turn to look shocked. “You’ve never met her? How is that possible?”
“She left me, when I was a baby.”
“That’s not possible! Viveca was not the sort of woman who would do that! Family was everything to her. Unless …”
“Unless what?”
“Unless she was trying to protect you.”
She must have known my mother well. I decided to tell her what I knew. “She was. She left me a message to be careful, but that was it. She didn’t tell me what I was or whom I had to be careful of.”
“I’m sure she had her reasons for not elaborating, Atancia, but how did you get here?”
“Ben found me. He helped me figure out how to use my gift.” I assumed from the way she was speaking that she’d know what I meant by that.
She stayed quiet for a moment, then said, “So you’re not under your mother’s care? You’re doing this entirely because of Ben?”
“I’m doing it because I want to help.”
“Of course, Atancia, but it worries me. Ben is Emilius’s son. Only trouble comes from the things Emilius comes up with.”
“What?”
“I don’t know much about it, really. I mean, I don’t know Emilius personally, just through rumor. Your father was good friends with him, or so I’d heard, but the descriptions I always had of both of them gave me the impression that they were very different people.”
“I wouldn’t know. I’ve heard less about my father than I have about my mother.”
“You poor thing. Well, I can tell you at least, that your mother was a wonderful woman. She tried to help anyone that she could. She would be proud to see you helping too.”
“Thank you,” I said. It was nice to think that I was doing something my mother would have wanted me to do.
“That’s actually why I wanted to speak to you, Atancia. I know that you’ve been helping some of the patients at the clinic.” I nodded. “I was wondering if you could help Hillary. She’s getting extremely weak, and I don’t know how much longer she has. You could help her. What she has can be cured, but she has to be strong enough to survive the procedure. Right now, she just won’t make it.”
“I would love to help her, Velma. I’m just waiting to be told that I can.”
“You need permission?” she asked, surprised.
“Yes. Aldric has a list of whom I’m supposed to help first. He has it calculated based on need.”
“Aldric, he’s not Emilius’s son, is he?”
“No.”
“But he decides who needs help first?”
“He’s a doctor. Ben’s brother on his mother’s side.”
“I see.”
“Unfortunately, my power is not endless and I can only help someone every few days, so we have to go according to need,” I explained in apology. “As soon as Aldric says I can help Hillary, I will.”
“Thank you, Atancia,” she said, her eyes dropping to her hands resting on the table. She looked defeated.
“I could talk to Aldric again, see if maybe we can move her up.”
Her eyes turned up to mine and she said, “I would appreciate it, but I think perhaps it will be difficult to change his mind.”
“I can still try,” I said, and she nodded before standing up.
“We better get back. I’m sure someone is wondering where you’ve run off to.”
“It’s possible. They’re a bit overly protective of me.”
“When it comes to someone with your power, Atancia, there is no possibility of being overly protective.”
Aldric proved he didn’t share Ben’s ability to feel me at a distance because he didn’t say a word when I came in to tell him I was done with the patient and that I was heading to the reserve to recharge. “Great, Atty, thanks. You need me to call Frank?”
“No, I already texted him.”
“Oh, that’s convenient. Well, have a good afternoon. I’ll see you in a few days, if not at the house.”
“Yes.” As I turned to leave, I hesitated. I wanted to ask him about Hillary. I turned back to face him. He was already buried in his files again.
“Aldric?”
He didn’t look up, “Did you need something else, Atty?”
“Actually, I was wondering if it would be possible for me to help one of the little girls in the pediatric ward when I come in next. She’s very weak, and I could give her enough to undergo treatment. She could get healthy again, not just for a few days, but cured.”
He looked up. “I really need you to help a cancer patient in three days. I’m not even sure if he’ll make it that long. Believe me, Atty, I’m trying to help everyone as quickly as possible within your limits. It’s too bad you can’t transfer faster.”
“Yes, it is. Don’t worry, I’ll help the cancer patient. If he’s that ill, I guess he really does need it more urgently.”
“Good, Atty. Thank you. Maybe one day we’ll be able to help faster and you won’t have to limit yourself to one patient every few days.”
“Do you think I might be able to filter the energy faster?” I asked, hoping maybe it was just that I needed time to mature into the gift.
“No, I don’t think that would be the way. But don’t worry about it for now, Atty. I have to get back to work. I’ll see you later?”
I was very curious about what he meant, but I had already bothered him enough for the day. “All right. Later.”
Chapter 32
I stayed a little longer than usual at the reserve. With Ben away and no Matt to hang out with, being at the house was pretty boring and just a little creepy. Ben’s brothers might not be sneaking up on me, but it was weird knowing Emilius was around without my feeling him, and I didn’t want to bump into him and have another odd conversation like the last time.
When I came in from the back, Lynn seemed pretty focused on some research she was doing and I didn’t want to bother her. I was bored so I went to use the computer in the
office. I checked my email first but didn’t find anything but spam.
Not seeing any emails made me feel a bit lonely, so I decided to try calling Lizzie. I very much wanted to talk to her about everything that had happened lately. I wanted her opinion on why Ben wouldn’t have told me what my name meant, though maybe he just hadn’t thought of bringing it up. I also wondered whether he had ever felt my mother and if I felt like her the way Velma said I did. Those were things I couldn’t discuss with Lizzie though, so I settled for just being able to talk. I put headphones on in hopes of not being too loud for Lynn and clicked on Lizzie’s icon on the screen. She picked up almost immediately.
“Atty! You’re alive!” she teased. “You must be having a lot of fun over there. I can’t even remember the last time we talked.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
“You know I’m messing with you. It’s not like if I’ve called you a bunch either.”
“Yeah, but you don’t know when I’m here!”
“Hey, I was trying to be nice,” she said and laughed. “So anyway, how you been?”
“Good. Busy. Lonely. Ben’s out of town again.”
“Again? You mean he leaves you by yourself over there?”
“Sometimes, for work. But I’m not really alone. His brothers and father are in the house too.”
“Wow, that would weird me out.”
“Yeah, it does, sometimes. But I can’t tell him not to work. He’s already taken too much time off to take care of me.”
“I guess,” she said, but didn’t sound convinced. “So what do you do?”
“I’m usually helping at the clinic, sometimes I’m here at the reserve, helping with the animals. There’s not much to do at the house.”
“Sounds like you’re being really helpful,” she said with a smirk.
I laughed. “Yeah, I guess so. So what are you up to? How’s Grant?” It occurred to me too late that they might not be together anymore, but luckily she smiled at my question.
“He’s good, coming over in a bit actually.”
“Let me know when he’s there, I don’t want to keep you.”
“Don’t worry. He’ll be fine if I make him wait a couple of minutes so we can talk.”
“So you guys are pretty serious by now?” I asked. If I couldn’t talk about me, at least I could show interest in what she was up to.
“Yeah, I guess so. He’s great. We talk about everything. I really love that.”
That struck a chord. “So he’s told you everything about himself?”
“As far as I know,” she said with a laugh. “It’s not like I could guess if he hadn’t.”
I laughed too, “Probably not. You sound happy.”
“I am. I’ve never been with someone like him. We get along so well. We never even fight.” Then she added offhandedly, “Well, almost never, but that wasn’t even his fault.”
“What wasn’t?”
“Oh, a couple of weeks ago we were out at a restaurant and his ex-girlfriend saw us and came over and wanted to sit with us. It was weird, and she was a bit snarky. She had a date but couldn’t stop trying to invade Grant’s space. Luckily the service was quick and we ran out of there.”
“Wow, that must have been annoying. But, you’re right, it’s not really his fault.”
“Bet you never had that happen with Ben,” she said with a laugh. “Although I’m sure he’s got plenty of exes. He’s too good-looking not to.”
“Thanks! I think. About the good-looking part, not the other stuff. I don’t like thinking about him having exes.” It occurred to me that for all I knew he might even have ex-wives like his father, though he had said that Durand really didn’t marry. He must have been using the term loosely when he told me about that. It had been before I knew what I was. Actually, a lot of what I knew about him I found out before I knew I was Durand. We’d spent hours chatting online back then. I’d asked him about his favorite things, his most interesting classes, his favorite pastimes. I’d never asked about his past, I hadn’t realized there was so much of it.
“So you just pretend they don’t exist?” Lizzie asked.
“Actually, I have no idea whether they do or not. I never asked him.”
“Are you serious, Atty? You don’t know how many girls he’s been with?”
“Nope. And I don’t want to know. He’s with me now, the past doesn’t matter.” That sounded like a good answer, and I didn’t want to admit that I had never asked because I was a bit of a coward. I had been so lonely when we met, without really acknowledging it. I had been desperate for a friend, and he’d filled the spot perfectly. Then, after what happened to Nana, I was just happy to have him to help me through it. I wasn’t about to start asking questions that might cause me to worry or become insecure about his feelings for me. I needed his love then; I would have crumbled without it. Now that I was feeling stronger perhaps I’d work up the nerve to ask him more about his life before me.
“Wow, that’s very mature of you,” she said and started to laugh again. “I wish I could be that mature, but I like to know exactly where my man has been. It makes me feel I can trust him.”
“I trust Ben with my life; nothing else matters.”
“Sounds like you two are the ones who are very serious. Don’t do anything rash without telling me. You’re too young to make life-altering decisions.”
“You mean like running off to Australia?”
“That was just you needing time to heal, Atty. I understand it even if I couldn’t have done it myself. What I’m talking about now is really major stuff, like marriage. Don’t go getting carried away.”
I scoffed. “Don’t worry, I’m not planning on doing anything that serious.” Ben had never even brought it up. Durand didn’t believe in it the way that humans did because it wasn’t necessary for our society to thrive the way it had been for humans. I was happy just being with him; I didn’t need a ceremony to prove that he loved me. He’d done so much for me. It was ridiculous that I’d ever doubted his feelings, but I’d been so consumed by grief over Nana, I hadn’t been thinking straight. I wondered why he hadn’t brought up some things, but I didn’t think that affected how he felt about me. He probably had good reason for keeping things to himself. He was probably just protecting me. I would ask him and stop worrying so much.
“So what do you do at the clinic, anyway? You like a candy striper?” Lizzie switched subjects. She could probably tell I didn’t want to dwell on the other stuff.
“Something like that. I try to make people feel better in the best way I can. It all depends on the person.”
“You thinking of getting into medicine?”
“Maybe. I don’t know yet. I still haven’t figured it out,” I said with a touch of melancholy to my tone.
“It’ll be OK, Atty.” I could tell she wasn’t commenting on my career plans. I couldn’t talk to her about anything truly important. I missed that. There wasn’t anyone I could talk to about this stuff other than Ben anymore, especially since Matt disappeared.
I heard her doorbell so I decided to sign off. “I’m guessing that’s Grant. Talk later?”
“You sure, Atty? I can stay on if you need to talk about anything.”
I wanted to, but I couldn’t. “No, don’t worry. I’ll call again and we can talk then.”
She said bye and signed off. I stopped stalling and called Frank to take me back to the house.
The next morning Aldric surprised me by calling and asking if I could please come to the clinic. Since I’d been there the day before, I couldn’t think of why he needed me. It wasn’t as if I could help anyone. Occasionally I went in just to hang out or help some other way, but he’d never called me before. He sounded like something urgent was happening.
I went straight to his office upon arriving. He seemed anxious and looked up right away, not sorting through papers like he usually did while I was there. “Atty, I need to ask you something very serious.”
My heart started to
hammer. What could be wrong? “Has something happened, Aldric? Is everyone all right? Ben? Matt?”
“Yes, yes, do not worry about them. They are fine. No, this is about one of our patients. A little girl.”
Hillary’s name flashed through my head as he continued, “Actually, it’s the one you asked me about yesterday. She’s gotten worse. She needs help today, or she won’t make it.”
“Today?” I exclaimed, knowing that it wasn’t possible. If I tried to help her today, I would just kill her faster.
“You can do it, Atty. You can help her.”
“I can’t, Aldric! I just transferred yesterday! I’ll kill her.” I was almost in tears. He of all people had to understand that I couldn’t do it today.
“You won’t. Not if you transfer from a human.”
“What? No! You know I can’t do that!”
“You can, Atty. And in this case we already have a donor available.”
“What? Who?” My heart was beating so fast I thought I might start to panic. I could feel the tips of my fingers begin to tingle. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“Her grandmother. I already spoke to her. I told her that we have a procedure that might help her granddaughter, but we would need her to help us. I told her that it might be a risk to her life. She wasn’t at all fazed. She said she would give her life if it was necessary.”
He didn’t know what she was. Aldric didn’t know that Velma knew what I could do. I wondered if he had really been the one to approach her or if it had been the other way around. “Wait. I have to think. When did you decide that this girl had to be bumped to the top of the list?”
“This morning. I went to check on her and found her much weaker than I had expected. She needs this now, Atty.”
“I need to talk to Velma.”
“Who?”
“The grandmother!” I couldn’t believe he didn’t know her name. He was their doctor. He should know his patients and their families. Maybe he just had too many of them to remember. I really wished Ben was there. I wasn’t sure I could deal with it all by myself.
“Aldric, please call Ben for me. Do you think he can get back?”
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