Cry Mercy, Cry Love

by Monica Barrie

  “You’re my foreman, the general manager of the Strand Ranch. Do what you think is best,” Heather told him flatly, meaning every word she said. It was what she had promised him when he was hired. Feeling a need for movement, Heather pushed herself from the desk and stood. She walked around the desk to where Reid sat. She could sense him, a bare inch from her. Her heart was racing again and she knew he could read her desire.

  The warmth of his hand as it gripped hers made Heather’s breath catch in her throat, but she forced herself to behave normally. Heather realized his hand on hers was as welcome as would be his lips. She smiled at him and spoke again. “Since you’ve shown just how good a foreman you are, you’ve shamed me into understanding I’m going to have to pay more attention to the ranch and less to my hobby,” she said, withdrawing her hand.

  “Hobby?” Reid repeated, and Heather heard the question in the single word.

  “Sculpturing.”

  “What you do, Heather, is by no means a hobby. Why haven’t you had a show yet?” Reid asked the question in a quiet way, but Heather knew he would brook nothing less than the truth.

  “I can’t yet,” she said in a low voice.

  Can’t, or won’t? Reid thought, but this time he held his tongue. “Why?”

  “It takes a lot of time to set up a show. It takes a concentrated effort, one that demands giving yourself totally to the show. There can be no time for anything else...or anyone else.” She said the last words in almost a whisper.

  Heather heard Reid’s chair scrape the floor as he stood up. Then she sensed him standing only inches from her. She felt the warmth of his breath as it brushed across her cheek. “Don’t wait too long. Don’t waste what you have,” he said.

  Heather did not trust herself to move or speak with him that close to her. She stood stiffly, her breathing shallow, until she heard him turn and start away.

  “I’ll go take care of some paperwork and leave you alone,” Reid said from the doorway.

  Heather could only nod at him. Her head spun and her thoughts were even more confused than before Reid had come into the office. Although she had listened intently to what he’d said about the ranch, there had been one corner of her mind that kept returning to his barely checked anger, which had flared when she had called herself stupid. After an initial moment of fright at his unexpected response to her self-pity, Heather had realized he would not have been so angered, would not have reacted so strongly, if he did not—No! She refused to allow the word to enter her thoughts. Wait, she told herself. Be patient until he’s ready.

  Polaris laid his head on Heather’s lap at the same instant she heard the muffled sound of Reid moving about in his office. After several seconds, she guessed he had seated himself at his desk and begun his work.

  Would she see him tonight? she wondered as she stood and patted her thigh, Polaris’s signal to heel. “Come on, boy, let’s take a nice long walk.”

  THIRTEEN

  Sitting alone on her couch, Heather was all too aware that midnight had come and gone. She was listening to the sounds of night, which entered through the open living room windows. Insects and one old owl Heather had been listening to for years were the only sounds breaking the stillness.

  It was very different from just a few hours ago, when the ranch had been alive with the returning cowboys. The men’s shouting, bragging, and general joviality had helped to lift her from the mild depression that had been holding her in its grip.

  Sitting on the couch in the same clothing she had put on after taking a shower before dinner, Heather wondered if she should undress and go to bed or if she dared to visit Reid.

  As she stood smoothing her skirt and fluffing her shoulder-length hair, she realized she had no choice. If she did go to bed, she would not be able to sleep. She had to talk with Reid.

  Walking slowly to the front door, Heather wondered if Reid liked blue. The wide skirt she wore was a color that Emma had once told her matched her eyes. Her top was an off-white peasant blouse that was light and comfortable with flaring sleeves ending at her wrists and a scoop neck that showed just the barest hint of her breasts. Heather knew the skirt and blouse accentuated the slimness of her waist. It was also the perfect outfit to lounge around in—not too dressy or provocative.

  Heather paused for a moment at the door, wondering if she had subconsciously planned to see Reid tonight and dressed for it. Shrugging the thought away, she opened the front door.

  Descending the three wooden steps, Heather turned toward the small house that Reid Hunter now called home. Before she had taken five steps, Polaris came to her side. She scratched the large dog under one ear without breaking her stride.

  Polaris must have sensed where Heather was going because he stopped her just before Reid’s steps and barked once. “Sshh,” Heather said quickly. “Run,” she added. Polaris stayed for a moment, and again Heather sensed the protectiveness that emanated from the dog. “Go,” she said again in a low voice. And again, he disobeyed her as he lay down at the foot of the steps.

  “Okay, be stubborn!” she said as she stepped over the large dog and onto the first step.

  It was easier this time, Heather thought as she knocked on Reid’s door. The door opened quickly and she stepped inside.

  “You knew?” she asked.

  “I hoped,” Reid replied. Heather caught her breath at his words and reached out her hand. His hand covered hers quickly and she felt the familiar warmth of his skin. Slowly, she brought his hand to her lips and tasted its back.

  Before she was aware of what was happening, she was in his arms. Her breasts flattened against his chest and her breathing turned strained even before his lips touched hers. When they did, the fires that had burst forth so wildly last night returned, blazing even stronger. She felt like the molten metal she would be using to cast Reid’s likeness and knew that what she had thought before was true—she had no choice; she had to be here with him.

  Her hands ran along Reid’s beautifully muscled back, feeling the texture of his skin through the shirt he wore. The heat from his loins burned through the thickness of his jeans, and tremors from his thighs seemed to run the length of her own body. Then he pulled away. He held her at arm’s length and Heather instinctively knew he was looking deeply into her eyes.

  “We have to talk,” Reid said. Heather heard him try to control his breathing while he waited for her response. She sensed how affected he was by the kiss and how hard it had been for him to stop.

  “We talked last night. I know what you want to say.”

  “There’s more,” Reid began.

  “There’s only one thing I want to hear,” she said, cutting him off. She held her breath, shocked at the suddenness of the words she had not intended to speak. From the sound of his breathing, Heather also knew he understood.

  Reid stood there looking at her, knowing if he denied it, knowing that if he did not speak, nothing would change. The way he felt would have no effect on his words. It would be easier to deny his feelings, to refuse to acknowledge the inevitable. Slowly, tasting the dryness of his mouth, he stepped closer to her and put his hands on her shoulders. He looked down, seeing her face and the tense lines that pulled at the corners of her mouth. He had learned in the months of working on the ranch to look at Heather’s mouth. Like most people’s eyes, the set of Heather’s softly curved lips was an indication of her inner thoughts.

  “Heather, you are the most beautiful, most desirable woman I have ever touched or made love to. Whenever I look at you, I want you. I want to hold you and make love to you. But we can’t,” he said in a hoarse voice. “Go now! Leave!”

  “No!” Heather stood taller as she defied him, drawing on her inner strength and resolve. “I told you everything was settled. You don’t have to say anything. But if you do, say what you feel, not what you think you have to.”

  “Damn it, Heather! Do you think I’m made of the same clay you work with every day? Do you think that I have no emotions? Do you believe I
can live easily, making love to you at night and waking up in the morning to an empty bed? Do you think it’s easy to speak about, to tell you how I feel and know it can only be said in the dead of the night so no one can hear?” Reid whispered, unable to control the tightness in his voice.

  “No, Reid, it’s not easy,” Heather said, reeling under the assault of his words, the words of longing, passion, and denial. She was stung—as much by the fierceness of his reply as by the pressure of his fingers digging harshly into the skin of her shoulders. “I...I’ll go,” she said, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill. She eased from his grip and turned. Silence filled her ears as she walked the few steps to the door. When her hand was on the knob, she wanted to turn back, to tell him to pretend she had not spoken. But she would not do that to him.

  Reid watched her go to the door. A darkness invaded his mind and he deliberately closed his eyes. Let her go, he told himself.

  Turning the doorknob was torture to Heather. An eternity of time passed as her hand moved slowly. Then the door was opening.

  “I love you,” came Reid’s voice. Heather froze. The door was half-open. She wasn’t sure whether he had said it or it had been a trick of her mind, born of a desperate need.

  “Don’t pretend you didn’t hear me! I said I love you. Now close the damn door and turn around!”

  Heather closed the door and turned, unheeding of the tears cascading along her cheeks. She did not hear him move, but the fiery trail his fingers made as they wiped her tears told her he was with her.

  Then she was in his arms, pressing against the hardness that was his body, drawing in the heat he radiated. Her lips hungrily sought and found his. Their tongues met, their hands pulled each other so tightly that Heather grew dizzy. A moment later, they parted, but this time Reid kept silent as he walked with her toward his bedroom.

  Heather understood they had just passed into a different level of their relationship. The rules would be the same, but she knew they would hide less from each other and be able to share things that could not have existed without his admission. True, they would still be limited to their private world, but they could now make this world broader for themselves.

  The dam burst within him when Reid finally admitted his love. He was furious with himself for speaking of it, for allowing himself the weakness that would ultimately cause Heather pain.

  The pain was why he had refused himself any involvements during the last ten years. To stop another’s pain was why, when he felt the need of a woman’s company he had always gone to the places where he would find a woman for the night, because when he woke the next day, he knew he would never see her again. This morning, when he had awakened alone, the loss he’d suffered at her absence caused the destruction of his resolve. Watching Heather at the door had been the final breaking point. He loved her, and because he did, he was condemning her to a life of hiding.

  Without being aware of it, he had led Heather into his bedroom. He paused to look at her. Her tears had stopped and the corners of her mouth were relaxed. She was beautiful, he thought as the desire that had flamed through him when they had kissed earlier began to rise anew. He wanted, and needed, to make love to her.

  Reid lowered his mouth to hers and tasted her lips again. His mind ceased to function and he became lost in her. The hunger he had denied himself for so long burst forth and claimed them both.

  Heather felt his mouth on hers and felt his hands again on her shoulders as he pulled her against him. Then they were moving again, and in a mind blurring altering of her perception, undressed and fell onto the soft down quilt.

  With every touch on her skin new sensations burst free. His hands, calloused from years of ranch work, moved with a gentleness, which told her even more of his love for her than had his words. With every movement he made Heather became more aware of her feelings for Reid. His lips sought new paths on her body, causing her to twist and turn as she held him against her. His lips were everywhere his hands had been, teasing, soothing, pulling, and giving. His mouth and tongue burned brands into her, raised welts of passion across her belly, between her legs and inside her. When the pleasure grew too intense and she could stand no more, she wove her fingers into his hair and pulled him to her. She kissed him deeply as they finally joined, sealing the love they had spoken of.

  This time was different She fought to maintain an edge on reality while Reid carried her to the highest reaches of the heavens, as he rode above her, filling her with himself, pushing himself deeper and deeper within her. Try as she might, her senses centered on her man, the touch, the sound, the feel, and the aura of Reid Hunter as he made love to her. Time after time, she rose to a new sense of freedom made possible by being within Reid’s arms.

  Reid held Heather close to him, losing himself within the softness of her skin and the warmth of her femininity. His hands roamed her body, even as he made love to her, seeking to learn everything he could. He held his eyes closed, as he had not done last night, letting his other senses become aware of the woman under him. His mouth was in her hair and he smelled the very essence of her. His hands ran along her sides, feeling her silkiness until he could no longer guide himself. Turning the control of his mind over to his senses, Reid plunged into her, joining her completely, giving himself to her as he had never before done with another.

  Together they reached a shared plateau. Together, on the velvet softness of what had created between them, they held each other until sleep stole them away.

  ~~~

  “No! No! Bastards!”

  Awakened from the depths of sleep by the words Reid was shouting, she trembled at the emotions his ragged breathing conveyed: unnamed horrors filled her mind. She worked herself to full awareness, pushing aside the memory of their lovemaking as her hand went to his face.

  Reid was bathed in icy sweat; his head jerked from side to side as he spoke. Slowly, carefully, Heather pressed herself against his large body, using her hands to soothe and draw him from his nightmare.

  After several agonizing seconds, Reid’s head stopped moving and his breathing returned to normal. “I’m okay,” he whispered.

  “Is it always this bad?” she asked, remembering a conversation they had had a few days ago about his dreams.

  “Always.”

  “Will you tell me about it?” Heather bit her lip after she asked the question. She should not have, but she had to. Everything she thought or did concerning Reid Hunter had other ramifications she had not taken into consideration. Reid’s body stiffened and she felt the tension throbbing within him as if it were a tangible item and understood he fought another battle within his mind.

  “You don’t have to,” she added in a whisper. Suddenly she felt him relax and he took her hand in his. She enjoyed the gentle pressure he exerted and relief flooded her mind.

  Reid held her hand, his mind again in turmoil as it always was after one of his dreams. Only sheer willpower had enabled him to yield, to make his body relax. Holding Heather’s smaller hand in his, he wondered if he could tell her what had happened. He also wondered if she would be able to handle what he had done and still feel the same way toward him.

  “Reid?” came Heather’s whisper.

  “It was a long time ago,” he said as he tried to make his decision. “A long time ago in another country—in another world.” Fully conscious of what he was doing and knowing the possible consequences, Reid began to speak.

  He told her of the fateful patrol, of the arrogant captain who would not listen to the more experienced men. He felt tension build in her body and held her closer to his side, conscious of the soft feel of her naked skin against his. Yet, there was also reassurance in her hand as it continually brushed soothingly through his hair.

  When he reached the point when the patrol was in the village, he paused for a moment, aware of the cold sweat again bathing his body. Heather had not moved and he knew she could feel it also.

  His words evoked the pictures of what had happened as he s
poke of it aloud for the first time since returning from overseas. The words flowed smoothly until he finally had to admit the truth of what had happened there. He told Heather in clinical detail what he had done. When he was finished, he looked at her and waited.

  “It wasn’t your fault,” Heather said, waiting for a long time after Reid had finished before speaking. Her mind turned numb by his story. The horror he had described made her feel as sick as he’d been in Vietnam. Over the years, she had heard many stories, especially in school, when the war was ending. Heather knew the type of man Reid Hunter was, and he was not a killer. His curse was the fact he was an idealist.

  “They shot at you and you didn’t know who it was until afterward. Reid, you never even fired a shot. You didn’t kill them!”

  “I know, but my men were my responsibility. It’s the same as if I fired,” Reid said before he took a deep breath. “And it doesn’t bring back two children and a woman from the dead. The little boy who shot Trigent didn’t know what he was doing. Both the Cong and the Americans had attacked their village time and time again. The boy was just reacting. He was too young to understand. Heather, he was younger than Gregg Farley!”

  “And that’s why you’re punishing yourself?” Heather asked as she pulled herself even closer to him, trying to comfort him with her body as much as her words. “It wasn’t your fault, it was your training. You and your men had an instinctive response to danger. It’s been a long time. You can’t carry your guilt forever.”

  “I can’t shed it like a snakeskin. I’ve been trying to make up for it ever since. The children were the victims of this war, and I was part of the war.”

  “That’s what the Foundation is all about, isn’t it? That’s why you were able to arrange for the loan and the camp,” Heather stated, thinking she understood Reid’s role better now. “But you can’t spend the rest of your life making up for what you couldn’t prevent.”