“Today? Probably not, but I’ll call him.”
“OK, I’m going to go talk to Velma.”
He nodded, and I walked out into the hall. I leaned against the wall by his door and took another deep breath. This couldn’t happen. I couldn’t transfer from a human. Before I’d regained my composure, I saw Velma rounding the corner. She looked very worried.
“Atancia, please come with me.”
I followed her down the hall and down the elevator, then into the courtyard again. We walked toward the back of the path again where it was quiet. I didn’t give her a chance to start talking.
“Velma, what have you done? What have you said to Aldric? Does he know what you are? Do you understand what you’re asking of me?”
“Breath deeply, Atancia. I need you to be calm. I didn’t do anything except go along with what he proposed. He came to her room this morning. I thought it was because you intervened. He said that she was doing very badly, that she only has hours left. He proposed that I volunteer to help her. He made something up about donating cells, but said that it would be dangerous for me. I’m all right with that, Atancia. I don’t mind giving my life for Hillary’s. She’ll be taken care of. My daughter is with her. The best thing I can do for her is give her my energy, Atancia.”
“No! Velma, I could kill you! I can’t!”
“Atancia, please, think clearly. Hillary is a little girl. She has years of happiness ahead of her. What will I be if I lose her? What good will all this life inside of me be if I lose my only grandchild? I’ve already lost a daughter, Atancia. I can’t lose Hillary too!”
I started to sob hysterically. She reached out and held me. She felt so strong. If this were Nana, she would have done it for me. She would have given her life to save mine. I had to help her.
I focused on calming down. It took several minutes of deep breathing—seven counts in, eleven counts out—before I could speak. Velma waited patiently as I did it. “All right, Velma. I’ll try. I can’t guarantee either of your lives, though. I’ve never done this.”
“All I ask is that you try. It’s the only hope I have left.”
I nodded and took hold of her hand. We walked together to Hillary’s room.
Aldric was already in there, checking Hillary again. He motioned for me to walk out of the room with him alone. “She’s not going to last, Atty. You’re the only one who can help her.”
“I know. I’m going to. How do you want to do it?”
“We’ll take her to an operating room just like with the others, but I’ll have the grandmother prepped and sedated.”
“How are you going to explain it to the rest of the family?”
“I’ll come up with something, Atty. Don’t worry. Right now we just have to work quickly.”
I nodded. “What about Ben, Aldric? Can he come?”
“No. He’s in Brazil, Atty. It would take at least a day. We don’t have that kind of time.”
“Tell him not to worry. I don’t need him flying out in a rush. Let’s go.”
Just before I left, I saw Velma through the doorway. She mouthed a thank you and went to sit by Hillary’s side. I went to Aldric’s office and tried to stay calm. Ben called me as I was waiting.
“Atty, how are you doing?”
“All right,” I said, with only a slight sob escaping as I did.
“You can do this, Atty. I know that you can. I wish I were there, but you don’t need me. You are strong.”
“Thank you.”
“Call me as soon as you feel up to it. I want to know how you are.”
“I will.”
When everything was ready, Aldric sent for me. It was just me and him in the OR; there were no nurses or assistants like there would be for an actual surgery. I had no clue how he was going to explain this. With all the other patients, I had just snuck in and done what I needed to. This time, another person was involved. It was going to be a complicated explanation. Though maybe Ben was right, when people were desperate enough they didn’t care about the how, just about the result.
“Atty, I’m going to need you to drain as much as you can out. You’re filled with non-compatible energy. We need to get it out before you transfer.”
“But Hillary’s so weak! I’ll have to take almost everything out of Velma! She won’t survive!”
“Probably not, Atty, but it’s the only way.”
I closed my eyes and nodded.
“Here, give me what you have. Only leave what you need for consciousness so you can transfer from Velma.” He held his hand out and I felt my stomach turn. I’d never let anyone take from me except Ben. I really wished he were there. I could feel Hillary draining quickly though. I stood with one hand near Velma as she slept on the table. The other hand I reached toward Aldric. As soon as my fingers touched his, I dropped my shield and let him take what I had, it took several moments. I was full from the day before.
When I was on the verge of collapsing, he let go and I took hold of Velma’s hand, transferring quickly until I felt strong again. I stopped before she was completely drained. If I didn’t have to take everything from her, I wouldn’t.
I moved toward Hillary and began to transfer to her. I could feel her soaking up the energy like a sponge. I pushed and pushed, but she wasn’t filling. She was a tiny little thing, but her system needed a lot to fight with her illness and the lack of strength she had been dealing with. I didn’t have enough. I looked at Velma, there wasn’t much left in her. She would not forgive me if I didn’t go for everything. I took hold of her again and transferred it all. I don’t know how I didn’t break down right there. I felt the last ounce of her life come into me. I saw her breathing slow until it stopped. She was gone, and I had nothing left to do but save the child she had lived for.
I forced myself to focus on life rather than death and began to transfer into Hillary again. Slowly her need for energy was sated. She felt well, but I was weak again. I would have fallen, but Aldric held me up as I took back what I had given him. I felt myself grow strong, but with the strength also came full realization of what I had just done. I may have saved a life, but I had taken another in payment. I couldn’t reconcile that. I collapsed to the floor and began to sob.
Chapter 33
I woke up a few hours later in my bed. It was still light out, but I felt as if the world were dark. I had no idea how I had gotten home. Maybe Aldric had sedated me to calm me down. Did drugs work on us? Maybe they did on me since I was still young. I supposed it might be like alcohol.
Someone was arguing outside my door. I could feel Matt there, but no one else. Now that I thought about it, I had been dreaming about people yelling, that’s why I had woken up. I couldn’t quite remember what about though, something about Ben and his business. I stayed still and tried to listen.
“I need to see that she’s all right!” It was Matt. Why was he arguing? Why couldn’t he see me?
I heard Emilius respond. “Matthew, you’re going to upset her. She just needs time. You need to go back to Sydney.”
“I will. As soon as I know she’s all right.”
I wondered how long they had been arguing. I couldn’t help it and sat up to see if I could hear better.
“She’s awake.” Emilius said, then fell quiet. Of course, he could feel the slightest shift in my energy.
“Perfect. Then I’ll go talk to her now. Unless you want to tell me again why I shouldn’t?”
Emilius did not respond. I was curious about his reasons for not letting Matt see me. What didn’t he want me to know?
“Don’t be long,” I heard Javed warn. I wondered if Julian was out there too. I could never feel any of them. Just Matt.
I heard footsteps retreating, probably everyone leaving, then a slight tap on my door.
“Come in,” I said and sat a little straighter.
Matt left the door open and rushed over to my bed before kneeling next to it, bringing him below my eye level. It felt weird, so I motioned that he should sit
on the bed. He sat and reached a hand out to brush hair off my forehead. It felt very intimate. He was staring into my eyes.
“Are you all right, Atty?” He still hadn’t moved his hand from my temple. I nodded and inched back a bit, causing his hand to fall.
“I’m OK, but Velma…” I inhaled forcefully before letting out a sob.
He reached for my cheek soothingly. “Shhh. Relax. You did what you had to in order to save a little girl, Atty. Just remember that.”
“I know. But if I had just done it before this wouldn’t have happened!” I cried.
“What do you mean, Atty?” I didn’t even stop to think that he was asking me questions. He must have wanted the truth from me right then. Not the polite version that wouldn’t get him involved.
“I knew she was really ill, but I was following the list. She wasn’t at the top. If I had insisted, I could have saved her and not killed her grandmother!” I hadn’t realized how much I believed that until I answered him.
“What are you talking about, Atty? What list?”
“Aldric’s list. Of people to help.”
“There is a list?”
“Yes. He has a list of the people who need me the most. Since I can’t help quickly, we go by the list.”
“So you did nothing wrong, Atty. You are not to blame for not helping her before. What makes you think it’s your fault?”
“Because I could feel how badly she needed me! And I didn’t believe that the list was right!” It was something else that I hadn’t let myself admit before. If I were being honest, though, I had never trusted that Aldric was giving me the list according to need. But I didn’t know what else it could be.
“Do you have it with you? The list?”
“No.”
“It’s at the clinic?”
“Yes, Aldric has it.”
“OK, Atty. Don’t worry. We’ll figure it all out. You need to calm down. I don’t want them to drug you again.”
So Aldric had given me something. I must have become truly hysterical. I took a deep breath.
“Thank you for coming, Matt,” I said shakily. The warmth of his hand on my cheek was keeping me sane.
“Always. I’ll always come for you. Whenever you need me.” He leaned forward and hugged me tightly. His guard was down and I didn’t know if it was on purpose. Mine was strongly in place though, and I was glad a moment later because his father walked into the room.
“All right, Matthew. You’ve seen her. Benjamin will be here by morning. He will take care of it.”
I felt odd being referred to as an ‘it.’ Matt must have felt the same because he gave his father a reproachful look before hugging me again and whispering. “I’ll be in touch. Don’t ever believe I don’t care for you.”
He left the room, and Emilius turned to follow but stopped short. “I’m sorry about that, Atancia. I didn’t realize that Aldric would mention this to Matthew. I hope his presence did not upset you.”
What a weird thing to say. Why would he think that Matt coming would bother me? “It’s OK. I’ll be fine.”
He gave a brisk nod and left the room. I curled under my covers and decided to try to sleep until morning. Ben would come and everything would be better.
Ben wasn’t there when I woke up. I had gotten up very early, anxious to see him. When I went downstairs trying to find something to do while I waited, Julian told me that his flight had been delayed and that he wouldn’t be there until the afternoon. I felt like if I’d swallowed mud. I couldn’t think of anything that would keep me calm until he arrived. I tried walking around the grounds, but it didn’t help. I walked over to the porch and sat on one of the chairs. The breeze that blew by me made me wonder if that’s what it would feel like for a spirit to shift from one world to the next. I got caught up in my thoughts.
I thought about all that Velma had said, about how I felt like my mother. Emilius must surely recognize that sense of me. I wondered how well he knew my mother. I wondered what I felt like. If I knew how I felt, maybe I could feel her if I ever was close enough. My mind wandered to pleasant dreams of walking down some unknown street and feeling someone near whom I could recognize just by her energy. Happy fantasies made me feel guilty, though, and I couldn’t get Velma out of my mind. I wondered how Hillary was. Well, that at least, was something I could see for myself. I called for Frank and asked him to take me to the clinic.
Hillary looked so well when I walked into the room that I could barely believe it was the same child. It didn’t occur to me until I got through the door that Velma wouldn’t be there, and no one else would understand why I was walking in on them. I had no idea whether Velma’s daughter knew about her ancestry or if she knew what had really happened. Luckily, I remembered the volunteer ruse and told them I had just come in to see if Hillary wanted anything, a game or a toy that I could go find.
“Ooh, yes, checkers! Grandma loves to play checkers,” she exclaimed and I saw her aunt’s face tighten with grief. My own breath got caught, and it took all the effort I could muster to smile and tell her I’d go find a set for her.
As I moved to walk out, Velma’s daughter, Madeline I assumed, stood and asked me to wait. She came over and handed me a small folded paper. “It’s a note. My mother said I should give it to you if she didn’t make it. She said not to open it until you were thinking clearly.” I nodded and put the note in my wallet.
I walked quickly out of the room and out to the courtyard. It was almost lunch time and there weren’t many people out there. I found a secluded bench and sat down before taking the note out and unfolding it. My eyes filled with tears when I read the words “Dear Atancia” at the top of the page. This must be what Velma had meant about waiting until I was thinking clearly: I was too emotional to read. I let my eyes wander to the bottom of the page. Velma had drawn some sort of symbol. Even in my distressed state, it caught my attention. I’d seen that symbol before. Ana had a keychain in the same shape. I had noticed it one day and asked where she got it. She said that a friend had given it to her. He was an electrical engineer and the shape was a play on one of the symbols they used in their plans. It was a circle with curved lines inside, almost like an A with concave sides. I had assumed it stood for Ana’s initial. The lines of the letter broke out of the circle, as did a line at its top point. I stared at Velma’s note and wondered why she had drawn it, but I couldn’t get myself to read the words.
After a few minutes I realized I needed to call for a ride home. Sitting there was not going to help anything. I stuck the note back in my pocket and was about to start dialing when my phone beeped with a text. Maybe Ben was back. It was too early though; he wasn’t supposed to arrive until much later.
When I looked at my phone, I didn’t recognize the number. It didn’t have a name next to it so it couldn’t be from anyone I knew. I opened it and read.
Unknown: Atty, it’s Matt. I’m texting from someone else’s phone. I get the feeling I’ve been blocked from yours. Are you there?
That was very strange. I responded cautiously.
Me: I’m here. How do I know this is actually Matt?
Unknown: Ask me something only I would know.
I had to think for a moment. What would he know that no one else would? I couldn’t ask about his ability in a text, plus all his brothers knew about that and who knows how many other Durand. They all knew who his mother was too. What could I ask? It finally came to me.
Me: What was the title of the first song I sang in front of you?
No one else would know that. Not even Ben knew about it. The title appeared on my screen.
Me: OK. Why are you texting?
Unknown: I need you to meet me. Who knows where you are?
Me: Just Frank and maybe Aldric, though I haven’t actually seen him. I don’t know if your other brothers are around.
Unknown: They’re not. They flew out this morning. My father was the only one at the house.
When had he been to the house? I had only lef
t a couple of hours before.
Me: OK. Where do I meet you?
He gave me the cross street three blocks from the clinic. I told him I’d be there in a few minutes and walked out. This was probably crazy. It really better be Matt on the other side of this conversation, because if it weren’t I could be getting myself into a lot of trouble. Ben would freak out. I was freaking out a bit. I couldn’t think of any good reason why I would be sneaking around to meet Matt.
I didn’t see Frank as I walked out of the clinic; he must have gone to lunch or something while he waited for me. Aldric was probably busy doing rounds and hadn’t even bothered to find me, so he probably didn’t care that I’d left. I walked quickly to the spot where Matt had asked me to meet him. I looked around nervously, wondering if I was getting myself set up. A few moments later, Matt pulled up in his car.
“Get in, Atty. Quickly.”
Well, at least it was really him. I got in on the passenger’s side and strapped on my seatbelt as he merged into traffic. I turned to look at him and my stomach dropped. He looked very anxious. He was sitting stiffly, his eyes dashing in every direction as if he thought someone was after him.
“Matt, what’s going on?” I asked. His eyes darted to me and back to the road before he took an amber light and started to talk.
“Atty. Do you trust me?”
“Yes.” It must be true.
“I need you to come with me now. We have to leave. I’ll explain it all as soon as we’re safe. For now, just come with me. Will you?”
“Yes.”
“OK, hang on.”
He sped through the streets as frightening ideas ran through my mind. Ben had warned me that bad things could happen to me, considering what I was. Maybe someone had found out about what I did yesterday. I wondered if someone was after me or after Ben’s family. I hoped they weren’t in danger because of me.
“Where are we going?” I asked Matt anxiously.
“The airport.”
“The airport? We’re flying out of Sydney?”
“Yes.”
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