by J. S. Carter
Not really.
“I've gladly taken on the responsibility of administering a survey as we make our way across the country. It's not an easy or glamorous job, mind you, but it is a job nonetheless worth doing.” She gave me another polite smile before gesturing a hand to the Knight at my side. “Olivia has told me a lot about you. I've come to understand that you're the reason the honest, hardworking men and women of Arrino are with us today. I wanted to personally thank you for your efforts. I'm sure it was no easy task to put the needs of the many before you're own. You were very brave.”
I opened my mouth but refrained at letting anything go. I watched as Olivia kept her eyes on me without showing any sign of a proper response and it dawned on me that she might have done it all on purpose. She could have taken me to see the woman in charge without telling me because she had wanted to see how I would react. She was testing me. I faced Hayes again, this time more determined to see the conversation through when I remembered what Olivia had told me. “I... I wasn't really alone.”
Hayes steadily tapped the tip of a pen onto a sheet of paper until it slowly ebbed to a halt, taking the remark further than I had expected. “Yes, Chris Carr was one of our own—one of our best, in fact. I'm sure a lot of the men will take it hard when we break the news.”
My attention bounced between the two of them and I wasn't sure what to make of it. “You mean, you haven't told anyone yet?”
Hayes held her hands together. “Unfortunately, the confirmation of Chris's death has come at a bad time. Relations between our own and the locals have become somewhat strained as of late. Your testimony will no doubt prove valuable to the determination of our cause, however, it might be poorly received.”
Poorly received? Who the hell cares?
When would the news of Chris' death ever become ideal? He had been killed trying to protect me and everyone that he served with, and by extension all those from Arrino and everyone else camped outside. The surge bubbled up out of me and for a second I forgot who I was talking to. “They deserve to know.” I watched as Hayes remained silent for a moment, her chin slightly raised as she looked down through her frames. She might not have expected that from me, but I was more surprised to see Olivia step forward and back me up.
“She's right. And the longer we wait, the more it'll look like we've been trying to cover it up from the start.”
Hayes practically shooed the idea away. “We will inform the public of Chris's death, but only at the most opportune moment.”
Olivia tried again. “You've already posted guards on your front door step. Whether you realize it or not, you're painting everyone else as the new threat. If we delay the news of Chris's death—”
Hayes held up a hand. “I believe the situation is under control, thank you. If I wanted to deal with politics, I never would have left Washington.” She chuckled at her own joke and took a seat as if the matter had somehow been magically settled.
It felt bad to watch Olivia hang on indecision for a moment before she ultimately decided to back off. I thought it was wrong to watch her sensor herself like that, especially when I thought she had been right all along, but it wasn't like I had any ground to stand on even if I had tried to help. She walked off to the side again while Hayes kept her own ideas moving.
“Now, Jessica... I have to admit the real reason I asked Olivia to have you meet with me as soon as possible wasn't out of my own curiosity. I wanted to offer you a job.”
My head swung back to her at the sound of that. At first I thought I might have misheard, but she began flipping through a set of papers and continued without bothering to look up.
“Our mission, as I'm sure you've come to understand by now, is to gather up as much information about local populations and infrastructure for the proper authorities so that they can make the best decision possible to get this country back on track to where it needs to be.” She pulled out a single sheet of paper and looked up at me with a soft twinkle in her eye that for some reason made my stomach turn. “Out of the goodness of our hearts, we've volunteered to offer our services to any locals that wish to join us as we cover ground, but...” She raised a finger with an accompanying grin. “Those that join us often do so with a sacrifice of their own.”
Ugh huh...
She gestured towards Olivia. “As I'm often reminded, we are in this situation together, so it is within our best interest to work together. It is therefore often customary, and in some cases mandatory, that when a certain individual joins us, we require their particular set of skills to ensure the safety of the entire group. That being said... I have a special task for you.”
I found myself holding out my hand to grab a single sheet of paper with several boxes and annotations drawn around the edges. I flipped it over to see nothing but a blank page and returned back to the first. I wasn't sure what I was looking at.
Hayes slowly nodded and smiled at me when I looked at her, a pen still stuck in between her fingers that rested on her desk. “Olivia tells me that you're something of an aspiring writer.”
Goddammit.
I tried to hand it back. “Oh, no—”
“It's okay.” She leaned back in her chair, the same stupid smile radiating from her lips. “I understand the pressure of the craft. I myself have written two books since I took office. Have you gotten anything published, yourself?”
I could feel the slip of paper weigh heavy in my hand. The only things that came close to the story in my journal were a series of flirty texts I had sent in high school and a short erotica that could barely pass as PG-13 that had somehow found itself up online. I could have technically said yes, but I really didn't want the job that she was selling me. “I'm actually not very good at—”
She immediately waved it off. “Don't sell yourself short. The truth of the matter is that you're young, you have a talent, and you have a rich history to pull from.” She stood up and tapped on the sheet of paper in front of me. “One of our scouts recently brought this template back from an old fashioned printing press found in the next town we'll be visiting. They think it shouldn't be too hard to get it back up and running. I'd like you to write a quick summary of your experiences and the value of working with the armed forces. Nothing long—maybe a page or two. I'll have one of our men print out of a few hundred copies and administer it to the public the first chance we get. You'll be the first woman to author a mobile gazette at a time like this. What do you think?”
A few hundred?
I looked down at the blank page in my hands before going back up to Hayes. She had to be on crack if she thought I was gonna write an obviously agenda driven article for her. “I'm sorry, I can't—”
Olivia grabbed my arm. “She can't do it today. I promised her we'd visit one of her friends, but she'll get it done.”
I stared at the Knight, completely in denial at what she had just committed me to. I couldn't believe she had just agreed for me. Couldn't she see how obviously fake it was supposed to be?
Hayes took the affirmation for more than it was worth. “Excellent. Then I expect your first draft within the next few days.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but Olivia pulled me along. She dragged me out of the tent and halfway through the military encampment when I managed to push her off of me.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Tess, hold on.” She tried to grab my arm and I shirked away from her.
I crumbled up the paper template and held it up to her face. “Do you have any idea what the hell this is?”
She grabbed my wrist and leaned in close, her words soft yet demanding. “Yes.” I tried to pull away, but she wouldn't let go or break eye contact. Then her response began to dawn on me. She did understand. Her fingers gently slipped off, though she stayed close. “We can't talk about this here.”
I glanced to either side and noticed the growing number of young soldiers in fatigues turning their heads to stare at us. I had been causing a commotion without even realizing it.<
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“Come on.”
I reluctantly followed in her footsteps as she led me away from the prying eyes. We made our way across the hill and then down into the sprawling, temporary, canvas-laden metropolis of Tent City below. It didn't take long to cut the height and make it into the field, and even less time to become utterly surrounded by the sudden flurry of activity.
I had gotten so transfixed on following the back of Olivia's feet that by the time I looked up from her, random strangers on our flanks were already shouting over each other in an effort to peddle their wares. Ebbing flows of unrecognizable faces passed on either side while a plethora of smells filled the air and made my stomach come back to life. The sudden intensity of being surrounded by so many people all at once almost seemed like it would be too much. I had to remind myself to breathe. I would have instantly gotten lost if it weren't for Olivia.
I struggled to make myself heard as I shouted over the commotion. “Where are we going?” If she had wanted to talk, her tent or just about anywhere else in the universe would have been just fine, but she wouldn't give me a straight answer.
“It's not far. Just stay close.” She reached back for my hand when we neared a larger crowd and I felt like a little kid again.
It felt a little strange to commit, though I quickly got over it and held on tight while she pulled me past pressing bodies surrounding a vendor that was bartering his weapons. I craned my neck as far as I could when I spotted a matte black rifle held above the rest. It looked entirely too long and dangerous to be legal, and I wanted it. I still didn't have my own guns. The thought left me anxious as I realized every single person that we passed could have easily pulled one out and gotten a shot off long before anyone would understand what had happened.
After a few more minutes, we finally cleared the most crowded area and the passerby dwindled down into a slow trickle, with every few spotting the swords on Olivia's back but making nothing of it. I was about to open my mouth to complain again when I noticed a long tent with a giant red cross on its side and I did the math. What would make for better privacy then hanging out with a bunch of sick people?
A young woman with a clipboard met us at the entrance and seemed to get caught off guard before defaulting back to her original self. “How can I help you?”
“We're here to visit someone,” said Olivia. “Ellie Barnes.”
I forgot I had never gotten the chance to learn Ellie's last name. It made me wonder what else I didn't know about her that Olivia did.
After a short moment, the woman found what she was looking for on her paper and led us inside. “Follow me.”
I instantly relished the familiar boundaries and the sudden lack of exposure that I had felt from everyone outside. The air was still and somewhat stale. The immediate loss of sunlight felt like we were being hoarded into a perpetual shadow, but it nonetheless radiated safety and silence. A series of still bodies rested on a line of cots along the length of the tent and I made sure to watch for the occasional breath to make sure they were still alive. Most were asleep. Others were checked by a silent nurse or two and the occasional visitor held a whispered conversation close to their beloved. For some reason it reminded me of church.
Our guide stopped us at the end and I couldn't help but feel the familiar knot in my throat tense up as soon as I saw Ellie's body. I knew she was fine as soon as I had laid eyes on her, only the setting and quiet patter of voices somehow made it appear worse, as if I had to show reverence to her in a funeral home. She was fast asleep with a line from her arm connected to a bag of clear liquid hanging above her head, completely peaceful, though I could only guess what she had to go through to earn it.
The woman flipped through her clipboard and stopped at another page. “Ellie Barnes: dehydration, exhaustion, but nothing too serious. We administered an IV and have been pushing fluids ever since she got here. We'd just like to keep her here for observation. She should be able to leave after another day or two.” She looked the two of us over for a moment and played out a polite smile. “Try not to wake her if you can help it.”
“Thank you.”
She left us alone and we took a seat on either side of the little girl. I wasn't sure what to do. I watched her chest rise and fall for a few moments and carefully brushed a bang back from her forehead when I noticed a small piece of dirt sticking to the frayed ends of her hair. I couldn't believe how dirty she was. Her face, arms, and chest were covered in what seemed like a soft sut that blemished her skin. It made me wonder how far off it was to how I had looked.
Kyle had made it seem as if he had killed her because of me. It was obvious now that I had completely assumed the wrong outcome, though the idea of her death at the time had been one of the reasons I had wanted to come back to Arrino with Chris. Watching the subtle signs of life play out from her body now made me regret everything I had done with her in the past. It was entirely possible that she could have fared better if I had never even shown my face in the first place. Then I remembered Olivia had tried to convince me otherwise.
She was the first to break the silence with a hushed voice. “You're blaming yourself again.”
I glanced up at her and realized that I had been frowning, lost in thought. She had instantly read me better from the start than Chris had ever been able to. I wouldn't be able to hide anything from her for a single second. I backed off from Ellie and bit my tongue. I couldn't find the words and it made me frustrated. I felt like screaming until my lungs collapsed, but of course I couldn't do it there. Had Olivia planned that out ahead of time too? She must have. Better to learn to stay cool and collected than threatening to kill someone every time I brushed up against another panic attack.
“Tess?” She leaned forward a bit and raised an eyebrow at me.
“I don't know her.” The words came out calm and simple. I thought there might have been more to it, but there wasn't. It was the same feeling I had gotten when I had been stuck in Arrino. I cared about someone that I didn't even know. Why would anyone be stupid enough to entertain that? It didn't make any sense. It just made me more vulnerable.
Olivia only continued to take me in, as patient as can be, and I looked back down at Ellie. “I don't know who she is.” I had wanted to see her. I was glad she was still alive, but I didn't know the first thing about her. “I have no idea what the hell I'm doing here.” I lifted an open hand at the tent and the apparent city around us, taking it one step further. “Why the hell am I here?” I dug my chin into my hand and rested it against my leg, hunched over. I didn't belong in this new world filled with strangers. I belonged out in the open—alone.
It took a good minute before Olivia came up with an answer. I thought she was going to have me think about it all day before she reached across her back and took her swords off to put them to the side. “I don't think she cares.” I glanced up at her and saw that she was still looking down. “The point is you're here now. And you can still get to know her. It'll mean a lot to her just to know that you came to visit.”
Goddammit.
She was right. Why was she right all the time? She was like some sort of logic-ninja ever poised to prove me wrong. I didn't even want to think about it. I shifted my legs and I could feel the crumpled up piece of paper in my pocket, Elizabeth's stupid template. I changed the topic without even thinking about it. “You know Hayes is wrong, right?” I met Olivia's eyes again and finished the thought. “We should tell everyone about Chris.”
“I know.”
Seriously? Then what the hell?
I didn't understand. “Then why aren't you doing anything?”
“Because it's not my place.” She must have known that wasn't a good enough explanation for me, so she continued. “Hayes has to follow orders just like me, but out here, she's in charge. My job is to keep her safe. I can advise and I can fight, but I can't make the decisions for her. She has to do what she thinks is best, just like anyone else.”
I thought that was stupid. To hell with the honor
system. She didn't even belong in charge. I had been awake in Tent City for less than a day and I could already sense it. Hell, it only took one conversation for me to realize that she was an incompetent leader. “You should be in charge.”
Olivia smiled at that and I didn't understand why it was so funny.
“Seriously.”
She held her grin. “That's flattering, Tess, but it's not the best idea you've ever had.”
“Why?”
She shifted in her seat. “You've known me for what, a few hours? And you're already willing to give me your endorsement?”
Yeah.
It was that simple. “I've known Hayes for a lot less than that and I know I wouldn't give it to her.”
She nodded at that. “Fair enough.”
But it wasn't fair. She still hadn't given me a straight answer. “I mean—come on, you're a Knight. Can't you pull rank or something? People would follow you.”
She smiled again. “You realize you're talking about starting a coup, right?”
“Yeah. So?”
“You really don't wanna write that article, do you?”
Fuck. No.
I leaned back. “Not really.” I could have said a lot more, but the environment was starting to get to me. Olivia had made the right choice by bringing me someplace quiet.
She gazed at me over Ellie for a moment and sighed. “It's a good idea, Tess. You should do it.”
I started to question how loud I could get before 'quiet' wouldn't be redeemable anymore. Something was going on between everyone and it was obvious that Hayes wanted me to write a fake story that would put all the pieces back together. “It's garbage.”
Olivia nodded. “It's propaganda, yeah, but it could still do us some good.” She leaned forward, careful not to raise her voice and wake Ellie. “Everyone you saw on the way here has an agenda. They have family. They have people that they care about. They have problems. Whether or not they all volunteered to leave their homes doesn't even matter. They're here now and they feel lost. We need their trust now when it matters most, especially after what's been happening...” She faltered for a moment and I could feel a thread of our last conversation pick back up again. “Especially after we left them before.”